“Tris!! Nick’s on the phone!” Angela called from the kitchen to Tristan who was attempting to get a tan on their tiny deck.
“Uh… tell him.. I’m not here.. or I’m in the shower… or something…” Tristan hollered back.
Angela poked her head out the screen door, “How lame is that… why don’t you want to talk to him?”
“I’m not going to tell you why you’ve got the phone right there!” Tristan said, giving Angela an exasperated look.
Angela dropped the phone in Tristan’s lap, “If you’re not here, you can tell him that.”
“God dammit..” Tristan mumbled, picking up the phone. “Hello?”
“Were you lost?” Nick chuckled.
“What?”
“Just took a while to get the phone.. I was just teasin’ ya.” he said.
“Oh.. sorry.. anyway.. what’s going on?”
“Brooke just left town for the weekend.. went to see a friend in Sarasota.. or.. Seattle or.. Springfield… or.. somewhere…” he paused to laugh, then continued, “So I wanted to ask you to come over.. spend the weekend with me… I got some ideas… new things we could try…”
“Umm.. I don’t.. uh.. think I’ll be able to do that.. but, um, can I come over, later tonight.. maybe?”
‘You can come over anytime.” he replied.
“Okay.. thanks… I’ll see you later then. “ she said, and hung up the phone before he had a chance to respond.
A few minutes later, Angela joined Tristan on the deck again. “So what was that about?”
“I didn’t want to talk to him.. but obviously you didn’t quite pick up on that.” Tristan said.
“I got that much… but I didn’t get why.” Angela told her, pushing her to move on the lounge chair so she could sit down, too.
“I’m gonna go over tonight… tell him I won’t see him anymore..” Tristan said quietly.
Angela looked shocked, “What? Why? I thought you liked this little arrangement you two had.. have a freaky time, no strings attached..”
“I did.. but… it’s not even the ‘arrangement’ as you say, that bothers me… I love that part… it’s that he has no idea who he’s doing it with. A few weeks ago, when I was leaving he said ‘you’re awesome’. And that’s just been bugging me ever since…” Tristan tried to explain, looking out over the apartment complex’s courtyard as she spoke.
“And the problem with that would be…” Angela prompted.
Tristan started unraveling the towel she had on the arm of the chair, pulling at the little ragged strings on the edges. “He said that I was awesome.. and he has no clue who I really am. Still about all he knows about me is that I’ll try damn near anything.. at least once, maybe twice just to give it another shot… so he finds that awesome.. but that’s not really.. me.”
“So why don’t you just try to tell him who you really are?” Angela asked. “Although, I don’t think who you are with him is someone else.. it’s just, like, the hidden side of you that you just now decided to let come out and have some fun.”
Tristan sighed. “Yeah, you’re right. It is still PART of me.. but it’s not who I really am. I mean, this… HE has been good for me… it’s really made me aware of this… wild streak or whatever is.. that I’ve got in me and shown me just how deep it is.. and how powerful it can be.. but now that I’ve found that.. that I know what I’m capable of with it… taking control, being a bad girl or whatever.. I don’t really feel the urge to act on it any more. It was just like, a phase or something.. a little experiment…and I’m done with it now.”
Angela nodded, simply showing she was listening- she didn’t have a clue what Tristan was talking about. “Okay…well… tell him that?”
Tristan tugged hard on another string on the towel and watched it fall apart completely. “I’m gonna try.”
~~~
Nick opened the door, smiling as Tristan walked in. He leaned down to kiss her cheek as she passed in front of him. He locked the door and swept something out from behind his back.
“What the hell is that?” Tristan asked, eyeing what looked to be an odd sort of whip.
“Cat-o-nine tails.” he answered, cracking the whip in the air, making the sound echo throughout the foyer.
Tristan jumped back a little, “Damn.”
Nick smirked. “It feels cool just touching you.” he said, lightly trailing the whip over her skin, bringing out goosebumps.
“Ye-yeah it does.” Tristan said, trying to remind herself why she’d come over… and it wasn’t to let him seduce her immediately upon walking into the door.
Nick reached for her hand, “So let’s take it upstairs and play with it.”
Tristan resisted his tugging as best she could, “Nick, I can’t.”
“Can’t what? Bad time or something? We can work with that.. I got…”
Tristan cut him off, “No.. nothing like that. I just can’t go up there with you or I’ll never say what I came to tell you.”
Nick let go of her, “What? What’d you want to tell me?”
“That I’m not gonna be your… freaky girl… or whatever I am… anymore.” Tristan said, her eyes shifting from contact with his, off to the side, and back.
Nick cocked his head a little, “What? Why? Did you not like something… the whip? It can go..” He tossed the whip across the room. “Better?”
Tristan shook her head, “No, it’s not that… I love everything we’ve tried and there’s all sorts of other things I’d love to try with you.. the whip and anything else.. but.. I just can’t do it.. because.. this isn’t me…”
He looked at her, totally clueless as to what she was trying to tell him. “Uh, maybe we should sit down for this..”
Tristan laughed as she followed him into the living room and sat down on the couch, facing him.
“What do you mean, this isn’t you?” he asked.
“I mean.. that this… person that I seem like I am.. isn’t really me. You have no clue about the person I am to anyone else.. and while I love that in a lot of ways.. it’s like being Wonder Woman or something and having a secret identity for a little while… but, I guess… like whatever it was that I was going for by doing this.. just proving to myself that I could be a bad girl if I wanted to, if nothing else.. I guess I’ve done it.. because I don’t feel like I need to do it anymore..” she stopped talking to look at Nick, try to see if any of what she said was making sense.
He looked right back at her, “I’m confused.”
Tristan giggled but quickly became serious again, “I know.. so am I. I’m just saying… from now on.. you’re going to have to get Brooke to tie you up… because I just think I should go back to being me… all the time.”
Nick still didn’t understand what she was really saying, but he picked up enough to know that he was essentially, being dumped. “So, like, you’re dumping me.”
“Don’t you actually have to be with someone to dump them?” Tristan asked.
“We’ve been together.” Nick countered.
“We’ve had sex.” Tristan replied. “Nick, look at this… you don’t know anything about me.. my favorite color, my hometown, what sports I watch or how many other guys I’ve slept with, what my job is… just like I don’t know much about you… I might know a little more since I’ve been in your house enough to pick up on a few things.. but I’m just saying… we’re strangers, still…”
“You could tell me all those things… we could learn all that about each other…” he said. He didn’t like the idea of having her walk out and not knowing if he’d see her again. She’d become such an escape for him- and not just the sex… it was great…but it had been her that he’d enjoyed so much.. her carefree, slightly-wild attitude had hooked him.. but now she was telling him that wasn’t even the way she really was. But, if she obviously had that in her… maybe he’d like the “real” Tristan just as much.
“That’d be going totally backwards Nick… you’ve got Brooke.. you can do the same things with her…” Tristan said, trying to give a viable argument to make herself feel somewhat less awful about being responsible for the disheartened expression on Nick’s face.
“I was planning on breaking up with her when she got back after this weekend… because I realized just how… “ He just looked at her for a second, wondering what he could say to make her change her mind. “Don’t you understand that, Tris? That’s why I loved this so much… because I couldn’t do any of these things with her… ‘cause I know I can’t even ask her to… maybe it’s a good thing we don’t even know each other that well.. because it gave us so much freedom..”
Tristan knew he was right. She’d have probably never tried the things she did with him with anyone she’d known better.. but because that’s all she and Nick were, it had seemed okay, had been right for them. She shook her head, “I agree with you…but I’m not changing my mind, Nick. You probably should break up with Brooke, just because she really doesn’t seem like your type.. but I’m sure you can find someone to do all those kinky things you love… that will be your kind of girl the rest of the time, too.”
“Why can’t you be that girl?” he asked.
Tristan looked down at the floor, “We are so different.. our lives are so far apart.. we managed to find some common ground in wanting to explore new parts of ourselves… our sexuality or whatever… but I’m pretty sure that’s where it ends.. and really, that’s where it should. I don’t think we’d ever quite be able to have any kind normal relationship at this point.” She wasn’t exactly sure why she was fighting his suggestions, but something just kept telling her that she needed to. She had to go back to the way things always had been, now that she’d pushed her limits to find out what she was really made of.. she could be content in her normal life.
Nick finally realized that he wasn’t going to win this debate. “Will you at least do me one favor?”
“If I can.” Tristan said, looking back up at him.
“Keep me in mind… give me a call.. anytime… I’d like to find out all the answers to those things you told me I didn’t know.” he told her.
“Navy blue, Chicago, football, one and I work in the communications department at the country station.” Tristan smiled, “I promise I’ll keep you in mind for anytime I wanna be bad.”
Nick grinned back at her, “Thanks… I’ll take what I can get.”
Tristan stood up and walked to the door, Nick right behind her. She opened it, and stopped just before stepping outside. “I will miss you.”
He leaned down to give her a kiss, “Remember the offer stands.. you can come over anytime… and I’d still like to get to know you…”
She nodded and walked towards her car, then turned to blow him a kiss. “Maybe one day…”