EVERY THREE LINESBy Lina Inverse Back SETZER: Let’s raid Kefka’s tower for treasure! Then I’ll be even richer! CELES: I call the minerva! SHADOW: I get the thiefknife and I’ll steal from the enemies! And get whatever they give! GOGO: Let’s raid Kefka’s tower for treasure! Then I’ll be even richer! I call the minerva! I get the thiefknife and I’ll steal from the enemies! And get whatever they give! LOCKE: Gogo, stop making fun of people! MOG: Yeah! Kupo! UMARO: Ungaah! GOGO: Gogo, stop making fun of people! Yeah! Kupo! Ungaah! LOCKE: Gogo, shut up or I’ll rip your lungs out! GOGO: I can’t help it. I automatically repeat every 3 lines. SABIN: OK, he’s staying on the airship! GOGO: Gogo, shut up or I’ll rip you lungs out! I can’t help it. I automatically repeat every 3 lines. OK, he’s staying on the airship! STRAGO: But he’s our best character! He’s on level 99! CYAN: Levels? Huh? STRAGO: Cyan, you idiot! We’re in a game! GOGO: But he’s our best character! He’s on level 99! Levels? Huh? Cyan, you idiot! We’re in a game! CYAN: W... We art in a game? RELM: Shut up! I wanna get that coronet! LOCKE: I have a solution to this Gogo thing... GOGO: W... We art in a game? Shut up! I wanna get that coronet! I have a solution to this Gogo thing... LOCKE: D’oh! Actions take a whole other line! Locke puts tape over Gogo’s mouth LOCKE: There we go! GOGO: Da!dsg;agnga! Lodfga Tas;lfn! LOCKE: Now don’t you just love that senseless noise? CYAN: Look, just get in the tower! RELM: Finally! GOGO: Noa;dnadsngb? Lladjaokn! F/kjd! GAME: Make 3 parties. (Or something like that) SCREEN: Party one: Sabin (lv. 30), Gau (lv.12), Locke (lv. 45), Shadow (lv. 51) Party two: Terra (lv. 43), Celes (lv. 56), Relm (lv. 83), Strago (lv. 20) Party three: Edgar (lv. 35), Cyan (lv. 1), Setzer (lv. 2), Gogo (lv. 99) RELM: Shut up you stupid game! GOGO:Maksaaodsna. Pasknalsjdgaldnbaw;qaihsd;fanba. S;asklg! TERRA: I have the perfect idea to shut Gogo up! EDGAR: What, m’lady? TERRA: Never mind, having you annoyed is fun. GOGO: I;lknalkajs! Wsda;? NAsdgojdgljd. CELES: “MUTE!” CYAN: Thou hath muted Gogo! What an ingenious idea! TERRA: CELES, YOU IDIOT! EDGAR WAS ANNOYED BY GOGO! SETZER: Let’s go! EDGAR: We already are here. RELM: How come we can talk between parties like this? GAME: Sorry. It’s now fixed. You are party one. SABIN: Let’s go! LOCKE: Yahoo! Sabin leads the party a little way. They run into an brontaur. BRONTAUR: Ha, ha! I get to go first! I’m gonna attack Gau! Being only on level 12, Gau dies. LOCKE: GAU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!! SABIN: You idiot! Don’t spend your turn talking! D’oh! This is my turn! Shadow attacks the Brontaur. He steals a Super-Relic (it has the effect of ribbon, pod bracelet, gem box, economizer, sneak ring, hero ring, cure ring, relic ring, offering, genji glove, sprint shoes, cherub down, black belt, and running shoes) He also kills the Brontaur. SABIN: Thanks, Shadow! Being the leader of this party, I get the Super-Relic. SHADOW: I know this is completely out of my character to be a noisy idiot, but SHUT UP YOU BIG IDIOT! YOU EAT TOMATO PIES FOR LUNCH! SABIN: Wow! You are acting like a complete idiot! SHADOW: And I’m equipping the Super-Relic. Shadow equips the Super-Relic SABIN: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOCKE: GAU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHADOW: As the person who got the Super-Relic, I get to equip it. As person who has the Super-Relic equipped, I’m replacing Gau with Mog. He’s much cuter. And Mog’s leading the party. LOCKE: GAU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!! Celes appears in their party. CELES: Locke, I thought you liked me! LOCKE: No, I like Gau. CELES: But he’s only on level 12! LOCKE: But he’s so... CELES: He’s in the airship. Wow! Shadow has the Super-Relic! Congratulations, Shadow! INTERCEPTOR: Hey Shadow! I’m gonna go back to the airship to get some beer. SHADOW: Okay. LOCKE: It’s not very healthy for a dog to drink beer. INTERCEPTOR: I’m an alchoholic, ya hear? Stupid son of a b----. MOG: Go away, Locke! Kupo! LOCKE: SHUT UP MOG OR I’LL RIP YOUR LUNGS OUT! SHADOW: Oh yeah? I’ve equipped the Super-Relic! I could easily kill you! LOCKE: How?! CELES: Show him, baby! SHADOW: BABY!? What??? Ah well... Locke is annoying me anyway. Shadow attacks Locke. He attacks him 8 times. Also, with the thiefknife, he stole Locke’s bandana. LOCKE: My bandana! Noooooooo! SHADOW: Hmmm.... Shadow casts Quick on himself. Then he casts Ultima on Locke’s bandana five times. The bandana disappears into nothing. LOCKE: NOOOOOOOOO! SHADOW: You’re dead, Locke, remember? LOCKE: Oh yeah. Locke somehow finds a coffin and puts himself in it. CELES: Ah, much better! MOG: Let’s go, Kupo! SHADOW: Wait. First we must line ourselves up. The order is Mog, Sabin, Celes, me. I would let Mog back here, but he’s too cute to not lead our party. MOG: Kupoppo! Mog leads the party through Kefka’s tower. STORY: Now it’s time for party two: Terra, Relm, Strago. Celes used to be in this party but she ran away to Mog’s party. TERRA: Hmmm... What happened to Celes? STRAGO: I don’t know. But with my huge magic library, we won’t have a problem. RELM: Hey! I’m more helpful than you, Gramps! STRAGO: What?! TERRA: It’s true. STRAGO: B...But!!!!! TERRA: Face it, Strago. You’re not much help. STRAGO: I’m gonna paint your portrait, Terra! Strago steals Relm’s painting supplies. He paints Terra and it turns out to be a big greenish blob. BIG GREENISH BLOB: “Merton!” Both Relm and Terra have fire shields equipped, therefore recovering all of their HP. Strago took 9999 damage because Big Greenish Blobs have a whole lot of magic power. RELM: Ha! Teach you to try painting! TERRA: Oh no! He’s destroyed your painting tools! RELM: That lousy old man! Terra, take him into Locke’s coffin. He doesn’t need to be alive anymore! TERRA: Okay! I’ll also send you Sabin! Terra leaves and soon Sabin appears. Relm shoves him in the front space so the monsters target him more than her. Then they go through their part of Kefka’s tower. STORY: Now it’s time for party three: Edgar, Cyan, Setzer, Gogo. EDGAR: I heard the other two parties got messed up. CYAN: We will stay together. EDGAR: Gogo, your line. CYAN: Celes muted him. EDGAR: That was nice of the babe. CYAN: Babe? Doth thou not say Lady? EDGAR: You’re such an old-fashioned motha f----! Can’t ya talk like me, homie? SETZER: I liked the old way you talked, but this is even better! Have 100,000 gil, Edgar! CYAN: Setzer, thou hath changed. Thou art so much kinder! SETZER: Why, thank you! EDGAR: Yo! Gogo wants to f-----’ talk here! Any of you know Remedy? SETZER: I am sorry, but I do not. We do, however, have 99 echo screens! EDGAR: Then use one, d--- idiot! Setzer takes the tape off of Gogo’s mouth and uses an echo screen on him. GOGO: Thank you. SETZER: No problem. GOGO: Setzer takes the tape off of Gogo’s mouth and uses an echo screen on him. Thank you. No problem. SETZER: You are a talented mime, Gogo! GOGO: Edgar, get going! EDGAR: Shut up, foo! GOGO: You are a talented mime, Gogo! Edgar, get going! Shut up, foo! EDGAR: D---, Gogo’s annoying. SETZER: I believe you should learn to appreciate his quality miming. EDGAR: I ain’t no d--- foo! I know when I’m annoyed and when I ain’t! GOGO: D---, Gogo’s annoying. I believe you should learn to appreciate his quality miming. I ain’t no d--- foo! I know when I’m annoyed and when I ain’t! EDGAR: S---! This brother’s annoying the hell outta me! “MUTE!” SETZER: Please, Edgar... EDGAR: Look, Gogo was very annoying. CYAN: Ah, thou speaketh normally again. EDGAR: Let’s go. SETZER: Just curious, Edgar, why do you speak normally again? EDGAR: Four of my lines before somebody uses an echo screen on Gogo, I start talking like a rapper. Then when he is muted again, I am normal. SETZER: Oh, how interesting! EDGAR: Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go! In the first fight, Cyan and Setzer both die because they are on levels 1 and 2. STORY: I’m afraid this might be the end... RELM: Not yet! Draws the story’s portrait. It does be read. It makes the story read itself! STORY: Relm, nice ending! Now it’s.....
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