A STORYby Lina Inversethanks to Paladin Knight for the idea Back Edgar knocks on Terra’s door TERRA: Who is it? EDGAR: It’s Edgar. TERRA: Come in. Edgar walks in. EDGAR: I brought you some flowers, m’lady. TERRA: ... BRIAN: Hi Edgar. EDGAR: A talking dog? This makes me more---- TERRA: I bought it from the Griffins. EDGAR: Never heard of them. TERRA: You should watch Family Guy. EDGAR: I will. Can I pet him? He’s so cute! BRIAN: I don’t like to be petted! EDGAR: Hmmm... Ah! I just happen to have some dog treats... Edgar balances a dog treat on Brian’s nose BRIAN: Hey! Terra gets mad TERRA: GET OUT! EDGAR: ...okay... Edgar leaves and starts walking to Mog’s house EDGAR: ...Maybe Terra wasn’t the right one after all... Mog lives near here... I’ll ask him for advice. MOG: Kupo! Who is it? EDGAR: It’s me, Edgar. And... MOG: I know the story, kupo! EDGAR: Really? So what’s your advice? MOG: Relmkupo! EDGAR: Relm? Okay! Edgar sneaks into Setzer’s airship and goes to Thamasa RELM: Come in, Edgar! Edgar does so, carrying some roses RELM: Who are the roses for? Terra? EDGAR: You, my lady! RELM: Uh... Edgar kisses Relm on the cheek RELM: Who do you think you are, my dad? EDGAR: Mog told me that you were the right one for me... RELM: Really? So you’re my 11-year-old extremely immature boyfriend? Wow! EDGAR: Yep! RELM: Hi, Brad! EDGAR: Hi, Relm! RELM: My dad and granddad are on a vacation! Now’s are chance to kiss! EDGAR: ...Strange... In the game you were a nice girl... (Person_98’s favorite, in fact! I don’t know what possessed her to do this to you!) Not someone who is acting as a make-fun-of-the-dumb-ones! RELM: What’s that, Brad? EDGAR: Uh... Nothing. But okay! Relm and Edgar start kissing like a stupid preteen couple RELM: Hee hee! That was fun! EDGAR: Why do you keep on calling me Brad? RELM: That’s your name! EDGAR: Uh... Oh yeah! RELM: Brad, you’re so hot! Even hotter than Justin from Nsync! EDGAR: Why, thank you! RELM: Am I hotter than Britney Spears? EDGAR: Yes! Who is Britney Spears anyway? RELM: A stupid singer for boys my age! EDGAR: Oh... Well, any stupid singer for boys your age has got to be hot! STRAGO: Hi, Edgar! Nice to see you! EDGAR: Relm, this is my airship mate, Strago! RELM: Ha, ha! I wasn’t on the airship, I got to go! Uh... No offense, Brad, but it’s true... STRAGO: Brad????? RELM: Yes! This is my boyfriend, Brad! He looks strangely like your airship mate, Edgar! Shadow comes, unlike Strago, who just appeared in the story SHADOW: Relm! What did I tell you, no boyfriends until high school! RELM: B...But I really had a huge crush on him and... SHADOW: Don’t you know that all relationships this early on are just stupid wastes of time? RELM: Yeah! A lightbulb appears over Edgar’s head EDGAR: Wait! I just realized I’m not Brad, I’m Edgar! RELM: What?! EDGAR: Yep! And you don’t even have a boyfriend, you’re smart enough to realize you’re to young to have one! RELM: Oh yeah... EDGAR: Anyway, any other ladies I should try? RELM: You’re so boring, Edgar! STRAGO: It’s true. You were a very boring airship mate. EDGAR: Well? Any suggestions? RELM: Celes, duh. EDGAR: DUH?! RELM: Oops... Still stuck with my stupid self... EDGAR: Well, thanks, Relm! Edgar takes the airship to Kolingen, where Celes is. Along the way, he runs into Doom Gaze! DOOM GAZE: Howdy, pardner! EDGAR: Hello. DOOM GAZE: Weel, I bes your enemy! You gots ta fight me! EDGAR: Okay. DOOM GAZE: My turn furst! LEVEL 5 DOOM! EDGAR: Missed! Okay, my turn! Chainsaw! DOOM GAZE: 2000! My turn! CELES: Stop it right there! Celes and Locke appear and jump into the battle LOCKE: Vanish! CELES: Doom! DOOM GAZE: Dies, I reckon! EDGAR: Thank you, Celes! I am forever in your debt! LOCKE: That was strange...I didn’t know Doom Gaze said his actions! CELES: We all do that, Locke... LOCKE: Really? Even me, mighty Treasure Hunter Locke? CELES: Suprising... But yes... EDGAR: Celes, m’lady, I brought you some flowers. CELES: Why, how kind of you, Edgar! LOCKE: WHAT?! CELES: These would go well in our bedroom, wouldn’t they? EDGAR: M’lady, that means you.... CELES: Yes, Edgar. Locke and I are married. You remembered the wedding didn’t you? EDGAR: ...No... LOCKE: He was drunk the whole time. And flirting with Terra even more than usual! CELES: Oh, and Edgar... I want to show you our adopted baby, Stewie. Stewie appears EDGAR: Oh, he’s adorable! STEWIE: Die, you dreadful--- CELES: Now, Stewie, this is our guest, Edgar. Can you say, “Hi?” STEWIE: This “Edgar” has a dreadful appearanth! EDGAR: Aww... Isn’t he cute? He has a lisp! You certainly made a wonderful selection on a baby to adopt. STEWIE: “Cute?” Is that what you call me, eh? Well, I happen to be in luck. I have just invented a thpectacular face paint gun that never runs out and makes patterns based on my thought. EDGAR: Oh! How intelligent! Almost as much as m’lady, Celes. Stewie shoots face paint at Edgar, making a Pikachu on his cheek. PALADIN KNIGHT: AAAAAH! Pokemon! PERSON_98: Heheh. :-) STEWIE: Much better, now, isn’t it! It actually looks pleasing! Here is a mirror for you to see. Edgar takes a look EDGAR: My goodness! I’m so ugly! Celes will never be charmed by my new extremely cute face! CELES: Now doesn’t Edgar look adorable, Locke? EDGAR: See, Stewie?! Celes hates me! CELES: Pikachu is my very favorite Pokémon! singing Gotta catch ‘em all, gotta catch ‘em all, Pokémon! EDGAR: Celes, you are a talented singer. I wish I had came along to the Opera House and heard you earlier. LOCKE: Hey, Edgar can’t do all the flirting here! EDGAR: Celes, I hate to ask anything of you, but could you sing the whole song? CELES: Sure. Gimme a microphone There’s a big “poof” and suddenly Celes is wearing a skimpy dress and she’s sitting on top of a piano. All of the males from Final Fantasy III/VI are watching her. CELES: singing i want to be the very best/like no one ever was/to catch them is my real test/to train them is my cause/i will travel across the lands/searching far and wide/teach Pokémon to understand/the power that’s inside/Pokémon/gotta catch ‘em all/it’s you and me/ I know it’s my destiny/oh you’re my best friend/in a world we must defend CYAN: Person_98 hath forgotten the rest. Celes, please stop. EDGAR: Great job, Celes! CELES: Thank you. Why... You’re even more charming than Locke! Edgar blushes, and his face paint wears off STEWIE: I knew I had forgotten thomething in that facepaint! EDGAR: Oh, Celes, you are so kind... CELES: Shut up, you ugly---- EDGAR: What?! sighs I guess no women are right for me... SABIN: AAAAAAAAH! What’s that????? GAU: Uwaaaaa! SETZER: It looks remotely like an airship... The airship-like thing (a.k.a. airplane) lands, and out comes Lois, Peter, Meg, and Chris Griffin (the rest of the family in Family Guy) LOIS: Hello! Oh, it’s Stewie! STEWIE: Get away from me or I shall shoot you with Charizard face paint! Stewie aims his face paint gun LOIS: Stewie, guns aren’t for you to play with. Let’s go. Lois scoops Stewie up in her arms CELES: Hey! You can’t take our baby! LOIS: Yours?! Just because you adopted him he’s not yours! Actually, when somebody adopts a baby, the baby is lawfully theirs. THE MORE YOU KNOW CHRIS: Face paint is a waste of time. Actually, face paint is a fun way to express yourself. THE MORE YOU KNOW MEG: Art is some new waste of time Actually, art is very ancient and is a beautiful way of self-expression. THE MORE YOU KNOW STEWIE: I’m pretending not to be able to talk! I can’t do this! PETER: Figaro’s stupid. What’s this? Figaro sucks EDGAR: Lois, your husband is rather stupid. Would you mind having me instead? LOIS: Of course not! No matter what he does, I still love him very much. EDGAR: We must defend the rights of Figaro! SABIN: Yes! How could you like somebody who hates Figaro? LOIS: I really don’t like Figaro. EDGAR: Prepare to fight! MEG: Oh... Everybody hates me... Terra, Shadow, Relm, Mog, and Gogo appear TERRA: We’re on your side. PETER: Thanks. We really need... That is, we don’t really need your help... LOIS: Peter! With their help we can take over Figaro! PETER: Umm... Oh yeah... EDGAR: Nobody can defeat Figaro! SABIN: I think now I know why I have these stupid muscles! CELES: Yeah yeah yeah. Pokemon will be on soon. I want to get this stupid war overwith. EDGAR: Mind if I watch it with you? MOG: Neither of you will be able to, kupo! Attack! EDGAR: 1 SABIN: You’ll pay for that! Bum Rush! MOG: 9999. Dies. LOCKE: You will never win! TERRA: Fire! UMARO: Recovered 50. Ungaa! GOGO: I don’t think we’ll be able to do this... RELM: Oh yeah?! Sketch! EDGAR PORTRAIT: Chainsaw! EDGAR: 9999. Dies. SHADOW: Relm is a miracle... LOIS: Peter, wake up! We’ve got to protect the girl! CELES: Imp! TERRA: Imped. STRAGO: Exploder! 5000! SHADOW: 5000! Dies. SETZER: Coin Toss! GOGO: 7413! Dies. LOCKE: Capture! TERRA: 3000! Dies. Stole Tonic! RELM: Sketch! CELES PORTRAIT: Ultima! LOCKE: 9999! Dies. SABIN: 9999! Dies. CELES: 9999! Dies. CYAN: 9999! Dies. GAU: 9999! Dies. SETZER: 9999! Dies. UMARO: 9999! Dies. RELM: I won! MEG: Thanks, Relm! LOIS: See, Peter! I told you we could take over Figaro with their help. CHRIS: Why are we all standing out here? PETER: Because Figaro doesn’t have TV! STEWIE: Yay! Let’s get a kitty! MEG: Stewie, I know we all want a kitty, but we’d rather have a TV. BRIAN: If we get a kitty I’m going to live with Terra. STEWIE: I think Edgar had a kitty. BRIAN: That’s it, I’m outta here. PETER: But we get a nice castle all to ourselves. Think of it, Brian! We could get rid of all the commercials and have more TV. BRIAN: I’m talking about Edgar and the kitty. STEWIE: I like Edgar! Locke was a bad father! LOIS: Stewie, there’s no more Locke to trouble us any more. Peter’s your father, and he’s a good one. MEG: We can’t keep the kitty. Brian will leave then... RELM: Hey! Want me to recite all of the ‘99 season finale of The Simpsons? PETER: Uh... This is Family Guy. RELM: I can try that too. EDGAR’S GHOST: Hello, m’lady! RELM: Okay... Now how did it start? Oh yeah, with that Eight is Enough thing... EDGAR’S GHOST: M’lady, you aren’t listening to me! STEWIE: I want to hear the story! I’ve got to find a way to get that ghost away... RELM: Then Lois, Peter, Brian, and Chris say, “How hot is it?” MEG: I dunno... 99... 100...? RELM: Hey! I’m telling YOU the episode! Stewie pays no attention whatsoever to Relm. He goes and buys some very hot jalapenos. LOIS: Stewie! Jalapenos are very hot! STEWIE: Silenth, mongrel! I’m chasing the ghost away. EDGAR’S GHOST: Hahaha! Relm, you are a true comedian. PETER: Hahaha! That ghostly white person’s right! Hahaha! Whew, that Peter is such an idiot. CHRIS: Dad, I think that Peter is you. PETER: Uh... No it isn’t. STEWIE: Perthon_98! Haven’t you been paying any attention to me at all?! I’ve completed my machine by now! PERSON_98: Umm... Sorry, Stewie. STEWIE: Thorry?! Do you think that is enough? Go back and put my part in! And stop making me have a lithp! PERSON_98: But you do have a lisp! LOIS: Person_98! Stop making Stewie talk like he does! Get rid of his lisp! STEWIE: Yes, Person_98! That’s wrong! PERSON_98: Stop complaining, Stewie. I got rid of your lisp. STEWIE: Thank you. And now, time to die, ghostie! Stewie starts throwing some jalapenos on mashed potatoes at Edgar’s Ghost EDGAR’S GHOST: Don’t hurt me! Edgar’s ghost runs away RELM: And then Peter says, “Look, Brian. He’s the law outside of this house, just like I’m the law inside!” STEWIE: I did it! I chased the ghost away! LOIS: That’s amazing! Stewie’s a genious! ME: You know, you should have noticed that earlier... LOIS: Why is the author in the story? PALADIN KNIGHT: Because she is. ^_^ MEG: Oh, no! Not you too! ME: Hey Paladin Knight! Let’s kick everyone else out of the story! STEWIE: You won’t be able to do that, I’m afraid. LOIS: Stewie! Mommy’s clothes are not for you to play with. Thank you for telling me that, Brian. STEWIE: I am on to you, oh yeth! ME: Stop it, you two! I don’t want any more clips from Family Guy in here any more. STEWIE: Hey! How did I get my lithp back?! Lina Inverthe... ME: Hehehe! I felt like giving it back. PALADIN KNIGHT: ^_^ ME: Hmmmm... Let’s end the story right here so the characters from FF3 and Family Guy can’t say anything else! THE ENDTop |