To kiss or to kill?

Author- Midnight Faith

Archiving- BuffyAngelImprov who this is really for, Angel_Lilah possibly Angel obsessed cos I'm feeling generous. Everyone else? Ask and you'll get…

Disclaimer- *so* not mine.

Pairings- Angel/Lilah (wow this is uncharted territory… be proud)

Rating- pushing this through to an R maybe, possibly maybe even NC-17

Spoilers- The Ring, Blood Money

Improv- #22 ~ Sugar ~ Frame ~ Sheer ~ Time ~

Summary- Angel has to make a decision… Angel POV

She's asleep now… or at least pretending to be. You can never tell with a woman like Lilah Morgan. Deadly silence that might just get me killed one day… but not for now. She's getting too much out of me. Literally.

That first time after that night, *our* first time, in her car I wondered why I hadn't lost my soul. Was it because it was always just sex, amazing sex, but just sex with Lilah and nothing more? Her secret? I know she doesn't care about me and if I weren't fucking her… well then she'd probably kill me. She thinks I don't know she carries a stake in her purse and keeps one in her nightstand drawer. She's probably worried about giving me one moment of happiness. Me too… but not for me.

I know deep down Lilah's souls is as fragile as mine. She's already lost hers to Wolfram and Hart so it's no strings for her. All she cares about is herself, her image, her career, her pleasure… see all for her.

She barely says two words to me anyway. Besides I *know* she can do better things with her mouth than talk. She knows it too.

Sometimes I wonder what will happen between me and Lilah. Lying here now beneath her silk sheets not touching each other. Whenever Lilah handles me in *any* way I shudder still. Half from pleasure half from the flames of her skin. Her skin's so fiery against mine it burns. Like a forest fire ripping through a large expanse of woodland in a summer drought. Lilah burns. Period. She burns herself; she burns me… and one day she might just burn my soul away.

Sometimes I think I might even like Lilah rather than hate her. She tastes like sugar and red wine all blended together… always about the alcohol. Don't know where the sugar comes from. I know she drinks every lunchtime just to get through the day. But the truth being I prefer the whole deception involved in illicit meeting with my lawyer… she's my secret, my obsession… mine.

Sometimes I wonder what Lindsey would say if he knew exactly why Lilah left those division meetings early. That's part of why I love being with Lilah. Lilah wants to fuck Lindsey and Lindsey wants to fuck Lilah. I love knowing I popped the cherry first so to speak. I wonder what he'd say. He'd be so jealous… but it not like he cares about her either.

Sometimes I think Lilah was put on this earth solely to be used… men, women… they're all after her looks, her body… does anyone actually care about the Lilah beyond that? I don't. All I care about is her body… just like the rest of them…Lindsey, Holland and the dozens of others that have taken advantage of her all her life. And she's never been loved. Why? She's easy. Easy people are never loved just walked all over. She just kids herself she's not. A masquerade.

This masquerade makes me realise I don't know who Lilah really is… we've never… talked. Always too bust doing things with that pretty little mouth of hers. Me and everyone else in the world. Were did Lilah come from? What school did she go to? Does she prefer kinks or vanilla, as Faith would put it? She never tells me she just lets me do what I want to her. Part of all the novelty.

And when I'm on Lilah it's like I'm out of the box, out of the frame. I remember very little afterwards. Sheer stockings, hands, nails, tongues and wetness that's what I remember. Nothing else. She takes me places, shows me things, and lets me feel things that I never have with anyone else… ever. Not even Darla. Just lace, blood red nails raking down sensitive skin, fingers and little hands with incredibly experience. Smudged mascara, tiny moans and crimson lipstick which never lasts more than five minutes… no cheap brands either. Because Lilah… she's untouchable. All Versace suits, MAC makeup… this girl is bona fida. And she's mine… all mine.

But is she? Deep down who does her black heart belong too? Lindsey? Lindsey makes me want to laugh. He thinks he fucking owns Wolfram and Hart. Well Lilah's just as powerful as him… sexier too. Very sexy. Whenever I see her steam rises. I bet she's never had that with Lindsey.

So what is this? A popularity contest? Fighting over who gets the girl. Pathetic. Schoolyard even. As soon as Lindsey backs down and realises she's mine the better. Who the hell does he think he is? Like he can ever give her what she wants, what she needs. Not that I care anyway…

I remember the first time I met Lilah. In that fucking ring with all those fighting demons that I would become. Lilah likes demons. She wants to be in their world. And she's so strong. She could cut it. Sometimes I think about Lilah as a soulless vampire. She'd be formidable. Unstoppable. Dangerous. Even worse than Angelus. And sometimes I think about turning her. And who would be the first person she killed? Lindsey. It would always have to be about Lindsey. And I don’t know you I'd feel about having Lilah as my eternal playmate. As long as she keeps up leaving office meetings early I don’t really care…

All I remember of our first meeting is watching Lilah from across the crowded bar. The room centred on her. She was fucking gorgeous. All ruby red lips and nails grey eyes that were so full of malevolence and drinking bacardi and coke. Lilah's not a coke girl anymore. She drinks straight bacardi. Drinks all day long… I don’t blame her… so would I if I had to share an office with Lindsey McDonald day in day out? And when is he going to get a fucking hair cut? I'd cut it myself with my fangs given half a chance. I wonder what Lindsey tastes like? Maybe the same as Lilah. Are they two sides of the same coin? I look at Lilah. Half smile on her face through her dreams. No she's above Lindsey. Way above. How does Lindsey ever think he can match up to her and me? What we are and what we could be. Lilah's stops traffic. Fuck it if I went out in the daylight I could stop traffic too. Lindsey? Lindsey needs a haircut. Period. Let him have Lilah. And Darla too to boot. Darla would probably bite him… eventually. And Lilah? Lilah's probably bitten him… in a different sense.

Back to Lilah and me our first meeting. I remember what she said to me,

"You're quick." Ha! Funny how she doesn't say that now. In fact maybe I'm not quick enough for her. Her screaming out in pleasure long before I've finished. She never lasts out. Why? Overly sensitive. Not in her heart though...

She stirs beneath the silk. Beneath the lies. Don't know why I though t of that. Now those slate eyes looking up at me. Expectantly. I smile now. Somewhat cruelly. My forte honey.

"Please?" she asks me. She looks like a six-year-old. Teasingly touching. She whimpers, bearing a resemblance to a labrador I had when I was younger. No doubting she's mine now. Fingers deep inside… she's mine alright… *My* lawyer…