Time to go (1/1)

Author- Midnight Faith

Spoilers- Minor for late season 3/early season 4

Distribution- FF.net, AOH, Siren and Neurotica. Anyone else ask :)

Pairing- Lilah/Wesley

Rating- PG-13

Summary- Wesley discovers the truth

Disclaimer- I am the kid, but it's Joss' candy store

Notes- To Jaclyn, who is one is a million :) Merry Xmas honey.

Lilah looked softer somehow, framed by the doorway in powder blue cashmere, buttery soft brown suede pants and low heeled boots. She hadn't worn make up in weeks, Wesley could tell by how immaculate her skin looked. Her hair appeared smooth, almost fluffy and so different from the last time he'd seen her, three months ago. He'd run into her, literally, on sunset. She'd been wearing a scarlet sundress, her hair styled severely. And she'd been six months pregnant. Everything then had made perfect sense to Wesley. Why she'd broken off their affair so quickly, why she'd changed her phone number.

Now she was thin again, her body defensively barring the doorway.

"Merry Christmas," he said, pushing roughly past her arm and into her apartment.

She smirked before closing the door and turning to him. "Feel free to just waltz right on in."

"I brought this…" he shoved a gift-wrapped present into his hands. "For the baby."

"Fine." She set it down on the coffee table.

"How is he?"

"How do you know I had a boy?"

"The grapevine. Some demons are offering five million for him."

"Not even *I* would sell my own child."

"I didn't mean…"

"Whatever, Wes." she cut in sharply. "You dropped off your toy surprise. Now get out."

"I was rather hoping to see my son actually."

Lilah sighed and sat down on the sofa, moving away a few items of baby clothing from the cushion first. "What makes you think he's yours?"

"Don't play games. I counted back."

"What makes you think you were the only guy I was banging."

"You didn't have time to fuck anyone else with all the nights we spent together."

"Fine. He's either yours or it was an Immaculate Conception. Happy now?"

Wesley couldn't breathe for a moment. He was a father. He had a son. Instead he decided to focus on something entirely different. "You have no tree."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious. I was a little busy giving birth to drag a four foot spruce home with me."

"How was it?"

Lilah narrowed her eyes. "A walk in the park, what do you think?" she scathed.

"How many hours were you in labour for?"

"That's private."

"He's my son. You didn't even ask me to be there, not even at the hospital. Who was? Your sister?"

"No one. My sister doesn't know about him. I didn’t want you to either."

"Why not?"

As Lilah opened her mouth to answer the sound of the baby crying crackled down the baby monitor on the coffee table.

"Jesus fucking Christ! Can't I get five minutes of 'me' time?"

It was at that point, as Lilah raced up the stairs to comfort her screaming son, Wesley realised she wasn't softened- she was exhausted. He followed numbly and watched Lilah pick up the baby from his crib. "It's OK, kid. I'm here."

"Kyd? With a 'Y?' That's what you named him?"

"No, dumbass. He doesn't have a name."

Wesley went to move towards her but she stopped him dead in his tracks with, "Freeze."

"Why?"

"He's mine. You can't come any closer."

"I just want to look at him. That's all."

She sighed, her eyes distrustful. "OK. One look."

He advanced towards Lilah and gazed at the baby's face rested against her shoulder, seeing a lot of his own features reflected.

"I know. I couldn’t believe it either when he was born. Looks like I didn't pass on any of my genes. I was just the incubator."

"No. He has your nose."

"Bullshit. He has your nose."

The baby reached out his tiny hand towards Wes. Immediately he offered his finger out for the child to grasp. "Hello."

Lilah sighed, exasperated. "Do you want to hold him or not?"

"Yes."

"Well grab a towel from somewhere. He has a nasty habit of throwing up down your back. And I didn't feed him that long ago."

Wesley picked up a towel from the bed and draped it over his shoulder. "Ready."

She cautiously handed the baby over and helped Wesley adjust the position so they were both comfortable.

"Why don’t you go and sit down?" he suggested. "You look tired. I'll sit with you. He'll be within touching distance."

She nodded and they perched on the edge of the bed, spending a good ten minutes in silence.

"Have you thought about names?" Wesley reluctantly handed the baby back to her.

Lilah relaxed visibly. "Gee, Wes I haven't really had the time to sit down and make a list," she snapped. "I don't have the time to sit down and do anything. My last shower lasted precisely three minutes because I'm so afraid if I leave him something might happen." She shook her head in order to snap out of it. "Long day."

"Are you hungry?"

"Starved."

"Then I'll cook you something."

She sniggered. "You're gonna cook?"

He looked at her earnestly. "I'm gonna try. What do you want? Pasta? Rice?"

"Anything."

"What about him?" Wes gestured to the baby, now asleep in Lilah's arms.

"He's coming downstairs with us."

"You carry him around the house with you?"

"Yes."

"Don't you want to try and get some rest?"

"No. That'd be weird… domestic almost."

"And we're far from it."

"Exactly."

She followed him down the stairs and he seated her in a kitchen chair before putting a big saucepan of water on the stove to boil and finding some Parmesan and ham in the refrigerator as an accompaniment.

"You're OK?" Wesley asked as a way of breaking the silence.

"I'm coping."

"Are you sleeping?"

"No. He's really good in the night but I feel guilty when I sleep. I normally check on him every half an hour or so. Sometimes I take him to bed with me. I know it's a really bad habit to get into but I just need him close."

"So…what now?"

Lilah shifted uncomfortably. "Do you want custody?"

"Good Lord, no! No offence. But I can drop by some evenings…see you both."

"Us both?"

"Lilah, you're the mother of my child. I have to pay you some attention."

"You don't."

"Want to then."

"I'll stir the pasta if you hold him." Lilah said, a little too brightly, standing. She handed the baby to Wesley and he couldn't help but feel a surge of emotion towards her, a definite fondness. He settled with the baby in the chair, who had awakened but wasn't crying. "How do you feel about Matthew for a name?"

"Pretty good." She turned the stove off and spooned pasta onto two plates, adding the cheese and ham as a garnish. She set one plate in front of Wesley and tried out aloud, "Matthew Morgan." She smiled and disappeared to locate Matthew's bouncing chair and set it on the floor next to Wes. She took the baby from him and gently placed him in the bouncer.

"You look so…" Wesley blurted without thinking.

"Rough?" She looked up at him, suddenly self-conscious.

"Beautiful."

Unnerved, she sighed and eased herself into the chair opposite him. "Don't expect dinner every time you visit."

"I don't expect anything."

"You mean that?"

"Yes."

They ate in silence before Lilah said halfway through the meal, "What about us?"

Wesley set down his fork, suddenly nervous. "I guess we should talk about it."

"Yeah, we’re stuck with each other now."

"Did you never even consider…it doesn't matter."

"Did I ever consider an abortion? No. Not for a second. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I just knew the baby was mine and that I couldn't be without him."

"Unconditional love complex?"

"No such thing." The room was beginning to swim around her and Lilah suddenly realised how tired she was. "Wes…?"

"You're exhausted, aren't you? Do you want me to stay?"

"If you like."

He followed her up the stairs, carrying Matthew. They both settled on her bed, the baby between them. Lilah groaned, frustrated.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm tired but I can't sleep. I'm afraid something might happen to Matthew."

"You're not alone, Lilah."

She didn't really have a response except to continue to stare at him glassy eyed.

"I'm mean… I'm here. I'll watch him."

"What about you? Aren't you tired?"

"No."

"Fine. Goodnight." She leaned across to kiss Wes on the cheek, and the baby on the forehead, before turning over, practically already asleep.

She awoke at four a.m. feeling well rested and safe for the first time in months. She sat up and watched her son and his father sleeping in her bed. She couldn’t help but smile at them both. They looked so natural and it felt so right.

Something in her brain snapped. No. Matthew was hers, a completely separate entity from Wesley and who was she fooling? This could never be domestic bliss. What was she expecting? A marriage proposal? The idea was laughable but then… enough of the sentiment.

She rose from the bed and shook Wes' shoulder. "It's time to go."