Smoke and Mirrors (2/3)

Author- Midnight Faith

Spoilers- 'Habeas Corpses.'

Distribution- FF.net, AOH and Neurotica. Anyone else ask :)

Pairing- Lilah/Lindsey

Rating- NC-17

Summary- Lilah and Lindsey finally do their version of 'The Great Escape.'

Disclaimer- I am the kid, but it's Joss' candy store

*****

They entered the vicinity of Rock Island just as the sun set.

Despite thinking about it all day, Lindsey still hadn't come up with a word to define his relationship with Lilah. Things were definitely changing. The first day they'd been on the coach together they'd snapped at each other for hours. But for most of today, Lilah had been asleep in his arms. Even when she wasn't sleeping she'd remained there, looking up at him with sleepy, smoky eyes, making a throwaway comment or teasing him, her hands bracing her body against his chest.

That was changing too. The first night it had been an arm over her waist to offer comfort because she was ill. Last night, they'd held each other until dawn, her head against his chest.

To him that said 'more than friends.' He didn't want to push it because he knew she was still vulnerable, however difficult it was think of Lilah like that.

But Lindsey wasn't even sure he wanted more than just friendship. He really liked her and felt the need to protect her. He always wanted hugs and had thought about kissing her a few times- but wasn't that normal for friends? Friends didn't kiss in the way he wanted to. A casual kiss on the cheek was standard, but he kept imagining how sweet she'd taste, how soft her hair would feel under his hands.

Assuming Lilah felt the same way, (which he doubted,) sex would understandably be the last thing on her mind. Then he realised he was prepared to wait, which scared him slightly. This was completely unprecedented for him. He hadn't waited for anyone in the past. Which gave some indication of how strong his feelings were for her.

Lilah was confused. When she was with Lindsey, especially like this, when he held her, she felt so safe. On the rare occasion he wasn't around, when he was out to get food or in the shower, she felt lonely, even pining for him. He'd never leave her for more than ten minutes and he'd always return with an affectionate smile that made her stomach…not flip exactly, but definitely constrict a little.

She scowled to herself and moved away sharply. Enough of the sentimentalist crap. Sentiment got you killed or hurt or lost you the most precious thing in the world- she'd learnt that the hard way once and sure as hell wasn't going to again.

Lindsey awakened from his light sleep, missing the warmth of her body. "Hey," he smiled softly. "Are you OK? Do you need anything?"

"Just some damn space." Her voice came out frightened and harsh. Her face softened when she saw he not only looked confused but hurt as well.

"I'm sorry. The touchy feely won't happen again."

"No, Lindsey…" she trailed off, sadness and fright at both losing him and being left alone again welling up inside.

"Did you want to get a twin? A single?"

"I'm still happy with a double… if you are."

"Of course. It's what I want. You know that."

She smiled weakly, and realised she wanted the same.

*****

The Comfort Inn, Moline was different than all the other budget motels they'd stayed at. For one thing, the mattress was actually comfortable. There was a TV in the room- granted it was terrestrial, which had caused an argument over what to watch, but eventually they'd settled on a Law and Order marathon. Lilah had knelt on the bed flicking over the remote and Lindsey had crawled over the bed after her, lacing his arms around her waist. "Forgive me?" he asked with puppy dog eyes.

"I'll think about it."

He squeezed her a little tighter and nuzzled into her shoulder. "How about now?"

"OK, I forgive you." She smiled to herself a little, if somewhat self depreciatingly.

They'd ordered chicken sandwiches and strawberry cheesecake from room service. They were supposed to be sharing but Lindsey had ended up feeding Lilah most of the dessert. On the outside she'd pretended to be grudging but inside she was secretly enjoying this level of tenderness.

Now they were both full, warm and comfortable, Lindsey curled up in bed around Lilah who was happily watching her cop show while picking a fight with him.

"I just think if you have to justify yourself part of you knows your argument is wrong," Lindsey stated.

"That's bullshit, McDonald. So if I tell you I think 'Sesame Street' is the greatest thing since sliced bread because it has educational value, part of me actually thinks it's just a bunch of puppets?"

"Since when have you ever watched 'Sesame Street?'"

"You're changing the subject so we don't argue anymore, aren't you?"

"We're not arguing, we're… debating. Did you set your VCR every day to record it?"

"What?"

"'Sesame Street.'"

"Fuck off. I haven't seen it for years. It just happened to co-incide with my study periods at college."

"Who's your favourite character?"

"Count."

"Figures."

"You?"

"Elmo."

"Ugh, no! So damn sweet, so damn fuzzy. Nightmare. And you've been watching 'Sesame Street!'"

"When I left LA I was unemployed for over a year."

"You never did tell me what happened." She turned to him, her expression serious. "Why'd you leave me?"

"I didn't leave you specifically. I just needed to get out. That place was killing me."

"Did it occur to you it was killing me too?"

"Lilah, I had to go. They would've killed you otherwise. I wasn't going to risk that." His eyes locked with hers, his expression afraid.

"So what did you do for two years?"

"The first I just drove around. I made it to all forty-eight land locked states, except Michigan. I wrote a lot of songs. Did some singing in clubs and bars where I could to get money."

"And then?"

"Settled… a little. Got jobs in construction, drifted west again and ended up in LA. Turns out it was pretty lucky for you."

"So why are we going to New York?"

"It's far enough away from the Beast. And it's not Miami."

She gave a wry smile. "True."

"Why'd you come with me?"

"The guy I loved didn't love me back."

"Yeah."

"Fucking hell, Lindsey!" she exploded. "Way to knock my confidence."

"I'm sorry."

"No. You're really not." She turned away from him, pretending to concentrate on the TV again.

"I'm sorry," he repeated in her ear, his hand on her waist. "Come on. Let's kiss and make up." He rolled her over and brought his lips to hers very softly, their mouths barely moving against each other. She tasted just like he imagined. Spicy almost. Like cinnamon.

When the kiss broke she gently caressed his face, nails leaving goosebumps in their wake. "Do we make up now?" she whispered.

"Yes. I'm sorry."

"Me too."

He stroked her hair absentmindedly. "Does that mean I get more kisses?"

She nipped at his cheeks and forehead. "Like that?"

"Or like this." He kissed her again on the lips fully, allowing his tongue to explore every inch of her heated mouth.

"Congratulations. We progressed onto kissing." Lilah said in his ear. She drew back to look into his eyes, face softening.

"What?" He tenderly tucked her hair behind her ear. "Tell me."

"Where does this leave us?"

Lindsey couldn't answer that. Instead he kissed her on the forehead and pulled her close to him. Her body against him was familiar. Other actions were not.

*****

Difficult as it was when they got to Toleda they agreed to split up and go shopping separately for an hour. Lindsey had pressed $100 into Lilah's hand; she'd kissed him and headed for Victoria's Secret, returning an hour later with carrier bags stuffed full with purchases. When he enquired about what she'd bought she only whispered, 'It's a surprise.'

Lindsey's own list had been short. Condoms, black silk boxers, scented candles and wine. Now he was nervously perched on the edge of the motel bed waiting for Lilah to re-emerge. Steam had seeped through the cracks of the door for the better part of three hours, teasing him with her scent.

The door swung open and Lindsey's breath caught in his throat. Lilah was stood in the doorway in a black, silky, lingerie dress, spaghetti straps falling from her shoulders. Her hair was in soft curls, nails manicured, her make up natural, barely there.

Lindsey stood, walked over to her and kissed her gently. "You're beautiful," he whispered when the kiss broke.

She hugged him. "Are you okay? You seem tense."

"I'm just a little nervous…" he trailed off, not wanting to sound presumptuous.

"We're going to," she reassured him. "Let me give you a massage. It'll help you relax." She tugged on his hand and eased him, face down onto the bed. For ten minutes she rubbed and stroked his back, taking time in her more playful moments to grope a little. He was definitely interested judging by how hard he was and his appreciative moans.

"OK, my turn." Lindsey panted. He kissed her, staring with her lips then moving down exposing her breasts for his hands and lips' exploration. It was only when he tried to move lower and remove the dress she tensed.

"Lindsey."

"Just relax."

"No really, don't take it off, the scar."

He looked up at her. "Why don't you want me to see?"

"Not exactly a turn on. "

"Everything about you's a turn on," he soothed, gently pulling the material away from her body, taking extra time to kiss her stomach as if to prove a point. He skipped down to her knees, earning himself a growl of frustration, followed by a moan of pleasure as he kissed his way up her thighs and began circling his fingers inside.

He gave possibly the best head of her life. He traced his way up her body, trailing kisses and holding her close as she gasped and recovered.

Eventually she grinned and started kissing his ear, catching him off guard and flipping him over. "Raise your hips." she whispered. She did so and removed him of his boxers, licking him up and down before taking him in her mouth. He let her move her lips up and down a few times before reaching down and cupping her face. "Lilah, come here."

She kissed her way back up his body, straddling his lap. Cupping his face, she looked into his eyes. "Do you have…?" she trailed off.

"Nightstand drawer."

She kissed him and leaned over to retrieve a condom, carefully rolling it down onto him.

He looked into her eyes, smiling softly, desire overwhelming him.

"I love you." She whispered, as she lowered herself down onto him, not thinking about the words, just letting them flow naturally. She realised it had been building for a while because she actually trusted Lindsey which was like nothing she had ever experienced before. Plus, it was nice not to feel so alone anymore after the disastrous few months back in LA.

"I love you too." he realised aloud.

Suddenly it wasn't just sex. It was everything.

Afterwards they slept tenderly tucked up against each other, skin sticking together. Occasionally she would wake and trace a fingertip over his lips. He would kiss her hand and she would smile, resting her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"My everything." he whispered into her hair.

"Really?" she murmured, closing her eyes. "Mine too."

*****

Lilah awoke the next morning to clear sunlight streaming through the window and Lindsey stroking her hair. She smiled up at him and drew him close; only scowling when she realised he was dressed. "Clothes?" she whined.

"I went to the water cooler so I needed to be dressed."

"Come back to bed."

"Shouldn't we get moving?"

She began to trace her fingers over his chest in swirling patterns. "We could stay here for the day. The Beast is hardly likely to look for us in Ohio."

He couldn't help but give in to the hopeful look in her eyes, which ended with him giving in to her body also.

Afterwards, there was no kissing and cuddling, as there had been the previous night. Lindsey immediately dressed again.

"I've been thinking about New York," Lilah said, a little hurt by his distant attitude. "We should buy a place together. With a king- size double bed."

"Sure. Whatever."

"OK, what the fuck is going on?" Lilah snapped, sitting up in bed, pulling the sheets defensively around her. "Last night you tell me you love me and now you've, what? Changed your mind?"

"No I…there's something I have to tell you."

"Tell away."

"Will you get dressed first?"

"Fine. Don’t look." She quickly pulled on a fleece and pants, standing opposite him, arms crossed. "I'm waiting."

"Sit down."

She sighed and remained tense and unresponsive when he put his arms around her. "I love you."

"Funny way of showing it."

"But I need to be honest with you."

Fear ran cold in her veins as she turned to caress his hair. "Tell me," she whispered, her eyes soft and worried.

"I love you."

"So you keep saying."

"And I need to be honest with you- about why I came back."

Her eyes creased in confusion. "You said it was just lucky."

He shook his head. "Wesley asked me to come back- to take you away."

"What?"

"He paid me $5,000."

Lilah's blood froze in her veins. Lindsey reached out to touch her arm but she snatched it away, tears burning her eyes. "Come here," he said. "I love you."

"How can you say that?" she said, standing, shaking violently. "You violated me! You raped me!"

"What? You were a second willing party!"

"I'd never have let you if I knew." She sunk to the floor, her head on her knees. "I'm just your whore. A way to make money. You just thought you'd get a couple of orgasms out of it."

"If that's true then why did I use a condom? Not at the top of my comfort list."

"Because I wouldn't have let you without."

"You let Wesley."

"Fuck you, that's different!"

"I care about you."

She shook her head angrily, throwing his suitcase out of the wardrobe.

"What are you doing?" he asked, suddenly feeling very drained.

"I'm packing. And then I'm leaving you- see how you like it. I'm going to New York on my own."

*****

"Lilah, open this door." Lindsey banged on the door to her single room at the Millenium New Plaza, New York. "I'll stand out here all night if I have to." Only silence greeted him.

He'd followed her onto a bus and then to the motel, checking into a single himself.

"Look," he said through the door, "I bought an apartment for you. 518 West 72^nd Street. The deeds are in your name. Ate up all my savings. Two bedrooms. But you're it, Lilah. You're the one. When I told you you were my everything last night, it was metaphorical. Now you really are. I've got nothing without you- literally. Please- just open the door."

She did so, cautiously, only her face showing.

"Is the apartment nice?" she asked coldly.

"Gorgeous."

She stood aside to let him in and he immediately embraced her tightly.

"It's gonna take a while for me to trust you again." She pulled away and curled up in the bed. He followed, being careful not to touch her, to crowd her. "You can move into the apartment- but keep your distance. It's going to be a long time, if I ever do, before I let you touch me."

"I understand."

"Did you mean it?" Lilah burst out suddenly. "When you said I was 'the one?'"

"Yes. You're charming. Clever as hell. Funny…but you’re not mine. Did you mean it when you said you loved me?"

"I did. And it was just nice to be wanted."

"I need you. And if I asked you to marry me…?"

"No. It's not fair to marry someone just because it's convenient." Despite her words, her heart beat faster. She never thought she'd hear those words to her.

"But if I ask you again in two years…?"

"I might say yes."