Silver Cloud, Bitter Lining (10/?)

Author- Midnight Faith

Spoilers- 'Dead End.'

Distribution- FF.net, AOH anyone else just ask :)

Pairing- Lilah/Lindsey, Lilah/Gunn undertones

Rating- R

Summary- Lindsey and Lilah… talk

Disclaimer- not mine… yadda, yadda

Notes- sequel to 'Southern Comfort.' You'll probably want to read that first…

When Lilah drifted back into consciousness she was aware of a single shaft of milk-grey light filtering through the tiny divide in the curtains even before she opened her eyes.

As her mind became more aware of her surroundings and current situation she was suddenly conscious of the faint pressure of a hand on her stomach.

Still with her eyes closed she snaked her own hand down to join the other, the texture of the skin instantly recognisable to her as Lindsey's.

"Hey," Lindsey said, gently squeezing her hand.

"Hey," she repeated suddenly feeling nervous.

She opened her eyes to look at him surprised, though she didn't know why at how tired and concerned he looked.

The everyday feel of nausea hit on connection with light and she moaned slightly.

"Are you OK?" He asked her.

"I'm fine… I'll feel better in a minute… thankyou… for driving all the way down here…"

"It was for you wasn't it… did you sleep OK?"

"No. Horribly. Scary dreams… maybe I am still dreaming…"

"Do you want to be?"

"No. And I know I'm not because the Lindsey in my dreams is happy and smiling, perfect and he loves me… and usually we're lying on a beach in Aruba…"

"I can be all of those things…" he told her, "except for perfect and the beach part."

He shivered slightly.

"You cold?" she asked him, "Want a blanket? I have hundreds…"

"Overcompensation the whole 'looking after' thing?"

"A little… it was like Dawn didn't know what to say to me… and when she didn't she'd go and get another blanket… maybe you're getting hypothermia."

"I don't think so… not in California…"

"Sunnydale is further north of the equator than LA…"

"Dawn's geography homework?"

"Sociology…"

There was an uncomfortable moment of silence.

"Where is everyone anyway?" Lilah asked, breaking the tension.

"They're all downstairs… not eating actually… they've been up all night so I don't think they feel great… you're the only one who got any sleep…"

"How's Dawn?"

"Crashed out on the sofa… she's exhausted poor kid."

"She's not a kid, Lindsey. I look at her… at her life and think about mine at fifteen. I was skipping school to work at Wolfram and Hart and still managed to get a high school diploma without even being there…"

"Freedom really is priceless…"

"Why is it though our lives are finally supposed to be starting we're still not free?" she asked him.

"Karma I guess."

"Don’t tell me you actually believe in that Buddhist crap?"

"Some of it makes sense…"

"Remind me to buy you a meditation mat for your birthday…"

"You don't know when my birthday is…"

"Sure I do. October 25^th."

"And yours is April 8^th."

Her smile slowly faded.

"Lilah…"

"I know. The only time I have doubts about all this is when I'm with you…"

"But I don't want you to because I don't…"

"You don't what?"

"Have any doubts… not any more."

He laid his hand gently across her stomach again.

"Even if…" she began.

"Even if it's green with purple spots I wouldn't care…"

"It just might be with you as a father…"

"Very funny. But the point is I'd still love him or her… I do now."

"I know. Me too… God I wish there was a sign he or she was there… apart from my increasing clothes size…"

"You don't look it… I mean you look good but you're hardly showing… is everything OK?"

"Everything's fine…"

"For your next ultrasound… can I come with you? I just want to see a picture… hear a heartbeat…"

"Me too… I didn't look last time… I was a little out of it… but we'll book one… when we get back to LA…"

"You're coming back?"

"I'm not moving back into the hotel… I'm going to stay with Cordy for a while until I can find something a little more permanent…"

"I just assumed we'd be living together…"

"Lindsey… you know that wouldn't work out…"

"I know…"

"Wow, heavy talking for not seeing each other for nine days…"

"Ten…"

"You were counting?"

"Yeah, I missed you…"

"Lindsey…"

"What?"

"Stop it. We've been here before. You tell me you miss me, I say the same then you tell me you love me and… I can't say it back…"

She turned away from him.

"I'm sorry," she went on, "But you and I are through… you're the one who walked out on me in the first place…"

"That's right, Lilah. Sling it back in my face some more. If I hadn’t have walked out you'd have died."

"Did it ever occur to you I might just have had a plan? I wanted to get out on my own. I didn't need saving anyway…"

"Great plan, Lilah. A gun. Real subtle… I bet they wouldn’t have seen that coming…"

"I am *not* some simpering blonde with one brain cell that Angel's always saving."

"Right. Angel. That's another one to add to the list…"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"First Gunn… now Angel…"

"You're so twisted… Angel and I are friends… like you and Cordelia."

"Maybe I'd be better off with Cordelia…"

"Maybe you would…"

Anger sent her springing from the bed, still fully clothed from the previous night ignoring the wave of dizziness that crashed over her.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Out."

"Who's walking out on who now? Again?"

"Shut up Lindsey. I hate you. This is all your fault…"

"And maybe if I hadn't have been thinking about Darla the entire time we wouldn’t be here… lucky both your names sound the same when muffled…"

She didn't have a reply to that. She just walked out of the room, angrily slamming the door behind her, hot tears welling up at the back of her eyes and throat…