Silver Cloud, Bitter Lining (7/?)

Author- Midnight Faith

Spoilers- none

Distribution- FF.net, AOH anyone else just ask :)

Pairing- Lilah/Lindsey

Rating- R

Summary- Dawn realises the world really isn't the perfect place

Disclaimer- not mine… yadda, yadda

Notes- sequel to 'Southern Comfort.' You'll probably want to read that first…

"Lilah?" Dawn's concerned and tentative voice floated through the bathroom door, "Are you OK?"

"I'm fine," Lilah told her, filling a glass with water from the faucet, "Just give me a second."

"What's wrong? Are you feeling sick again?" Dawn asked her.

"I'm fine," Lilah repeated for emphasis, "It's probably just a bug I need to get out of my system."

"You've been sick since you got here, which was three days ago… and the Surgeon General recommends you see a doctor if your stomach bug lasts for more than twenty four hours…"

"I don’t need to see a doctor… I think I'm just getting the flu or something…"

"Yeah, it's so flu season with it being the end of August in California and all…" Dawn said, her voice gently sarcastic, "Besides, I don’t think not being able to keep anything down is one of the symptoms of the flu…"

"I ate that salad last night," Lilah protested, defensively.

"You avoided anything remotely seasoned… Lilah I know there's something going on…"

"There's not…"

"Then let Cordy drive you to a doctor… you can see mine… she's really nice and she'll just give you a shot of something to replace all the nutrients you're losing… and some glucose… something probably."

"I don’t need to see a doctor… and anyway when did you become a flow chart in a medical dictionary that tells you you're clinically dead…"

"I'm no doctor… that's the point, at least let me walk to the pharmacy which is like three blocks away to pick you up some multi vitamins and some lucozade. Or I can just call the hospital not necessarily take you there…"

"No, Dawn you really don’t need to…"

"Lilah… what's going on? You're acting like someone with anorexia or something… all secretive and depressed… and I know you're not sleeping. I heard you sneak downstairs at three a.m. to watch Jerry Springer reruns."

"I'm not anorexic… and bulimic is the politically correct term… I just had too much food this morning on an empty stomach…"

"Lilah I was watching you… if by eating you mean pushing your waffles round your plate and drawing patterns in your maple syrup then OK… by definition of food actually going into your mouth you had a glass of water… that's not food…"

"Dawn, I'm fine. Will you drop it!" Lilah finally snapped.

Dawn flinched slightly, having never heard Lilah raise her voice to anyone before.

"Cordy wants to leave for the mall soon," Dawn began, after a slight pause, "She said she'll give you as long as you need but it's an hour's drive and she just wanted to know if you were still good to go…"

"Yeah I am… I'm dressed… really I'm OK."

"Well if you won’t talk to me do you want Cordy to come up and talk to you?"

"No… I'm fine…"

"You keep saying that…"

"That's because I am…"

"Lilah, we're going round in circles here. At least open the door."

"Dawn… don’t pressure me!" She snapped again.

She opened the door and pushed past Dawn to walk back to her room, leaving the door open behind her.

Dawn took a deep breath, before following her, relentlessly standing in the doorway, watching Lilah sat on the bed gently rubbing her cheekbones.

"Headache? Sinusy?" Dawn asked carefully.

Lilah nodded gently.

"A little," she told Dawn.

"See you're not fine," Dawn said tentatively, sitting beside Lilah on the bed, "I've seen more colour in a snowcone."

"I'm…" Lilah began.

"Broken record much?" Dawn told her, "You were going to say 'I'm fine' again. It's like it's ingrained or something. Like the big fake smile the clown has at Chucky Cheese. You know you could tell me… if there was something wrong. I'm not a kid anymore."

"I know you're not… There's nothing…" Lilah tried to tell Dawn.

"I may be way out of line here…" Dawn began, "You’re pregnant aren't you?"

There was a long pause as tension flooded the air. For a brief moment Lilah considered lying to Dawn, but she looked into her eyes so full of anxiety and concern that she knew she couldn't bring herself to.

"Yeah," she said neutrally, "Is it really that obvious?"

She let Dawn pull her into a gentle hug.

"No it's not obvious just… it figures. Phantom visit to Sunnydale… I mean why would anyone want to come here unless they were running away from something? And anyway Buffy and Willow are too wrapped up in themselves to even notice me half the time… they won’t have caught on…How may weeks?"

"Sixteen… almost seventeen…"

"Jesus Lilah, that's like four months… over four months…"

"I know…"

"But you're OK? You feel mostly good right?"

"Sick, dizzy… you name it I feel it…"

"How about scared?"

"Definitely…"

"You know despite the obvious terror you're feeling shouldn’t still be sick this far in… we did this in biology a few weeks ago… you should see a doctor… just in case…"

"What are you? Cheerleader for the HMO? I'm fine… The baby's fine… I had a scan about a week ago…"

"So if everything's fine why are you so miserable? You've got everything… the devoted boyfriend and you're gonna have a baby with him… What's the matter? Is Lindsey OK with it… cos you guys were kinda up in the air when I left…"

"He's fine with it… better than fine… he wants to get married… fairytale or what?"

"So what are you doing here… especially without him… why aren't you in LA picking out a colour scheme for the nursery?"

"Because we had a huge fight and split up…" Lilah told her.

"I'm sorry," Dawn said her face contorting in sympathy.

"It's OK…"

"But you're still keeping it right?" Dawn asked.

"Of course I am…"

"And Cordy knows?" Dawn questioned.

"Yeah, but no-one else and I want to keep it that way… just for now."

"Of course," Dawn said her eyes still full of concern, as she hugged Lilah again.

"I feel like I let you down," Lilah confessed.

"No you really haven’t… no-one's perfect and I don’t expect you to be… but it's still a shock… I thought it only happened to half-witted high school cheerleaders…"

"Me too…"

"It'll be OK…" Dawn told her optimistically, "You don’t even have to go back to LA… they're building some new flats about two blocks from here… they're not much but it'll be a start…"

"You and Cordy… all with the optimism and fresh starts…"

"You have to be… I think maybe right now you need to be as far from LA and from Lindsey as possible…"

"He's not the bad guy in all of this…"

"He has responsibilities…" Dawn said meeting Lilah's gaze before realising, "He's not the father is he?"

"I want him to be…"

"It's OK…" Dawn reassured her, "It doesn’t matter."

But both her eyes and voice lacked the conviction Lilah needed…