Southern Comfort (20/?)

Author- Midnight Faith

Spoilers- 'Expecting'

Distribution- FF.net, AOH anyone else just ask :)

Pairing- Lilah/Lindsey

Rating- R

Summary- Lilah has a confession to make

Disclaimer- not mine… yadda, yadda

"You're the last person I expected to see here…" Cordy said to Lilah as she walked into Fred's room, ready for bed.

Cordy was unsuccessfully trying to get Connor to stop crying, sat on Fred's bed on the right side of the room.

"I was just looking for a quiet place…" Lilah explained, shutting the door behind her so only the pale, pink glow from the nightlight on the bedside table illuminated the room.

"Well you won't find it here," Cordy told her exasperatedly, "I don't know what to do with him, he just won't stop crying… Angel's completely at his wit's end…"

Lilah shrugged before crawling into her barely slept in bed on the left side of the room.

"You can't get any peace anywhere in this place…" Lilah told Cordy, "everywhere you go there's just noise and there's someone there…"

"But isn't it nice?" Cordy asked her, "Not to be alone?"

"You can be surrounded by people and still be completely alone…" Lilah told her, "I should know… there's no one to talk to here…"

"Yes there is…" Cordy said, moving so she sat on the edge of Lilah's bed, "You have Lindsey. He's more than someone to talk to… he loves you… and you have everyone else here too… and Connor adores you…"

Lilah sat up and Cordy gently handed Connor to her.

He stopped crying a little, and gurgled at Lilah. She smiled down at him and he smiled right back.

"See…" Cordy told her, "You're a complete natural."

"Am I?" Lilah asked her, "Or is it just because he smells Lindsey on me?"

"No," Cordy said, "It's definitely you. Lindsey didn't get him to stop crying earlier…"

"I'm sorry…" Lilah lowered her gaze, "If I've been snappy this week…"

"It's cool," Cordy told her, "We're all so stressed about the trial… I know it must be worse for you…"

"Lindsey and Wesley have gone to some bar… I think they're trying to forget…"

"How come you didn't go with them?"

"I'm trying to quit scotch," Lilah said dryly.

"Really?"

"Really…"

"Why?"

"I just am…" Lilah told her. "At least I'll be sober in court…"

"So that's what this whole week has been about?" Cordy asked, "You're wigging about the trial?"

"Probably…" Lilah said.

"Probably?"

"Yeah… I…"

"What is it?" Cordy asked, taking Connor from her and lying him on the bed between them.

"I… I'm…" Lilah's words stuck in her throat, "I'm… late… In that sense…"

"Oh," Cordy said, trying to sound neutral, "I take it… this is an unplanned thing…"

"Yeah Cordy, I planned to get pregnant when I have no money, no job, no home and a non steady boyfriend," Lilah snapped, before her face crumbled and she whispered, "God, Cordy…"

She wouldn't cry now, not in front of Cordelia, and not in front of Connor. That's what they were here for right? I mean she only works with these people, she's not friends with them. And they all take care of Connor. It's not like anyone needs her here. At least at Wolfram and Hart she knew they needed her there. She hated them all of course, but god she misses her old life. At least she felt safe there. Crazy, she knows that. But there at least she was protected from the real world. Of course it was well known amongst everyone there that she hadn't had a boyfriend since the ice age… but still… at least she was safe from… this.

"Lilah…" Cordy's voice cracked in sympathy and she reached out to touch her shoulder.

"No… don't," Lilah said, jerking sharply away from her.

"You'll be OK…" Cordy told her, "Maybe you're just really stressed over this case…"

Lilah shook her head.

"No… I just feel sick… and I'm really tired all the time… not the regular kind of tired… just…"

She let Cordelia hug her now. Lilah clung to her tightly, now letting tears run down her cheeks.

"I'm really scared…" Lilah whispered painfully.

"I know…" Cordy told her, "I was pregnant once."

"What happened?" Lilah asked her.

"Demon… kinda a long story but I know how scared you must be…"

"Do you? God, I feel like my world is closing in… I just feel so trapped…"

"Does Lindsey know yet?" Cordy asked.

Lilah shook her head.

"I just know he'll freak out… he'll run away again I know he will… But it'll be worse this time because he'll hate me as well…"

"Lindsey loves you…" Cordy reassured her, "And he will stick by you…"

"What am I going to do?" Lilah asked her, desperately.

"I don't think you're in a position at the moment to even be thinking like that," Cordy told her, "Not until you've spoken to Lindsey about this… You'll hate me for asking this but I just need the clear picture… Lindsey is the father right?"

"Probably…" Lilah found herself confessing.

"Probably?" Cordy asked suspiciously.

"I mean… Lindsey and I were always so careful… I mean… there was one other guy… it was the biggest mistake of my life… and we just didn't think…"

"It's OK…" Cordy told her, "I'm not going to judge you…"

"Cordy, this isn't something I can just cover up…" Lilah told her.

"Is this guy maybe not… is he black? Korean? Wow I didn't know you and Gavin were so close…" Cordy joked.

Lilah looked back at her cynically.

"It's not Gavin," she said.

"I know…" Cordy told Lilah, "I'm just trying to keep things light… do I know him?"

Lilah nodded.

"Gunn…" Cordy said flatly.

"It wasn't his fault…" Lilah defended, "It was mine…" her eyes brimmed over with tears again.

"It'll be OK…" Cordy told her. "Do you love him?"

"Lindsey? I don't know… maybe I do but…"

"It's OK…" Cordy reassured her again, "You don't have to love him… this is your choice… no one can make you do anything you don't want to do…"

"That's what I'm afraid of…"