Southern Comfort (11/?)

Author- Midnight Faith

Spoilers- none

Distribution- FF.net, AOH anyone else just ask :)

Pairing- Lilah/Lindsey

Rating- R

Summary- Lilah and Lindsey talk…

Disclaimer- not mine… yadda, yadda

"Lilah…" Lindsey said, his face close to her ear.

She stirred from her resting-place on the sofa in the lobby and sat up sharply.

"What time is it?" she asked, looking up at him smoothing down her hair and looking around for Connor, "Where'd Connor go?"

"The others all went out for pancakes," he told her, "It's eight fifteen."

He sat down on the sofa next to her making her inch back from him slightly.

"Last night…" he began awkwardly.

"Yeah… last night…"

"Was really intense…" he said.

She nodded.

"Yeah," she repeated weakly.

"I don't regret it," he said before pausing and then saying, "Do you?"

"No…"

"So what's with the running away?"

"I didn't… run… away…" she said blankly.

"OK…" he asked her, "What about tonight? What about the night after that?"

"What about it?"

"Well have you decided you've had enough of me now? Do I go back to the mattress on the floor now or what?" he asked angrily.

She flinched slightly.

"I'm sorry…" he told her, "I just need to know where I stand…"

She looked straight at him.

"And so do I…" she told him.

"What?" he asked her, "I told you last night…"

"See you can't even say it this morning…"

"What? I can't say 'I love you' this morning… see I just did,"

"Did you mean it?"

"How can you ask me that?" he asked, visibly hurt, moving closer to her, "You know I do…"

She turned to face him.

"So tell me to my face… look into my eyes and tell me…"

He took her face in his hands and looked into her eyes.

"I love you," he told her slowly.

She moved away from him out of his grasp.

"Were you seeing her when you said that?"

"Seeing who?"

"Darla…"

Her words seemed to hang in the air as he ran an uncertain hand through his untidy hair.

"Is that what you think?" he asked her.

"Tell me you didn't think of her once when you were with me…" she said as an exhausted statement, "Tell me this isn't because of Connor and because of Darla…"

He sighed and looked at her.

"It just felt right that's all…" he said flatly, "It obviously meant nothing to you."

She looked right back at him.

"If you want me to declare my undying love for you it's not going to happen," she told him. "Maybe you think you love me… but you don't… not really… and I'm not going to pretend to love you… when I'm not capable of loving anything…"

She turned away from him so she wouldn't have to look at the hurt in his eyes anymore.

"Tell me none of last night wasn't about yesterday for you either," he told her, "Just because you were desperate to *feel* something."

"Don't…"

"Don't what? After years of having this incredibly crazy lifestyle all I want is a little stability… god even a little normality in my life… I just wanted to show you… don't you want that too now? Just to be normal? Tell me it hasn't crossed you mind."

"What?"

"Moving in together… Acting like a normal couple… god doing regular things like ordering take out and going on holiday and going grocery shopping and maybe beyond that… getting married… starting a family…"

A look of horror crossed her face.

"I've just come out of five years of pure hell…" she reminded him, "Sometimes I don't even remember my own name and now you're asking me to pick out a house and names for our non existent children… we just don't want the same things…" she suddenly realised.

"So what now?" he asked, "Are we over?"

"How can we be together when we're not even friends, when I don't know the real you?" she asked him.

He nodded.

"OK…" he said, "I'm gonna go for a walk. When I come back I'll move my stuff out of the room…"

"No I'll move out…"

"We can both get new rooms…" he said, "That way we won't have to remember."

She nodded.

"OK…" he said, moving away. He started to walk away from her before turning back.

"We're still friends right?" he asked her.

"Of course," she watched him walk away.

"Just friends…"

*****

Cordy walked past Lilah and Lindsey's room carrying a basket full of laundry bound for Fred's room right down the hallway.

She looked through the ajar door to see Lilah stripping the bed of the clean white sheets she'd put on there only yesterday.

"I only put them on there yesterday," Cordy told her neutrally, shouldering the door open and setting the laundry basket down on the bed.

"They need changing," Lilah told her, screwing up the bed linen and throwing it into the basket.

"Lilah…" Cordy said.

Lilah sat on the north facing edge of the bed whilst Cordy sat on the east so they didn't have to look at each other.

"He told you didn't he?" Lilah asked Cordy, studying her hands.

Cordy nodded.

"Yeah he did…" Cordy told her awkwardly.

"That's the thing I hate the most… that he talks to you more than he talks to me…"

"That's not true…"

"Yes it is… he doesn't have a list of 'no go' subjects with you…"

"He really cares, you know that,"

"So why is he leaving me… again," Lilah asked Cordy.

"You guys are only on a break…"

"Yeah and I saw 'Friends…' Lindsey's definition of on a break is way different to mine… I give him a week to find someone new."

"Lilah…"

"I *know* him remember? Maybe I'd kidded myself that he'd changed but he hasn't… look at us. We screwed… once… or for one night and he's running away…"

"It's because he told you he loved you isn't it?"

"No…"

"So a guy tells me he loves me… and I'm over the moon. Except Lindsey tells you he loves you and you flip…"

"I did not flip… OK maybe slightly…"

Cordy looked over her shoulder at Lilah.

"No-one's ever told you they loved you before have they?" she asked her.

Lilah's expression darkened as she studied the floor.

"No…"

"No wonder you're freaked…" Cordy said turning round to get a better view of Lilah, "I remember the first guy that told me he loved me… Steve Peacock… we were twelve…"

"My point exactly…"

"You've just had bad luck that's all…"

Lilah paused for a long time before saying…

"Lindsey is the only guy I've ever been with… who hasn't hurt me…"

"What?"

"Normally… I wanna make people get violent. Arms slammed into things… or twisted up behind backs… into walls… I'd always wake up covered in bruises…"

"Is this what this is about? Because Lindsey *didn't* hurt you? Does he even know?"

"No… he doesn't… I think we just need some space that's all."

"Is it that simple? You’re gonna give each other space. When you have to work together…"

"Yes it's that simple. I'm gonna move out of this room so is he…"

"Yeah and all the other rooms have no wallpaper, no air conditioning and mildew growing up the walls…" Cordy explained. She paused before saying, "Come on. I'll give you a hand moving into Fred's room…"