Phoenix is nice (1/2)

Author- Midnight Faith

Spoilers- general for season 4 up to 'Habeas Corpses'

Distribution- FF.net, AOH and Neurotica. Anyone else ask :)

Pairing- Lilah/Lindsey, Lilah/Wesley past

Rating- R

Summary- Lilah and Lindsey try their hand at domestic bliss… and then it shatters

Disclaimer- fuck. You. Whedon. (and others- you know who you are.) not mine.

 Without fail, Ava Morgan would jump on her parent's bed every Saturday morning around 6.00 a.m. and demand to know where they were taking her that day, the time they always spent as a family.

Lindsey was awful in the mornings and because he slept closest to the door he got bounced all over first. He would playfully push his daughter off him, moan, and turn over, telling her to go back to bed for an hour.

Lilah never got jumped on. Ava learned fast that an 'I love you, Mommy' was a million times more effective and Lilah would give in and sneak Ava into her side of the bed, lock her arms around her and thank God for this little miracle.

Of course Ava was not without her faults. She'd inherited flaws from both of them- impetuousness, a quick temper and a mean streak, but she'd also received kindness, spirit and determination. Just like her parents she's not all bad.

Normally they'd get up, have a family breakfast and all would be perfect. Today, however, Lindsey, who had developed recurring tonsillitis in the last year was suffering from a sore throat. Lilah brought him lozenges and tea in bed. She abhorred weakness so sick people always made her slightly annoyed.

"Take Ava out." He managed to croak. "I'll be all right."

She replied with a slightly irked, "Okay."

In one of her more pessimistic moments, Lilah is struck by the realisation that she loves Lindsey one percent for his personality, one percent for his body and ninety eight percent because of Ava.

"Can we go shopping?" Ava asked, tugging at Lilah's hand with her smaller, clinging fingers. Four years old and she could already spell Jimmy Choo, having inherited Lilah's love of all things retail.

After Ava had successfully convinced Lilah to buy four pairs of shoes (having also gained Lilah's lawyer-sharp powers of persuasion and fast-talking,) they stopped by an old second-hand bookstore specialising in Law and occult reference. Lilah loved it in there: all old world, smelling of pine, stacks you could get lost in, beanbags and ladders up to the top shelves ten feet above. The Korean couple that owned the shop greeted Lilah like an old friend, played chutes and ladders with Ava and fed her milk and gingerbread men.

Trust the book Lilah needed to be on the top shelf. She groaned and inwardly cursed the tonsillitis bug- ordinarily it was Lindsey she made climb up the ladders. Being high up wasn't her favourite experience, ever since she was nine, had fallen off a climbing frame and broken her arm.

Gingerly, she ascended the ladder, her heel catching on the third rung and causing her to sprain her wrist a little. She murmured a curse and gripped the ladder tighter with her right hand. Selecting the book she threw it towards the floor without a second thought. She didn't hear the book land; however, a dark- haired man, who'd dashed in to the rescue, intercepted it. She scrambled down the ladder as he yelled at her in a very British voice that turned American at the edges, "What do you think you're doing? This book is over two hundred years old!"

"It's not like I wasn't going to buy it!" she snapped on autopilot, smoothing down her skirt before looking into the man's face, virtually doing a double take in shock. "Oh my God- Wesley."

"Lilah…" his face bleached, ashen with shock. "Here's your book." He handed it to her gently. Instinctively, defensively she hugged it to her chest. "How are you?" he asked politely, strained.

"I'm great." Her plastic smile almost split her face in half. "What are you doing here?"

"An apocalyptic sea monster nearly rose off Staten Island…"

She cut him off with a faux yawn. "Y'know what, Wes? I haven't heard the word 'apocalyptic' in five years and it's been the best half-decade of my life. Let's keep it that way." It was at this point she felt Ava wrap her arms around her legs.

"Mommy?"

Lilah knelt to her level smoothing some of her daughter's hair away from her face, acutely aware of Wesley's presence. "Yes, sweetie?"

"Mrs. Kim said I could only have another gingerbread man if I asked you first."

"Just the head. You'll spoil your lunch."

Wes watched the four-year-old skip away as Lilah stood again, tightening her grip on the text.

"She's yours?"

"No. She calls everyone 'Mommy.' Of course she's mine."

"She's beautiful."

"You don't have to tell me that."

His gaze fell on her left hand, devoid of a band on her left ring finger. "You're a single parent?"

"Far from it. Lindsey and I own an apartment off Park Avenue. We decided there are more meaningful things than cheap gold rings, like, say, our family. Ava's the most important thing in the world to us both."

Wesley winced visibly. "The deal was he took you somewhere safe not knocked you up." The words came out more harshly than he intended, sounding oddly crude in his own head.

"It wasn't like that!" she hissed before collecting herself and deciding to lie. "Ava was very much planned. We both wanted a child more than anything. We're very lucky." And she realised the last part wasn't an untruth. This time it was Lilah's eyes that flickered in shock on seeing his own wedding band. "Cordelia's playing the good little wife?"

"Actually, Fred and I…"

His words hit her like a bullet train, insides turning to ice. Twisting sharply on her heel she walked away obstinately and called, "Ava!" Her daughter jumped into her arms as she slapped $100 down on the counter for the book, chirped a few words of false cheeriness to the owner in broken Korean and stormed out.

"It only lasted four months! She left me!" Wes called after her.

Lilah either didn't hear him or simply chose not to look back.

*****

"So when do I get a baby brother who's a chicken?"

"Never."

"How about a baby sister who's a cow?"

"Ava," Lilah ushered her daughter through the apartment door and waved 'hello' to Lindsey who stood in the kitchen, watching them, mesmerised. "In real life people don't have cows and chickens. They have human babies."

"Right… so Cow and Chicken isn't real life?"

"No."

"Can I go and watch it?"

Lilah could never resist an optimistic look from her daughter. "Fifteen minutes."

"I love you, Mommy."

"Thirty. Then practise your violin." She turned to Lindsey forcing a small smile.

"Did you have to tell her to practise?" he complained. "She sounds like a…"

"Strangled cat? I know. But in ten years time she's gonna sound amazing." She kissed his neck where his throat lay. "Still sore?"

"Not as bad. I went to the doctors. Antibiotics…again. But one more time and it's gonna be surgery. I'm going to be the only person having their tonsils out over the age of five."

"I could play Nurse." She lowered her eyes sultrily and took his hand.

His interest immediately peaked. "You'd buy the outfit?"

"Who says I don't already have one?" she kissed his throat again, her face suddenly serious. "Lindsey, we need to talk."

"Is something wrong?" he asked as they sat at the table. "Fuck, you're not pregnant, are you?"

"If I were that would be the worst possible reaction."

"I'm sorry, I panicked. If you were I'd be psyched, you know that."

"This month it would've been an Immaculate Conception anyway."

"We haven’t had sex? At all?"

"In the last six weeks."

"Shit…can we be quiet and do it now?"

"No! Ava's right in the other room… and besides, I need a kick start, you know that."

"Sorry. Tonight then."

"Tonight."

"Right." Lindsey sighed. "What was it you wanted to talk about?"

"I think we should get married."

"Huh? Why?"

"Because I love you. For Ava's sake. Actually, forget it. If I need to tell you why… just forget it, okay?" she turned away in her chair.

"No, I want to, I've always wanted to. Seriously, I used to have boardroom fantasies about you as my wife."

"You never told me." Her face softened as she turned back to him.

"It never seemed the right time. So yes. I'd love for us to get married. Come here…" he offered his arms out and she settled on his lap. "Why now?"

"Because-"

"What happened today?"

"Nothing…I just missed you- that's all. I don't want anything or anyone to come between us."

"It won't." he promised.

"Cross your heart?"

"And hope *not* to die. So- who gets to pick your ring?"

"You do… surprise me."

*****

"Well… that was…"

"Awful?" she finished for him, curtly. They lay on top of the covers, post-coital, sweating, exhausted and agitated.

"I was gonna put it more subtly but OK- awful."

She sat on the edge of the bed. "I can't breathe. I'm too hot."

He inched closer and was about to touch her back but drew away when she snapped, "Don't. I'm too sore from where you fucked me into the mattress."

"Well gentle wasn't working so I thought I'd try rough."

"Neither worked."

"So what will? Chains? Handcuffs?"

She sighed and picked up her robe from the floor. "Forget it."

"Lilah, we're having problems and you're running away- again, and I'm picking up the pieces."

"Let me know when you've put us back together." She skulked out of the room. He followed on locating fresh underwear, deciding to try a different approach. "Please tell me what's wrong."

"My fiancé can't get me off." She took a swig of gin straight from the bottle on the kitchen counter.

"Then maybe you shouldn't be marrying him."

"Maybe I shouldn't."

"Y'know that orgasm was the worst of my life. And now I'm drained and even hornier."

"Don't let me stop you jacking off in the bathroom."

"OK- stop, please, stop. Why are you being so defensive? What the hell's wrong?"

"Everything. Everything's wrong."

"Then use me as your punch bag. Don't take it out on Ava."

"I'm not!"

"You're scaring her."

"She told you this?"

"Yes." He moved towards her very slowly. "Is this because of today? Because it's exactly six years since the Beast…" he trailed off and took her in his arms.

It hadn't even occurred to her but suddenly she was overwhelmed with grief. She clung to him, her eyes welling up with tears.

"Chicken said you were fighting." Ava said sleepily from the doorway, clutching her stuffed bird. They both visibly jumped.

"We're not fighting." Lindsey reassured her.

"What's wrong with Mommy?" Ava asked before Lilah had time to wipe her eyes.

"I'm okay," she evaded.

"Would a hug help?" Only four years old and already her compassion gene had kicked in.

"A hug would be great."

Ava skipped over to Lilah and jumped into her arms. "I love you."

"You too."

"Why do you do that? You never tell me."

"Go back to bed." She gently set her daughter on the floor.

"Will you bring me milk? And a cookie? Three cookies?"

"Okay."

"And sit with me until it gets eaten?"

"Yes."

"And play the animal alphabet game?"

"Yes."

"And think up one for X?"

"Go. I'll be in, in a minute."

"X-ray fish," Lindsey said tiredly, his throat obviously painful.

"Thanks for the tip. Are you gonna sit with us?"

"Actually, I'm gonna spend the night on the couch."

"Are things really that bad?"

"I think we should split up for a few days. I'll leave for a motel in the morning. Give each other some space. You obviously need it."

"I don't. I don't want you to leave. What about Ava?"

"I'll explain it to her. I'll stop by for a few hours every day to see her. Maybe take her to the park, or out for ice cream."

"Are you ever coming back?"

He paused. "I don't know if we can make this work."