Owing (1/7)

Author- Midnight Faith

Spoilers- Blind Date

Distribution- FF.net, AOH, watcherscouncil.com and Neurotica… anyone else just ask :)

Pairing- Lilah/Lindsey, past Lilah/Lee

Rating- NC-17

Summary- Lilah's looking for a little comfort following Lee's death

Disclaimer- they belong to the almighty Joss… I am but a child in his candy store

Notes- many, many hugs and kisses to Seersha, Minim Calibre for the 'americanising,' and Roseveare for teaching me to write in coherent sentences :) Also kisses to Wendy for critiquing this part

Tonight was a night of firsts. The first time Lilah had seen a dead body. The first time Lilah had feared for her own mortality. The first time Lilah had felt grateful for her life, fucked up and lonely as it was. And tonight was the very first time she'd ever even thought about looking up Lindsey's address, driving thirty minutes across town, and preparing to knock on his door.

She took a deep breath, raised her knuckles and found herself thinking, hesitating. Could one day, one dead body, have altered her entire perception on… life?

Another deep breath, three hard raps on the door. Momentarily, she heard locks click and Lindsey opened up, looking a stranger out of a suit and in jeans.

"Okay… I was just checking you were alive and… turns out you are." Lilah turned to leave, suddenly self-conscious.

"Lilah?" His words froze her and she turned back to him. "You want to come in?"

She nodded and followed him to his kitchen.

"Have a seat," he said, gesturing to a chair, placed at a circular wooden table. "You want coffee?"

She nodded and he busied himself a moment, filling the kettle. "Scotch to start?" he asked. She nodded again and he reached into his top cupboard for a bottle and poured them both a drink.

When he handed the glass to her she downed it, not bothering to thank him. She gestured to him to hand her the bottle. He did so, and she took two long gulps before re-capping it with shaking hands. Lindsey flicked the switch of the kettle prematurely and then back to off and noted, "I guess coffee's out." Glancing first at her, and then at the bottle.

"I didn't come here for a tea party," she snapped.

"Then why are you here, Lilah?"

"Didn't exactly want to be alone tonight. Why'd you let me in?"

"I didn't exactly want to be alone tonight either. I was going to call you."

"Why? You've never done that before."

"And you've never come here before. But then it's never really been…" he trailed off, looking down.

Lilah uncapped the bottle and took another long swig of whisky. "Just the two of us," she finished for him, "It's never been just the two of us."

"No."

Three gulps of whisky later, she said nonchalantly,

"I fucked him you know," words beginning to slur, vision to haze. "Lee. Last Christmas. He was the last… I wonder if I was his last."

"I didn't know," Lindsey said tongue-tied, for lack of anything else to say.

"Yeah and now he's dead." Lilah said. The finality of her statement hung in the air. She took another mouthful of whisky.

"More comfortable seat?" Lindsey asked.

"Sure."

"On two conditions: You spill none of the scotch on my sofa and you share it."

"Lindsey?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm house-trained."

She followed him through to the den where they arranged themselves on his sofa carefully so they were close enough to offer comfort, but not close enough to be touching.

Lilah offered him the bottle and he took a long swig before handing it back to her. "You're in charge of the drink tonight."

Two more long swallows before she asked,

"You ever seen a dead body before?"

"Yes," he said. She offered him the whisky and he took another drink, "You?"

"No," she answered, caught in his monosyllables, snatching the bottle back from him.

"You should stop now," he said, concerned, closing his hand over hers, prying the bottle from her fingers and setting it down.

"It was my younger brother and sister," he explained. "They died of pneumonia when I was five within the space of ten days of each other. I was there but… it wasn't like when Lee got shot. It was peaceful, expected, not so sudden."

"There was nothing peaceful about the way Lee died," Lilah noted, wanting the whisky again. "It could've been you, maybe it should've been. You going to tell me what happened when Holland asked you to stay?"

He leant forward, his elbows resting on his knees. "I went to Angel," he told her honestly, "Sabotaged the Brewer case."

"Simple as that," she said, also leaning forward, sounding very non-surprised.

"Yeah."

"How come you're not dead?"

"You mean, how come I got promoted?"

"Well, yeah."

"Luck?"

He put his head in his hands and felt a tentative, warm touch on his shoulders, stilling for a moment as if to gauge his reaction before expertly working away the growing knots of tension there.

"Is this OK?" Lilah asked unsurely, the nature of her touch and the sound of her voice changing.

Lindsey nodded, swallowing as she moved down his back, lower and lower until she cupped the growing bulge in his pants. "Lilah?"

Her hand stayed still.

"Come with me," she said softly, taking his hand, and she let him gently nudge her in the direction of his bedroom.

She led him inside impatiently and pushed him recklessly down onto the bed. Frantically, she began to undo his pants, hands constantly roughly touching.

Lindsey's mind was whirling. On one hand, this felt very wrong. Lilah was drunk, shaken and clearly not thinking straight. She had a tendency to use seduction as a way to gain power and in a paranoid moment of fear he concluded that maybe this was some kind of trick. On the other hand… here was this beautiful woman above him going to… well, he didn't know.

He got his answer when he felt her mouth on him, surrounding him, moving up and down and soon he wasn't thinking at all anymore. He remained still for a few moments, letting her move against him before shifting, reaching down to caress her hair, hitching himself up to watch her.

It didn't take him long to let go. She swallowed and reached over for a box of tissues on his nightstand.

Sitting on the edge of his bed, she self-consciously wiped her mouth. Silence consumed them. Eventually she said,

"I should go."

"Why? Can't you stay?"

"You stayed, Lindsey. Just my way of saying 'thank you,' I guess. And this way I don't owe you anything."

"This isn't about owing. At least it shouldn't be."

"I have to go."

"Why'd you come here tonight, Lilah?" he asked her directly. "Was it just to suck me off? Because, congratulations, you did that. If it was about something more, then stay."

She stared at him for a moment, fear showing in her eyes, and he continued, "I don't exactly want to be alone tonight, I don't think you really want to either, and I won't try anything."

Silently, she removed her shoes and skirt, crawling into bed beside him in just her shirt and underwear. Beside her, she felt him fumble for his boxers again, shrug them on and then inch a little closer.

It didn’t take either of them long to fall asleep. When Lilah awakened in the middle of the night she realised where she was only gradually, but once she did she felt oddly safe. Lindsey's arm snaked across her waist and she found herself looping her hand with his as he drew her closer, stirring and awakening.

She turned her face to his upon realising he was conscious and almost magnetically they kissed, half-knowing sex was inevitable.

He was gentle with her, running his hands over her body, watching her eyes glaze with passion. He kissed her, pulling her closer, needing her, whispering comforting words in her ears. She wrapped her arms around his neck, stringing her fingers almost possessively in his hair, murmuring his name. Her warmth enveloped him as he writhed to get closer. She whispered 'don't stop,' clinging to him. He didn't, holding her nearer still, promising never to.

Afterwards, they curled up around each other, listening to the silence until Lilah asked nervously,

"What now?"

"I don't know," Lindsey told her.

The lay together in the stillness, not moving, not speaking, until sleep once again ensnared them.