Heat of the moment - Epilogue

Author- Midnight Faith

Spoilers- none

Distribution- FF.net, AOH, buffysearch.net and Neurotica… anyone else just ask :)

Pairing- Lilah/Lindsey

Rating- R

Summary- A relationship taken to a new level

Disclaimer- they belong to the almighty Joss… I am but a child in his candy store

Dedication- To Bobbi who is one in a million

April 8^th:

"I thought you were having a lie in," Lindsey said as Lilah stood in the doorway to their den, "Happy birthday, sweetheart."

He picked up an envelope and wrapped gift from the coffee table in front of him and walked over, kissing her on the cheek, tasting salt. He lifted her chin and realised she was crying.

"What's the matter?" He asked, cupping her shoulders, eyes full of concern, "What's this over? Turning thirty or… something else?"

"Lindsey," she said, voice throaty with tears, kissing him tenderly and holding him so tightly he thought he might burst, "I love you."

"I love you too," he said a little stunned, hugging her back, their 'I love you's', though still there, were becoming less and less frequent as time went on, too captivated in other areas of their busy lives to show each other much affection.

"Lindsey," she said, resting her forehead against his, voice choked, barely above a whisper, "I'm pregnant."

She kissed him again, tenderly, minutes or possibly hours flying by and neither of them realising, just taking the time to fully connect with each other and consider.

"Lilah, that's fantastic," he said, pulling back with a grin, "You’re sure?"

She nodded.

"Two tests say yes. I booked an appointment at the doctor's tomorrow to be certain."

"Are you OK with this?" He asked, holding her to support, her knees threatening to give way, "I know we haven't talked about this much with work being intense and all."

"And with my promotion? We have lousy timing."

"Lilah," he said, laying his hand tentatively across her stomach, "I want this baby so much. I love it after knowing about it for less than five minutes."

"It's still in the early days."

"What are you saying?"

"Don't get your hopes up. After everything…" She trailed off, shivering and afraid.

"It'll be fine," he reassured, "You do want it, don't you?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course I do. I'm just… I'm so fucking terrified, Lindsey," she said, dissolving into tears before his eyes.

He pulled her to him.

"It's OK," he said, soothingly.

"It's not OK," she snapped, "You do want this baby don't you, Linds? Tell me you do."

"Of course. Do you?" He asked. The fearful yet hopeful look in her eyes told him 'Yes.'

*****

"Why am I fucking doing this?" Lilah asked heatedly, lying flat on her back in bed, another wave of nausea crashing over her, "Why can't I have fucking morning sickness in the fucking morning like fucking normal people?"

"Keep that up and the kid's first word'll be 'fuck,'" Lindsey said with a grin, from beside her, trying to soothe the situation.

"This is so damn frustrating!" She told him, as he began to comfort her by stroking her bare arms and shoulders, "I can't do this with work and then nine o'clock time for Lilah to hug the toilet bowl again, and I'm worried about you. You’re not getting any sleep either."

"Don’t you dare worry about me," he gently scolded, "You just worry about yourself and this baby," he said, sweeping his fingers across the top of her hand, tickling slightly before asking, "You sure you don't want to tell Mark?"

"I'm terrified I'll jinx this," she told him, feeling suddenly flushed.

Lindsey noticed and kissed her on the cheek saying,

"Dandelion tea's supposed to help."

"Ugh, you drink it, it tastes like pond water."

"I'm sorry," he said reaching over into his bedside cabinet, "But this is the reason, Li." He showed her the copy of his seven-week scan photo.

"You keep yours in your sock drawer?" She asked a little cynically, resting her head against his shoulder, lovingly.

"Yeah, I didn't want to freak you out so I've been looking at it every morning when you're in the shower. Where do you keep yours?"

"My purse. I've been deliberately waiting for an empty elevator so I can look at it on the way to work. Pitiful isn't it?"

"Not at all," he told her, "After all this is the reason you're putting yourself through all this."

"I'm so scared, Lindsey," she admitted, looking up at him, eyes large and fearful.

"What of?" He asked, slipping his arm around her shoulders and kissing her gently on the cheek.

"Of loving it."

"Don't be. Remember what the doctor said. Everything's normal and she could hear a really strong, healthy heartbeat, remember we heard it?"

"I remember," she said and he shifted so his ear rested just above the line of her low cut tank top.

"It sounds a lot like yours," he said, listening to her heartbeat before pulling her top up slightly and planting a gentle kiss on her stomach. She responded by smiling and running a tentative hand through his hair.

June:

"Those combats look fabulous on you," Lindsey noted as Lilah sat down on the sofa beside him. She shot him a self-conscious look.

"That supposed to be funny?" She snapped.

"No- they really do. What's the matter?"

"My jeans won't do up," she whined, "The loose ones. They did up yesterday. I feel like a whale."

"Lilah," he said, shifting closer, his hand on her stomach, "Our baby needs some space to grow that's all."

"More than our baby," she said, she said, putting her hand over his, "Our…"

"Daughter." He finished for her, looping his hand with hers, "Weird isn't it? Knowing?"

"Are you disappointed we're not having a boy?"

"No. I didn't care as long as our baby was all right and she is. She's perfect. Are you?"

"To be honest I'm not really thinking about it, her."

"I am. Every second. You and her are all I can think about."

She reached up and kissed him, long and slow, before smiling and relaxing into his chest deeply.

"This is so nice," she noted.

"What?"

"Normality. Calmness. No Mark racing round bringing me water every ten minutes, asking if I'm craving anything or if I want to go home or to see you every two seconds."

"It's good he's looking after you. It's good he cares."

"I don't need looking after, Lindsey. I don't need anyone…" she trailed off and added when she saw he was hurt, "Anyone but you."

He smiled at her.

"I know the feeling."

She smiled as he began to rub her shoulders softly.

"This is gonna last forever," she said, "Feeling sick all the time."

"Not forever. And when this is over we're gonna have a daughter."

She shivered slightly.

"Scary," she said.

"No," he smiled, "I can't wait."

"Why the hell aren't you scared?"

"Because I have you."

"I would say that was reason in itself to be scared."

"You underestimate yourself," he told her, "You're amazing."

"And you're amazing too. The way you look after me. It makes me love you so much. I couldn't love you any more than I do right now."

"Likewise."

August:

"Lindsey," Lilah said, shaking him awake, "Lindsey?"

"What?" He asked, instantly alert, flicking the light on, "Is everything OK?"

"Put your hand here," she said, gently laying his hand on her stomach and smiling. He felt a tiny bump rise from beneath her skin and quickly subside, "She's been kicking for the past hour." Lilah told him.

"Did she wake you up?" He asked.

"God, yeah. The one night when I didn't feel sick and was actually asleep she decides to kick me in the stomach. Wondered what the hell was happening."

"Is it weird?"

"At first. I was just lying here for a while and then I realised it wasn't actually painful at all. Just her way of letting us know she's really here."

Lindsey shifted so he was more comfortable against the pillow, his hand still touching her stomach.

"Sorry for waking you," Lilah said, stroking his hair, "You must be exhausted."

"I'm glad you did. I don't think I'll sleep now."

"Like the night I first felt her move?"

"God, I love her so much."

"You’re getting soft, Linds," she teased.

"And you're not?"

"I feel so close to you, so close to my family and I have friends… when's this all gonna crash down?"

"It won't," he reassured and they lay in the silence for a few minutes before Lindsey asked,

"Can we talk?"

"Sure. What about?"

"Her surname?"

"Ah… grey area," Lilah said uncomfortably.

"I assumed Morgan," he said quickly, "I mean, we're not married."

"But she's yours too. I assumed McDonald."

"No. That totally dissociates her from you. Meet in the middle?"

"Mordonald?"

"Morgan-McDonald… doesn't sound bad."

"No."

"Agreed then?"

She smiled.

"Agreed. But it's gonna mean no names beginning with an 'M.'"

"I kinda like Minnie, actually."

"As in mouse? You cannot be serious."

"I am. And nothing too long either. Like over two syllables."

"Oh, that doesn’t eliminate any Disney characters from my list," Lilah said sarcastically.

"Shame. Pocahontas is on mine," Lindsey teased, as the baby kicked Lilah in the stomach hard.

"I think she heard you."

December:

'Sleep is a lot like sex during week thirty eight,' Lilah mused, as she flicked on the light in the den and settled back against the sofa, during the early hours of a Thursday morning, 'Not getting any.'

At least she wasn't the only one. The other women in her pre natal group agreed. The first baby of the group had been born today. A boy. Dylan. Six pounds and ten ounces. Lilah was not happy just envious, her body, every molecule anticipating. At least then she'd get rid of the constant ache in her lower back, intense cravings for wild rice of all things and be able to see her ankles again.

She'd worked all the way up until last week and Mark had threatened to fire her if she didn't start her maternity leave because 'Your size is making me nervous- you should be at home resting.' She was crawling out of her skin with just daytime TV for company and alternated between moping, sulking, trying to catch up on sleep and the fifth or so re-read of USA today. Not that Lindsey didn't call her every half an hour to check nothing was happening and then run home at lunchtime and get mad whenever Lilah fixed him a sandwich.

She knew Lindsey was tired too, forever the dutiful Dad, always awake when she was at night. Tonight was the exception, he'd been completely exhausted and with her whispering soothing words in his ear, stroking his hair and telling him she loved him, he'd fallen into a light sleep.

She lay down on the sofa, two cushions under her bump trying to regain some semblance of balance, her abdomen tightening in the process. Great. Another round of Braxton Hicks should finish off the evening nicely.

Lilah put her hand to her stomach as if to say 'don't.' A tiny hand pushed back against hers, layers of skin between but definitely a five-fingered hand shape. Lilah was touched, enthralled, practically palm to palm with her daughter. She was so captivated by the thought she hadn't heard Lindsey walk in. He gently wrapped their double duvet around her shoulders. She smiled up at him silently, grateful and re-arranged the blanket so they both cuddled up underneath it, his hand joining hers at her stomach.

"You remember the night she was conceived?" Lindsey asked.

Lilah gave a small laugh of irritation.

"I remember. I quick fumble in the janitor's closet because we couldn’t wait to get home."

"I counted back. It was that night we lit the vanilla candles and got silk sheets."

"Really?" She asked, "Thank God."

"Not long now," he reassured, squeezing her hand.

"Don't. I'm terrified. You should hear the Oprah horror stories. Stitches and scars and…" she trailed off, shuddering violently.

"Don't be scared. I'll be with you. Every minute for however long it takes."

"It'll be the next couple of days," she forewarned, "She's dropped right down now."

"Christmas baby?" He asked.

She groaned.

"I physically cannot take six more days of this."

"I can’t wait to see her. She who she looks like and if she's anything like you, absolutely beautiful."

With his words a wave of pain worked it's way across Lilah's abdomen causing her to wince.

"I felt that," Lindsey said sympathetically, "You OK?"

"Yeah, I just need to go to the bathroom."

Lilah returned minutes later, pale and crying.

Lindsey was up instantly off the sofa, going to her, hugging her and kissing her hair.

"Are you in that much pain?" He asked, concerned.

"Lindsey, my water just broke and I'm fucking terrified," she told him.

"OK," his body tensed, "Two minutes. I'll put some jeans on. It's OK, honey, the bags are packed ready to go," he pointed out, heart racing.

She nodded, still crying and shaking, despite his soothing words.

"Don't leave me," she pleaded.

"OK," he said, "Can you walk?"

"Yeah."

He led her unsteadily by the hand to their bedroom and sat her on the edge of their bed. She sobbed noisily as he changed, never taking his hand from her shoulder. She cursed herself for being so emotionally weak, arms wrapped around her stomach.

"Hey," he said, kissing away her tears, "Next time we walk back through that door we'll have our daughter with us."

Lilah looked up at him with bright, shiny eyes.

"Should that make me more or less scared?"

*****

December 24^th:

'First rule of having a baby in the apartment: Do everything ten times quieter than you did before,' Lindsey mused, shutting the front door softly behind him.

Setting down his packages silently on the den table he noted the TV was set on the lowest volume and Lilah was asleep on the sofa, completely exhausted and the baby awake, content and smiling in the car seat on the floor beside her.

'Still nameless,' Lindsey pondered walking towards her quietly to pick her up. She gurgled and smiled up at him.

At least he and Lilah had agreed on a middle name when they were up with her in the early hours of the morning. Wanting to name at least part of her after themselves the shortlist was Jaime (a variation of James- Lindsey's middle name) or Marie (Lilah's middle name.) Lilah had flipped a dime and it had landed on tails- Marie.

Every name that Lindsey had suggested for her first name Lilah had some objection to. It had been the final straw that morning after a virtually sleepless night and Lilah, having been up five times in the night and a time bomb since four a.m. had exploded of Lindsey's suggestion of 'Darwin.'

'Darwin?!' She'd exclaimed, 'That's what the monkey's called in 'The Wild Thornberry's.' Which of course had the baby crying again and Lilah close to exhausted tears. 'Now look what you've done just- get out.' She'd stalked into the nursery to comfort their daughter and Lindsey, knowing better than to argue, had left.

Lilah looked up at him from the sofa with sleepy, insecure, apologising eyes and stood to cuddle up with him and the baby, resting her head against his shoulder, one arm around his waist and affectionately smoothing down the baby's blanket with the other hand.

"I bought you flowers," Lindsey said, instead of 'I'm sorry,' or 'I love you,' gesturing to the table.

"Thanks," she said, smiling at him as he handed the baby to her.

"You OK with her?" Lindsey asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's getting easier." She said, having been in the first two days almost too terrified to even hold the baby in case she dropped her.

"I don’t want to push it, Li but I also bought a baby naming book. Figured we could use a little help."

Lilah smiled weakly.

"Crazy, isn't it? We've come this far and we can't even agree on a name."

"We could do an 'open the book at a random page.'" Lindsey offered, picking up the book from the desk.

Lilah nodded.

"Go for it."

Lindsey flicked the book open at an unplanned page and read the first female name down the left-hand side of the page.

"Ethel," he said, the disdain obvious in his voice, ""Best of three?"

"Definitely," Lilah said, smiling down at her daughter before kissing her on the forehead.

"This one's really pretty," he said with a smile, "I like it."

"What is it?"

"Kendi. Spelt K-E-N-D-I. It means 'love.'"

"Kendi," Lilah said trying it out, then looking down at the baby and smiling, "Kendi."

"You like it?" Lindsey asked.

Lilah nodded and smiled.

"Yeah, I do."

"We're agreed then?"

"Yes. Kendi Marie Morgan-McDonald," Lilah said.

"It's pretty unusual," Lindsey pointed out, unpacking a mini fibre optic Christmas tree from a box on the table, "I know we didn't have time to decorate but I didn't want Kendi to see in her first Christmas without decorations so- I bought her this." He flicked the switch at the base of the tree, strands growing different colours.

Lilah handed Kendi to him before saying,

"I should call Erin. It'll stop her phoning three times a day asking 'Have you thought of a name yet?'"

"I forgot to tell you- she phoned when you were in the shower suggesting Kristen or Charlotte- is everyone in your family addicted to 'Sex and the City?'"

She shrugged.

"I like Kendi much better. Should I call your mum or do you want to?"

"You can but I'll talk to her. She wants to visit before New Year- is that OK?"

"Fine. Erin wants to too."

"Will she bring the kids? I can't believe Carmen's walking and talking now."

"Me neither." Lilah said as Lindsey looked down at Kendi.

"I love her so much," he said, "I love you so much."

"And you say you haven't gone soft," Lilah said, rolling her eyes.

Lindsey's expression turned serious before he looked up at her, and said,

"Lilah… marry me."