Heat of the moment (12/19)

Author- Midnight Faith

Spoilers- none

Distribution- FF.net, AOH, buffysearch.net and Neurotica… anyone else just ask :)

Pairing- Lilah/Lindsey

Rating-NC-17

Summary- Lilah and Lindsey make some commitments

Disclaimer- they belong to the almighty Joss… I am but a child in his candy store

Dedication- To Bobbi who is one in a million

Lilah awoke just seconds before Lindsey to find she was exhausted and cold after getting only two hours sleep. There was a definite chill in the early November, Oklahoma air in comparison to California, and somehow during the night she'd managed to twist free of Lindsey's grip whilst sleeping.

Shivering, she crawled back into his waiting arms as he said groggily in her ear, eyes still closed,

"You feel cold."

"I am," she said, as he instinctively began to warm her by rubbing his heated hands over her shoulders, upper arms and back.

"What's that physics thing? Newton's first law of cuddling. Hot air moves from a hot body to a cold one." He asked, enjoying being playful with her.

"Lindsey McDonald- physics student of the year," she teased, enjoying his touch, surprised at the level of blissful intimacy and how comfortable it felt to her.

"Better?" He asked.

"Much."

He simply held her for a moment before finally opening his eyes and looking at her. This was beginning to feel deeply familiar to him. Waking up with her in his arms was starting to feel right and he struggled to remember a time when they hadn't woken up together and he'd awakened to an empty bed in the morning.

"Morning, gorgeous," he said with a smile, kissing her on the cheek.

"I don't think 'gorgeous' is really the right term this morning."

"It is. You’re beautiful."

Lilah rolled her eyes in response.

"If you want sex you just have to ask. Seduction really doesn't look good on you."

"I don't. I'm too tired. I mean… last night was amazing- the best ever."

"Four times…"

"In a row," he said with a devilish smile, before concern set in his eyes, "You feel OK? I didn't hurt you?"

"I'm… a little sore. But it'll pass with some Motrin." She shrugged realising she really was fine. Her muscles ached with typical after sex soreness but this was expected and she felt confident Lindsey was feeling the same way. She's opened up to him last night and it left her feeling a little more insecure if not open and truthful and she was surprised to find she liked it.

"If you ever want me to stop you only have to say the word." He said, concerned and anxious he'd hurt her. Lilah felt a cold flush creep over her, a little unnerved by his blatant care, and thought the best thing to diffuse the situation would be to get up and make some coffee to clear her head.

"It's not like I wasn't getting anything out of it," she said, moving to crawl over him and get out of bed, but he overpowered her, pulling her back down to him.

"Lindsey," she playfully reprimanded.

"I'm cold."

"You’re not."

"OK, so I just like cuddling," he admitted, stroking her hair lovingly.

"I have to get up," she said, "All I want to do today is curl up on the sofa under a blanket with the financial times and a Roswell re-run on Sci-Fi."

"Do I feature in Lilah's lazy Sunday?"

"You can read the Dow Jones index to me. My eyes are too tired to read anything." She said, feeling strange at the prospect of letting him into the Sunday ritual she'd been following for years.

"I'm sorry- if I hadn't have kept you up all night…" He said, trailing off realising he wasn't the first man to have kept her up all night and questioning what he meant to her. He got his reply with her next actions and felt no reason to doubt her anymore.

"Other thoughts would've," she cut in, through the silence, her hand resting against his face, thumb tracing across his lips, "I'm glad you did."

"Stay here- catch up on some sleep for an hour."

"And what are you going to do whilst I'm sleeping?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Unpack some more. Find a pet store and a Virgin store to start you a decent CD collection."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" She asked playfully in mock annoyance, "Sarah McLachlan is better than your country music crap."

"Sarah McLachlan's whiney, country music can at least be fun."

"So what else features on your great shopping list?"

"Goldfish."

"And goldfish bowl, or will Elmo be inhabiting our sink?"

"Grover, and *our* sink?" He asked, a little bewildered at her choice of words.

"Yes, we're sharing remember? And if we're sharing, equally, I assumed half the sink would be mine and half yours, making it ours." She said nervously.

"Lilah, you're babbling."

"I know." She said with a sigh, feeling suddenly self-conscious.

"It's very cute."

"Really?" She looked up at him, "Cute?" She asked a little precarious, realising no one had ever called her that before.

"Very. And you’re right. It's Sunday shopping, we should get going if you want to find a decent pet store that doesn’t try and pass a Scottish deer hound off as a pony. We should get breakfast."

"Or we could skip straight to dessert," she said, her eyes glimmering playfully, head ducking under the covers. He didn't argue with her…

*****

"Again?" He groaned.

"Yes again."

"But they're all the same."

"No they're not. You're only saying that because you don't understand."

"Yeah, like you understood every in and out of 'The World is Not Enough.'"

They'd spent the afternoon curled up under a blanket on the sofa, watching new DVD's and so far Lilah had made Lindsey sit through five episodes of the X-Files. Surprisingly enough, they both felt completely comfortable with the air of familiarity they'd shared all day, barely apart for a second and constantly touching each other.

"At least I got through the 'Which one's Mulder, which one's Scully?' Phase. And we're only watching this because you're crushing over Mulder," he said, ticking her side teasingly. She snuggled closer in response, smiling.

"Happy?" He asked.

"Very." She said with another smile. Today had been faultless for her. She realised she'd been entirely contented and relaxed all day, never feeling tense or pressurised despite how submissive the day had turned out to be.

"You’re not nervous about tomorrow?"

"Like you said, Oklahoma isn't LA. It'll be bearable. You'll be home when I get back and that's all I need."

He held her tighter, moved by her vulnerability, worrying himself about the next day.

"Well I have some interviews set up for tomorrow. I called some partnerships whilst you were in the shower."

"Direct competition?"

"Some are… there's a job in finance going at Wolfram and Hart."

"Lindsey," she said, "After everything…" She suddenly felt claustrophobic spending twenty-four hours of every day with him, guessing they'd aggravate each other and he'd limit her personal space.

"Just let me say my piece. I want to be close to you- all the time. But I'm not going to this interview if you'll feel threatened. It won't be like before, sneaking off into the janitor's closet like a couple of nineteen-year-olds. It'll be about knowing you're there." He didn't add that he wanted to shelter and keep her safe knowing full well what the firm was capable of. That would make her feel too trapped.

"I've seen you add up thirty two and eight in columns." She said, her feelings mixed. On one hand she wanted him near but on the other she resented his need to safeguard her.

"I can fake it, I'm a quick learner."

"And no-one would know about us?" She said, wanting to keep their relationship a secret. It was one thing the firm frowned upon office romances but she liked having something that was only hers and Lindsey's.

"I won't tell anyone we have a goldfish together," he said, smiling at the fish swimming round in circles in the bowl, "Horribly domestic isn't it?"

"Incredibly."

She relaxed back into him, flicking her hair back so he instantly descended to kiss her neck.

"I guess you want sex now," she breathed, not really wanting to, cold because she understood how physical their relationship was becoming.

We're having the 'getting to know each other stage,' today. Sometimes it's nice to not be about sex. And… I feel like we're circling. We're having this… amazing sex and then I feel guilty because that's all there is. We're living together now. This is serious stuff." He realised, a little afraid.

"You’re right. This is serious. We should talk more, we should cuddle more." She agreed, wanting to know every part of him, feeling the impulse to share herself completely with him and not just physically, emotionally as well.

"So, let's talk now."

"OK," she flicked the DVD onto standby and turned to him so their noses touched.

"Are you nervous about tomorrow?" He asked her.

"We did this already," she said, rolling her eyes.

"If I get this job and you don't want me to take it I won't."

"I want you to." She said impulsively, realising the need to feel close to him far outweighed her need for space.

"I see a future now. Before it was all just a smokescreen. And now I see you."

"Wow… are you drunk?"

"Stone cold sober. You want to go to bed?" He asked, feeling unexpectedly fatigued with emotion.

She shrugged.

"OK."

He scooped her up in his arms and carried her to their bedroom, laying her on the bed, replacing clothes with silk pyjamas. She smiled as he ran his hands over her body, battling to keep his composure.

"Promise you'll carry me to bed every night?" She asked him, as he pulled the covers over her and got changed for bed himself.

"I promise," he said, slipping under the covers next to her. She instantly cuddled up against his chest, smiling and closing her eyes.

"Lilah?"

"Hmmm?"

"I love you."

Her eyes snapped open.

"I love you too. Reached quota. Only one expression of love per day." She said, feeling a need to limit how close they allowed themselves to get.

"And who decided on this value?"

"Lindsey, we don't need to tell each other 'I love you' every minute or even every day. We feel it, it's nice, let's not make it meaningless."

"OK," he said, stroking her hair, "Because living together is far from meaningless. Just something we… fell into."

"It's surreal."

"It's real. We'll feel that in the first visit to K-mart. I like it."

"Me too."

"This is so…" he trailed off, kissing her hair.

"Nice? Horrible? Domestic?"

"The first and the last one. Sleep now, we've got a long day ahead."

"True. We really should at least turn the light out." She leaned across to flick the lamp off before resuming her original position snuggled up against his chest.

He listened to her breathing though the silence for a moment before whispering,

"I love you."

"Out of your system?"

"Yes."

"Good, because I can't get into this. We're not fluffy bunnies and kittens and wedding bells." She said coldly, knowing full well they were headed that way.

"OK." He said, a little hurt.

She crumbled suddenly, cracks appearing in her façade and she clung to him tighter, burying her face in his T-shirt.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be defensive, it's automatic, just- don't go." She said, letting her voice get needy and clingy in an unconscious way.

"Whoa," he said, lifting her chin and looking into her eyes, causing her to struggle slightly defensively in his arms, "Where did that come from? I'm not going anywhere. There's no where I'd rather be than in our bed cuddled up with you." He said worried he was getting too intense with her, in terms of how emotional he'd allowed himself to get.

"Our bed. It sounds nice doesn't it?" She said, dependent maybe but also feeling the need for an emotional attachment.

"It sounds perfect. Now are we going to get any damn sleep tonight?" He asked, drowsy and playful all at once.

He didn't fall asleep for a long time. Lilah was restless in his arms, constantly clinging to him through her obvious nightmares and exhaled occasional sob. In response he held her closer, murmuring 'Ssh, baby,' and 'It's OK, I'm here,' which seemed to calm her momentarily. Eventually he lay down, resting his cheek against hers- he honestly didn't know at that point if his presence was making the situation better or hell of a lot worse.