Heat of the moment (11/19)

Author- Midnight Faith

Spoilers- none

Distribution- FF.net, AOH, buffysearch.net and Neurotica… anyone else just ask :)

Pairing- Lilah/Lindsey, past Darla/Lindsey. Allusions to Lilah/Angel.

Rating-NC-17

Summary- Lilah and Lindsey make up and confess some things to one another.

Disclaimer- they belong to the almighty Joss… I am but a child in his candy store

Dedication- To Bobbi who is one in a million

Lindsey stood in the entrance hall of Lilah's new Oklahoma apartment, contemplating running and never coming back.

The last five days had been unbearable to say the least. They'd barely spoken to each other, taking separate hotel rooms and even during meals didn't speak except for a few non-committal choice words. Lindsey would have preferred bitter arguments to the impervious silence. It was hurting both of them to be together yet so cold and distant with each other and he regretted greatly telling her he loved Darla. He'd realised over the past few days, thinking whilst driving through the silence whilst Lilah was sleeping (or at least pretending to sleep) that 'loved' really was in past participle form. He'd forgive Lilah if only she'd give him a sign that she cared which was looking more and more unlikely as the days passed.

The apartment was spacious. Two bedrooms, one level, a dining area, small kitchen and den forming one large room, leading out onto a balcony, overlooking a pool area, yet looked raw, undecorated and unlived in.

Lindsey had busied himself unpacking kitchen appliances whilst Lilah locked herself in her bedroom, unpacking her clothes into the large double wardrobe.

Now Lindsey was stood at the front door, hand on the doorknob ready to leave, looking at Lilah stood in the doorframe to her bedroom, wearing one of his oversized white shirts, lacy, red underwear barely visible underneath.

"It got mixed up with my stuff," she said eventually, gesturing to his shirt, "I haven't found anything to sleep in yet." That wasn't entirely true. OK so it was true his shirt had been mistakenly mixed up with her clothing, but the shirt smelt so exactly like him. On touching the soft cotton, and pressing it to her face to inhale the scent she couldn't help but undress and slip it around her own shoulders for comfort and warmth.

"That's OK, I was just…"

"Going?" She cut in, feeling (though she'd never admit it,) vulnerable, "Don't."

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't." He said, sounding more sympathetic than he meant too suddenly overwhelmed by his need to stay with her.

"Because I love you." She said slowly, to battle the rising nerves that had found their way around her throat and were proceeding to wrap tightly around her vocal cords.

Her statement hung in the air in front of them, him looking into her eyes so full of hope and complete genuineness. He was over to her in seconds, embracing her and planting a series of feather light kisses across her face, before picking her up and carrying her the short distance to lay her down on her bed.

"Do you mean it?" He asked her, kissing her neck, his senses immediately sent into a whirlpool of activity. On one hand he felt loved and elated but on the other he was suspicious of her motives.

"Yes. I love you and I want you to stay- I want you to live here." She said awkwardly unused to her own openness, but she was surprised to find it felt so incredibly right in these circumstances.

He resumed his gentle caressing and unbuttoning of her shirt the though hitting him for the first time they weren't simply about to have sex, but make love instead.

He trailed kisses down to her stomach where he knew she was most ticklish and she writhed underneath his touch in response, helping him to pull his T-shirt over his head and throwing it to a shadowy corner, smiling. She got to work on undoing his belt and managed to strip him of his jeans and boxers whilst he kissed her, reaching into the bedside drawer for protection as she began to slip her panties off.

"No don't," he said, "Just push them to one side. That colour looks good on you. You're so beautiful."

She closed her eyes and relaxed back against the pillows as she felt him move over her.

"Lilah?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"You love me?"

"Yes."

"And you want me?"

"All the time."

He gently lowered himself inside her, kissing her constantly as he did so.

"Go slow?" She asked.

He nodded.

"God, Lilah- I just, I feel so…" he said as he began to move inside her slowly.

"You think you can hold out?"

"Well it's been five whole days," he teased.

"Tell me about it. How many days did you go without having sex when you first got to Oklahoma?"

He stopped pushing inside her and cupped her face in his hands.

"There was no-one. I didn't sleep with anyone since I left LA. My head was just so damn full of you."

She leaned up to kiss him; tiny moans escaping her throat, exciting him further as he increased his pace.

"I missed you," she said, arching her neck as he tenderly nipped at her throat.

"You too."

"I want this- every night. You being here with me."

"For as long as you need."

"That'll be forever then."

She smiled into his kiss, and let herself get lost in the sensations pulsing through her body before they both came within seconds of each other.

Breathing hard, he pulled out of her slowly after a few moments, lying by her side and pulling her in for a gentle kiss.

"I hate that part," she said.

"You hate it? I'm the one that's all… constricted and stuff. I love you," he told her simply, a brief statement that brimmed with emotion.

"Let's not turn into one of those couples who say it every five seconds. We know how we feel. Let's not turn this into a bad romance novel I read at an airport once." She said, her contented smile softening her tone.

"Which airport was it?"

"Why?" She asked, confused.

"I'm interested. I want to know everything about you." He propped his head up on his hand so he gazed at her. There was a moment's silence as she smiled up at him gently, he returned the smile and reached down to stroke her cheek, the tenderness of his touch melting her completely.

"You know everything about me…" She trailed off, realising in essence they barely knew anything about each other. It scared her in part that she'd let this practical, emotional stranger in to live with her and to share her life, and then immediately cursed herself for being melodramatic.

"Yeah, but not non physically. Not where you went to school or what classes you took in your senior year, the name of your first pet…"

"OK, if you must know, Harrison high, I took Government, English, History and Physics and I've never had a pet."

"Never?" He asked, incredulously.

"No." She said, realising how alien this must seem to him, growing up in a state where animals outnumbered people about five to one.

"OK, so first thing tomorrow we go out and buy one. What kind do you want?"

"What?" She asked, shocked.

"I'm thinking start small… ant farm, goldfish, if we're feeling a little more ambitious a house rabbit before moving into the exciting realm of puppy or kitten."

"You’re actually serious aren't you?" She said, looking up at him ambiguously.

"Deadly. Come on, what harm can a goldfish do? We could name him Grover."

"Elmo was way cooler."

"Elmo then. So we're agreed? Goldfish. They're low maintenance…"

"OK," she smiled nervously, "This sounds like commitment to me."

"Only a small step. It's not like I'm asking you to pick out a house and names for the kids. Also a DVD player and James Bond boxset."

"You can have James Bond if I get the X-Files season four." Lilah said, shivering involuntarily against how nervous she suddenly felt about this huge commitment she was undertaking.

"I didn't know you liked the X-Files."

"I don’t. Not really. OK, so I do."

"Do you want chocolate? I saved some from the picnic. And wine…" He trailed off to bend down and kiss her, liking the new open version of Lilah.

"OK," she shrugged, crawling out of bed and throwing him his jeans before pulling on a robe. She followed him to the kitchen and then back again to the hallway with the recovered food, staring at his suitcases still sitting by the door.

"I saved you drawer space," she whispered in his ear, taking his hand in hers.

"You mean..?" He asked, shocked at the shift in reality from an hour ago.

"You wanna drag those suitcases in?" She said playfully, yet nervous at the same time. He sensed this and kissed her once on the cheek for reassurance.

She took the chocolates and wine from him, watching intensely from her vantage-point on the bed as she poured them both a drink and chewed on a chocolate nonchalantly.

He set his suitcases down by the door, turning to her and saying,

"You don’t have to do this."

"Do what?"

"Let me share your room."

"Lindsey- I've told you how I feel about you. We're in room sharing mode, believe me." She said, though it was becoming hard for her to be so uncovered all the time.

She continued to watch him silently, as he spent the next hour unloading suitcases of clothes and personal possessions, stopping occasionally to take a sip of wine, for Lilah to feed him a chocolate, a kiss or a long, lazy, reassuring hug. When his last shirt was hung in the closet he crawled into bed next to her, arms wrapping around her waist.

"It's late," he pointed out unnecessarily.

"Three a.m. to be precise."

"You tired?"

She shrugged. "Not really, which is crazy because I haven't slept properly in days."

"I know- everything crazy right now. It's loud and confusing but when I'm with you, everything's so still and peaceful and quiet. And you're so beautiful…"

She reached up to kiss him, talking ceasing and not continuing for the rest of the night…