Heat of the moment (8/19)

Author- Midnight Faith

Spoilers- none

Distribution- FF.net, AOH, buffysearch.net and Neurotica… anyone else just ask :)

Pairing- Lilah/Lindsey.

Rating-R

Summary- Lindsey and Lilah make up- but at what price?

Disclaimer- they belong to the almighty Joss… I am but a child in his candy store

Dedication- To Bobbi who is one in a million

Neither of them slept at all that night. Lilah was uncomfortable on the steel, motel bed, nylon covers tingling against her skin- but mostly she was cold. One night had altered her entire perception and without Lindsey's arms around her she felt- empty? Incomplete? She felt anger, mostly at herself for letting him get under her skin.

If Lilah thought the bed was unpleasant, the floor was even worse for Lindsey, with no covers and only a few pillows. He could swallow his pride and crawl into bed next to Lilah. He knew she was crying and part of him wanted to kiss away her tears, but the other simmered with a quiet rage. He couldn't believe after everything she'd let Angel touch her, after everything Angel had put him through. Did she know it would hurt him? Is that why she had done it?

Staring out of the window, he watched the sun rise high in the New Mexico sky. It was going to be a beautiful day in the desert- in no way reflective of his mood. He felt bitter, angry, wearied but mostly hurt.

Unable to pretend to sleep anymore he got up, planning to walk round the car park a few times and possibly down the dusty desert road to try and clear his head a little.

Lilah's eyes instantly followed him.

"Lindsey?" she asked breaking their silence without thinking, "I'm sorry." It was hard for her to admit, yet the words tumbled easily from her mouth, numb and raw from the new emotions she was feeling.

"Me too," he told her, relief flooding his body, as he turned back to her, giving her a hug, yet knowing somehow it wouldn't make everything better.

"Come to bed?" she asked.

She didn't need to ask twice as he slid under the covers next to her, holding her body close to him, making both of them feel a little healed.

"I didn't sleep," he admitted, revelling in her scent, face pressed against her neck.

"Me neither." She said, tone softer than he expected.

"Cliched as it sounds I couldn't sleep without you- I still feel guilty."

"Good." She was back to being harsh again.

"I don't want to fight," he said, surprising himself with his patience.

She met his eyes, hers, lifeless, pink and glassy.

"I need some sleep," she told him, reminded of the things he'd said to her last night and the way he'd treated her.

Despite how thrown he felt, he allowed her, despite her coldness to cuddle up in his arms, head resting in the crook of his shoulder.

*****

Lilah awoke first to the midday sun streaming in the window. She realised, smiling to herself; all her anger had dissipated and she felt safe wrapped in Lindsey's arms. He stirred slightly, pulling her closer and on seeing he was still asleep she allowed herself to fully relax against him.

She'd never let him know he made her feel safe. It was too personal, too early. The things she allowed herself to tell him were always teasing and light. They weren't 'when you kiss me I turn to Jell-O and spontaneous combustion becomes an issue.' Or 'When we fight I feel sick instead of just pissed off.'

She reached up to play with a few strands of his hair, planting a gentle kiss on his lips. He awakened with a smile, instantly dipping to kiss her; grateful and relieved she'd forgiven him, comforted by the fact they no longer appeared to be fighting. He knew she was skittish and unpredictable and he felt resent at her erratic bursts of coldness towards him.

"Every morning should start like this," he murmured, still half asleep.

"Not really morning," she pointed out sleepily, "More like one in the afternoon." She smiled up at him.

"I'm sorry about last night," he told her, stroking her cheek, "Promise we'll never go to bed mad at each other again?"

She didn't reply, only leaning up to kiss him, slipping her tongue into his mouth, trying to get a reaction, too exhausted to get into anything heavy right now and needing some sort of emotional release.

He pulled away, confused at why she wasn't ready to discuss the obvious problems they were having.

"Hey," he said, "I woke up two minutes ago, you don't have to prove anything to me." He cupped her cheek gently to reassure and comfort her.

"I know, I just want to be close." She told him, feeling strange opening up to him in the way she was.

"There are other ways to be close- let me show you when we hit the next town. I promise a surprise." He said, impulsively with a nervous smile.

"I hate surprises." She pouted almost playfully.

"I promise you'll like this one. You just have to trust me."

"I hate trust as well."

He rolled his eyes.

"I take it you want to drive at night?" he asked her, wanting to change the subject and avoid another confrontation.

"As always- if you're too tired I can drive."

"You’re kidding." He said jokingly with a small smile.

"Why?"

"You think I'm letting you drive my truck?" He asked, incredulous.

"Why not?" She asked, momentarily annoyed.

"I've seen you drive- you actually have a license?"

She gasped in mock annoyance, hitting him with a pillow in playfulness. He retaliated instantly, grabbing her round the waist, hands under her top, fingers tickling her skin as she writhed against him, shrieking with laughter as he lifted her above him.

"I didn't know you were ticklish," he said, "So if I kissed your stomach…" He pulled up her top a little, ducking his head to attempt to kiss her midriff.

"I'd knee you in the jaw- if I was feeling generous." She teased, fingers reaching under his chin, lifting his face to meet her eyes.

"I wouldn't describe you as generous." He said. She was momentarily stung and turned away, looking at him out of the corner of her eye.

"How would you describe me? You've got three words."

"Pretty damn hot."

"Pretty?" She said in mock irritation.

"OK… *Very* damn hot."

"That's very physical." She pointed out, a little discontented at the way their relationship had turned back to being so material so fast.

"That's all we are isn't it?" he asked coldly, "Physical. I'm gonna go shower." He was frustrated at the way they were becoming so shallow again, fighting and then fucking. That was the only way he could describe it. Not 'making love' not 'having sex.' It was almost animalistic- the way he was feeling about her.

"Lindsey?" she asked, suddenly afraid of being alone, wanting things they way they were back in the night when he'd told her he loved her, sweet, light, him kissing her over and over again until she never wanted to stop. "Mind if I join you?"

"You don't need to ask twice," he told her, relieved the former gentleness had seeped back into her eyes and voice.

They spent a good twenty minutes under the shower, until the hot water ran cold, kissing and soaping up every part of each other, before towelling off with amazingly soft, fluffy white towels and Lindsey pulling Lilah back to bed despite their 'shower hair' soaking the pillows.

She kissed him, a series of kisses across his lips before attempting to move lower.

"Hey," he said, lifting her chin, afraid of where they were going so soon after making up. He didn't want to lose the connection he was feeling with her right now emotionally by having sex.

"I can't believe you don't want to… again? Is it me?" She asked, eyes full of confusion, hurt by his rejection.

"Of course not! I think we should keep the sex special this time around." He said, worried by how the physical aspect of what they had might take over the strongly building loving and passionate side.

"OK," she nodded in agreement.

"Don't think I don't like having sex with you because I do. I feel such a connection…" He trailed off, moving so he held her tightly, kissing her forehead.

"I know." She reached up to kiss his jawbone smiling at him before saying, "This surprise… Is this another euphemism for sex?"

"It's something better."

"What could be better?" She asked breathily, fluttering her eyelashes at him and trying to convince him otherwise. Sex was familiar, sex was comforting. And this 'emotional' side to relationships was just downright comfortless for her.

"A good kiss," he said, kissing her softly and looking into her eyes.

The butterflies in her stomach fluttered as she smiled at him. She was beginning to believe there was more to them than just sex.