Heat of the moment (6/19)

Author- Midnight Faith

Spoilers- none

Distribution- FF.net, AOH, buffysearch.net and Neurotica… anyone else just ask :)

Pairing- Lilah/Lindsey

Rating-NC-17

Summary- Lindsey and Lilah take a road trip

Disclaimer- they belong to the almighty Joss… I am but a child in his candy store

Dedication- To Bobbi who is one in a million

Lilah's eyes jerked open softly, taking in her surroundings of Lindsey's truck on a lonely, dark stretch of highway; radio turned to a soft rock station, Avril Lavigne's 'I'm with you,' playing quietly so not to wake her. Lilah felt detached, waking up, falling asleep even with Lindsey talking to her in soothing tones.

"Hey," he said softly, avoiding her eyes strangely after watching her sleep for the past three hours.

"Hi," she said awkwardly, rubbing at her temples, breathing still fast and unsteady. Another nightmare again. It was the same every night. Trapped in a darkened, blank room with someone only able to hear them breathe, not knowing who they were, her paralysed by an unprecedented fear.

"Nightmare?" he tried to ask casually, though his voice dripped with concern.

"Just a little one," she shrugged, dismissive, though flattered by his anxiety, "Where are we anyway?"

"We just crossed the state line into New Mexico, if you need some sleep you should get it now- the sun will be up soon. But then again I guess we wouldn't be at risk from any alien visitations."

"No… I'm done with sleeping," she said with a playful grin, moving closer and kissing his neck.

Lindsey felt the butterflies in his stomach… maybe lower glimmer in response.

"Don’t make me stop this truck in a lay-by again," he warned jokingly, "Fooling around like that's a criminal offence in Amarillo."

She laughed slightly. "It's not like we were doing it in the car."

"We were pretty close," he pointed out, watching her bite down on her lower lip in answer guiltily.

"I didn't mean to get you worked up like that… I should've gone down on you or something." She felt at fault though she couldn't place why. She used to work him up, to the edge and never let him crash over all the time at Wolfram and Hart. It had been her way of keeping control. And now in a situation with him where they were equal, there was no powerplay or need for control he had her feeling guilty.

"Hey," he said, momentarily taking his eyes off the highway to glance at her, "You think I'm with you only because you give good head?" He was hurt by the prospect she even thought this let alone believed it. When had it ever been just about sex between them? Had it ever been just about sex? He struggled to remember.

"Yes." She said, lowering her eyes to avoid his intense gaze.

"I'm not! Yeah, OK so the sex is great, but emotionally… it's phenomenal…"

"Here's a new career for you… romance novelist." She smirked.

"You gonna pay?" He asked, raising his eyebrow to give her a kinky look.

"Would that make you my male whore?"

"Or you mine?" he added with a smile that faded. "Seriously, you're not my whore… if anything you're my girl." He said, realising it felt like the truth to him.

"Why so fast to hang labels, McDonald?" She asked, his words secretly sending shivers down her spine.

"I'm not hanging labels, Morgan."

"OK, so let's keep this light. There's no need to get heavy." She said skittishly, still afraid to get too close to him. He was hurt she still didn't trust him.

"But we still do need to talk."

She rubbed the back of her neck to release the knots of tension there caused by unnerve at his previous words.

"LA… or after. 'Til then… no strings?"

"There's always strings…" He trailed off.

"True. If anyone knows that it's me." she said, despite the darkness unhappiness shining in her eyes, remembering all that she'd left behind in LA.

"Hey," he said, reaching out with his left hand to touch her, "Your call, OK?"

She smiled, surprising him by placing her hand in his before sliding over in her seat and cuddling up to him. He grinned in response at her closeness and affection realising all she needed right now was to feel cherished and cared for.

"Perfect by understatement," she murmured, eyes closed against him. He pulled her closer breathing in the intoxicating scent of her banana shampoo feeling her tighten her hold on him. She needed him now, she wouldn't admit it but she was dependent on him. Lindsey swore to himself in that very moment he'd never let her down again.

*****

The sun was sinking low in the sky when Lindsey pulled into the motel car park. As he cut the engine Lilah wrinkled her nose in distaste. The sun cast orange, long shadows across the car park from nearly rusted, chain link fencing. Despite the heat, strong desert winds sent giant clouds of dust across the gravel. The ramshackle building was isolated, surrounded by wasteland and swirling sands apart from a few stray cacti. Alien signs and faces glared from every road sign, despite them being nearly eighty miles from Roswell.

Lilah began to follow Lindsey across the car park, a little uncomfortable at the fact they were together, yet he was making no attempt to hold her hand- or show any affection. God she was getting needy. Didn't he feel anything for her anymore? She scolded herself inwardly; him having less than twenty-four hours ago telling her he loved her and she was paranoid he didn't care. She told herself she needed to be more assertive towards him, initiate passion at times but she felt too afraid to. What if he rejected her or pushed her away?

As they reached the door of the motel, Lindsey pushed it and it creaked on it's rusty dilapidated hinges. Lilah rolled her eyes silently. This place was a true dump. Lindsey paused just inside the door to scan the prices of the rooms chalked up on a nearby pin board giving an exasperated sigh.

"They want one hundred and fifty dollars for a single… there's no way I'm paying three hundred dollars to stay in this refuse heap," he said heatedly. Lilah smirked, amused at his rage momentarily before realising his anger flustered her slightly.

She put a hand on his chest cautiously to try and calm him down, get him to be objective and affectionate towards her again.

"What do you expect? It's the only motel in an eighty miles radius… but it's only eighty dollars for a double. Forty dollars each." She said, a little upset at the fact he clearly didn't want to share with her.

"I can do the math," he snapped, then pausing and taking her hand and saying more softly, "You don’t mind sharing?" He asked shocked at his instinctive coldness towards her and her willingness to share.

"No." She said, heart racing. Realising if she closed her eyes, fantasised really hard and ignored their ramshackle location she could almost pretend then were on their first vacation together.

"It's not too… couple-y?"

"What, and sleeping together doesn't indicate we just might be a couple?" She added, raising an eyebrow and trying to get him to relax around her.

"Who's hanging labels now?" He asked tensely, annoyed she was allowed to get 'serious' though whenever he tried to she plainly rejected him or it upset her.

"I don't want to fight, Lindsey. I just want a bed and some sleep tonight… Well…" she sidled closer, "Maybe not sleep all night." She said with a devilish grin.

He wove his arms around her and said tenderly in her ear," Don’t feel we have to… sleep together. We could just share the bed."

"I like it when we're close." She told him, pouting innocently, almost childlike. She needed the Lindsey of minutes, though it felt like hours ago, who cared about her, who never let her go, constantly holding her hand, making her feel loved and safe.

"Don’t get me wrong, I like having sex too but… there are other ways to be close." He said, kissing her forehead.

"What did you have in mind?" She asked, smiling into his kiss, glad his tenseness had been replaced with affection yet again.

"I don't know… stuff. Reading the paper together. How about dinner? A nice restaurant." He asked, knowing full well she'd accept an invitation to an intimate French place.

"I see a whole lot of classy restaurants round here." She said, jokingly sarcastic.

"OK, I'll do you a deal. We'll check in, have some quality 'us' inverted commas time and then we find a diner and then come back here for a cuddle."

"OK." she smiled, as Lindsey rang the bell, snared deep within her own thoughts, confused at her feelings for him.

A middle-aged man appeared the first striking thing about him was the solid gold crucifix hung around his neck. He wore a checked cowboy shirt and jeans, a cowboy hat, and it was then Lilah noticed an open and well-thumbed bible lying on the front desk. She fought the urge to roll her eyes. As if it wasn't enough Lindsey was laying a morality check on her…

"Mr and Mrs. McDonald," she heard Lindsey give their names as. Her eyes widened in surprise, anger and fear in equal amounts coursing through her. Lindsey saw her as marriage material? Confusion and a concoction of other mixing feelings welled up inside her as she followed him blankly into the darkness of the car park again. She was confused at herself. Agitated and annoyed as hell, yeah but she couldn't place why. She knew she should feel happy.

"I'm sorry, I panicked," he explained when they were outside, "But that guy looks like he's auditioning to be the next pope." He realised then he secretly liked pretending to be married to her.

"It's OK…" she reassured. He was surprised, taken aback, expecting anger and possibly a lecture on feminism. She saw him as marriage material? It partly disturbed him. He didn't know where her real feeling for him lay. As of tonight, she couldn't even tell him she loved him. He didn't know if she loved him and now she was saying it was OK to pretend to be married?

On reaching the truck he pulled the plastic tarpaulin back on the SUV and handed her, her small, navy blue hold all, before taking it from her again.

Momentarily puzzled by his chivalry she asked, "Aren't you taking a bag?"

"No," he said, transferring her bag from his right to his left hand, "I have you… that's all I need." Lilah couldn't help but smile at him.

She shrugged as he wove his arm around her shoulders as they began to walk slowly back towards the motel under the growing starlight and dropping desert temperature.

"You can borrow my toothbrush," she offered nonchalantly, knowing full well he'd left his back in Cordell, feeling uncomfortable letting him share something so basic yet so necessary.

"So we're in toothbrush sharing mode?" he asked, playfully kissing her ear.

"We're in everything else sharing mode," she reminded him as they reached the door and walked up the stairs not touching, after she pulled away, momentarily hurt by his teasing.

Their room was tiny, holding only a small double bed, with garish candy striped duvet and sun faded matching curtains. The only other pieces of furniture were a mirrored wardrobe and a single chair standing in the corner of the room.

The chair was abruptly jammed underneath the door handle after the door was locked.

Lindsey turned to Lilah, all urgency leaving his body, only to be replaced by tenderness laced with undeniable passion.

"I'm, so fucking in…" he began, kissing blindly into her hair.

"Don't," she cut him off, "It's bad enough pretending to be married." She snapped, her lips nipping against his neck, not meaning what she said.

"I'm so fucking infatuated with you, then." He said, as they fell onto the bed.