Fireworks (1/1)

Author- Midnight Faith

Spoilers- none

Distribution- FF.net, AOH and Neurotica. Anyone else ask :)

Pairing- Lilah/Lindsey

Rating- R

Summary- There are only three things wrong with their relationship.

Disclaimer- I am the kid, but it's Joss' candy store

Notes- To my LILAC-ers. I wouldn't have got through this year without you. Thank you :)

Lilah had concluded there were only three things wrong with her and Lindsey's relationship.

The first was the constant sneaking around. Tonight for example. The Fourth of July and all Lilah wanted to do was curl up on her sofa with Lindsey and a good movie. Fuck the fireworks. They unnerved her and well, they could just make a few of their own, so to speak. But instead the Powers must *really* hate her, no hope of redemption here, because she and Lindsey had to attend the firm's Independence Day barbecue. Separately no less. Being a couple in front of your friends was one thing, being a couple in front of your bosses who adamantly opposed inter-office relationships was quite another.

To make up for the lousy night they'd spent the day together, watching Independence Day ironically, and promising a very hot and heavy sex session later that night. The kind where the next day your thighs were sore, every movement reminding you of your partner and the previous night.

Thing two was irrelevant by comparison. Lilah's need to obsessively match her underwear. Now instead of just throwing on the nearest bra and panties, every morning she'd spend ten minutes picking out matching underwear. She'd spent about five hundred dollars on new lingerie over the past three months. Every colour imaginable, (despite Lindsey's marked preference for lilac,) cotton, silk, lace, even a PVC set, (big mistake.) Thongs, panties, little shorts, camisoles, slips…

Lindsey had gently explained that yes, she looked very, very hot in her underwear and yes, it was a nice surprise to come home to her in just a purple G-string in his bed. But ultimately underwear was just there to be taken off again, and sometimes non-matching sets were cute as it made him think she felt completely comfortable with him.

Tonight she was wearing her red, lacy collection to compliment the simple crimson shift dress she'd chosen for the barbecue.

Applying a final coat of lipgloss in her mirror, she located her purse and ran down the mental checklist of items she needed to take with her. Lipgloss, cell phone, spare panties, pen, address book, hair tie, keys, eyelash curlers, compact, gum, emergency candy, condoms. The third thing she wanted to change. Lilah was clearly serious about Lindsey and vice versa. She'd been getting contraceptive shots since she was seventeen. Lately, she'd been thinking about ditching the condoms altogether. But truth be told she was too embarrassed to bring it up, fearful of rejection. Lindsey might tell her he didn't trust her enough to stop or he might have some horrible disease. Highly unlikely, but still, rejection was a possibility.

Pulling on a black, silk jacket, already five minutes late, Lilah rushed for the door as her cellphone began to ring. Swearing, she scrabbled in her purse but her face softened when she read the caller ID.

*****

"Hello?" Lindsey heard Lilah answer. His stomach still flipped every time he heard her voice.

"Running late?" he teased, adjusting his car's interior mirror one handed.

"And you're running early. As usual."

"I can hold back. I can re-read some of the text messages you've sent me."

"You keep them? God, you're weird."

"Just in love. Are you in your car yet?"

"Yes. I'm gonna hang up and start the engine now."

"I have a surprise at the barbecue."

"The good kind of surprise? Like cake."

"Aren't my surprises always the good kind?"

"Yes. OK, now I'm ten minutes late."

"Go."

"See you there."

"Bye."

*****

Lindsey came up behind Lilah at the buffet table and placed his hand on her hip. She jumped at the touch.

"Lindsey!" she hissed.

"It's OK. The fireworks are about to start, no-one's looking. And besides, it's surprise time."

"Really?" she asked, curiously as Lindsey placed her plate of food back down on the table. "Hey! I'm hungry!"

"Your surprise has food. Come on." He inconspicuously led her through a gap in a nearby hedge into a neighbouring field. She gasped when she saw he'd lit candles, gotten a picnic hamper from somewhere and laid a rug down for them to sit on.

"How'd you swing this?"

"I paid Lee two hundred dollars to cover for us, and scoped the place out earlier."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously." He kissed her shoulder, feeling the utter tension radiate from her body. "What's wrong?"

"Just… this. Having to meet up in secret."

"It's not ideal." He sighed and buried his face in her hair. "Come on. We can sit down and talk about it."

She let him ease her down onto the rug and said, "No. It's OK. Too heavy. I really like the 'us' part of this though." She grinned and cuddled up to his chest.

"How about," he began, running his hands in circles over her back soothingly, "I get you some champagne, some pasta and I give you a neck rub?"

"You massage?"

"I give *great* massages." He busied himself pouring her a glass of champagne and fixing her a plate of pasta."

"I can only drink half of that." Lilah pointed to the frothy liquid. "I have to drive back. Let's share."

"Sure. I love sharing anything with you."

They lay down; cuddled up together, Lindsey absent-mindedly stroking Lilah's shoulders as she fed him pasta and they shared the champagne.

"I could lay like this forever." Lilah murmured after they'd finished. "Couldn't you?"

"I'd prefer to be in a bed. But yes, you in my arms."

She smiled. "Your place or mine tonight? I think yours, we've been at mine for the past week."

"OK. I'm kinda just looking for a lazy weekend in bed. If you won't be bored."

She arched an eyebrow. "Judging by previous similar weekends I won't have time to get bored. You're like a horny Smurf."

Lindsey feigned offence. "Smurf?"

"Uh huh. You can't possibly object to the 'horny' part. Boyfriend numero uno couldn't even get it up half the time."

"Really?" Lindsey sniggered. "Was he blind? You're the sexiest thing alive. Everyone wants you."

"That's not true."

"It is. Lee's desperate to get in your pants."

"Oh cute. Well it's not Lee who keeps me warm and makes me feel safe." She began accentuating each compliment with a kiss. "Cooks for me. Helps me out with tough cases. Thank you."

"For what?" he whispered.

"Loving me."

"I've always loved you. Deep down. Ever since last Christmas."

"Well at first I was too occupied with thinking about Valium. But then, yes. Always."

They kissed softly, both feeling emotional, yet treasuring this new found honesty.

*****

Lindsey entered his bedroom and smiled at the sight of Lilah curled up in his bed reading a book. She looked so natural, so comfortable. He could definitely see this as a long-term arrangement. Permanent. He grinned to himself as he curled up around her. This was the first time he'd thought about furthering their relationship and he was definitely enjoying these thoughts. "The Reagan administration." He read off the header of the page. "You're a nerd, Morgan."

"And I suppose you're not?" she teased. "We can be nerds together." She folded down the corner of the page and set the book on the nightstand. "Lindsey." She turned back to him, cupping his face. "Do you mind if we don't tonight? It's just… I'm tired. And I'd rather be more focused."

"Sure." He kissed her forehead. "Are you too tired to talk?"

"Did you have something specific in mind?" she asked as they snuggled down, embracing loosely.

"Us."

"Pretty wide ranging subject."

"OK… us and the next step." He felt Lilah tense.

"There's a next step?"

"I've been thinking about the future. And how much I love being with you. Our dates. Catching your eye in a meeting and knowing we'll be together that night and counting down the hours. I love brushing past you in the corridor and subtly squeezing your hand or slipping you a note. But most of all I love falling asleep with you in my arms and waking up that way every morning."

"So what's the next step?"

"I'd really like us to buy an apartment. In Bel Air. Move in together. We're spending every night in the same bed anyway. It'll just be something to share. We can keep our old apartments as insurance. Rent them out. Get extra money. What do you think?"

She paused for a moment, her heart racing. "I've always wanted to live in Bel Air."

"Me too."

"But I moved out of the foster home when I was fifteen, into a bedsit in Watts of all places. There was no hot water even. I couldn't even afford to live at college. Three hours commuting most days and up to six hour shifts at The Dairy Queen at night. I've been on my own for almost half my life now."

"I'm sorry. It was a bad idea."

"No." she put her hand on his chest. "I'm saying yes. I'm so sick of going home to an empty apartment every night, waiting for you to show up when it's safe. I don't care who knows about us anymore, Lindsey."

He hugged her tightly. "You're gonna love this place I put a down payment on."

"Down payment? What if I'd said no?"

"I would've dropped out. Anyway, the moment I saw it I realised it was screaming your name. It's gorgeous. Two levels. Four bedrooms. Two dens. A balcony as big as a field." He grinned. "I'm so happy about this but… you're sure, you want people at work to know?"

"I'm so sick of hiding my gorgeous boyfriend. I wanna be able to sneak a kiss in the corridor. Hold your hand in a boardroom meeting for more than five minutes in case anyone sees."

He kissed her forehead. "I want that too."

"Do you think you'll be able to put up with all my bathroom junk?"

"Easily. The bathroom's huge. And there's a bath in the bedroom. A hot tub on the balcony."

"Room for a pony?"

"In one of the bedrooms. And a pony? Seriously?"

"I always wanted a unicorn as a child. But I guess that's kind of unrealistic."

"I could use some of the firm's contacts to get you one."

"They actually exist?"

"In certain dimensions." He wove his arm around her tighter and said in her ear, "You realise we're going to be co-inhabiting."

"Yeah, I mean, what's next? Marriage?"

He looked at her and smiled. "I wouldn't rule it out."

*****

Lilah was awakened by a gentle kiss on the cheek and Lindsey stroking her hair.

This was nothing new. He woke her up this way most mornings, but somehow his touch was different. More tender.

"Do I smell hot chocolate?" she opened her eyes drowsily to look and him and found he was indeed holding a mug. She hitched herself up against the headboard. "Is that for me?"

"Of course." He handed it to her.

"What's the occasion?"

"Just something different."

She glanced at the liquid suspiciously, set the cup down on the nightstand and crossed her arms. "And the real reason?"

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair uncomfortably. "I couldn't sleep. So I was just lying here running my hands over your body. And I noticed how skinny you'd gotten. I could feel your ribs, your spine. I'm worried, Lilah."

"You mean, am I making myself sick again?" she turned away and curled up into a ball. "You know you can't just snap your fingers and cure me."

"I know that." His tone remained calm and soothing. "Talk to me. Please."

She flipped over so she was once again facing him. "What do you want to know?"

"Are you making yourself sick?"

She sighed. "It was only once. Last week. And I freaked myself out so much I've been skipping lunch so I can't do it again. Happy now?"

He embraced her tightly. "I wish you'd told me sooner."

"How could I? I've let you down."

"No you haven't. Don't think that."

"I was just so stressed. We'd had that close call with Holland nearly walking in on us in the boardroom. For a moment I couldn't cope. Making myself sick made me feel like I was in control again. "

"Shit, Lilah, this is my fault. I'm gonna go into work after we see the apartment and tell Holland about us."

"But it's not that simple. I just need to find a way to control this."

"Tell me how I can help."

"Firstly you don't need to make a scene with Holland. We can just change our addresses at the same time. He'll get the hint. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"Hey," he kissed her hair. "You're not obligated to tell me anything. I can only imagine how rough this is for you."

"It's not exactly a picnic for you either." She sighed and cupped his face. "How do you cope?"

"I have you."

"Simple as that?"

"Yes. Little memories keep me going through the day."

"Like the lilac thong and the bowl of cherries?"

"Simpler than that. Your smile. Your touch. Your smell."

She reached out to touch his face. "You saved my life."

"Don't say that."

"But it's true."

"When it was really bad, how bad was it?"

"Drugs. Not just legal prescribed ones. Morphine sometimes. Nightmares I couldn't wake up from because of the sleeping pills. Throwing up everything I ate some weeks. Cutting. Burning myself with a lighter. Dan, that's my ex, left when I asked him to cut me. The night he walked out… I had the pills and the vodka in my hand when the phone rang. It was you. So you did save my life."

He kissed her softly, tears stinging at his eyes. "I love you so much."

"You too. Are you sure you're gonna be able to deal with my baggage 24/7?"

"It's not that bad now."

She sighed and buried herself deeper in his welcoming arms. "I want to get better."

"And I want to help."