Flesh and Blood (24/25)

Author- Midnight Faith

Pairing- Lindsey/Lilah with Cordy/Angel on the side… Lilah/Gunn, Gunn/Fred undertones.

Spoilers- none

Distribution- ff.net, Ace of Harts, Neurotica… anyone else just ask :)

Rating- R

Summary- Lindsey's in need of a little reassurance

Notes-' Part 3/3 of a trilogy. Which also contains 'Southern Comfort' and 'Silver Cloud, Bitter Lining.'

Lilah stepped out onto the balcony and into the fractious atmosphere of the humid LA night.

Her head pounded and she knew her eyes were probably red raw from tears. Staring at the cigarette and lighter in her hand, her eyes blurred over again at unshed tears forged from the memory.

Lindsey had finally returned five minutes previously to find her sitting at the kitchen table still completely shell-shocked and alone, Cordy and Wesley keeping a distanced vigilant watch through the window separating den and kitchen.

He'd stood in the doorway just watching her for a moment, before, as if in slow motion she turned to face him, drained of energy, eyes dull, lifeless and pink with the threat of tears.

"Here," he said, emotionless, stepping towards her and throwing an empty packet of cigarettes except for one and a lighter onto the table in front of her.

"You smoked nineteen cigarettes?"

"I wish I hadn't… they're horrible."

"This isn't my fault," she told him, trying to reach for his hand. He gently snatched it away from her.

"How do I know that? How do I know this isn't some sort of raising or spell organised by you?"

"Don’t you trust me?"

"That's what I've been driving around trying to figure out…"

She suddenly felt dizzy with emotion, and grabbed the cigarette and lighter from the table; she walked quickly through the living room and out onto the balcony and into the night.

She gasped raggedly before hearing the French doors open behind her. Half of her hoped Lindsey had followed her, but when she turned around she saw Fred stood there holding a glass of water.

"Here," she said, setting the glass down on the table, "Drink this."

"When did you get here?" Lilah asked her, her voice bled of any feeling.

"A couple of hours ago," Fred informed her shyly, "You were asleep… but now you're crying again."

"You think?" Lilah quipped sarcastically, before turning away to light her cigarette quickly and expertly.

She savoured the all too familiar feel and quiet comfort of nicotine intoxicating her bloodstream.

"Every one of those you smoke you take six minutes off your life," Fred said, sitting down on the warm, terracotta tiles of the ground.

"Not really caring right now…" Lilah told her, "Did Lindsey send you out here after me?"

"No, he's in the shower…"

"It's nice to know where his priorities lie…"

"His family get here soon… you have no idea how hard this is for him, knowing now there might be no wedding tomorrow."

"You’re the one with no idea…"

"Am I? Gunn loved you, you know." Fred offered.

"He loved you too," Lilah reassured her, the tension cut, "Gunn and I would never have worked out…"

"So go tell Lindsey that…"

*****

Lindsey was sat on the edge of the bed, hair still damp from the shower. Obvious relief yet apprehension flooded his face when he saw Lilah stood in the doorway.

They stared at each other softly for a few moments before Lilah broke the tension and walked towards him, finding herself in his arms again as he gently pulled her into his lap.

"I thought I'd lost you for good this time…" he said, eventually against her neck.

"We're still getting married tomorrow aren't we?" she asked him, through her tears, "Because… if Gunn walked through that door, human, with warm and fuzzy feeling for me and his own Caribbean island I'd still want to marry you…" she said, lying down beneath him, her eyes glassy with tears as he moved over her, catching her lips in a gentle kiss.

"No," he said breaking away when she tried to deepen the kiss, "I'm not going to make love to you when you're crying…"

"Make love?" she allowed the cynicism to enter her voice, "When did the changeover happen from having sex?"

"You were the one that taught me the difference…" he said, moving off her, gently nipping kisses across her cheeks and lips. "We have to talk about Hannah…" he said eventually, afraid to touch her. "If you don't want her back… we don't have to. There are other options…"

"What makes you think I don't? Of course I do…"

"It's just what you said the other day… about how you never wanted her in the first place…"

"I do now…" she reassured him, "What about you?"

"Of course I do…" he said his arm over her waist, leaning over to look at the bedside clock. "Ten thirty," he informed her, "It's bad luck if we see each other after midnight."

"I'm going to stay with Cordy tonight at the hotel…" she said, as he gently pulled her blue, V-neck cashmere sweater over her head and laid her on her front on the bed.

"God you're so tense," he said, as he began to work his fingers in gentle circles over her shoulders and back.

She looked over her shoulder quizzically as she felt him move off her.

"Relax," he instructed, kissing her once on the lips, before reaching over to her side of the bed and squeezing a small amount of vanilla body lotion into his hands.

He swept his hands in larger circles over her back soothingly.

"When did you become a professional masseuse and not tell me about it?" she asked him, shifting slightly beneath him.

"I want to know why you're so tense…" he said.

"I'm nervous about tomorrow, but I feel better now," she reassured him.

"Are you nervous about us?" he asked, allowing her to turn over onto her back so she faced him.

"Yes… and no," she confessed, letting him run his hands over her stomach and ribs, "I think it'll be tough for a while. Being married… gaining everything so fast. We won't have a lot of time together… or much sleep."

"If you're up in the night with Hannah… I will be too… we're in this together."

"You’re so good with her… she loves you."

"She loves you too… no-one said becoming parents would be easy."

"I wonder what she looks like now…"

"Beautiful… just like you."

He kissed her gently at first, then with more passion, his hands finding the waistline of her skirt until they were interrupted by the sound of the TV being switched on in the next room.

"Welcome to married life," she said, slightly annoyed.

"Tomorrow night do you want to bring Hannah back here? Or Cordy said she'd take her if we needed some space…"

"I'd rather she was with us… back in her own home… it's not like we're not going to do it or anything… she'll sleep through…"

"We're talking about the same Hannah who we got fifteen minutes sleep with one night?"

"No-one said it would be easy…"

"I don't expect it to be…"

"Well I have to pack… make sure I don't forget anything…"

"Let me help you…"

"It's bad luck… she told him, "We've had enough of that… just promise me one thing…"

"Anything…"

"You'll remember to feed the cat tomorrow…"