Flesh and Blood (17/25)

Author- Midnight Faith

Pairing- Lindsey/Lilah with Cordy/Angel on the side… Lindsey/Kate

Spoilers- none

Distribution- ff.net, Ace of Harts, Neurotica… anyone else just ask :)

Rating- R

Summary- Cordy gives Lilah some advice as Lindsey and Kate face a difficult conversation

Notes-' Part 3/3 of a trilogy. Which also contains 'Southern Comfort' and 'Silver Cloud, Bitter Lining.'

Cordelia awoke around mid morning, half stumbling into the kitchen, tying her white terry cloth robe tighter around herself.

She noticed most of the appliances were still stacked in cardboard boxes littering the linoleum floor, except for the kettle, coffee pot and toaster. The background low buzz of the refrigerator was audible indicating it had been plugged in since last night.

"Morning," she said sleepily, to Lindsey and Lilah, sat somewhat uncomfortably around the new, circular kitchen table, a chair missed out between them.

"There's coffee in the pot," Lindsey told her, "It's probably still hot… and strawberry pop tarts. Milk in the fridge… I guess I should go grocery shopping…"

"You like grocery shopping?" Cordy asked him sceptically, pouring herself a cup of coffee and taking the seat between Lindsey and Lilah.

"Why not… I think it's relaxing," he told her.

"Whatever… so what time did you go to bed last night? I didn't hear you go upstairs… and the floorboards on the stairs need changing while we're talking about it… they squeak…"

"It was… pretty late… I was quiet…"

"Where's Kate anyway?" Cordy asked.

"She went home early…"

"Lindsey… your T-shirt's on backwards…" Cordy pointed out suspiciously.

"Yeah… I should go… check on Hannah…" Lindsey said embarrassed, scuttling out of the room.

Cordy raised a precarious eyebrow at Lilah.

"You slept with him didn't you?" she asked her directly, "Was it safe?"

Lilah shut the kitchen door quietly before turning back to her.

"I didn't sleep with him," Lilah told her, sitting back down and staring into her now cold cup of coffee.

"But he stayed the night in your room?"

"Nothing happened… all we did was kiss… and… touch a little…"

"But you wanted to? Sleep with him, I mean…"

Lilah bristled visibly.

"I really don't want to talk about this…"

"So want to… I know you didn't have girlfriends back in your glory days or whatever but now you have someone to talk to about... stuff. You know everything about Angel and me… so talk. You wanted to… you were… ready?"

"More than ready… so was he. But we stopped before it went too far… knowing it wouldn't be safe… besides there are other ways… you know that…"

"Well what if next time you don't stop?"

"There might not be a next time…"

"Oh please. You're two of the most lustful people I've ever met… Are you going to take that risk? I know you, Lilah. This is Lindsey. And you'd be willing to take that chance… I'm making you an appointment at the doctors. Go on the pill… it's ninety nine percent effective…"

Lilah smiled.

"Thanks Cordy…"

"Anytime… it's my job to face up to the things the rest of you can’t… Do you want me to come with you? Or are you going to ask Lindsey?"

"God no… it's not that he wouldn't… he probably would… it's just… I want some distance…"

"I don't want to see you get hurt again…" Cordy said, concerned.

"I won't… we really want to make it work this time…"

*****

Lilah was surprised to find Lindsey in her room later that afternoon rifling through the stacks of his cardboard boxes.

"Hi," he said, holding up two shirts, "What do you think: purple or grey?"

"Grey," she shrugged, "Are you… going out?"

"Yeah… to see Kate… actually, let me rephrase that… I'm going to break up with Kate."

"Why? I thought you liked her…"

"Do you really need to ask…" he said, taking a step closer to her, "So… if Kate's not an issue… where does that leave us?"

"I don't know… last night… It scares me… what might have happened…"

"Maybe tonight… We can see what happens… if you want to… if you're worried… I don’t mind…"

"Lindsey… stop it… you're babbling… it's OK… I'm going on the pill…"

"Are you OK with that? Because… you could really mess up your body… if you ever wanted another baby… and you're not sharing any of the responsibility…"

"I don’t want any more kids… and since when did you get so reliable?"

" I just… I don't know… did you call your sister yet?"

"No… I'm leaving it until tonight… I've got a lot of explaining to do…"

"It's only fair… if you're telling your family tonight… that I should tell mine…"

"You don't have to do that…"

"I want to… they have a right to know about Hannah… and when she's older she'll want to know who her family are…"

"I'm dreading Christmas without her…"

"It's not forever… it's only until Wolfram and Hart find someone else's life to ruin… and it's our first Christmas together… I can’t wait to decorate… buy a tree…"

"I'd rather just skip Christmas entirely this year… after all… it's for kids… what's the point if I'm not with mine…"

"If she stays… Wolfram and Hart will convince a jury she's Linwood's, you're a junkie and they'll get custody… it's catch twenty two but it's the only way…"

"I know… it's not like I even wanted kids in the first place… I definitely don't want any more…"

"Me neither…"

"Don’t lie…"

"Maybe it's just because I grew up being one of five…"

"And already we have a counterpoint…"

"So we'll go around it… what's the next step then?"

"Being with you… often and in many different ways… seeing how we adjust to living, working and sleeping together…"

"We'll get through this…"

"And if we don't?"

"I'll go and… I don't know… raise penguins in… Guam."

"You hate birds… you hate Asia…"

"Exactly…" he told her moving closer, "Now stop talking and kiss me…"

Lilah was more than happy to oblige…

*****

"Hey," Kate said brightly, giving Lindsey a warm hug in the Hyperion lobby, "New shirt?"

"Old shirt actually… can we talk?"

"Sounds ominous…" she said vividly, before her smile faded, "Sure."

Lindsey followed her out into the Hyperion courtyard and sat next to her nervously on the wall.

"I really like you…" Lindsey told her gently, taking a deep breath, "And you're a really nice person…"

"You're breaking up with me so you can get back with Lilah aren't you?"

"Things are still up in the air… I don't know if Lilah and I can make it work… we're both very different…"

"No you're not… you and her are one… you were meant to be together…"

"You really think that?"

"I know that… when I was gone I did a lot of reading… philosophical junk mainly… some believe that we all floated in the same sea before birth… in pairs. And that's where the concept of soulmates comes from. I think I've always known I would just be the stand in until you really admitted how you felt about each other…"

"You were never the stand in…"

"I know that's why you didn't sleep with me last night… I really respect you for that. I know Lilah would too… it was her you wanted to be with."

"Maybe…"

"There's no need to be so honest about it…"

"I still want us to be friends…"

"Yeah… just friends… story of my life…"

"Don’t do this… please. I can't help the way I feel about Lilah… we have a lot of history…"

"It's good you're back together… for Hannah's sake if no-one else's. At least when she comes back she'll have a home that's semi stable with parents who care about each other…"

"I never meant to hurt you…"

"I'll survive…"

*****

"How'd your family take it?" Cordy asked Lindsey, late that night as she gently rocked Hannah.

"They were shocked," he told her.

"Who'd you talk to? Your mum?"

"Yeah…"

"Bad choice… no-one lays a guilt trip like a mother…"

"No one lays a guilt trip like my mother you mean… she wasn't just angry. She was disappointed… she couldn't believe we'd slept together after being with each other for only a couple of days… she's a traditionalist… and then things just went downhill from there…"

"I wonder how Lilah's getting on… she's been on the phone for over two hours…"

"I'd rather Hannah was with her family than mine right now… of course now they want to visit…"

"It'll work itself out… it has to," Cordy said, as Lilah came back into the room looking pale and shaken.

"She's coming to get Hannah tomorrow," Lilah said, trying to be emotionless.

"Are you OK?" Cordy asked her.

"Yeah… I just need some sleep…" Lilah told her.

"Need some company?" Lindsey asked her.

"Yeah…" she said.

"I'll take Hannah tonight…" Cordy offered, "You guys just… take your time."

Lindsey mouthed 'thankyou' in Cordy's direction, as he gently took Lilah by the shoulders, guided her into her bedroom and lay her down underneath the covers of her bed.

He lay down next to her, his arms around her waist.

"I'm not even going to try and kiss you tonight," he said, his lips close to her ear.

"Why not?" she asked him, turning over to face him, "Take advantage of me… it might make you feel better."

"It won't. We'll just feel bad in the morning…"

She kissed him on the cheek and despite the darkness neither of them fell asleep for a long time…