Flesh and Blood (8/25)

Author- Midnight Faith

Pairing- Lindsey/Lilah with Cordy/Angel on the side…

Spoilers- 'Dad'

Distribution- ff.net, Ace of Harts, Neurotica… anyone else just ask :)

Rating- R

Summary- Lilah feels unconfident

Notes-' Part 3/3 of a trilogy. Which also contains 'Southern Comfort' and 'Silver Cloud, Bitter Lining.'

"Hey… we're back." Lindsey called through the hotel the next morning.

The foyer was deserted except for Kate.

"Hey," she said, walking over to them and looking at the baby in Lindsey's arms sleeping softly, "She's even prettier than she was yesterday… how are you feeling?" She asked Lilah.

"I'm OK… still a little tense… looking forward to seeing everyone."

"Well Cordelia's upstairs putting baby stuff in Lindsey's room… Angel's in the office with Connor." Kate told her with a smile.

"I should go help Cordy…" Lindsey said, gently handing the baby to Lilah.

Kate couldn't help but notice the slight look of panic that crossed Lilah's face.

Lilah looked down at the baby for a moment obviously completely in awe of her but also a little scared.

"I'll take her if you want," Kate offered after a few moments, "If you want to go catch up with Angel or something."

"Thanks," Lilah said, obviously relieved, and without a backward glance left Kate in the lobby holding the baby…

Angel was sat on the floor of his office, gently rolling a ball to Connor when Lilah walked in.

Angel smiled up at her warmly, picking up Connor and handing him to her.

"You look good," Angel told her.

"Thanks… I don't necessarily feel good but… I missed Connor…" she hugged him closer to her.

"He missed you too… well? Where is she?"

"In the foyer with Kate."

"I should sneak a look…"

"Angel…" she caught his arm, "Just stay and talk for a while… please?"

He closed the office door with a resounding click.

"What's wrong?" he asked her, his eyes full of care.

"It's nothing… it's just I need a little space from her from a minute… I feel like I haven't had a moment to myself since she was born."

"It's OK…" he told her, "I'll make you some tea and we can sit down and talk…"

*****

"Here…" Angel said setting down a cup of tea down on the table in front of her, ten minutes later.

She smiled up at him gratefully as he sat on the edge of the desk.

"I remember when Connor was born…" Angel told her, "I was so in awe of him… I've never loved anyone like I love him…"

"Did he scare you? Lilah asked Angel, staring down into her tea.

"In what way?"

"I feel like… maybe I don't know how to take care of her…"

"Yes you do…" Angel reassured her.

Kate appeared in the doorway, the baby screaming in her arms.

"Lilah… I think she just needs her mom…" Kate told her.

"OK…" Lilah said a little fearfully, standing as Kate handed the baby to her. She looked to Angel for help when she didn't stop crying.

"See…" Lilah said simply to Angel in desperation.

"She's deeply connected to you…" Kate pointed out, "If you're tense with her then she'll pick up on that and be tense around you."

"I'm just going to… take her to Lindsey and see if he can calm her down…" Lilah said, carrying her cautiously out of the office and up the stairs to Lindsey's room.

"I thought I heard a familiar squawk," Lindsey said appearing in the doorway.

"I'm sorry I just…"

"Do you want me to take her?" he asked.

Lilah nodded.

He gently took the baby from Lilah and moved her so he held her up by his shoulder.

"She likes that," Lindsey explained to Lilah as he walked up and down the room with her, "And she likes it if you don't stand still."

"I'm sorry… it's just… she's my daughter and I can't even get her to stop crying."

"Stop apologising and think of it like this… you remember the first time you held Connor?"

"Yeah."

"And you remember how you were really unsure with him to start with?"

"Yeah…"

"But now when you hold him you instinctively know how to. It's like you know which book is his favourite and which toy… but that all look time to learn. And she's different from him so it's just going to take time to get to know her…"

"I guess so…"

"I thought maybe this afternoon the three of us could do something… nothing heavy… just go outside in the courtyard or walk round the block… get to know her better…"

"Can't it wait until tomorrow? I really want a ten-minute shower because I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin… and… I'm really tired… I just need a little space."

"OK… if that's what you want. I'll take her for the afternoon." He said a little taken aback.

"Tonight I'll come and stay in here with you and her…"

"Sure… go run yourself a bath. Then curl up in Angel's bed or something… get some rest."

"Lindsey?"

"Yeah?"

"I'd really like it… if we could just talk tonight…"

"Me too…"

*****

"She loves you…" Lindsey noted later that night as Lilah gently laid the baby down in her crib.

"Yeah if babies show affection by spewing up down your favourite white crossover top… it's dry clean only…"

"You should feel honoured… you were the first person she threw up over."

"Lucky me."

"Are you OK?" he asked her, noticing her sat uncomfortably on the edge of the bed, "You feeling alright? Not too tired?"

"I was just thinking… about getting my figure back. Angel said there's a treadmill in the basement… and I could do sit-ups. A year ago I was doing a hundred a day. I want to be in a swimsuit by the end of the week… besides Cordy says she has to get back into training too…"

"Don't overdo it…"

"I'm not… I want to get my life back on track…"

"She hasn't changed your life perspective?"

"Not so much… no."

"She's changed mine… she makes me see everything differently."

"'Everything' being a code word for Wolfram and Hart…"

"I'm not going back, Lilah. I can't… not while she's at risk."

"She's at risk from them whether you go back or not…"

"I know…" he sighed slightly, "Does she seem far away to you?"

"She's only across the other side of the room…"

"I'd feel safer if she was over here…"

"I guess we could drag the cot over…"

"I going to go get her and put her between us."

"Lindsey… that's a bad habit to get into."

"What is?"

"Her sleeping between the two of us… she'll want to every night and it's just not going to happen…"

"I know…"

"OK… for ten minutes." She relented.

Lindsey got out of bed to pick up the baby, gently carrying her back with him and lying her down between them."

"She's perfect," Lindsey said, watching her sleep.

"Yeah…"

"I keep imagining her growing up… and all the photo albums I'm going to have to go with that…"

"Well maybe we should give her a name before condemning her to a life time of Polaroid snaps."

"Have you thought about it?"

"Not really…"

"Well… I've been thinking… and I think she looks like a Hannah to me…"

"And here was me thinking you'd pick Cameron, Charlize, Britney, Joely or Cher."

"You don't like it?"

"Actually… I think I do."

He looked down at the baby for a moment.

"Hannah Morgan… I like it." He mused.

"Hannah Morgan- McDonald. I want her to have both our names…"

"It sounds good…" He said picking Hannah up from the bed, smiling and holding her for a moment.

Lilah shifted slightly to move closer.

"We'll be OK won't we?" she asked him unsurely, resting her head against his shoulder, "Now we've given her a name and everything…"

"We'll be fine…" he told her, taking a few strands of her hair between his fingers, "I promise…"