Flesh and Blood (4/25)

Author- Midnight Faith

Pairing- Lindsey/Lilah with Cordy/Angel on the side…

Spoilers- none

Distribution- ff.net, Ace of Harts, Neurotica… anyone else just ask :)

Rating- R

Summary- Lilah and Cordelia talk about Lindsey

Notes-' Part 3/3 of a trilogy. Which also contains 'Southern Comfort' and 'Silver Cloud, Bitter Lining.'

"Are you sure you don't want us to stay?" Wesley asked Cordy at the door, "Or I could stay… I don't mind taking the chair… or the floor."

"No I want you to go home… get some rest," Cordy told Wesley and Fred.

"Call me if you need anything…"

"Thanks."

They left without saying another word and for the most part Cordy was inexplicably grateful.

Angel was behind her almost instantly, taking her arm and guiding her into the night.

"How is she?" Cordy asked him.

"Fragile… she's in there with Connor now…"

"Silently freaking?" Cordy finished for him.

"Exactly… Connor's asleep… I should get him home."

"I think Wes and Fred were headed back to the hotel as well… go… We'll be OK…"

"Fragile's the key word here…"

"I know… it scares me. The way she's being so calm…"

"It's just a façade. God only knows what she's feeling inside."

Angel followed Cordelia back inside and gently picked up Connor from the sofa. He put his hand on Lilah's shoulder, not saying anything for a few seconds.

"Get some rest," he told her eventually.

Lilah could only reply with a weak smile.

Cordelia followed him over to the door.

"Lock the door behind me…" he told her, "And the windows. Don't take any chances."

Cordelia could only nod after him as she watched him disappear into the night.

She shut the door with a resounding click, locking it and removing the key from the latch before returning to the living room.

Lilah was sat on the marble floor clearing Connor's toys, stored at Cordelia's apartment into a plastic crate, which resided under the coffee table.

"You don't have to do that…" Cordy said, on the floor next to her, taking a plastic duck from Lilah's left hand and placing it gently on the glass table top.

"Yes I do…" Lilah told Cordy, clasping her hands together and staring at them.

"We can do it tomorrow…" Cordy told her.

"If I didn't do it tonight… it'd keep me awake… it's easier to focus on the smaller things."

"I know," Cordelia told her, getting up to close the window.

"Why are you shutting that?" Lilah asked her, "It's hotter than hell in here."

"Put the fan on… if you need some air," Cordy said, turning back to Lilah.

"But the electricity bill was sky high last month…"

"It doesn't matter," Cordy said, sitting back down on the floor beside Lilah, "You matter."

"I guess I'm kind of tired…" Lilah said with a weak smile.

"It's barely ten… you don't want me to stay?"

"No… I'm just feeling the need to stretch out a little…"

"Are you OK? Do you need anything?"

"No… I'm fine," Lilah reassured her.

"Is the baby kicking a lot?" Cordy asked her.

"Yeah… I just need some sleep… I'll be fine in the morning."

"I'm gonna jump in the bath and then I'm going to bed… it's been a long day."

"Yeah, it has…"

"You know where I am… if you need me…"

"Cordelia?"

"Yeah?"

"Thankyou."

"For what?"

"Being a friend… despite everything."

"We're not friends… we're family…"

*****

"Couldn't you sleep?" Cordy asked Lilah.

The only light that illuminated the kitchen came from inside the open fridge and the digital clock above glared 2:32 in harsh, green LED light.

"Not really," Lilah told her, staring blankly into the refrigerator.

"Me neither…" Cordy told her, "Is the baby kicking a lot or something?"

"More than usual."

Cordy gently placed a hand on Lilah's stomach and felt the baby kick out against her hand. She smiled a little.

"What does it feel like?" Cordy asked Lilah.

"Exactly what it is… another person kicking you in the stomach."

"Everyone else talks about it like it's wonderful and natural and special…"

"Not really… it mostly feels like I'm being kicked."

Cordy took a large carton of plain yoghurt from the fridge and gestured for Lilah to follow her into the den, picking up two spoons from the drawer as she did so.

Cordy blinked hard against the light in the living room. Lilah had turned on both the overhead lights and the two ornamental lamps.

"Sorry," Lilah said, snapping off the ceiling lights, "I couldn't sleep. I kept getting up to check the door was locked."

Lilah sat down beside Cordy on the sofa.

"Are you OK?" Cordy asked Lilah, "You don't look great."

"I don't really feel it… with the kicking and moving and occasional stabbing pain…"

"What?"

"It actually feels like someone's handed it a knife… and sometimes a flame thrower."

"How long's this been going on for?"

"On and off all night…"

"Does it really hurt?"

"Not really, and no. I don’t want you to drive me to the emergency room."

"Tell me… if it gets worse."

"I will."

Cordy put down the untouched yoghurt on the table in front of them.

"Are you scared?" Cordy asked Lilah after a few moments of silence.

"Of what?"

"Everything."

"Yes… I've got to give birth to this baby in six weeks… and it knows how to be born but I don't know anything… I'm scared because… It's me in there alone…"

"You're not alone… you don't have to be if you don't want to be."

"Like I've got anyone to ask…"

"Well… what about me?"

"Are you serious?"

"Why not?"

"Wouldn't you want to pass out? I want to pass out at the thought of it…"

"I did sex Ed… we saw the video…"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"OK then…" Lilah said, a little faintly.

"What's the matter?" Cordy asked her, "You've got someone's hand to hold now… I thought maybe it'd make you feel better."

"I'm really grateful it's just…"

"You want Lindsey to be there?"

"Pathetic as it is…"

"It's not pathetic… Lindsey's this baby's father… he should be there…"

"What did he look like… when you saw him?"

"He looked like Lindsey…"

"Did he looked different? Has he changed?"

"A little… I guess. He's more tan…"

"What about me? Have I changed?"

"Angel says you get more beautiful everyday."

"Really?"

"He means inside… you get more beautiful inside every day. He loves you… we all do."

"Except Fred."

"You guys didn't get a chance to talk?"

"She hates me… with good reason. I slept with her boyfriend, was stupid enough to get pregnant and it wasn't even worth it."

"Wasn't it?"

"No… I know that if this baby's Lindsey's… he'll want to take it away… and parts of me wants to let him… it's driving me crazy… all this waiting around for him to make his next move."

"I have an idea…"

"What?"

"Well I know the last vacation I took you on was kinda… disastrous. But Angel knows this place… in the mountains. I thought maybe you, Fred and me could drive up there at the weekend. No one would find us there. And maybe… after the baby's born, Angel could take you up there and do the mother-baby bonding thing away from the city. He wants to take Connor anyway… to show him the mountains…"

"I'd like that…" Lilah said with a smile.

"Maybe you just need a few days away…"

"From Lindsey? Despite everything… I still love him."

"I know you do…" Cordy said, opening the curtains revealing an overcast twilight shimmering over the city skyline.

'They're wrong…' Cordy thought to herself, 'Things really don't look better in the morning…'