Flesh and Blood (2/25)

Author- Midnight Faith

Pairing- Lindsey/Lilah with Cordy/Angel on the side…

Spoilers- 'Dad.'

Distribution- ff.net, Ace of Harts, Neurotica… anyone else just ask :)

Rating- R

Summary- Lilah and Fred do some talking…

Notes-' Part 3/3 of a trilogy. Which also contains 'Southern Comfort' and 'Silver Cloud, Bitter Lining.'

"How are you doing? Really?" Angel asked Lilah later that night after dinner was over.

Cordy, Wesley and Fred were cleaning up in the kitchen and Angel and Lilah were seated on the sofa, Connor chewing on his plastic baby toys on the floor nearby.

"I don't know…" She told him honestly, "OK… I think."

"It's scary… before they're born," Angel told her, "The thought of being a father terrified me. But the moment Connor was born, all that fear just dissolved. It all got replaced with love. You can't imagine the awe you're in of them. I remember… the night he was born just sitting there and watching him…"

Lilah gave him a weak smile.

"Yeah, but I don't even like kids… don't get me wrong, Connor's great, I love him… but I just keep thinking… what if I don't know how to take care of it?"

"A lot of it's instinctive," Angel reassured her, "But you can't do it all yourself… I learnt that pretty fast… You've got Cordelia… and I'm only a phone call away…"

"Thankyou… can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you ever regret having Connor? I mean with Darla… when you could've waited for Cordelia…"

"Without Darla… Connor wouldn't exist and she's a part of him… she always will be. But I don't regret having Connor… not ever, not even for a second. Second thoughts?"

"More like… tenth."

"What because you think you didn't wait for the right guy?"

"There never was going to be a 'right guy.' I never wanted children…"

"I honestly think deep down… you know Lindsey's the father. And half of you is clinging to that like the other half of you is wishing he's not… and that none of this ever happened… even though you still love him…"

"Since when did you become a pop physcologist?"

"It comes with the job," Angel told her jokingly followed by, "You know I'm right."

Cordy came into the room carrying a tray of three tubs of ice cream, Wesley and Fred following her.

Wesley sat down easily in Cordy's overstuffed armchair whilst Fred stood uncomfortably next to the sofa beside Angel.

"OK… we have cookies and cream, double choc mint fudge or coffee… who wants what?" Cordy asked.

"I call cookies," Fred and Lilah both said at once.

"You take it," Fred told Lilah shyly.

"Well… do you want to share?" Lilah asked Fred unsurely.

Fred contemplated the idea for a moment.

"I guess that would be OK…" Fred shrugged, walking past the coffee table to pick up the tub of ice cream and two spoons, before sitting on the sofa between Angel and Lilah.

"Do you want to share?" Cordy asked Angel.

"Does it contain red blood cells?" Lilah teased slightly.

Cordy caught a glimpse of the 'happy' Lilah Lindsey had brought out for less than a day in Sunnydale surface in her eyes, only to quickly disappear again.

"I'm not really into food… of any kind," Angel told Cordy nervously.

"Come on… it tastes good…" Cordelia tempted him, sitting on his lap, ice cream tub in hand.

"Look's like I've got coffee," Wesley said, leaning forward, digging a spoon into the remaining tub of ice cream, and almost instantaneously making a face. "That reminds us why make thirty one flavours when you probably can't get vanilla right."

"I can't taste much," Angel added, "But this stuff is pretty bad."

"I knew I should've skipped milk and bought Ben 'n' Jerry's!" Cordy said, jumping up and taking her coat from the cupboard in her hallway, "I'll be five minutes… the K-mart down the street is open twenty four hours."

"You really shouldn't go out alone…" Angel said, getting up after her, "It's dark out there."

"Wesley?" Cordy asked him.

"Uh… raspberry sorbet?"

"We might need a hand carrying the ice cream," Cordy over emphasised slightly.

"Right," he said, catching her drift and standing up.

"Well why don't you stay Wesley?" Lilah said, "I can go with them."

"But you need to rest…" Cordy said exasperatedly.

"I need you to stay here and watch Connor OK?" Angel asked her.

"OK…" Lilah said.

"We're two minutes and a phone call away…" Angel reassured her as Cordy dragged him and Wesley out of the door.

All Lilah could do was turn to Fred with a brittle smile on her face.

*****

"So did you want to take the last scoop of cookies?" Fred asked Lilah; awkwardly ten minutes after the others had left.

Despite the… unusual taste of the ice cream, both Fred and Lilah had continued to eat it in order to fill the silence.

"You take it," Lilah said.

"No… I want you to," Fred told her, "You're probably craving ice cream right?"

"Not this brand of ice cream… we'll split it."

She stabbed her spoon right down the centre of the remaining piece of ice cream and took her half.

"I'll pass and get started on the washing up…" Fred said, clearing away half-melted tubs of ice cream from the table.

"Well let me help," Lilah said, following her into the kitchen, "I'll even dry… you can wash…"

"What about Connor?" Fred asked, "Shouldn't you stay here and watch him?"

"He'll be OK…" Lilah told her, "We can watch him through the window."

As soon as they reached the kitchen, Lilah took a visible intake of breath as she felt a sharp, stabbing pain in her stomach.

"Are you OK?" Fred said turning to her, a little fearfully, inching closer.

"I'm fine," Lilah said straightening up, realising she was, "Just a twinge… painful but… nothing."

"Sit down," Fred said, unconfidently pulling out a chair from underneath the kitchen table, "Do you need a glass of water? Or should I call a doctor? Or Angel?"

"No… really I'm OK. I can feel it kicking already… I'll be up with it all night… but everything feels normal."

"I'll make you tea," Fred said, jumping up nervously, filling the kettle with water and flicking the switch to 'on.'

"Your hands are shaking," Lilah noted, as Fred sat down next to her.

"You really scared me… that's all."

"You actually care?"

"I care… about people. What's so strange about that?"

"I just thought you'd be hating my guts right now… that's all."

"Me too… I thought I did… until sixty seconds ago and I thought there was something wrong. I haven't said this to anyone but I think you're really brave… having this baby… alone. For going through with it… For wanting the baby… despite everything."

"I don’t… not really…"

"You don’t mean that…"

"I do… I don't feel anything for this baby…"

"Do you need to talk?" Fred asked.

"No… I'm OK. I'm sorry… I'm kind of a hormonal time bomb right now…"

"It's understandable…" Fred told her, "But I really think you should see a doctor tomorrow."

"I can't take another scan right now…" Lilah told her, "I just… I don't want to see…"

"I would've fallen to pieces by now…"

" I have…"

Fred smiled at Lilah as Cordy, Wes and Angel rushed back into the kitchen, with no ice cream and wild eyes.

"We've got a problem…" Cordy said.