Divulgence (1/1)

Author- Midnight Faith

Spoilers- Up to and including 'Habeas Corpses'

Distribution- FF.net, AOH, buffysearch.net and Neurotica… anyone else just ask :)

Pairing- Lilah/Wesley

Rating- PG-13

Summary- There are a thousand ways to see those three words…

Disclaimer- they belong to the almighty Joss… I am but a child in his candy store

Dedication- For Bobbi. Happy birthday honey.

She was still bleeding; nothing seemed to be able to heal the wound on her stomach.

Wesley was almost thankful she'd passed out. He'd found her in the sewers afterwards, slumped against a wall, clutching at her abdomen. She'd simply looked up at him, tired, pale and vulnerable and he'd scooped her up in his arms once again, her fainting almost instantaneously.

He'd been worried sick about her after he'd left her. As soon as he could slipping away to hunt the sewers for her, the true ramifications of them breaking up hitting him. Lilah was alone, exposed with a potentially life threatening injury with no home, no employment. Did she have friends? Family? He'd never heard her talk about anyone close to her. Realising he'd been her everything had been entirely overwhelming and he'd panicked. Run.

And now she was lying in his bed, still out cold, him pressing a stereotypical white handkerchief to her stomach trying to get the wound to close. He knew he should probably drive her to the ER but with the sky still orange, ash clouding the air and fire raining down it could be hours, days even before she was seen. And Wesley didn’t want to hang around in a hospital unless it was absolutely necessary; Drew medical not being the place in LA where he'd had his most pleasant experiences.

Wesley kept telling himself he was taking care of Lilah just fine here anyway. Being English made him a hypochondriac by nature so he was continually checking her pulse against his watch, and covering her up with more blankets, applying pressure to the deep slash in her stomach.

He almost sighed with relief when she stirred and moaned a little in pain as she faded back in consciousness.

"Stay with me," he told her.

She opened one slate blue eye to reassure herself she really was in Wesley's bed and she wasn't just hallucinating wildly.

"What happened?" She asked him, trying to move but unsuccessful because of the pain she was in.

"What do you last remember?" He asked, fingers at her throat pretending to monitor her pulse but feeling the intense need to touch her. All the things he wanted to say to her stuck in his throat. Sentences like 'I'm sorry,' 'I didn’t mean what I said before,' 'I should never have left you,' even.

"You abandoning me in a sewer mostly," she said, coldly trying to move away.

"You should stay still," he told her, resting his hand on her cheek, "You got hurt pretty badly."

"No shit, Sherlock," she snapped.

"Lilah," he said and their eyes met. Electricity still sparked between them and he allowed himself to really look at her. Despite that she was in pain he didn’t think he'd ever seen her look more beautiful, eyes darkening with pain and surfacing anger towards him, skin pale, no make up yet lips rose-coloured naturally.

He looked away nervously, picking up some codeine from his bedside cabinet and handed them to her. She accepted, grateful, trying to swallow against a painfully dry throat. He handed her a glass of water he'd brought in and she smiled, appreciatively as he held it to her lips, grimacing a little.

"Stuck in throat and tasting…" she said as he continued to hold the glass for her as she drank at least half the liquid before pulling away.

A little tentatively he moved closer so he sat on the edge of the bed, and let her curl up next to him, her head in his lap. He began to absent-mindedly stroke her hair before choosing to say,

"Don’t make me say it."

"Say what?" She asked, heart hammering in her ribcage.

"You know it… I know it."

"Know what?" She asked, pretending to be oblivious.

"I…" he trailed off.

"Say it," she said shifting to look up at him, eyes glowing.

"I really… I like you, you know that."

She continued to look up at him, hurt flashing in her eyes before he added, shaking like crazy,

"I love you."

Nothing registered on her face, keeping her emotions well concealed before saying eventually,

"I know, and I did, I mean… I do… love you."

"I know," Wesley said, holding her tighter.

"So… now we, what? Try to ignore the fact you're in love with Fred and I'd rather be with Brad Pitt every time we… if we do again."

"When did things get so complicated?" Wesley asked her, with a gentle kiss to her hair.

She shrugged.

"I don’t know. You add competition and I fall pretty fast."

"Oh, so you've got something to compare me to?" He asked teasingly, lying in bed beside her, holding her tightly.

She shrugged again.

"I don’t kiss and tell."

"Well I figured you could tell me some of your stories and…"

She playfully, yet weakly hit him in the arm, soft tension building between them again as he leaned down to kiss her.

She moved to roll over and on top of him, hissing in pain when she moved the muscles in her stomach.

"Ow," she said, smiling weakly, "I'm sorry, I think I got blood on you."

"Not the first time," he pointed out gently, before curling up softly around her perfectly content to stay with her like this. Pliant, and vulnerable and drowsy from painkillers.

"I'm not worth it you know," she said, cuddling closer.

"Yes, you are," he reassured, "Always."

"Do you mean it?" She asked, vulnerably.

"Yes," he told her.

"I don’t do love as a rule," Lilah told him fearfully.

"What makes me different?"

"It's… forbidden," Lilah whispered playfully, "It's… different. Everything's different."

"I suppose next you'll tell me it's like losing your virginity all over again," he said, pulling up her top again to keep his handkerchief over the wound at her stomach, the bleeding slowing slightly where she'd relaxed against him. She smiled again, grateful before saying,

"You can get this operation now that makes you a virgin again," Lilah pointed out nonchalantly.

"Why would you want to do that?" Wesley asked her incredulously.

"It's kinda cheating," she pointed out.

"I wouldn’t want you to do it," he told her, "I wouldn’t want to hurt you- never again."

"Wesley," she said, looking up at him with big, scared eyes.

"What?" He asked her.

"What about us… is there an us? Now?"

It was Wesley's turn to shrug.

"Do you want there to be?" He asked her.

"Isn’t it inevitable?"

"Yes," he told her, "If… we're… special to each other…"

"You can say it Wesley."

"Say what?" He teased, dipping his head to her ear.

"In love," she said tentatively.

He was smiling down at her again.

"What?" she asked a little self consciously, before smiling and repeating, "What?"

"I'm lucky- aren’t I?"

"You tell me."

"Yes- I'm damn lucky. I should've said it sooner."

"Said what?" Lilah teased.

"I love you."

"I love you too."