Cause and Effect (9/10)

Author- Midnight Faith

Spoilers- various for season 2, up to and including 'Dead End.'

Distribution- FF.net, AOH and Neurotica. Anyone else ask :)

Pairing- Lilah/Lindsey

Rating- R

Summary- Lindsey discovers the truth

Disclaimer- I am the kid, but it's Joss' candy store

Notes- Sequel to 'Owing.'

Lindsey snuck back into the room at 4:30 to find Lilah sleeping softly, Tigger sitting keeping watch on the bed next to her. Cliched as it was Lindsey felt something tug at his heart strings at the sight.

Crawling across the bed, he leaned over to tickle Tigger behind the ear. The cat began to purr.

Lilah stirred at the noise. "Lindsey?" she said sleepily.

"Yeah, it's me." He gently touched her shoulder.

"What time is it?"

"Nearly 4:35. Go back to sleep." Lindsey lay down beside her, pulling her close and kissing her spine.

Lilah smiled. "That feels nice."

He responded by kissing the exact same spot again. The next hour was spent sleepily exchanging caresses.

Eventually Lilah flipped over. "OK, stop now. You're turning me on here."

"And that's a bad thing because...?" He leant down to kiss her neck.

"Because we're in Angel's hotel. Plus, I'm starting to feel a little tender."

Lindsey instantly backed off. "I'm sorry."

"It's OK. I enjoyed it." She rested her hand on his cheek, a sad look playing in her eyes. He kissed her palm.

"What is it?" he asked softly.

"I've just been thinking."

"Yeah, me too."

"You first."

"OK… if it happens, I want the baby. But I realise it's useless if you don't. So I'll back your decision 100%. I'll be there. Be as helpful and supportive as I can."

Lilah swallowed hard. "The more I think about it the more terrified I get. I don't think that's any way to bring a child into the world."

Lindsey nodded. "I respect that." He leaned forward to kiss her on the forehead, noticing tears collecting in her eyes. "Lilah, don't cry," he tried to soothe. "It's OK. It'll be over really fast." He hugged her tightly, kissing her on the cheek.

"Do you hate me?" she whispered painfully.

"How can you even ask? I love you, I want you to be happy."

"Hardly. This is gonna fucking break my heart, Lindsey."

He held her, resisting the urge to say 'mine too.' "Don't think like that."

"My horoscope, which I read for the first time in forever yesterday, said today would be life changing."

"You're Virgo, the virgin, right?"

Lilah smirked, trying to be brave. "Hardly. But believe me when I say our first time was the only first time that ever mattered to me. It's the only time I've ever been nervous."

"I know. We were both shaking so much."

"I can't explain it. When you touched me… it felt right. It still feels so right." Lilah sighed, tracing patterns over Lindsey's chest. "So what do we tell this kid about how we got together?"

"We tell him or her daddy made some bad choices and got depressed. And mommy came to his apartment, made him feel better and we haven't been apart ever since… wait, are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"I'm saying fuck it, if it happens we're having this baby. That OK by you?"

Lindsey kissed her hair, squeezing her tighter. "Of course it's OK."

Lilah smiled. "Good, because I want to make you happy."

"I'm only happy if you are. Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure… I've got the day off. I'm not working until tonight."

"Me either."

"Maybe we should talk some more?"

"Sure. We have all the time in the world."

*****

"Hey, what are you so happy about?" Gunn asked Lindsey late that night as they were tracking demons near Caritas. "Your apartment was burnt to a cinder twenty four hours ago; I thought you'd be all broody."

"Isn't that Angel's department? And anyway, we've got a new place."

"And that's why you're impersonating a Cheshire cat?"

"Not entirely." Lindsey confessed, switching the axe he was carrying from hand to hand. "Lilah thinks she's pregnant. It's a little early to tell… but a lot of the symptoms are there."

"Aww… congrats, man. I never got to be 'Uncle Charles' before."

"Yeah." Lindsey tugged at his collar a little uncomfortably.

"It's gotta be pretty damn scary for you."

"It is. Yesterday Lilah was really frightened. But we talked this morning and she's OK with it now."

"Well congrats again. I can baby-sit. Teach the kid how to use an axe."

"I'm not keen on having him or her fight demons."

"Check out the protective Dad!"

"I know. Already I feel so…" Lindsey trailed off as screams filled the air from a nearby alleyway. They glanced at each other briefly and broke into a fast sprint. Lindsey felt the adrenaline rush through his veins. He had a reason to do some good now. To make the world a safer place for his child.

Then his world fell apart as he turned the corner. The first thing he registered was the dead body on the floor. Then Lilah, butcher's knife in hand, covered in her victim's blood, eyes wide and feral.

Lindsey turned away and began walking. "Oh, God, Lindsey, no!" Lilah's cry followed him. For a split second he still loved her. And then the realisation one night she'd promised never to lie to him, another to trust him. Admittedly it was a little naïve of him to assume she was doing something good, or even legal but he knew love couldn't be built on broken promises and the shock of finding the hoped to be mother of his child covered in blood was too much.

Gunn gaped after Lindsey, and looked helplessly at the blood-covered hysterical woman. Damn it, he couldn't just leave her there like that. "Lilah!" he yelled, "Lilah!" He covered her mouth with his hand to muffle her terrified sobs. She struggled against him until he growled in her ear, "We have to go. You wanna go to jail? We have to get out of here!"

Lilah dropped the knife, nodding.

"Lindsey-" she choked out.

"Sort it out later. I'm gonna take you to Caritas. Lorne will take care of you. And then I'm gonna take care of this."

"Lindsey…"

"Later. Now think about yourself."

Lilah nodded and let Gunn half drag, half carry her to the demon bar.

*****

Lindsey didn't come back to the Hyperion until after daybreak. Lilah was lying on top of the covers, wearing a white night-shirt saying a mixture of 'virginal' and 'innocent.'

Lindsey knew she was neither when he lay beside her smelling of scotch and stale smoke, desperate to make her feel as angry, bitter and betrayed as he did.

"The worst part was pretending to love you," he began, idly tracing her collarbone. "You're even stupider than you look. Love can't disappear in a second."

"I don't love you either," she murmured.

"And when I'm on you… you're not even a good lay. Whispering all your shit about feelings in my ear."

"Not like you're any good either," she said as he crawled on top of her, rubbing roughly against her so she had to fight the urge to cry out and grind her hips against him. "God, I have to close my eyes and think of someone else when you fuck me. And on that note, I'm not pregnant."

"Thank God." He bit into her neck. "What a fucking relief. I only married you to get a roof over my head. If you hadn't said yes it would've been Cordelia- It should've been Cordelia, younger, prettier model and all."

"I never wanted to marry you in the first place. I didn't want that scabby cat either."

"Corporate whore."

"Sell out. I hate you."

"I hate you too. I never loved you; I never gave a fuck about you. Get out." He moved off her roughly, bruising her shoulders as he leaned on her to keep his balance, rolling onto his back to stare at the ceiling.

He didn't look at her once as she collected her clothes and dressed. She kept the tears inside as she left the room without a backward glance.

On hearing the door slam, Cordy appeared from the next room.

"I think it's over," Lilah choked out, eyes streaming.

Cordy put her arms around her and held her for quite some time. Eventually she drew back, hostile. "You owe us one hell of an explanation. We took you in, we even half-trusted you and what do you do? You go and kill somebody."

"Several somebodys actually." Lilah admitted weakly.

"Not helping."

Lilah's eyes welled up with tears. "I thought he knew… I wanted to tell him, and I thought he'd guess."

"Why'd you do it?" Cordy asked.

"Because I had no choice."

"There's always a choice. When are you gonna learn that?"