Cause and Effect (7/10)

Author- Midnight Faith

Spoilers- various for season 2, up to and including 'Dead End.'

Distribution- FF.net, AOH and Neurotica. Anyone else ask :)

Pairing- Lilah/Lindsey

Rating- R

Summary- Lilah has second thoughts

Disclaimer- I am the kid, but it's Joss' candy store

Notes- Sequel to 'Owing.'

Lilah awoke to find she was still being held tightly in Lindsey's arms.

He was already awake, smiling down at her, kissing her on the cheek.

"What time is it?" she asked sleepily, annoyed.

"A little after six." He told her, still smiling.

Lilah moaned, moving away from him. "Six! We only got to sleep an hour ago! Go away so I can snag another hour. Then with about six cups of coffee, I might just make it into the office today."

"Take the day off."

"I can't. Especially if they're going to give me say, a day off to have a baby. Knowing my luck, Linwood will tell me to give birth in my lunch hour."

Lindsey scooted closer, sensing her nerves underneath her trademark wit. He took her hand in his.

"Do you think it happened last night?"

Lilah shrugged. "I've only been off the pill for a day. Statistically speaking it could take months, maybe even over a year."

"But I want a baby now." Lindsey half-whined.

"I know. I wish the whole stork myth were true. You ring up, it delivers half an hour later. Like a pizza."

"I guess it's good we get some time to work stuff out. A house namely."

"Which neighbourhoods are you thinking?"

"Santa Monica, Inglewood… Beverley Hills maybe if we get lucky and can cut a deal."

"Nice." Lilah leaned up to kiss him. "I guess I could cancel my appointments until three."

Lindsey grinned wolfishly.

"No! I need some sleep first, and then we'll see."

"Resistance is futile."

"I'm resisting you now aren't I?"

"Good point." Lindsey sat up, yawning. "I'm gonna get coffee. You want some? Muffins?"

"Yes to all. And besides, when we have this kid it can make us breakfast." Followed by, off Lindsey's look, "I'm kidding."

"I know." He smiled and kissed her forehead before exiting, kitchen bound.

Minutes later he returned with a tray holding two hot cups of coffee and a muffin each. Lilah brightened.

"Your mug of instant and your blueberry muffin, Ms. Morgan." He set the tray down on the bed.

"Thanks." Lilah broke off a piece of her muffin and leaned over the side of the bed, stroking Tigger awake and feeding her the scrap.

"Lindsey-" Lilah reached forward to caress his face.

"What?" he kissed her palm.

"I love you," she told him, her eyes earnest.

"I love you too." He kissed her tenderly, a kiss that didn't end for quite some time. Lindsey smiled as he drew back for air. "Did you tell me because I brought you breakfast?"

"I told you because I do."

"I'm only teasing. Was saying it any easier?"

"It's a start."

Lindsey leaned forward, smiled and placed his hand over her stomach. "I really hope we don't have to wait too long."

"Me too. I just want the house, the baby, and the dog."

He kissed her again. "You mind if I start looking?"

"For houses or puppies?"

"I was thinking houses, but maybe both."

"Sure. Remember, if it's Beverley Hills I'd live in a shoebox."

*****

"Hey, stop smiling." Cordy playfully whacked Lindsey with a new beige case folder.

"I'm sorry, I can't help it."

"Well, I've got news for you. This demon we're tracking oozes luminous orange slime. Sulphuric slime, pH lower than one. Eats people after dissolving them with said slime, right down to the bones. Not too cuddly, and yet you're still smiling. Spill."

"Lilah got a windfall at work."

"And you're celebrating evil money?"

"We're buying our first house. And a puppy."

"That's great. Lindsey McDonald, all grown up."

"And we're trying for a baby."

Cordy's eyebrows shot up to somewhere near her hairline. "Since when?"

"Last night, and we'd get ten out of ten for enthusiasm." Lindsey grinned at the memory.

"I don't know what to say… although overgraphic, ew, does come to mind. Again."

"There's never going to be a 'right' time for Lilah and I to have a baby. But now, it feels kinda right, and that's the best we can hope for."

"I think you'll both make great parents."

"How do you know this when you haven't even met Lilah?"

"I met her when you brought her in the other day."

"You didn't even say 'hello.' Lilah's a great person. Underneath it all she's witty and vibrant and really gentle."

Cordy arched an eyebrow. "I'll take your word for it."

"You should come and have dinner with us, you and Gunn. Tomorrow night. And if you're worried bring a taser."

*****

It was dark in the bedroom when Lilah arrived home. She opened the door quietly, relieved when Lindsey didn't awaken. She'd gotten three steps across the carpet, when she heard a large meow and ten pounds of fur launched her way to say 'hello.' The noise of Tigger's greeting caused Lindsey to stir.

"Hey," he said and sleepily turned on the bedside lamp.

"Hey." Lilah picked up Tigger and sat at the foot of the bed.

"How was the meeting? Was the client a monster?"

"In both literal and metaphorical senses. But I have something in my bra I think you'll find very sexy."

"OK, now you're trying to turn me on."

Lilah reached inside her top for the check she then passed to Lindsey.

"Half a million dollars." Lindsey read aloud.

"Turlax demons pay half up front."

"Which is lucky."

"Lucky?"

"Since I reserved us a house in Beverley Hills today."

"The nice one? With the gorgeous hot tub?"

"And the pool and four bedrooms."

Lilah practically flung herself over the bed to hug him. "This is so…"

"Cool. I know." He drew back, taking her hands in his, feeling a warm stickiness drip from the edge of her right hand. Blood from no obvious cut.

"I had a nosebleed." Lilah offered quickly as an explanation.

"A nosebleed."

"I know. Haven't had one since the second grade and now…" she trailed off, walking to the bathroom to change and wash her hands. As she washed the blood away the image of the knife sliding into her victim and the final cry of "Oh God! Please, no!" echoed in her head. Lilah shuddered and scolded herself. She was doing this for her and Lindsey and their future. The world had fucked her over enough. What did three dead bodies matter?

She changed quickly and went back into the bedroom, sliding quietly under the covers, elbowing Lindsey back onto 'his side.'

"Hey, MacDonald. The line is here." She pointed to an imaginary divide running down the centre of the mattress. "You're on my turf." She grinned playfully, moving closer.

"It smells like you. I missed you. So I thought sleeping on your side might make it better."

"You don't have to miss me anymore." Lilah smiled again as Lindsey scooped her up in his arms, kissing her hair.

"There's a viewing of the house tomorrow at three. To make sure we really want it, I guess, before we order the removal truck. If you can't make it, I can go…"

"I'll make time," Lilah cut in. "Not that I don't trust your judgement. I want to see it again."

"I understand."

"I reserved us a puppy today. Actually, two puppies, one each."

"What kind?" Lindsey asked smiling.

"The kind you wanted. Highland terrier things. One white, one black, both male."

"When can we get them?"

"Not for three months yet. I know it's a long wait, but I figured they're pedigree so it was worth it."

"It'll be nice. Having some puppies and then a baby in the house." Lindsey watched Lilah frown. "What?"

"Nothing."

"When I mentioned the baby you tensed. Are you pregnant? Because I thought your period was due tomorrow."

"It is, so I don't know yet."

"I have a good feeling about it this month."

"You said that last month." Lilah turned away, exhausted. "My period was a day late, you got all excited and then it was the end of the world when I got it."

Lindsey followed, kissing her on the cheek. "Please tell me what's wrong."

"I don't think I can do this, Lindsey."

"Define 'this.'"

"I don't think I want a child."

Lindsey sat up, sighing, exasperated. "Will you just talk to me for once? I don't understand why. You were fine with it this morning."

"I've just had some time to think and I feel… suffocated. I can't breathe, I feel so trapped."

"Is it because of me?"

"No, it's this whole… situation. All we've talked about in the past two months is having a baby. And it's just too scary. Animals I can deal with. But a tiny person who depends on me to keep it alive?"

"Lilah, it won't be just you. There'll be me, and besides, Cordy ad Gunn have both volunteered to baby-sit whenever we want."

"Oh, so Cordy and Gunn know now? This is supposed to be private!"

"They're my friends, you like them!"

"We go out for coffee occasionally and now you expect me to entrust the care of my child with them?"

"The baby would be *ours.* " Lindsey breathed raggedly, trying to calm down. "How long do you need? Six months? A year?"

"How about never?"

"Yeah, how about that." Lindsey lay down, turning his back on Lilah.

Lilah lay there, shocked. He'd never turned his back on her in all the time they'd been together.

"Lindsey?" she whispered through the darkness when he turned his light out, her spine tense against his.

"What?" he snapped coldly.

"I love you." And then when he didn't reply a slightly more hysterical, "Lindsey?"

"I'm trying to sleep."

Lilah buried her face in her own pillow to muffle the sobs that racked her body.