Cause and Effect (3/10)

Author- Midnight Faith

Spoilers- various for season 2, up to and including 'Dead End.'

Distribution- FF.net, AOH and Neurotica. Anyone else ask :)

Pairing- Lilah/Lindsey

Rating- R

Summary- Lilah reveals a secret from her past

Disclaimer- I am the kid, but it's Joss' candy store

Notes- Sequel to 'Owing.'

Lilah awoke to find a gentle night breeze blowing through the French doors and into the bedroom. She reached over for Lindsey but found the bed empty. Fear churned in her stomach, causing her to sit bolt upright, eyes magnetically drawn to the balcony; relief ran through her when she realised the shadowy figure outside was Lindsey.

Yawning, she swung her legs over the side of the bed, rubbed away rapidly-forming gooseflesh on her arms and followed Lindsey outside. She wove her arms around his waist, smiling, resting her head on his shoulder, luxuriating in his scent and his warmth.

"Tigger kick you out of bed?" she asked playfully.

"Yeah, damn thing scared the crap out of me, jumping on me like that. You know we're gonna have to draw up joint custody of you. I get to share the bed with you Monday through Friday and the cat can have my side on the weekends and every second Christmas."

She smiled again. "Are you alright? What are you doing out here?"

"I couldn't sleep." He turned in her embrace, with difficulty shrugging off his robe and wrapping it around her shoulders. She smiled a 'thank you'.

"Yeah, it's been an… emotional week."

"Tell me about it." He put his arm around her and they both stared out across the city. "Did you think it would end like this?"

"With a ring on my finger? God, no. I would've laughed if someone had told me we'd ever be engaged."

"I've wanted to ask you since Friday. I came back to ask you but ended up bottling out."

"I probably would've said no anyway."

"Why?"

"I was pretty mad at you. And it would've just been about you trying to prove something."

"And this isn't-" he tapped her ring. "-Proving something?"

"Not in the same way. This is proof of commitment. It's a promise. If you'd had asked me that night it would've just been you running scared."

"I'm still scared. If anything I'm more scared, on so many different levels," he confessed.

"Why?" She soothingly rubbed her hands over his back. "Tell me."

"There's the firm, for one thing. What about when they find out?"

"We'll deal with it. I'll keep it a secret. Not wear my ring into work. And what was the next thing?"

"And you."

"You're scared of me?" She arched a skeptical eyebrow.

"Of letting you down. Yes."

"And how exactly are you going to do that? I have no expectations of you. I'm perfectly happy to carry on as we are. But I know where you come from marriage is meaningful. Plus, I kinda like the idea of spending my life with you, crazy as it sounds." She rested her head on his shoulder, putting her left hand over his and noting, "You have no ring."

"Huh?"

"Well, you've bought me a ring. I want to do the same."

He squeezed her hand. "I'd like it, but you don't have to."

"I want to."

He smiled at her, a hand idly playing in her hair as they sank to the floor, bodies pressed together.

"So we'll get your ring tomorrow?" Lilah asked.

"Don't you have to work?"

"I'll cancel my appointments. For the rest of the week, maybe."

"That'd be nice."

"After we get your ring we could start researching. Prices, venues, yadda, yadda. Is it too soon?"

"Hey, I'd marry you today if you wanted me to. If you're OK with it we can make it soon. The next month or so." He felt her shiver against him. "Too soon?"

"No, but it might have to be seriously low key. It's not like we've got a lot of spare cash lying around."

"I'm sorry, I should've thought." He buried his face in her hair.

"I can max out American Express and if the worst comes to the worst I'll ask Nathan for a loan- I can tell him I need to buy a kidney on e-bay or something."

He smiled. "Where do you want to get married?"

"Somewhere where you can for twenty bucks."

"Seriously."

"I don't care, as long as it's cheap," she joked.

"You never dreamed about your wedding day?"

"Never. I didn't want to get married, consequently no dreaming. I used to dream about split level apartments and Versace. And now I have all that- and I have you. I'm not exactly sure what I did to deserve you." She buried her face in his neck, embarrassed.

"You're just lucky. I'm lucky too," he told her, kissing her hair.

"What about the future?" she asked a little fearfully.

"What about it?"

"Doesn't it scare you, thinking about where we'll be in five years? Ten?"

"No. I just know we'll be together. That's all the comfort I need."

"Come on- let's go back to bed." She tugged him to his feet and led him slowly towards the bed, smiling at the cat who, in their absence, had curled up directly in its centre.

"How can something that small take up virtually the entire bed?" Lindsey complained playfully.

"Hey! Don't moan at my cat."

"Favouritism?"

"Maybe. She's superior to you in many ways," Lilah teased, sitting gently on the edge of the bed to awaken Tigger cautiously.

Watching Lilah, Lindsey felt his insides melt. When she'd successfully coaxed the kitten into her arms, she noticed Lindsey watching her and asked, "What?"

"Nothing- just got overwhelmed for a second there."

"In a good way?"

"Of course in a good way," he reassured as he was handed the kitten. "I think she'll want to sleep on your side of the bed."

"She always sleeps on my side." Lilah crawled back into bed, reclaiming her half. "It's your turn."

"Except you were so terrified of rolling over and squashing her you ended up taking up most of my space and stealing all the covers."

"We really should get her used to her basket. It's not like she can sleep in our bed forever."

"It's late. We'll do it tomorrow."

*****

"OK, thanks anyway." Lindsey hung up his cellphone with a frustrated sigh.

Lilah gave him a small smile over her laptop from where she was perched on the sofa. "Nothing?"

"The Farrell hotel has a two year waiting list on weddings. Any luck online?"

"Anything local in the next month involves getting married in a swimming pool. Lindsey, I don't want to spend my wedding day in a wetsuit."

"Me either." He sat beside her on the sofa, moving her laptop and lacing his arms around her waist. "There's nothing?"

"A couple of sub par hotels in November. But the longer we wait the likelier it is the firm will find out, and then we're back to threats and pay cuts territory."

"I don’t want to wait another three months." He sulked.

"Neither do I, but it looks like we have no choice."

"Did you try Disneyworld?"

"Long list, way too expensive."

"There's always Vegas?"

Lilah crinkled her nose in distaste. "No. I'm not going to Idaho next week and telling my nieces we got married in the Elvis chapel of… something."

"That's next week?"

"It's only for two days. A nice, short visit. And you don't have to go if you don't want to."

"I want to. I love staying with Erika. She makes those great M & M cookies and the kids are so…" he trailed off, catching the murderous glint in her eye. "Not that the one time you tried to make cookies they weren't…" he found himself trailing off again.

"Nowhere on that tub did it say 'do not microwave'!"

"Yeah, who knew cookie dough was so flammable?" he teased.

"What about Tigger?"

"How did you get from 'cookie dough' to 'Tigger?'"

"When we're in Idaho."

"The neighbours can feed her? Or I can ask Cordelia to look after her." he half-joked. "Or there's a cattery."

"I'm not sure I'm ready to leave her."

"You give her more attention than you'd give a kid." He fell silent as he watched pain flash across her face. "I'm sorry. Something I said...? I'm sorry."

"Lindsey-"

"It's alright. You don't have to tell me."

"When I was sixteen- I had an abortion. I was eighteen weeks gone by the time I'd saved the money and- that's why I don't want kids." She swallowed. "I've never told anyone that before."

He didn't say anything, only leaned forward to take her in his arms.

"Do you think any less of me?" she asked, tensing.

"How could I? If anything I think more of you- for telling me. For being so strong."

"You still want to get married?"

"Why wouldn't I? I love you. Everyone comes with a past."

"You look tired," she noted, caressing his face. "Why don’t you go on up to bed?"

"What about you?"

"I need some space for ten minutes." She drew a shaky breath and Lindsey could tell by looking at her face how hard the conversation had been for her.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine- really, I'm OK. I'll be up in a second." She kissed him on the forehead before he ascended the stairs, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

An hour later she found him dozing softly under the covers of their bed. She crawled into his arms, kissing his forehead to awaken him.

He smiled back at her, reaching up to kiss her softly on the lips.

"I thought you said you'd only be ten minutes."

"What would you say if I told you we could get married tomorrow?" she asked.

"Why, could we?"

She shrugged. "What would you say?"

"You know I'd want to."

"Our flight leaves for Honolulu in four hours."

He laughed slightly. "Hawaii?"

"I pulled my savings."

"Lilah, no."

"I have half an hour to cancel." She moved to get up.

"No- come here." He pulled her back down to him. "You're sure?"

"If you are."

"Of course." He sat up. "What about Tigger?"

"Cattery at the airport. You can ring up twenty four hours and find out how she's doing."

"And Idaho?"

"Flights all changed. We can fly straight from Honolulu to Boise on Sunday."

He turned back around to look at her. "You got anything to wear?"

"Yes- I have something in mind, but it's a surprise."

"You're so sexy when you're like this," Lindsey said kissing her neck.

"Lindsey-" she started to protest but only moaned when his lips hit the exact spot he knew she liked to be kissed. She eventually squirmed away. "Can we wait? We have to pack and-"

"You want to wait?"

"Besides, making up for lost time afterwards? Could be fun."

"Could be?"

"Correction. Will be."