Disclaimer: Pervis Edward Llewellyn IV is a fictional character. Therefore, any of the tales, told within the paramaters of this page, are fictional. And while they may be ribaud, they are also meant to be taken in jest. Do not, then, feel it necessary to follow up your reading of the following texts by taking this matter up with the authorities.

----Original Message Follows----
From: "Lawrence Hunsicker"
To: retrovirus_jpf@yahoo.com
CC: fonddulaccosheriff@hotmail.com
Subject: Alibi?
Date: Thu, 23 Sep 1999 14:04:40 CDT

Mr Federspiel,

I hate to have to use your time for this, but my request is urgent. It regards the whereabouts of a man who is considered a prime suspect in a brutal gang rape which occurred in the Omega Pi Pi "rape-van." The man in question, Mr Pervis Edward Llewellyn, claims that on the night that the crime was committed he was not on the premises of the Omega Phi Phi fraternity or "rape-van"; he further states that he wasn't even on the campus of Ripon College, where the chapter of Omega Pi Pi in question is located. Instead, he claims that he was in the community of West Allis, Wisconsin, in both your residence and a restaurant called Johnny V's on the night during which the rape occurred, September 10, 1999. Now, this assertion may be true because we could not find any of his genetic material either on the upholstery of the van, his clothes, the woman's clothes, or within her effected areas. (Aside: This could be due to the fact that Mr Llewellyn is sterile.) So, if you could please confirm his alibi, it would be appreciated because then we could end his detention in Fond du Lac County Jail. If not, we will continue to hold him, looking for definitive evidence placing him at the scene. I thank you for your time,

Sincerely,


Lawrence Hunsicker



----Original Message Follows----

Subject: On the Lam

Date: Fri, 24 Sep 1999 10:51:46 CDT

24 September 19--

Mr Jerry P Federspiel

West Allis, Wisconsin 53214

Dear Jerry

It is I, Pervis Edward Llewellyn IV, out of jail (though not legally). With the help of some friends from Marian College, I got my guard intoxicated, and my friends then took his uniform and keys and freed me. I am now in Sheboygan, Wisconsin, at the public library, and I am sending this "e:mail" to you from that location. I do have one small request to make in writing this letter: would you allow me to use your abode as a safe-house until I can make reservations for a flight to Guadalajara, Mexico? It is there where I will rendezvous with my consort Gustavo, a Venezuelan by birth but on-assignment in Mexico, who will help me to forge a new identity for myself. Please reply quickly. Time is ticking away. Shit, there's a police horse at the reference desk. I must take my leave of you now, good sir.

Sincerely,

Pervis Edward Llewellyn IV

Subject: Re: On the Lam

Date: Sun, 26 Sep 1999 12:07:56 -0700 (PDT)

My Dear Pervis-

Your infamy precedes you, and it is for that reason that I must refuse your visit. It has been brought to my attention, by many if not most of my colleagues, that you have committed crimes of utmost sexual depravity. To receive you in the light of such information would not behoove me. Even were you to be practised in the arts of Sodom, you would, I daresay, not be likely to gain the pleasure of my company, for I am as a legendary Arabian spirit contain'd in a vial; it would be necessary for you to apply frictional contact to me in the correct manner. It is for these reasons that I must decline your company, unless you were to be accompanied by our mutual friend Mr. Desmond Stuart, who would in all likely-hood mitigate the dire effects of your unaccompanied sojourn.

Sincerely,

Mr. Jerry P Federspiel

Subject: Re: Alibi?

Date: Sun, 26 Sep 1999 12:15:38 -0700 (PDT)

To whomever it may concern,

I apologise for the lateness of my reply, but any prolonged detention that Mr. Pervis might receive for the action of which he is accused would be entirely deserv'd. He was not in my company on September 10, either at my residense or at the "Johnny V's" restaurant.

Sincerely,

Mr. Jerry P Federspiel

----Original Message Follows----

Subject: Greetings from Menomonee Falls

Date: Mon, 27 Sep 1999 18:25:03 CDT

27 September 19—

Mr Jerry P Federspiel

West Allis, Wisconsin 53214

Dear Jerry

I have thankfully evaded the law so far, though I was very near to be apprehended at the Sheboygan Public Library. Fortunately for me, the police horse which I saw was too preoccupied in its own defecation to be goaded into chasing me down. That being said, I was able to direct myself to Highway Forty-three, south-bound, where I "stuck out my thumb" and proceeded to obtain a ride into the suburban community of Mequon. Once there I "thumbed" another ride in a generous stranger's horse-less carriage. So generous in fact was he that he offered to put me up for the night at his and his wife's domicile. Little did I know that the man in question is a Washington County Sheriff, and he would surely have had me arrested if not for the fact that I noticed his badge pinned to the black men's dress-shirt in the back of his "sport utility vehicle." Let it be known then that I did nothing but make haste in getting out of that carriage. Another apprehension averted, thank His will.

I was not long in walking Mequon Road, though, when another "suv" pulled over to the road-side. The driver, a quite bodacious femme in her late twenties, offered me a ride to her domicile where she lived with two dogs-a Labrador and a Terrier-but not male (or female) companion. Once at her house, I phoned the men who helped me escape the Fond du Lac County Jail, those brave men of Marian College; they were, to put it mildly, quite filled with hap to hear that I was alive and not in police custody. I then called the three members of the (censored) fraternity that were, like me, accused of rape. I reached them at their fraternity-house, though, and not the juzgow, as western friends of mine are prone to call it, because they had been let go on their own recognizance. They, too, were also glad to hear from me. That night proceeding, at the woman's abode, the two of us went about becoming quite inebriated. In our drunken states, we performed comically-inept "strip-teases." Our ineptitude was rewarded, though, when I was permitted (censored) at least four times. It was a good night. I had to bid that goodly woman adieu the next morning, though, because, as you should know, I was still on the lam. Consequently, I went about the many shoppes of the down-town of Menomonee Falls and was able to catch a taxi to the downtown area of Milwaukee. Once there, I found a room for rent in the Park East Hotel, and I have stayed there these past two-and-one-half days. I will stay there once again tonight. As to where I am "e:mailing" you from, I am at a "cyber-cafe" on the east side of Milwaukee. But not only am I "e:mailing" you; I'm also enjoying a "latte." Yes, I could learn to enjoy this life on the lam. Well, I must now bid my leave of you. I hope to see you soon, Jerry Paul, and I hope that when I do we will chase much skirt and be successful in every way in doing it.

Sincerely,

Pervis Edward Llewellyn IV

----Original Message Follows----

Subject: Re: Alibi?

Date: Mon, 27 Sep 1999 18:28:51 CDT

A hell of a lot of good this does me now. Mr Llewellyn has escaped from the detention of the Fond du Lac County Jail, and I believe that you may be one of his accomplices in the jailbreak. Therefore, until you have cleared your name-read: you have helped to recover Mr Llewellyn-I would not like to hear from you again. And if I might see you, I will be forced to arrest you.

Lawrence Hunsicker

----Original Message Follows----

Subject: Where is Pervis?

Date: Tue, 05 Oct 1999 13:33:23 VET

5 October 19—

Mr Jerry P Federspiel

West Allis, Wisconsin 53214

Mr M Daniel Alexander Carey

West Allis, Wisconsin 53214

Dear Sirs

Over the course of the past seventy-two hours I have begun to worry over the situation of my esteemed colleague Mr Pervis E. Llewellyn IV. When last I heard from him, which was, I believe, Wednesday, 22 September 19--, he was calling on a pay tele-phone at a Citgo Petrol 'n' Depart in Sheboygan, Wisconsin. At that time, he assured me that you, Jerry, would be aiding him in acquiring an air-line ticket for a flight departing Chicago O'Hare Inter-national and arriving in Guadalajara, Mexico. He said that he should be in the city of Guadalajara by a day before yesterday, which was Sunday, 3 October. He did not, though, thusly arrive. If either of you gentlemen now have any information as to his whereabouts, please "e:mail" to me all of it.

Thank you,

Gustavo Alvaro Hurtado y Perez

P.S. Jerry, is Rachel still of good spirit?

----Original Message Follows----

Subject: Seeing Things from Lewis & Clark's Perspective

Date: Tue, 05 Oct 1999 15:23:51 CDT

5 October 19—

Mr Jerry P Federspiel

West Allis, Wisconsin 53214

Dear Jerry

It is I, Pervis, and I am "e:mailing" you in order to inform you of my present whereabouts. I am not, thankfully, in police custody. Rather, I am in the bustling metropolis of Saint Louis, Missouri-or Misery, as the locals are prone to say-and I am sitting at the foot of the Gate-way Arch. How, then, am I sending you this "e:mail"? Well, I am composing it on my new lap-top computer that I bought at a specialty goods store-CompUSA, I believe-in Joliet, Illinois. As for my means of transporting myself from the Days Inn Milwaukee-General William Mitchell Inter-national Air-port, I am driving a rented horseless carriage acquired for me by a Mr. Nathaniel Hawthorne Randolph-Quinones who is a friend of several of my alleged accomplices in the alleged "gang-rape" of the Fond du Lac County teen-age female. To say the least, though, I was surprised to receive the carriage from the man that I did because, despite the fact that he is a direct descendant of one Nathaniel Hawthorne, he is of coarse Oaxacan extraction. An Indian he is, I say, but he is surprisingly not entirely bad. He is quite intelligent, in fact, and is majoring in Political Science/Philosophy/Psychology at Lawrence University in Appleton, Wisconsin. A very bright young man is he, and he is also very kind for renting me this car after he was entreated so by my Marian colleagues. Well, I must be off. I hope to reach Texarkana by nightfall, and then it won't be so very long until I reach the Rio Grande. At that point, I will relinquish my right to the carriage. I will then board a Mexican train en route to Guadalajara and there I will rendezvous with Gustavo.

Sincerely,

Pervis Edward Llewellyn IV

----Original Message Follows----

Subject: Tie-up

Date: Sun, 24 Oct 1999 16:43:19 CDT

Gustavo, Jerry, Mike, & Stu,

Sorry I have been neglectful in keeping you informed as to my where-abouts, but I have been simply awed by the myriad scenery I have encountered during my trip to El Paso. I am currently camping in the Ozark Nat'l Forest. How, then, am I sending this to you? Well, I have a palm-top computer and a pen modem, and voila. See you in another week to ten days, Gustavo. And to the rest of you, I hope the Wisconsin weather isn't bringing you down. Remember, though, that the cold can't stop you from rocking. Rock Ripon College's collective ass hard, Mike, while RetroVirus grooves em. Sorry I won't be there, though, Stu.

Warmest wishes,

Pervis Edward Llewellyn IV