Pick An Episode

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Episode 1/2
Meet SUZIE, 18, from Pittsburgh, as she stands alone on a narrow bridge that overlooks a gorgeous waterfall on the island of Maui - that's Hawaii, you know. She's a blond cutie, and she's waiting to meet her travel mates. Speak of the devil. Here comes SHAYNE, 22, from Canada. He gets an eyeful of sweet Sue and privately confesses, "My hormones are in full gear!" Now PIGGY, 25, from England you know lovie, strolls up with her backpack. She's got a wild mane of curly-cue hair and explains that her father named her Piggy because she popped out of the womb all pink and squealing like a pig. Isn't that… cute. And here comes KEEFLA, 23, a handsome African-American joker. Hello, CHRISTINA! She's 21, and an introspective hipster from LA. Five down, one to go. And here he is! Roadie number six is CHADWICK, 24, from Colorado. He's a hunk of hunkiness. Now look - here come Dan and Tara - from the Northern Trail! You know what that's all about. Dan and Tara collect all the cash from the new crew and explain the first mission: cliff diving for cash. Jeronimo…
The new Roadies slip into their bathing suits and hike to the top of a 25 foot high cliff. Suzie is the first to throw caution to the wind as she hurls herself off the mountain, splashing into the chilly water far below. The dudes are shocked by her daring and bravery. Hey man, she's a kewl chick… Shayne, Chad, Christina, and Keelfa all take the plunge, but Piggy is freaking out - she just can't bring herself to jump. Finally, she closes her eyes and the next thing you know she's in the air. Nice job, babe!
Tara and Dan hand over the promised cash - five bucks. Five bucks?! That's it?! That's right. Dan explains, if you want more money, take the 35 foot jump. Oh, is that how it works? The road-mates hike up to the 35 foot drop. Suzie again leaps first, just barely missing the jagged rocks far below. This is getting serious. The boys leap without looking, leaving Piggy and Christina gulping fear. The girls join hands and leap together - very Thelma and Louise. Collect your cash, kids! Tara hands out some more money, but it's still not enough. Dan explains, whoever takes the 45 foot jump will receive this magic box - and the special prize inside. Chad and Shayne offer to do the dirty work, but Piggy refuses to be left behind. The three hike up to the 45 foot drop. Don't look down…
Piggy places her toes on the edge of the mossy rock - look at that blue water churning down below. Just do it! Piggy is gone, screaming her head off as she flies through the air. Splash! She's safe. Chad does a nice needle dive and Shayne does this arm-flailing-out-of-control thing, very funny.
Back on dry land, Dan hands the magic box over to Piggy. There's and extra $300! You'll need that. Tara hands over a treasure map, instructing the Roadies to hit the beach to search for their buried treasure. When the Roadies arrive on the sand, the local lifeguards supply them with metal detectors. After literally hours of scrutinizing the map and searching the sand, the Roadies finally dig out a package and a tape - the first clue. Hurry up and unwrap that parcel! Hey, we've got passports! And… plane tickets to Sydney Australia! Good day, mate!
The Roadies hike to the airport, their backs loaded with their heavy packs. While waiting for their flight at the gate, Piggy pulls Christina aside for a quick confession - I think Chad is really cute and I know I'm going to get stupid and try to impress him. Christina advises, "just be yourself." Piggy continues, explaining that she recently broke up with her boyfriend of two years - he was cheating on le pig. Meanwhile, a few feet away, Chad in confessing to Suzie - I was in love with my girlfriend Skye, but she was cheating on me with her ex-boyfriend. Your flight is now boarding! As the Roadies pile onto the big bird and stow their baggage, Piggy complains quietly, "I wanted to sit next to Chad." Romance is already sparking…
Our lucky bunch lands in balmy Sydney, Australia. It's so beautiful! And so unlike anywhere else. Even the air smells different. The Roadies check into their nice, clean youth hostel, where they are informed that they will be attending a SUPERJESUS concert later in the evening. Kewl!! So get grooming… After the evening's concert (it was a kewl show by the way), the Roadies press backstage to meet the band. They're kewl guys all around and the lead singer hands over the next clue: Go to the Stonewall hotel when you'll learn just who wears the pants in the family when you learn to shake your booty. Wait a minute. Stonewall? Isn't that the name of the bar where the gay rights movement was christened? I think so…
The Roadies roll over to the Stonewall where they are greeted by a seven foot tall drag queen. Can you believe there is actually a man under there somewhere? It's mind boggling. Our diva explains the next mission: you will split into two teams and perform a drag review. The winner of this heat will perform in Sydney's FROCKS ON THE ROCKS gala - in front of 10,000 people! Can you say, Pricilla Queen of the Desert?! The boys are a little nervous about the prospect - especially Keefla. It's time to bend that gender! Chad confesses, "I have no experience with gay culture. And Suzie explains, "I've never been there!" Well buckle up, because there's not turning back now… The Roadies stroll over to a local costume house, shopping for those new FROCKS. While trying on a glittery jumpsuit, Keefla confesses, "I don't want to do this too well, because then the guys will be asking for my phone number." You think you're that good, huh Keefla? Shayne has found a fab outfit and wig, but no shoes - his feet are just too big. This is a problem. Chad confesses, "I'm not feeling comfortable inside right now." Back at the hostel, Piggy privately confesses that her attraction to Chad is quickly evaporating. "He thinks he's better than the rest of us because he is so talented in so many areas. I thought he was cool at first, but not any more." Harsh! Give a guy a chance. Piggy is folding her clean laundry and trying to ignore Chad. She condescendingly advises him, "why don't you do a back flip right out that door." Chad stands and executes a perfect backflip. So there! Piggy fires off another command, "why don't you go play the guitar." Of course, Chad just happens to be an excellent musician. But he's not falling for Miss Piggy's game - "I have nothing to prove to you." Chad challenges Piggy to speak her mind and confront him - let's get it all out in the open so we can put it behind us and move forward as friends. Piggy refuses, reminding Chad that, in her opinion, he has become and ***hole. Piggy can't take the tension in the room, so she darts away.
In the lobby of the hotel, Piggy sucks on a cigarette as Suzie begs for a complete report of the argument. Piggy confesses to Suzie, I was a little hard on him - maybe I should say sorry. But just then, Chad arrives in the lobby - "Piggy, we have to talk about this!" Piggy explains that she is too upset to have a discussion. She asks Chad to come back later, when she's got her head together. Chad exits, only to return a moment later - his guitar slung around his neck! He's wooing her! He's crooning to her, "we're friends forever more." If it wasn't so surreal, I'd say it was romantic. Chad explains, "this song is my friendship bonding moment with you!" Piggy is mortified and runs for the elevator. Can't blame the guy for trying… The next morning, the Roadies roll out of bed with the big competition on their minds. Chad let's the others know, "my brother now thinks I'm gay because I'm doing this mission." But Christina assures the jock, "you're not homosexual just because you play with them." So it's off to the competition. Back in a conference room at the Stonewall, three of Sydney's most renown drag queens have assembled to judge the competition. Chad's group is up first. Chad takes center stage, lip synching diva lyrics as Keefla and Suzie are working out an erotic dance in the background. Applause all around. Next up, group two. Shayne is working out some pretty fab dance moves. Holy me-oh-my, he's really great! He's putting his all into it - really sparkling. Applause all around. Judges, what do you say? The queen-bee judge explains, "Shayne your group was excellent, but you are not wearing shoes - and a girl can never go out of the house without shoes. For that reason, we must award the first place honor to Chad's group." Well, that really sucks. Shayne - boy, is he bitter - and his group loose on a technicality.
The next morning, it's showtime. The stage is small, and thousands of spectators crowd around, bare bodies stretching back for blocks. The music swells as Chad and his dancers take the stage. They work the crowd and there's lots of applause. The performers bound off the stage and Chad can only gasp for air, "I don't know how I did it!" Suzie explains, it was so fun!" But Christina puts the whole mission into perfect perspective when she says, "we've all gotten more comfortable with other's sexuality - and our own." I just bet Keefla sneaks that wig into his backpack…
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Episode 3
You know the Winnie is difficult to maneuver. It's not like jumping behind the wheel of your Honda Civic. You've got to take those turns wide. And if you find your little bootie landing in Australia, and you find a Winnie waiting for you at the curb (packed with funtime gear) you'll quickly see that the steering wheel is on the right, while traffic flows on the left side of the street -- how's that for a brain teaser?! So you can certainly understand why we couldn't let the Road Rules cadets jump behind the wheel without checking out their skills first -- it's time for a driving test!
Christina and Suzie are relegated to the back of the bus right off the bat -- these girls have no experience driving a stick, and this is not the place to learn. Kefla takes a nice turn behind the wheel, passing the test with flying colors. As do Chad and Shayne. Now it's time for la Pig. She's not doing too well. She's cursing. Luckily, no other cars are on the road. They must have heard she was coming. Piggy flunks -- and she's not happy. Hey, some people prefer to be driven.
Later that night, bodies are getting slippery-when-wet as Shayne and Suzie take a private dip in the pool at the hostel. Shayne admits he's attracted to Suzie, and she confesses she thinks Shayne is "a hottie." They can't take their eyes off each other. You look pretty good in that bathing suit, babe. Back in the room, Kefla is revealing his sexual secrets to Piggy. Seems Mr. special K uses maintain cream -- it's desensitizing cream that allows a man to maintain an erection longer. No, it doesn't make it longer, it just maintains, sorry. Piggy is impressed. Meanwhile, Christina is retrieving the next clue from the front desk: "roll up your sleeves and get to work, milking the animals at the Australian Reptile Farm." Milk? The Roadies need the money, and all agree "we'll do what we have to do."
After a hearty breakfast, the Roadies motor on over to the Reptile Park. They change into their spiffy khaki uniforms, and Suzie wastes not time complimenting Shayne, "you look good in earth tones." The manager of the park, MARK, explains: you'll split into teams and get some of these chores done - boys against girls. Chad, Shayne, and Kefla, you're in charge of the kangaroos. We need a head count. The boys chase the cute critters over the park grounds, until they shout with confidence, "all present and accounted for, sir!" Meanwhile, the girlies are weighing Koala bears. No, these animals are not bulimic worry-warts, it's just part of the weekly maintenance -- making sure everybody is getting their vitamins and minerals. They are so cute! Now the manager explains, "you've done an excellent job, but now it's time to face your fears." Into the snake pit. No, not Hollywood. The reptile house. The Roadies are led into a large room where the walls are lined with glass cages. And those cages are filled with snakes. The manager of the park explains, "we're going to milk snakes for their venom. This venom saves the lives of snake-bite victims." And we're not talking about milking a little garden snake here. We're milking a TIGER SNAKE - the forth deadliest snake in the world. Shayne is up first. He holds a little juice glass with a swath of pink plastic capped over the opening. Mark retrieves the snake from it's cage, one hand gripping the tail, the other hand squeezing the jaw open at the joints. SNAP - the snake has locked it's teeth onto the rim of the cup -- and Shayne didn't even flinch. Mark explains, "Notice how the snake's head is pulsing -- he's squirting venom out of his mouth." Kefla, you're next. But this man is not into this mission. "Do you have any gloves?!" Nice try. Kefla takes the cup as Mark removes another snake from another cage. This snake is hissing and Mark explains, "this one is already mad." Kefla is freaking, "I gotta have the snake that's pissed off?! How about another?" Kefla jerks his hand away just as the snake is about to lunge for the cup. Now that could have ended badly. Mark reminds Kefla, "don't move your hand!" SNAP - the snake locks it's jaws onto Kefla's cup and the animal starts spitting.
Now it's time to move on and clean some cages. Whew -- that sounds a little less dangerous. Mark leads the Roadies into another room, explaining, "you remove the snake from it's cage, drop it into that bin, put clean water into the cage, and replace the snake into the cage." Chad, you're up first. Now, this sounds easy, but remember, the snake is slithering all the while. And you have to use this little metal cane with a hook on the end of it to keep the snake in line. Just when Chad has gotten the critter into the bin, the animal leaps out at everyone, sending the girls into a screaming fit. Chad taps the snake back into the bin and Mark slams the lid closed. Whew. Chad cleans the cage and replaces the snake without too much trouble. Now it's Piggy's turn. Remarkably, she gets right in there with the cane. And although she looks like she's going to puke, it's mission accomplished in no time. On to the next room.
Mark explains that Suzie and Christina must remove the Burmese Python from it's cage and while they are holding it, while this animal is wrapping itself around your ribs, squeezing slowly and tightly, the others will clean the cage. The girls step up to the cage and as Mark opens the door, the snake HISSES loudly. Suzie steps back, "that's not a good sign Mark - let's talk about that!" But there's no time for chit-chat. The girls haul the animal out of it's cage -- it must weigh a hundred pounds -- as the others scamper for clean water and paper. HURRY! Suzie is holding her breath -- the snake is warmer than she thought it would be. She can feel it slithering along her shoulders -- now it's wriggling along her neck and she can barely stand still! The cage is clean and the girls stuff the beast back inside. Next room! There's more? Mark leads the Roadies into a room designed to recreate a jungle habitat. He explains, "all six of you must carry Big Betty into the feeding room." Well, Big Betty is twenty feet long and weighs like three hundred pounds. The Roadies heave the monster out of it's wading pool and carry it into the feeding room, where they pack it into an iron box. Now drop the rats inside the box. RATS?! Well, what did you think she ate? A rat is released and Betty swallows and belches. Yuck. Mark commends the Roadies for a job well done. No one got bit! And more importantly, he hands over the much needed cash. Chad calls for a "sweaty group hug," and everyone presses together. Shayne counters, "anyone for a group shower?" Nice try. But Suzie privately confesses, "I hang out with Shayne, and we're just friends, but I'm afraid I'll get into trouble." Once bitten…
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Episode 4
This week's episode begins with a Piggy pity party. We don't mean to be hard on Pig, but can it really be so bad traveling across a gorgeous country packed with adventures designed just for you? Maybe it can. She's on the phone in the lobby of the youth hostel, crying to her friend back home. "They think I'm boring and I just don't understand them. And the girls are all so skinny. Christina is a rake and I'm thigh girl! I'm too sensitive for my own good." Perhaps...
Later in the day, Piggy and Susie hit the pavement for a little power walk. Piggy takes the opportunity to confess her dilemma - you guys are ostracizing me! Susie denies the accusation, but Piggy points out that most of the time she doesn't understand the American pop references the others all share. Susie reminds Piggy it's pretty impossible for them to explain everything -- and Piggy agrees. What to do, what to do... Meanwhile, Christina is feeling like she just drank a quart of bad milk. Shayne escorts her down the street to the medical clinic. Sure enough, she's really and truly sick, so the doc slides her some get-well drugs.
Back at the hostel, the Roadies pull up a chair for lunch and the busboy delivers the next clue: this mission is hot and so are the guys you'll be helping! Nude firefighting? Kefla is stone faced, explaining, "I was badly burned as a child and I do not want to put my life on the line for this."
The next morning, the Roadies roll over to the NEW SOUTH WALES FIRE BRIGADE TRAINING COLLEGE. The mayor immediately orders the Roadies to dump their backpacks and move into the ranks with the other cadets standing at attention in the training field. The Roadies recognize the 'no crap' tone in the mayor's voice and fall into line. This is serious stuff...
The mayor explains that the Roadies will first endure a PAT test - that's Physical Aptitude Test, for those of you not in the know. The test basically consists of dragging the heavy firehouse across the grounds and man-handling the nozzle as the powerful jets of water slam through the aperture. Oh, and there's a bit of rappelling down a ten-story building with a rope. And you have to wear the full fire-fighting gear. That adds at least twenty pounds. And if the 110 degree heat isn't enough for you, wait until you pull on this wool-lined suit. Shake and bake...
The Roadies handle the hoses just fine. Now it's time for that shimmying down the side of a building thing. Christina is gulping fear. She definitely doesn't want to go first. She watches as, one by one, the others take their turns dropping over the edge. This is the most fear Christina has demonstrated. But she's not dropping out. She's practically in tears, but she's not dropping out. She makes it safely to the ground, thanking the Lord above.
The Roadies all passed the PAT, but the mayor has decided that Christina will have to drop out of the mission. Her illness prevents her from wearing the face mask, which is part of the oxygen system. It just ain't gonna work -- unless she can hold her breath for like ten minutes, but she's not gifted that way. The Roadies are split into two teams. Chad and Shayne are team one. Kefla, Piggy, and Susie are group two. Now it's time for the big mission. A room inside the tower is packed with timber and brush and set on fire. Inside this towering inferno is a lone victim -- waiting to be rescued. Your mission, carry the hose inside the building, up the many flights of stairs, put out the fire, and bring the victim out to safety. (By the way, the victim is merely a fireproof mannequin.) And you'll be timed with a stopwatch. The team with the best time wins the competition.
Chad and Shayne are up first. They're half way up to the burning room when a link in their hose unlocks. Chad runs back to fix the damage as Shayne bakes near the flames ahead. The boys finally enter the room, and Shayne is shocked: "I thought I would be able to see, but it's just filled with black smoke -- very scary." The boyz do manage to squelch the flames and grab the body. They're back outside in 6 minutes, 54 seconds. Not bad for a couple rookies. Now team two is up.
Susie is leading the way as Kefla and Piggy snake the hose into the building and up the staircase. But when Susie sees the flames, she starts slowing down. She's not moving forward. She's scared. Who wouldn't be? Kefla takes the nozzle and approaches the room. The orange flames are licking the ceiling. K-man starts to work the water, but suddenly Piggy is having a complete attack. She starts screaming and flailing her limbs. This fit seems to motivate Kefla, and he's got the fire out and the victim under his arm in a flash. They all dash out of the building and Piggy rips her gas mask from her face. You can tell she is really and truly freaked. She's very quiet and can't look you in the eye. You're safe now, baby. Time? 6 minutes 15 seconds. Kefla and his team take the gold!
After a relaxing cool-down in the shade, the mayor presents the Roadies with certificates of accomplishment and official fire-fighter caps. And for the winning team? Kefla, Susie, and Piggy are presented with honorary firefighter bomber jackets. These are cool! Chad puts the day into perspective, explaining, "I think we've all got a lot more respect for firefighters now." If you don't like the heat, get out of the Winnie...
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Episode 5
This week's mission takes the all-time cake for layers of complication. It's really one of our most creative missions ever. You're gonna love it...
The Roadies motor on over to Brisbane where they park it in a sea-side trailer resort. The engine isn't even cool when the manager of the park brings Chadwick a letter. It's from Skye, his ex-girlfriend. Shayne suggests Chad read the ominous letter after dinner, but Chad ignores this suggestion and strolls away on his own, tearing at the envelope. Chad privately reveals the contents of the letter: Skye is mad at Chad for leaving her without saying goodbye - she feels Chad owes her something. Chad explains that Skye wanted marriage and a family and he couldn't offer here those things - not just yet anyway. Chad and Skye decided to separate from each other and meditate on the situation. But soon, Skye was dating other boys and Chad was devastated. Chad feels he owes Skye nothing.
Later that night, Piggy tries to comfort Chad, reminding him that it's OK to be miserable for a little while. Notice how Piggy is right there when Chad is feeling low. Just in case he needs some comfort. A shoulder to cry on. A bosom for a pillow…
After a tasty Australian supper, Shayne discovers a new clue taped to the door of the Winnie. As the others gather around, Shayne reads the clue aloud. "Travel to the fork in the road and find the restaurant Too Wong." Are we going to be cooking?
The next morning, the Roadettes race to Too Wong, where they are greeted by a handsome young chef. Mr. Chef explains that the mission is a cooking competition, involving three courses. So break into two teams and the first thing we must do is buy groceries. As per usual, it's Shayne, Susie, and Chad VS. Christina, Kefla, and Piggy. The Chef hands over a long, involved grocery list to the Rulers and they dash to the nearest grocery store. As they pile their carts full of exotic ingredients, Christina confesses, "I really want to win this mission - I need to win this mission!" The Rulers dash back to the restaurant where the chef is waiting for them with two identical boxes, loaded with cooking equipment. But why the boxes of stuff? Aren't we going to be cooking right here in your kitchen? No. Where are we cooking? Buckle up! The Chef steers the Roadies over to a local race track, where two mini-Winnies are waiting. You'll be cooking inside the Winnie. And will it be moving? Yes it will. Who will be driving? One member of your team will drive while the other two cook. Oh, and you have to keep the speed up - don't let it drop below 20mph (should be 20 kph, billy). And you have to complete at least 22 laps around the track, or your team will be disqualified. Oh, and, see all those orange cones out there on the track? Make sure you weave through them. After the race is over, the food will be judged on taste and presentation. And our judges will be deducting points for spillage. Judges? Now a golf cart whizzes up to the scene. Can it be? Yes, it's Timmy and Christian from season II! Meet your judges! Susie is thrilled - Timmy is her ultimate dream-date.
Now first things first, we have to get the ingredients and the pots and pans into the vans. And that's where the mission begins. The Chef reveals that the Roadies must strap on inline skates and SKATE the equipment to the vans, relay-race style. On your mark, get set, SKATE. Susie has never skated before, and she drops her tray of utensils before she can get it in the door. Kefla is skating fine, but can't figure out the breaking system. He just crashes into the side of the van - hey, that's a breaking system too. Now climb aboard. Shayne is at the wheel for team blue, and Piggy is helming for team red. Floor it!
So the Winnies are rolling and the first thing you'll notice is that sweat is pouring down the faces of our little chefs-in-training. They're chopping and stirring and trying to maintain balance and make sure the pots don't fly off the burners and make sure they don't chop off a finger and, hey, SLOW DOWN! Susie is driving Chad crazy with her obsessive fan chant, "Timmy, Timmy, in my Winnie - will you marry me Timmy?!" Timmy thought he was just judging - he didn't know he was going to be accosted. But, hey, Susie is pretty cute after all. She privately confesses, "I've done research on Timmy - I know where he works and I know where members of his family live. But I'm not a stalker." What do they call it nowadays? Meanwhile, in the red Winnie, Christina confesses to Christian that Piggy failed her driving test. Then why is she at the wheel?! Apparently she can't cook…
It's the last lap, and Chad is putting the finishing touches on his masterpiece as Susie stands by to make sure none of it spills. Shayne is putting the pedal to the metal, trying to catch up to Piggy, who has taken the lead. Meanwhile, in the other Winnie, Piggy is suddenly possessed by the spirit of Speed Racer. She starts taking the cones head-on, leaving them squashed in her wake. Kefla and Christina are bouncing around like balls in a pinball machine, and needless to say their food is flying. There's no way they'll win now. With failure eminent, Christina takes the mission to the next, appropriate, Dali-esque level, deciding that her prawns must be set free - she starts tossing her seafood out the window. And that's not all. At the finish line, as everyone leaps out of their respective vans, Christina instigates a food fight. Soon, celery stalks are flying. Amidst the insanity, Chadwick presents his perfect platter. It looks tasty and Timmy gives it a try. Delicious! Chad and the blue group take the prize, as per usual. Hang in there, Christina... That evening, Piggy takes another stab a cheering up the dejected Chad. She presses him to reveal if he would date a "halfie" like herself. Chad replies that he is only concerned with a true heart. Piggy reminds him that gratuitous sex can be fun too. Chad is blushing, but Pig presses, "just come on - we're supposed to have sex while on vacation!" But Chad won't have it. And we do mean IT. Keep trying, Piggy...
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Episode 6
A full moon illuminates the night as Kefla strolls into the Winnie and discovers the latest clue. Several issues of the "Weekly World News" are fanned out, each sporting an alien with an over-sized cranium on its cover. The headline states boldly, "ROAD RULERS TO PROBE AUSSIE ALIEN ABDUCTEES!" Further details indicate that the group's mission is to expose the abductees' intergalactic nightmare. Christina utters seductively, "I love aliens." Maybe we don't know everything about her.
Shayne mentions that "the group fund is pretty much squat." They need cold hard cash, and they need it now! So off to Noosa Heads they go. A little navigating takes them to their latest stop, a lovely two story lodge where parrots will eat right from your hand. But we can't spend the day feeding wildlife, now can we? We have a mission to complete! The Rulers travel to the "Weekly World News" offices and are greeted by a member of the staff. He elaborates on their mission, "We have some people here who have been contacted by space aliens." Uh-huh. "I want you guys to go speak to them, get their stories."
Looks like they're going to be tabloid reporters for a day, complete with the tools of the trade (meaning cameras, tape recorders, and notepads for you non-journalists). The Rulers are divided into two teams that will earn a compensation of $600 for working for the paper. However, if the story is good enough to run in the publication, that team will receive an additional $600. Not bad for a day's work. With the deadline just 24 hours away, they tackle the assignment. Time to split up into teams. Not always a task that's fun. "There's always pressure over who's going to pick you," Piggy sighs.
Kefla, Susie, and Piggy head off in a mini-van. Piggy wants to win... bad. Susie thinks it's not a win/lose proposition. After all, both teams might get published. But Piggy still sees it as a competition: if one team doesn't get their story in the paper, that team LOSES. Piggy plans their strategy. Maybe they should share their own alien experiences to make the abductees feel at home. She questions Kefla rather bluntly about what alien experiences he's had "apart from being a black dude with a bunch of white people." A typical Piggy moment that doesn't sit right with Kefla. "It's a lot of stuff that she talks about… It's not cool. It's just not cool at all. She does things that get on my nerves."
At the site, they meet David and Kelly, their subjects. David shows them the magazine they produce covering topics such as the hoax of the moon landings. It turns out that Kelly herself was abducted. Marks were even left on her body, "a rare occurrence" as she puts it. I would hope so. Team Two (Shayne, Chad, and Christina) meet their subject, Carlo. He leads them into the backyard, where the action took place. He explains that a very large tree had been taken down and left on the ground. Three days later, he discovered that this massive log had vanished. And? And that's basically it. A log is missing. Wait 'til the environmentalists hear about this. Christina asks the obvious, "Why would the aliens just take a log?" Hmm…
Team One continues to be regaled by Kelly's story of her extraterrestrial encounter. All Kefla can think is, "Damn, this lady is crazy." David shows them x-rays of an implant in a nose. Kefla takes some pictures, winding up the session. Shayne's group also concludes their interview. After all, there's only so much information you can gather on a missing log. They thank Carlo for his time, and take off (just like the log). Back at the lodge, Piggy, Kefla, and Susie struggle to begin their article while munching on burgers. Reporters have to eat too. Team two decides to interview some of Carlo's neighbors. One such neighbor admits the area has a high ratio of UFO sightings. However, he also admits that the area has the "highest incidence of pot smokers." This is all starting to make sense. Another neighbor wonders, "After they put a penetrating probe up your backside, why didn't they just throw you out into space?" Piggy and Susie set-up the computer on the balcony -- or should I say battlefield? Since an all-out war over word usage and correct grammar immediately ensues. Everything Susie writes, Piggy changes. A frustrated Susie remarks, "It wasn't even worth putting in my two cents." Kefla makes some inspired suggestions, getting them back on track. Team Two moves swifter, Chad starts the article, Shayne and Christina finish it.
The morning of the deadline arrives which means time for a dose of Piggy and Chad tension. Piggy uses the word "dubious" in a sentence, a word that the normally infallible Chad doesn't know the meaning of. (It means "doubtful" in case you're dubious of the definition.) Piggy seizes the opportunity. When Chad gets a glass of water, she asks him to use the word in context with the water. He decides to ignore her. At the "Weekly World News" offices, their stories are examined and faxed to Lantana, Florida, the headquarters of the paper. To kill time, the group heads off to lunch, without Piggy. At the cafe, they discuss Piggy's frequent emotional explosions. They want to deal with the problem before it gets worse. On the way back, Christina prays to a higher entity that her story will be published. And then the news: both stories were accepted, thereby proving the existence of God. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
Piggy and Chad have a quiet, private conversation. He explains to a tearful Piggy that she's irritating everyone. Piggy states she doesn't understand the problem. Chad walks away, leaving her alone to ponder their feelings toward her. Being abducted by an alien would be less painful than this…
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Episode 7
The group does a little Dolphin feeding. Christina even says goodbye to them in dolphin-speak. Something I won't even attempt to quote. On the ferry back, Piggy leans on the railing alone. Seems her biggest problem is with Christina. "She trivializes things that I've said. It makes me feel sad." Christina and Susie have a tough time dealing with the Piggy situation. After all, they both like her.
Later on at a restaurant, a waitress serves up the next clue. Was that on the menu? Part of the clue states, "It's so dark outside you might as well be blind." Luckily, inside the box are Zippo lighters, each equipped with a mini-flashlight. I guess smokers tend to get lost. Outside, they locate an audio cassette. Playing it reveals they're going to be "splash test dummies". In other words... lifeguards! Time for a little mouth-to-mouth.
Sounds cool, but that's tomorrow. We've still got the night to dance away! The Rulers visit a club where a youth-challenged woman hits on Kefla. His opinion of his ancient admirer? "She is so old that I'm pretty sure if I look in her class yearbook, I'd see George Washington sitting right next to her." The next morning, Piggy bemoans her conflict with Christina. She also rejects the idea of a group meeting, stating that's what Americans do. Susie warns her, "You can't spend four more weeks like this."
Arriving at Marcoola Beach, the Rulers step straight into the middle of a Life Saving Competition for lifeguards. After slipping into their bathing suits, they learn that they're going to be the "victims" for the lifeguards to practice on, or "dummies for money" as Chad puts it. Piggy and Susie find their attention drawn to the nearly-naked men who occupy the beach. Concentrate girls...
Kefla and Christina are the first lucky victims of the day. After a bumpy ride into the ocean, they're promptly dropped overboard. Traveling via raft, lifeguards swoop up Christina. And now it's time for some of that CPR! Aw shucks, it turns out to be only play CPR which she says is a "relief".
But aren't we forgetting something? Hmm…got the sun tan lotion. Got the towels. What could it – oh yeah, KEFLA! He's still in the ocean! The raft races out to him and picks him up. It's CPR time again. Kefla does a convincing job playing like he's unconscious. He is playing, isn't he? The guards then "revive" him. Alive and well, Kefla is quick to point out, "I was out there too damn long. I just want you to know that!"
And now it's Piggy turn. To be rescued by a raft? Nope. Try a helicopter! She's air lifted from the sea in close proximity to the guard. "We could be having sex. That's how close we are." There's a new drink idea: Sex ABOVE the Beach. Next up: the board races. Two person teams. One person is stranded while the other swims out with a board for the rescue. Chad and Susie go first and kick major butt. Shayne and Christina are next and manage to take over first place. Will Christina finally win a mission? The last team will decide: Piggy and Kefla. Their performance is, well…a disaster. They flip over twice. Christina finally won!!! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
They walk and arrive at an amazing house where they'll be staying. Chad regards it as heaven. Christina falls back into the "Piggy Problem". It's time for a chat. That night, Piggy tells Christina, "You're a bitch." Probably not the best way to begin peace talks. They go at it. Who's right? Who's wrong? Who can say? Piggy mentions that Kefla is regarded as the outsider because he's black, but SHE feels like an outsider because she's not an American. They decide to call a truce. From now on, they'll tell each other when they're mad. Give Peace a Chance!
On the Winnie, they discover a ticket, their next clue: "This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home. Our little Piggy has driving school…" Ha! Time for Piggy to try and pass the test again. The following morning, they leave "Thank You" cards for their host and depart to the driving school. On the way, Chad coaches Piggy in the finer points of Winnie maneuvering . The test begins and for a while things look bleak; sudden stops, honking horns. She recovers, but is it enough to pass? YES! Piggy gets a license. But uh... the Winnie is insured, right?
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Episode 8
PREVIOUSLY ON: Piggy compares Kefla to an alien due to him being the only black person in the group, a remark that picks at a developing wound. He comments, "Australia's a good place to be, but the population of blacks is very slim." Ironically, Piggy also shares a feeling of estrangement.
The Rulers head to a club to check out a band. The music is pumping, the energy high, but Kefla sits with his back to the wall, purposely distancing himself from the others. After the show, the gang chats over a few glasses of wine. Her inhibition waning, Piggy tells Chad that he's "very, very sexy." Waiter, another bottle please. The mood is relaxed, pleasant. Once again though, Kefla decides not to partake. He explains, "Being the only black traveling with five other whites, it's kind of hard. I can't be around my black people. I can't listen to the music I want to." Chad tries to understand Kefla's growing disillusionment with the others, but refuses to show sympathy. He sees it as Kefla's issue to deal with, not his.
Kefla takes solace in a phone call back home. "I probably see one or two black people every seven hours." He brings up Piggy and the fact that her mother's half-black. How does she deal with it? She states, "I take the white advantages and reject the black disadvantages." This simplistic approach gets under Kefla's skin, "The only thing she actually knows about 'black' is that her mother was black and that she knows how to spell the word 'black'."
The anxiously awaited next clue is left for the Rulers at the reception desk. "Take off the dunce caps. It's back to school for Road Rules... This mission will teach you a lesson." Their destination: Rockhampton. "I think we might be teaching kids," Christina opines. The thought of being a teacher touches Kefla more than any other previous mission. He explains, "This is my background. Being a teacher, this is my forte." En route to Rockhampton, the group, for the sake of Susie, discusses the Aborigine and their story. "We've just been trying to open Susie's eyes a bit," remarks Shayne. The plight of the Aborigine seems similar, and an analogy is made to the Native Americans. Susie searches for a simple answer, but Shayne knows different, "When you're dealing with such a delicate issue, there's no specific answer that will make everything better."
The Winnie pulls into town. At their stop, Christina brushes out Piggy's hair, exposing its grand curly, puffy, and expansive quality. Once again, although the sight's amusing, Piggy's caught in the middle. "Sometimes I feel black. Sometimes I feel very white. It sucks." With Piggy's pseudo-afro the center of attention, the atmosphere is rather light, but it does nothing to ease the weight Kefla carries on his back. Christina takes somber notice of this fact, "I'm very worried about Kefla. He's not clicking with any of us, and how can he really?"
At dinner, the Kefla-less group converse about his troubles. Susie takes a tough stance, "I don't think he really tries. I think everything has to be on his terms." Chad adds, "He doesn't want to talk to anybody and sometimes can be rude about it, but I'm not going to sit around there and kiss his ass." In a separate interview, Kefla sums it up, "The trip is five whites, one black. If I want to be alone, I want to be alone." Come morning, they drive to Woorabinda. The people of the town are poverty-stricken, the buildings eroded, the setting bleak. The group immediately meets the elders of the city. They're shown the council chamber, the school to you and me. The Rulers are still a little shocked by their new surroundings. Christina admits, "I think Woorabinda is possibly the most destitute looking place I've ever seen people live." However, a feeling of "being at home" overtakes Kefla. "This is how I grew up, the dirt roads, the houses and the kids."
School time. The teachers explain that they're going to be "teachers for the day." The idea is that they'll teach two topics: the Native Americans losing their land and Thanksgiving. The group's mood is uplifted by the sincere joy that emanates from the faces of the children. The little ones are happy for the attention and eager to play. However, in the meeting with the teachers, the chosen subjects are debated. Kefla wants to teach material that relates directly with the students, not some American event that will have little meaning for them. He underlines his position with a deep passion.
Overall, the Rulers' eyes are being opened. Collectively, they agree with altering their assigned lesson. A low-key Kefla versus Chad showdown ensues. The others remain quiet as the two debate the importance of family and the role it plays in one's life. Chad feels you come into this world alone and leave alone. Kefla puts value in his family from the time he was born. Chad feels the others' silence is motivated by a different reason, "People don't cross that line with Kefla because he's black. Give me a friggin' break! He's human." They spend the night at the house of an Aborigine family. The group grills some hot dogs and plays with the children. The next day, Kefla explains that the United States has similar poverty everywhere, but doesn't show it to maintain the image of the "perfect country." At the school, the Rulers abandon the given lessons and choose to embrace the regular lesson plans of the day. Kefla's teaching abilities are apparent. He's at ease with the children. The others play the role of teachers, moving from reading lessons to math. Piggy's impressed with Kefla's style, "I think it's a talent that only some people have."
Christina comforts a crying child outside and realizes the difficulty of the mission. "Everything has been fun and games up until now. This is the biggest reality check that any of us has had." With the lessons complete and everyone a bit wiser, it's time to go. Hugs are shared with the children, and Piggy has a change of heart about her heritage, "Being in Woorabinda, I feel I don't have any business being here and yet I feel I know what's going on. It makes me feel lucky to have a part of me that isn't white."
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Episode 9
PREVIOUSLY ON: Every morning, Susie reads from the Bible and says a prayer. "No drugs. No sex. No rock n' roll," she admits. Ah, what sweet innocence...
The Rulers go bowling! Kefla notices, "Susie has changed over the trip tremendously. She's kind of breaking free of a lot of things her parents told her were wrong." Christina adds the insight, "I think I may have affected Susie a bit. She sort of looks to me for being strong." Proving that those assessments are accurate, Susie steals a pair of bowling shoes. "Christina calls my evolution on this trip a downward spiral." Could this be the beginning of a crime wave...
The following day, a cassette is discovered. Don't you love those things? This one states that the next mission "can sink its teeth into you." The Winnie departs for a crocodile farm. On the way, Piggy dyes the tips of Susie's pig tails red. Foreshadowing blood? They pull into the Koorana Croc Farm, a place that 3,000 croc's call home. Shayne starts to get nervous. "I think I'll pee myself today…The other missions I've had an open mind…This is the only one that appears to me that it's not going to be fun."
Pulling to a stop in croc heaven, the Rulers meet John, the man who runs the farm. Time to get to work. Their first duty: help baby crocodiles hatch from their eggs. "It's like Jurassic Park," observes Susie. One by one, those cute, little reptiles break from their shells. Moments that really underline how incredible nature is. Chad confesses, "I feel like a mother."
Dubious Duty Two: Measuring Crocodiles. They just have to get in the water with the creatures, grab hold of them with their bare hands, and pull them out. Oh, is that all? Shayne almost fulfills his prediction of peeing himself. Hundreds of croc's swim in the swallow, indoor canals. Kefla's up first and does an impressive job of clutching a croc. "Once you commit, you can't quit." Petrified, Christina grabs the reptile without an ounce of enjoyment escaping her body.
Shayne's attempt isn't as successful. His croc wiggles violently, causing him to lose control and throw it back into the water. That guy John does this for a living? They weigh and measure the croc's, then release them in an enclosed corridor – where they promptly run wild. Piggy and Shayne run for their lives. Dangerous Duty Three: Capturing Six Foot Croc's. I'll be in the Winnie, call me when you're done... Using poles and nooses, the Rulers will pull the bigger beasts from the outside water, then put a bag over their heads. "If you put a bag on my head and jump on me, I'd totally freak out," Shayne warns, "I just don't want them to be really scared and then try to bite my arm off."
The first try at capturing one results in the reptile lunging at them from the water. Notice is soon taken of the other croc's that wade nearby. Seems that the pen they're in houses around three hundred and fifty crocodiles. Since the larger croc's dominate the smaller ones and keep them from growing, it's important to move them to different pens. Wonderful fact, but why do we have to do it?
Kefla steps forward for his turn. The capture starts out smooth enough, but soon the croc is tossing and rolling, catching the pole around Kefla's shirt. It tightens around his body quickly. "Cut the shirt!" he screams. Using a knife, Shayne slices it free from Kefla's back.
Devious Duty Four: Sexing the Croc's. Want to explain that a bit? Simply insert one's finger into an orifice of the crocodile and feel around for a penis. That's what I was afraid of. Susie wets her fingerwith her mouth then slides it into the croc's hole. Shayne fingers one next and discovers a penis. "The most action I've gotten the entire trip," he admits. Christina refuses to partake, but Susie does it again. Wild girl, that Susie. Kefla uses a condom for his finger for a little safe crocodile sexing.
And now, Snappy Tom awaits. Snappy who? Tom. One of the largest croc's on the farm. The entire cast struggles to drag this monsterous beast to a new spot. And that concludes their terrifying time in Crocland. John passes out their pay. The cast piles into the Winnie and hits the road. Their next stop…a tattoo parlor? Susie reveals, "I often talk about getting a tattoo. It's a little bit of danger." Choosing a butterfly, she apologizes out loud to her mom, pulls up her shirt, and prepares for the pain. "I feel like I've grown up a lot, broken out of this square mold." The tattoo is inked into her flesh. Down the spiral she goes...
Susie explains, "In a lot of ways, the butterfly is symbolic of…you know, a young person. I'm eighteen years old…This is kind of like a big trip for me away from home, making my own decisions, and I'll, you know…become a butterfly."
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Episode 10
PREVIOUSLY ON: Susie gets a tattoo and lets her behavior veer toward mischievous as she rolls along the downward spiral. Piggy manages to get an Australian driver's license. I wonder which of these occurrences is more dangerous...
"I don't know what got into Susie, but I kind of like it," remarks Piggy as the cast takes turns inspecting her new tattoo. After arriving at the hostel, Piggy and Susie take the Winnie for some gas while the others stay behind to chow down on free barbecue. Parking in front of a gas station, they're informed that they're going to have to wait about twenty minutes until the truck in front of them is done filling up. No problem, we'll just back the Winnie up and wait at the --- BANG! That sounded a lot like the Winnie backing into a car. Showcasing her grasp of the English language, Piggy blurts out, "Oh f--k, f--k, f--k, f--k."
Exiting the Winnie, they discover the damage: a busted tail-light on someone's car. They find out that the owner of the vehicle works at the hospital across the street. Susie talks to the woman on the phone, retrieving all the necessary info. Susie then tells Piggy the owner wants them to get an estimate themselves since "She doesn't want to go through the hassle of insurance." Back at the hostel, the others are incredulous that Piggy managed to hit a PARKED car. But why should Piggy have to pay for a new light when she can just steal one? Sneaking out into the night, Susie actually attempts to pry off someone else's light. Someone get control of that girl...
The following morning, Piggy's in pains about having to meet with the woman. You deal with that, we'll worry about the next clue! Off to the Park Motel for the night. What's so special about the Park Motel? You mean beside the tortured ghost that roams its halls every night? The cast checks in and immediately hears the terrifying tale of Clancy: the young lady who took her own life in the motel over a hundred years ago. And we're going to stay here?!
A tour of the motel ensues. First stop: the room in which Clancy committed suicide. The cast gets to draw straws to determine which brave souls will spend the night in the infamous bed. Christina and Chad come up short, winning a spot in the haunted room while the others are assigned to stay downstairs. More instructions about the specter follows. Seems if Clancy doesn't take a liking to you, she'll let you know in the form of some old fashioned terrorizing. Oh…great.
Slowly, the Rulers become a bit uneasy at the thought of spending the night at the Park Motel. Can't we just sleep in the Winnie? With the motel alarm scheduled to be activated at midnight, the group settles in. Kefla wants no part of meeting a ghost, "I've seen enough haunted movies to always know that the black guy lasts three minutes. I'm not going to be the guy to try to prove it wrong."
As darkness falls, profanity spews out of Susie's mouth, a moment that's held in awe by the others. They're amazed at the emphatic inflection that was utilized in saying the word. Down, down, down she goes. Gently down the spiral. Later on, Chad decides to tape up the staircase windows. The manager told them that Clancy will always open those windows at night because she hates them shut. The Rulers also leave out a tube of toothpaste for the ghost. Shayne says, "Just another thing in case we needed some more proof."
MIDNIGHT. Time to lock up. Now…it's just a matter of waiting. ONE O'CLOCK -- Shayne and Chad creep around the second floor to check the windows. They end up hearing some noises from the first floor. Upon hearing the supernatural news, Christina's fear rises a few notches. TWO O'CLOCK -- Chad, Christina, Susie, and Shayne decide to venture outside the room. Christina sees it first…the window is open and the toothpaste has vanished! You don't mean? That's right. We're being haunted by a claustrophobic ghost with clean teeth. Nooooooo!
Morning mercifully arrives. The missing toothpaste tube is discovered on the street, its contents squeezed everywhere. Susie tries to piece the mystery together, "Who could get downstairs in the middle of the night with the alarm set? If it was a person, the alarm could've gone off." After hearing their story, the manager remarks, "You've had an experience. You've met someone who's a bit supernatural."
Back at the hostel, Piggy receives the estimate for the car she hit - $320. A figure that doesn't ease Piggy's stress. She meets the owner of the car and pays her the money. The woman is grateful, but Piggy is broke. "I have forty dollars left, and I'm completely screwed…I don't know how I'm going to get through this trip."
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Episode 11
PREVIOUSLY ON: Susie reads the news that the last voyage in the Winnie will take place the next day. Time to gather up all belongings and turn in the keys. Shayne wonders, "What are we going to do without the Winnie?" Hmmm...
"It's kind of sad to say goodbye to the Winnie, because it's been our home for a long time," comments Christina. The Winnie is unloaded and one last picture is snapped. That night, a manila envelope is delivered containing airline tickets to Melbourne. Also in the package is the next clue, stating "Get your kicks playing Aussie Rules Football with the mystery six." A bewildered Christina admits, "I have no idea what Aussie Rules Football could even be."
Arriving in the beautiful city of Melbourne, they travel to Xavier college and meet Shane: professional football star and their coach for the upcoming game. Piggy is immediately smitten, "Shane is really good looking. He's beautiful." Wait a second, let's back up for a moment…what game? The Road Rules / Aussie Rules Challenge Cup. Ok, but who are we playing? The All-Stars; consisting of Emily from season 2, Chris and Belou from season 3, Oscar from season 4, and Dan and Roni from season 5. Wow.
Shane ends the chatter by bringing the two teams into classroom to learn the rules of the game. He introduces Nick, another pro player and the coach of the All-Stars. The specifics of the sport are discussed and demonstrated, but this is Generation X. The true way to learn something is through…what else? Video games and television! The teams take turns playing on the computer and watching a tape of athletes in action. The violence of the sport is evident as Shayne remarks, "From what I understand, pretty much everybody gets killed somewhere along the line. This is something where we can really get hurt." Time to practice. The teams are run through an assortment of intense drills: running, passing, kicking, and flirting. Flirting?! Piggy moves in on Shane, but she's not the only one who's taken a liking to the coach. Seems Susie also has the hots and thinks he's "babe-licious". The other Shayne has seen this before. "Susie's at it again. She's the queen of the flirts, and she just bats her eyelashes and gives a little smile." Susie shows off her butterfly tattoo to the football player, eagerly pulling up her shirt to showcase the inked flesh.
All of Susie's flirting hasn't discouraged Piggy who has already managed to pocket his phone number. And that's not the only spot of affection on the field. Christina and Oscar seem to have something brewing. He even sniffs her armpit, telling her it "smells like apricot." A definite sign of true love. Piggy hopes begin to sink as Shane spends all his time with Susie. "I'm completely jealous. I wish it was me sitting with Shane."
Both teams are handed tickets to go see a professional game up close. They pack a bus and head to the stadium where Roni picks away at Kefla's introverted nature. She questions him on why he chooses to sleep the trip away. "Do you know how much you're missing by sleeping?…I wish I would've mingled more." Kefla comments that Roni "is the first person that I had a chance to actually talk to that if I say something, she could understand."
They spend the night at Shane's uncle's house which is practically a mansion. Piggy thinks "it's just a sex den…There's a shower for two." The music begins, and the teams get down. While Christina and Oscar get closer in the hot tub, Belou and Chris speak about how their trips changed them. Christina remarks, "Everybody's really affectionate with everybody else, and I feel real bad 'cause we're gonna have to kick their butts tomorrow."
Tomorrow comes. Lacking decent sleep, the teams leave for the big game. Shayne tells the others that they're going to "see real passion come out of me. Everything about me will be laid out on that field." In the locker room, the customized Footie uniforms are donned. Dan tapes down his boxer shorts, Kefla psyches up his team, and Susie…flirts. Love later. It's time to go to war! Shayne shouts, "You were all born to be here! This is your moment! Seize it!"
Out on the field, scores of young school boys gather to watch the match. Breaking through banners, both teams charge onto the grass. Authentic announcers introduce the players. The testosterone-fueled crowd cheers Susie the loudest. Road Rules Six wins the coin toss. Shayne warns, "It's going to be a massacre." Let the carnage begin!
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Episode 12
PREVIOUSLY ON: Susie and Piggy vie for the attention of Shane, their "babe-licious" coach. The competition for the big game turns out to be the Road Rules All-Stars: Chris, Belou, Emily, Oscar, Dan, and Roni.
Football in Australia. Relentless, violent, and the current mission for Road Rules Six. Under a scorching sun, the two teams collide. But before we dive into game specifics, let's go over the fundamental rules of the game: when running with the ball, the player must touch it to the ground every ten meters. If you catch the ball, you can stop and take a free kick or run with it. Most importantly, though, when you kick it between the two big sticks, it's six points. Got it? Okay, let's get back to the game...
Running, passing, and kicking, both teams are eager to claim the championship trophies. Kefla tackles Dan fiercely while Coach Shane shouts from the sideline. Though vociferous with the others, Shane quiets down when fine-tuning Susie's game. She comments, "Take one look into those baby blues, and I'm lost." Chad scores a goal, igniting the spirits of Road Rules Six. The first quarter ends with the All-Stars down two goals.
When the game resumes, Roni goes down, giving her a chance at a free kick. The opposition, utilizing mother nature's gifts, promptly moons her. The distraction works as Roni boots the ball into Shayne's bare bum who remarks "The fierce determination of the women has really surprised me." Serving as an example to his observation, Piggy smashes into Emily, sending her face-first into the grass. The school boys that have gathered to watch the match go wild when Susie high-fives them. She thinks their smothering attention is "very scary, but I appreciate the support." His boxers creeping more and more out of his shorts, Dan begins to take control of the game, deftly kicking the ball through the sticks. The game is now tied. Everyone raises their energy level one notch as time ticks down. During a team huddle, Coach Shane states bluntly, "If we play bad now, we're going to regret it for the rest of our lives. Ten minutes of hard work. That's all it is." Unfortunately for them, the All-Stars are equally pumped at the opportunity to win the match, and exit the field as champions. Chris gets hit hard and holds his wrist. Christina observes, "I know he was holding back his pain... It looked like he was about to cry, but he shook it off." Two minutes to go.
Kefla has possession of the ball, but a muffed kick sends it into the arms of Dan, who promptly charges past the others and kicks the winning goal. The game is over. Final score: All Stars - 6, Road Rules Six - 5. Dan is named the MVP. Coach Shane thanks both teams for the tremendous effort. Then it gets a bit more personal -- he slips his number to Susie. Piggy is visibly upset, or should I say jealous? Susie comments, "I got the gold. That's all I have to say about that."
The sun sets and that means time for the celebration. Kefla cooks dinner while the others unwind. Oscar explains to Piggy how close he has become with his fellow cast members, but Piggy can't relate. She doesn't share the same feelings with her group. "I just can't see myself calling Kefla up for a chat." At the doctor's, Chris discovers the extent of his wrist injury: multiple fractures. A cast is applied that must stay on for four weeks.
Kefla rings the dinner bell, and Oscar says a prayer of thanks. Chris makes a toast, "You're all good people, and you deserve everything that you'll get." The collective Road Rulers chow down, as Kefla eyes Roni. "Roni's a very cool person. She's smart... funny, very attractive. She's the kind of girl that I would try and go after." Later on, music blares and bodies gyrate. Bedtime arrives and Oscar snuggles into bed with Christina, but she resists... and resists... and resists. She tells him, "You're a Puerto-Rican fire cracker." The next morning, the two teams say goodbye. Christina comments, "I really liked having the All-Stars come and visit. We really needed them because they have sort of shaken us up a bit." Kefla hugs Roni farewell with a feeling that they'll "hook-up" in the future. The All-Stars' bus pulls away...
Activities having quieted down, Piggy tries to convince Susie to give Shane a call. It doesn't take much effort, considering Susie considers him "the total package. He's talented. He's athletic. He's got personality. He's got money." It's settled. She'll call him. After a quick rehearsal with Piggy, she dials the number to his house. She leaves a message on the answering machine, but mistakenly leaves him the fax number. Thoroughly embarrassed, Susie's forced to call back. You've gotta work at love.
Coach Shane returns the call and sets up a dinner with the whole cast at his house. When they arrive, he gives them the grand tour of his place, which blows Susie away. "Shane is a man, not a boy. What more could I ask for?" Another feast follows. Can this cast gorge or what? Susie remarks to Shane that she loves the tub in the bathroom, to which he replies, "Do you want me to run you a bath?" She answers, "Would you?" Hang on a sec... should kids be watching this?
Then it's off to a club for a little late night dancing. Susie asks, "Remember when Marsha was star-struck by Davy Jones on the Brady Bunch? That's the way it is. He's just everything…" Together, they groove to some tunes. "If I had more time to spend with him, I would re-evaluate my whole value system and just go for it." Shane drives them home, Susie stays behind in the car. "We started kissing and everything that goes along with it. It didn't last that long, but it will last forever in my mind."
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Episode 13
PREVIOUSLY ON: Susie survives flirt-mania and a bit of kissing with Coach Shane. The closeness of the All-Stars has Christina contemplating the future of her own cast. "It's making me look at my group and wonder if we're going to be like that."
Over lunch, the girls discuss the Coach Shane situation. Susie fondly recalls, "Did you hear him say, 'Do you want me to run you a bath?'…Don't even kid me." The reality of their departure hits Susie, "Oh my God! I don't want to leave. I'm not leaving!" Sorry, Susie, you're in this thing until the end. That's another thing bugging her. The trip is actually coming to an end. "I'm very sad about leaving everyone. I really don't want to leave these five people."
At the hostel, Susie asks the other Shayne if he'll miss her. "When you're gone, I'll probably just cry a lot." Joking or not, at least he's showing some emotion. Kefla is being his typical self: withdrawn and quiet, something that adds to Christina's growing frustration, "I just feel like our boys are so unemotional. I don't understand how you could be this cold to people that you've been through so much with."
During a meal between just the two of them, Susie asks Piggy, "Do you think that our cast will be close?…I know I'm very attached to you guys." When Piggy asks her what she would change if she could do it all over again, she says, "I would have said more. You keep a lot of stuff in. I think that's what happened with Kefla. He would make me mad everyday when he'd just lay there." Piggy puts it like this, "Kefla's got nobody who understands what he's about at all. I don't think he's being rude. I just think he's a fish out of water." That aside, Piggy warns Susie that she's a "big phone girl" and that a conversation with her will last a long time.
Later that day, a message is delivered to the hostel. It states, "Hey Road Rulers, it's time to remember the good times and forget the bad. Celebrate the conclusion of your trip at the Last Supper." "That's not a mission, that's a dinner!" quips Piggy. Either way, they're thrilled. Back in the happening town of Sidney, the cast checks into their high-class hotel complete with a balcony view. In preparation for the important feast, they get dressed up in their best clothes. Caught up in the festive spirit, Christina and Susie pop open the shower, revealing Shayne's bare bottom. Maybe this cast is growing closer... During the ride over to the restaurant, the fact that the time they have together is almost up really starts to sink in. Susie quietly remarks, "I am very heart-broken that the trip's ending." They sit in silence and the first tears begin to flow. At the Waterfront Restaurant, the Rulers sit around a circular table, enjoying the lavish atmosphere. The wine is poured, and Christina says it's too bad none of them hooked up with each other. The pressure pours onto Piggy and Chad to kiss -- just once. Piggy bats her eyes, but Chad keeps his cool. Christina makes the observation, "We're obsessed with the opposite sex, and yet we can't even bond." When Kefla jokes, "There's no place like home," Christina thinks it's rude. She can't believe he's not going to feel sad. He replies that it's not like they're dying, and he'll see them again. She asks him straight out, "Doesn't it make you a little bit uneasy to say goodbye to all of us?" His answer? "To be honest... no."
Just when the night's mood seems buried in the sands of somberness, a giant paper airplane sails over the table, landing in Susie's lap. She unfold it and reads, "Don't look back. Take one step toward your final mission: the handsome reward. What goes up, must come down. Rip your cord or splat on the ground. - Sydney Skydiving Centre." They go crazy! Clapping, screaming, the works. Although jazzed at the final mission, Christina remains irritated at Kefla.
Returning to the hotel, she confronts him one-on-one in his room. "You won't f—king show one emotion. I've defended you for two months! You don't care that we're leaving?" Kefla says he'll stay in touch, but he's not going to cry about it. Once again, he states the case that he's the only black person on the trip. She replies, "You have to find some common ground…There has to be a point when you set aside all this external s—t and look at us as human beings." Later, Kefla states "I'm glad Christina chewed me out. It's starting to open my eyes a little bit."
The next day arrives. The FINAL day. At the Skydiving Centre, they waste no time in preparing for their plummet to Earth. They'll be participating in a tandem dive. This means an experienced sky-diver will be attached behind them when they leap from the plane. The Rulers slip into some groovy red and yellow jumpsuits. Waiting for their departure, Piggy has a quiet conversation with Chad. When she says she's going to phone him, he responds with a laugh, "How are you going to get my number?" During an interview, Chad reflects, "I've learned a valuable lesson from Piggy. It's not important to win an argument every time, just as long as you are heard and understood."
While they're having a heartfelt talk, Christina is almost peeing in her jumpsuit. She's scared! "I just feel like a total dork because I'm the only one that's terrified of doing this." When the time to board the plane arrives, the instructor reveals to them that they'll be skydiving to their handsome rewards. The plane takes off, and the hearts start racing. Who's going to be first? Chad! The red "jump-light" starts to blink, and before he knows it, he's free falling toward the ground. Wait a second! Isn't this supposed to be ROAD Rules? What happen to the ROAD part? You're plummeting TO the road. Oh... One by one, they leap from the plane. The phrase most commonly heard? "OH MY GOD!!!"
Not to worry though, all the parachutes open, and they drift safely to the ground. Everyone cheers! Chad even does one of his patented back-flips. And now it's time to claim their handsome rewards! They charge the spot, rip off the cover, and scream: underneath are two different types of motorcycles and a jet-ski! They're free to choose any one reward. Their cash is returned and an emotional group hug is shared. Arm in arm, Kefla says a prayer for the group. The tears are plentiful, the embraces tight. Piggy recognizes a change, "I stopped bursting into tears. I stopped feeling sorry for myself." And what about Susie? "There is a definite battle between the girl and the woman in me. It's time to move into the grown-up side and take it for what it's worth." Chad sums up their amazing time in Australia, "The biggest mission that we had to accomplish was all coming together and understanding each other a little bit more."
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