Matt Self
Theology
9/17/06
Right Speech
Throughout my whole life, it seems that if I pay attention, I will learn something that I hadn’t previously known. The Right Speech experiment helped me to realize how often I strayed from the truth. I can’t say that I was surprised by the results; however, I was disheartened because I had to face the facts, which is usually difficult for me. After learning from this, I have the tools to slowly begin changing this negative aspect about my behavior.

The first deviation that I noticed was when my mother asked what grade I had gotten on a Physics assignment, and I replied, “Not bad.” She let it go, so I did as well. I had received a ‘C’, and if I had told her the actual grade, she would have rightly gotten upset. I didn't blatantly lie, but I concealed the truth which actually is lying. The only difference was that I went about it in a manner more Machiavellian than most. Most times I wouldn't tell the whole truth but rather leave a few details out. However, when I would lie to my friends I would usually fabricate details to a point where it was straight lying. The two different environments at my home and at school were most likely the cause for the different manners of lying.

Another habit that pestered me more and more as I became more conscious of it was my tendency to use profanity when I shouldn’t have. I use it frequently at school although never around certain girls or my parents. I am courteous to and also aware of those that greatly prefer not to hear such crudeness. In most cases it isn't derogatory, simply an adjective used to give an extra effect. After a usual conversation at lunch on Tuesday, I said to myself, “Wow, I cuss way too much,” and another student smiled and said, “Join the club.” I believe its use can be appropriate if the company and setting is, as well. The problem comes when I do use profanity in a derogative manner and as a tool to offend somebody.

The reason that I lie depends on whom I am deceiving. If I am lying to my family, then it is usually to simplify matters and avoid confrontation, but if it is directed to my friends, then it is generally to create a false image of myself in their minds. The lies to my family are small lies, and by that I mean that they don’t have many immediate or obvious consequences-besides a somewhat damaged relationship between me and the deceived. For example, when I go to hang out with my friends or to a party, I will almost always leave out details about what is happening or with whom I am going. I do this to avoid conflict because if they knew that there was drinking, then they wouldn't let me go. And I readily admit that they are correct in their decision based upon their beliefs that I am neither mature enough to resist temptation nor trustworthy enough for them to be comfortable. However, I tend to put having fun before making responsible decisions.

Lying to my friends is about creating a veneer that shields them from the truth about me. Most of my friends have morals that contradict good judgment, and to be accepted, I have to at least talk as if I did what they value. Often times, this leads to a loss of respect-whether it is for me or for a girl whose reputation I put beneath mine. I fabricate lies without thinking, and on more than one occasion, this has led to confusion later on because I had forgotten a lie which from then on had to be true. The deception develops from a deep fear of rejection. I have a subconscious belief that my friends won’t accept me if I don’t conform to their values. The definite problem is that their values contradict with most of what I believe. I find constant happiness in God rather than temporary contentment in societal answers like alcohol. Recently, I have matured and learned through self-examination so that I know what I have to do in order to reach God and the truth. It is now a matter for choosing what is right.

Through this whole experiment, I have realized how seemingly small lies can weaken a relationship in the long run. Also, through reflection, I now see that I need to show my friends who I truly am instead of personal shield. While I do still desire acceptance, the need for the truth will always remain. My decisions define me, and I believe that I now appreciate the necessity for truth in every word and action. The way to know what I have truly learned about the value of truth is to look at my words and actions in the coming weeks and then reflect on them so as to learn even more.

Back to my Home Page