Jokes, Sayings & Other Stuff

My favourites... some stolen, some borrowed, some new.
 
 

Nothing anybody tells you about marirage helps.

Helmet laws interfere with natural selection.

You can learn a lot about paranoid people, just by following them around.

Youre reading this badge, I'm looking at your tits.

It takes two hetrosexuals to make one homosexual.

I'm not gay but I think my boyfriend is.

If it walks out of your fridge - let it go.

I only drink alcohol to enhance my social skills.

It’s better to have lost at life, then never to have lived at all.

Lack of planning on your part, does not constitute an emergency on my part.

Is there any significance to the fact that doctors are described as ‘practicing’?

You've got me mistaken.... with somebody that cares.

If voting had any significance it wouldn't be compolsary.

The first rule of tinkering is not one of safety; rather, it’s to save all the parts.

Its Only work, If there is something else you’d rather be doing.
 
 
 
 

And On Computers…

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?

Multitasking – screwing up several things at once.

Stack error – lost on a cluttered desk.

How do I set my Laser printer to ‘stun’.

Computer analyst to programmer – ‘You start programming while I go find out what they want’.

It said insert disk #3, but I had enough trouble getting two in.

This time it will surely run.

On a clear disk you can seek forever.

This message was transmitted on 100%-recycled electrons.

Abort, retry or fail...one wish left.
 

Stupid, Stupid  Jokes

A boy rode his bike to the markets and asked for some red apples.
"Sorry we only have green apples" came the reply
And the boy said, "Thats ok I have a basket"

Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
it was hit by a fridge.

Why did the second koala fall from the tree,
it was on the back of the first one.

Why did the third koala fall from the tree?
peer pressure.

Why did the fourth koala fll from the tree?
he thought it was a race.

Why did the m&m cross the road?
he though he' be a smartie.

What sexual position is most likely to produce an ugly child?
Ask your mother!

The seven dwarves were at the bar and they were feeling happy,
so he left.

Definitions

Diplomacy - saying "nice doggy", til you find a rock

Vegetarian - Indian word for "lousy hunter"

Nymphomania - an illness you hear about but will never encounter.

and to end with, something nice...

Grandchildren - gods reward for parents that survive

Return to Michaels Home