Joy Of Writing..

I have kept journals probably from fifth or sixth standard. I have written stories when I was in eighth standard. I write poems whenever I feel like and have written from sixth, seventh standard. These days I have moved my medium to web but am still writing. Probably will be writing whenever I get a chance. I have wondered a lot about this. Why is this urge to write about everything?. What I am trying to do all these days?.

I stopped writing my journal about 2 years back. It’s more out of some bitterness and laziness I did that. Of course my journal entries are different from what I am writing these days in that they focused mostly on the daily happenings in my life and the emotional component of my life. Somehow I lost interest in writing about both and thought it better to keep these things to myself. I may start writing again but at least not now.

When I started writing I had high ambitions of reaching everyone in the world with my writing. But think it waned sooner and I focused on writing and nothing else. I tried my hand at everything. Stories, plays, poems, essays and tried to evolve my way of writing. I don’t really know till date, whether I succeeded or not. But it helped me improve my writing skills and hone my language. Still, I write in disjoint sentences and change the subjects suddenly, doesn't care much about grammar.

Once I got over the writer syndrome, I pretty much wrote for myself. As a way of looking at me after some time and laugh. Still I write for my satisfaction and nothing more. I had this problem of always thinking about so many things at the same time. Writing kind of cured that by focusing my thoughts on the issue at hand. This helped me to concentrate and focus on things.

But why?. This is a question I have asked so many times to myself and so many times ignored it also. But I think in the innermost part of sub consciousness there exists a piece of me craving for attention and recognition. Probably, that’s why. That’s what made me share the bunch of my poems with the neighborhood girl (she returned it asking me whether I have nothing else to do!) or made me publish a part of my journal in net. But I still cannot share most of my journal entries because they are too personal and I abhor to share any of that.

One thing I can notice in my journals is the progress I make with every year. I can see that I have read more and thought more and basically becoming a better person than the year before. I still have a lot to improve but the small increments of change I can notice gives a lot of pleasure to me. I haven’t yet met a lot of milestones I have set for myself but at least it gives pleasure to know that I am making progress.

I still remember the different places I have taken and written my journal. In the quite evenings in Teppakulam, in the steps of Parthasarathy temple, on top of the water tank in my grandma's house in Sivakasi, after playing with my pet ants in Madurai. My writings mostly reflect my moods in these places and the thoughts it generated.

I don’t think it is easy to understand if one is not a writer oneself. Journals are like friends. Very intimate friends, with whom one can share anything and everything and not be afraid of being judged. That’s what makes them unique. That’s what makes writing more a compulsive trait for a guy like me who cannot share much of his thoughts with the rest of the world. In fact I discovered a lot about me by writing.

Tamil is language of choice for writing any day. It is my mother tongue and I can write my thoughts clearly in it than in any other languages. Like millions of my brethren out there, I don’t have decent Tamil software to type and I am willing to wait till I find one. I took a lot of effort typing my journal for net using the Murasu editor but somehow I don’t find it easy to transliterate.

One of my dreams is to have these journals published. If not a lot, I will definitely publish at least one copy for my keeping in the future.

But whatever it may be, I derive a lot of pleasure writing. It is as if part of me lies in my journals. And it makes a good reading after a few years. My journals actually taught me to put things in perspective and not to rush to judgments. But I know that I am no Dickens or Narayan. Not even the local columnist in the local Indian newspapers. But as long as I have a paper and pen or a web page, I will continue writing.
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