May 10, 2002

Its hard to forget this day for a variety of reasons. In fact I found a piece of myself on that day. I also found a few feelings which I thought I may never experience. Although I decided to write about it, I went through a lot of thoughts before I actually decided to do it. I even felt it will show a softer side of me. But I decided to write about it anyway. This is going to be a bit lengthy as I am planning to put whatever I went through that day.

It kind of feels like a dream. A wonderful dream for me. I try to re-live that one day so many times in the past 6 months and it is still not possible for me to do it. But I will try to put in writing all the things I went through that one day.

The due date for Sibi was May 23,2002. So we had no idea that he will try to see his papa and mama so quick. I remember May 9 as well.

Actually on May 8th we got into the hospital after Jeysri had some false pains.We got home that day thinking that Sibi is not gonna be out for another week or two.

I came home at around 9-9.30 pm after an office dinner. And Jeysri was all alone and was watching TV I guess. We were talking for some time and went to bed. Around midnight, Jeysri, got up telling that the water has broken down. I got up and dressed and we started for the hospital. Our doctor, Dr. Kalpana Savla, told us to check into the hospital as soon as the water broke down. So we decided to go to the hospital immediately. But she was not feeling any pain and so we took our own sweet time to get to hospital. Being such a ready-pop I am, I didn't had any gas in my car and so had to search for a Chevron which is open. Finally put gas and reached hospital.

Since we were there only the day before, they recognized us immediately and put us in a labor room. After looking at those monitors they decided that the baby is gonna be born that day and put us in the labor/delivery room.

The hospital we went to was the Family birth & New born center in the Citrus Valley Medical Center, Queen of the Valley Campus in West Covina. This is definitely one of the best hospitals in the area. Like all the best run private hospitals, this is also run by some Catholic institution.

The doctor advised us to keep walking all night and she will check back around 6am. So we started walking on the corridor. We met one of our Lamaze mates while walking on the corridor. She also had her water broke and had no pain. She was walking with her mother. I was wondering where her husband is.

So we walked and walked and I got tired. Then we came back to the room and called home. Everyone got nervous once we said we are already in the hospital. But it was fun. Poor me..I didn't know what is gonna hit me that day.

Around 5am, I started sleeping. Jeysri woke me up by 6am. The nurse was there. They wanted to induce the labor by giving Pitocin. Jeysri said she don't want any pain killers. So the countdown began.

The bad thing about inducing pain is that it is not natural. We were expecting a normal birth all along we didn't even think of the possibility of inducing pain et al. The pains were sharp and short-spanned. There was no gradual increase as taught in the Lamaze. It was crazy.

First 3o minutes was like confusion. I don't really understand what is going on except that she is experiencing some pain. All I learnt in the child-birth classes went blank and I almost panicked. Then I realized the pain she is feeling and I was trying to cheer her up. I tried to talk about other things and how good it is going to be once the baby is born and how much our lives are going to change and so on. But I don't remember what I was talking. I just had her hand in mine and was praying all the time in my mind.

7am. The nurse came in and said there is not much dilation. Which is a bit disappointing after walking the whole night and going through all the pain inducement. But it was just one hour into this thing.

9am. Again no dilation. But the pain was becoming too sharp and Jeysri was finding it harder and harder to hold on. So we decided to have some painkillers. So that is another syringe of fluid into the body. Once injected of the medicine, Jeysri went into a kind of delirious state. All my life I have felt that I can handle any situation.But when I watched her talking in her delirious state and screaming when the pain hits, that is the most singular moment is my life when I felt helpless. So helpless, I almost hate myself for being there without having a way of sharing the pain. All I could do was to wait and tell her some soft words and hope that she dont feel that bad when the pain hits next.

Looking back, its kind of hard to imagine for me to think of all the emotions I went through. It was a combination of all the known emotions of the mankind. I cannot think of another day like that either. It was the most emotionally intense I have ever felt. Probably I may never experience that feeling again. It is like the slow movements of the most exquisite music which causes as much agony as joy.

Around 12.30pm , doctor came and since there was no progress, decided to do a C-section. Now, I have read a lot about C-section, how it is done ,the implications and the absolute safety of it. But at that moment, when the doctor told me that it is C-section, I cannot bring myself to agree to that. But I signed some paper they showed before me and was almost on the verge of tears. Now, Jeysri is almost in trance as the IV was removed. The nurse botched the removal of the IV and it resulted in blood being tripping from hand. I was so incensed. Luckily, Dr Wu came in and saw that and gave an earful to the nurse and fixed Jeysri's hand.

Korah and Raja came when all these were going on. They heard about the us being in hospital and felt it necessary to came see us. Jeysri talked to them about the morning and some other stuff. But as soon as we went behind the curtain, I broke dowm. It was too much to hold my emotions at that point. I desperately wanted someone to talk to. And when I found Korah and Raja, I felt like I found someone to share what I felt till that time. They tried to cheer me up but they had no idea what Jeysri went through and how hard it is to watch the whole thing. Somehow I managed to pull myself together. They reminded me that I haven't eaten anything from the day before and offered to bring me lunch.

When I came back into the room, they were planning to move Jeysri into the operating theater. I felt better after releasing a bit of my emotions but still the uncertainty of what will happen loomed over me. I signed a few more sheets of paper. I have no idea what they were. I was just asked to and I signed. I told the doctor I wanted to be in the operation room. Doc agreed and asked me to wait outside and that they will call me.

When we got admitted into the hospital, we agreed to donate the umbilical cord blood which in turn can be used in treatment for certain diseases in children and adults.


Continued in Part II - 10.May.2002