Footsteps (Part Four-a)

Diclaimer in Part One-a.

*****

It was near sunset when Buffy woke feeling oddly rested. She'd been completely exhausted before falling asleep, but she knew that wasn't the only reason she'd been able to sleep so well. Angel's still sleeping form was curled tightly around hers, spooning her from behind. In spite of her absolute terror over Jakob, she felt safe in a way she hadn't felt in decades with a sense of hope she feared lost forever.

They were nestled snugly under the covers of his bed, their hands intertwined on her stomach. They hadn't spoken in eighteen years, but their intimacy was instinctual. They were each other's other halves, soulmates. Buffy had been married to Riley in the eyes of God and the law. They had slept next to each other every night for seventeen years. They had countless sexual encounters. Yet, their entire relationship still never came close to reaching what she had lying in bed fully clothed with her sleeping Angel.

Angel completed her. Angel was the father of her only child. Angel was her heart. Riley just passed the time. It had been so much easier to justify the fact that she'd stayed with Riley when she hadn't seen Angel for years. Looking at him now, she knew she'd been living a lie. She'd convinced herself that it was best for Jake, that he needed a solid home environment far away from demons and the supernatural. How wrong she had been. Jakob was supernatural. It was in his blood. He had needed his father, his *real* father, not a stand-in, trying to "do the right thing" who had absolutely no chance of ever relating to the boy.

Buffy sighed heavily as she tried to figure out just how many people's lives her short sightedness had destroyed. The sound woke Angel who seemed to read her thoughts and hugged her tightly in his forgiving embrace. Buffy blinked to clear the tears. She wasn't going to cry anymore.

"So is your girlfriend going to walk in and catch us?" Buffy asked bluntly.

"There is no one in my life. There hasn't been since you."

Turning in his embrace to look at him, Buffy said, "But you're human now, you can ... "

"It was never about sex, Buffy, " Angel answered seriously. "I loved you and I couldn't be with you, so I'm alone."

"Couldn't be with me ... ," Buffy mused. "If you couldn't be with me, how do you explain the fact that we managed to conceive a child on the day after Thanksgiving by arguing with each other in your office in front of Cordy and Doyle for five minutes?"

"You know it happened that day?" he asked in surprise.

"Yes, Angel," she replied firmly. "I know it happened that day."

"It didn't," he explained with his usual cryptic nature, "at least not the way you remember."

"Oh," she said with mock understanding, "well, then, why don't you clear things up for me?"

*****

Faith watched the couple seated across from her in the limo. Jake was staring blindly out the window, oblivious to everything. Darla was grinning like a cat in cream, idly playing with the hair on the nape of the boy's neck, whispering to him in a quiet voice the brunette couldn't make out even with her vamp enhanced hearing. Faith wanted to shove Darla away from him, but she didn't dare. She didn't know what Darla might have already done to him, especially given her fondness for magic as a means of manipulation. Deciding to wait it out and see what Darla had up her sleeve, Faith tried to find another way to keep the elder vampire away from the boy.

"So I've been replaced?" Faith hissed, deciding to play spurned lover. "You've found a new Childe?"

Darla shot her a guarded look. "No," she said slowly.

"Really?" Faith asked cattily. "Looks like you're getting awfully cozy with junior there."

Darla smiled. She loved to be wanted. The idea of her Childe being jealous delighted her to no end. She slowly made her way to Faith's side, gently caressing her face as she slid into the seat.

"I'm not replacing you ... yet," Darla whispered throatily as she captured Faith's lips in a hungry kiss. "You know so many more tricks than he does. Perhaps we can train him ... together."

*****

Angel watched Buffy's face carefully. She had yet to react to his recounting of the day that wasn't. He still held her tightly, partly for comfort and partly because it would make it easier to pin her down if she decided to try and rip his head off. He'd been assured by Wesley several hours earlier that her Slayer strength had diminished to regular human proportions. He could physically outmatch her if he needed to - theoretically.

Buffy, however, wasn't reacting the way he had expected. There was no rage, no angry shouting. She was lying limp in his embrace, staring at the ceiling with a look of consternation on her lovely face.

She had spent a whole day with Angel that had been swallowed by time. She couldn't remember the conception of their child. The part of her that was angry at her lack of memories was quelled by the part of her that was deeply grateful The Powers That Be had taken *only* the memories.

They let her keep Jakob.

For years she had wondered if fate had simply taken pity on her and given her the ultimate gift, a piece of her lover as a substitute for Angel himself. She hadn't imagined anything close to Angel's explanation of events. She had been certain that Jakob was a miracle. She conceded that learning he had been conceived with lots of sweating and grunting, didn't make him any less special. In fact, the revelation made Buffy feel normal in a way she'd never felt before. No divine entities had altered her body or her destiny. She had simply been a normal human girl in love with her normal human boyfriend and they had created a child with their love.

"I know you're human, Angel, so you might as well stop holding your breath before you pass out," Buffy said calmly.

Angel's gaze slitted as he looked at her. "You're not mad?"

She turned her head to face him. He was only inches away on the pillow, watching her carefully, nervously. The urge to press her lips to his was almost overwhelming, but she refrained.

"It's a little late for recriminations, isn't it? It happened eighteen years ago," she said quietly.

He didn't look convinced.

Buffy sighed and began to explain, "I'm not seventeen, Angel. I've known since Jakob was born that he was your son. The forgotten day is the missing detail, but I got the big picture a long time ago. Besides, who am I to blame anyone? I knew he was your son and yet I kept him away from you because I was so hurt by you leaving. I understand now that you were only doing what you thought was right, and it wasn't fair of me. I denied you your son and I denied Jakob the chance to understand who he is because I thought he needed to be 'normal'."

She took a deep breath and continued. "In a way, I did the same thing to him that you did to me. I tried so hard to protect him that I ended up hurting him. I wanted to keep the darkness away from him so badly that I denied it existed. I denied what was happening to him. I made him feel like a freak. Worse, I tried to shove him into a life he didn't fit in. I tried to make him and Riley forge a relationship."

Angel was grateful he was human, because if he'd been a vamp, he wouldn't have been able to tamp down an instinctive growl. He took several deep breaths and then asked, "What exactly was Riley and Jakob's relationship like?"

Buffy smiled. She could tell Angel was being overprotective of the son he'd only just found out he had. That boded well for the future. She only hoped Jakob would be half as receptive as Angel.

"It wasn't good," she said bluntly.

Angel scowled and Buffy backtracked. "I don't mean that the way it sounds. Riley tried, he really did. He did everything he could for Jakob, but it never worked. They were too different. Riley expected things from Jakob that were unrealistic given his personality. There was a lot of conflict between them - nothing physical. Riley expected Jakob to be a Boy Scout, and the more he expected the more Jakob rebelled."

Angel listened carefully. It was a very familiar story. Hauntingly familiar.

"Riley loved Jakob and he did his best by him. I know now that Riley knew Jakob wasn't his son. But in defense of him, he never said anything, never treated him as anything other than a son. Even when they weren't getting along and Riley was so frustrated, he still loved Jakob."

Buffy almost winced at the look on Angel's face. She knew it would have been so much easier for him if Jakob and Riley had just hated each other, but they hadn't. Things had been strained, but underneath all the tension, there had been some genuine affection.

"Jakob wasn't as forgiving as Riley," Buffy continued. "I think he always knew Riley wasn't his father and he never forgave him for it. He used to call Riley by his given name about as often as he called him 'dad', even when he was just a little thing. Jakob isn't the easiest person to get along with. He's very stubborn," she said looking pointedly at Angel. "He's a littler version of you, almost exactly. He even broods like you. You have no idea how much that used to freak me out. He's always been like that."

Angel smiled. He knew Buffy was blaming a lot of Jake's less desirable personality traits on him, but it was a wondrous concept. *His son*. Buffy studied his face carefully, her expression softening.

"He smiles like you," she said softly, then her lips creased into a frown. "But he also happens to smile about as often as you do. Sometimes I just want to kick him in the butt for being so serious all the time."

Angel watched as her composed facade cracked. "I just want him home safe," she whispered, tears in her eyes.

"I know," he said softly. "We'll find him, Buffy. I promise."

*****

Faith helped Darla usher Jakob into the exquisitely decorated lobby. They were in Wolfram and Hart's main office building. Faith had no idea why, as far as she knew, Darla and the lawyers were still on the outs. This wasn't good. Faith had to get Jake out of here, but that would entail defying her Sire. The turned Slayer had never outright disobeyed Darla in the past. She didn't know how far reaching the Sire/Childe bond between them was, or if she would even be able to resist Darla.

Faith silently bemoaned her lack of insight into Darla's scheming. She knew about her plan to try and get Angelus back, but really couldn't figure out how Darla hoped to accomplish the task. Faith had been sure it couldn't be done, but she knew Darla. If it was possible, she would find a way.

Minutes later they were ushered into the reception area of Lilah's lavish office. Darla immediately took Jakob into an adjoining conference room. Faith followed on their heels, ignoring the frazzled receptionist's demands that they stop.

"I'm not going to do anything to him," Darla snapped at the brunette as Faith closed the door behind herself.

"Then you shouldn't mind if I watch," Faith countered, hoping her anger was coming off as jealousy.

Darla hissed, but did not order her to leave the room. Faith watched as she moved the boy's zombie-like form to a nearby chair and pressed him down into it.

"Keep an eye on him," Darla ordered. "I have business to see to."

"What kind of business?"

"Don't worry about it. I won't be long."

*****

"What was it like?" Angel asked quietly.

"What?" Buffy asked, looking at him.

"Everything. Being pregnant, having him, watching him grow up."

Buffy let out an amused snort. "That's quite a bit of ground. Where do you want me to start?"

"Wherever you want," he answered seriously.

Buffy smiled and thought about it for a minute or two.

"He was a big baby," she finally said. "I mean *really* big. Pregnancy was awful. I looked like a puffer fish. I was huge. I couldn't wear shoes I was so swollen. He was born in August and it was *so* hot. I was miserable. The doctors were freaked because I'm so little. They wanted to induce my labor almost a month early because they were worried I would have problems delivering."

"Did you?" Angel asked, really having no idea what the implications would be either way. He knew nothing about the birthing process, well, if you disregarded the conception.

"I didn't," Buffy said. "I was confident that everything would work out fine. I was in this big 'Mother Earth' stage. I figured being a Slayer and naturally more primal it would be a breeze."

"Was it?"

Buffy laughed. "No. It wasn't. There were all sorts of complications. The doctors were right."

Rolling over onto her back, she pushed the covers down around her thighs. She was still dressed in a lightweight knit shirt and a pair of stretchy black pants. Pulling the waist of the pants down, she showed Angel the long scar just above her bikini line.

He stopped himself from touching it.

"I had to have Cesarean. So much for 'Mother Earth'. I was in labor forever and then they finally just had to cut me open. But he was fine," she said with a sigh, righting her clothes. "Aside from the fact that he was so huge. The doctors kept looking at me like they were trying to figure out how on Earth he was my kid."

"He was ... okay ... in other ways, though, right?" Angel asked.

"What, you mean because his parents were such normal people?" Buffy asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Angel frowned at her.

"He was ... fine," she said thoughtfully. "He was always a little ahead of other kids his age, but nothing that stood out. He never liked to draw attention to himself. And he was so sweet and even tempered when he was little. It wasn't until he got into junior high that we started having problems with him."

"Problems?"

"It started out as friction between him and Riley, and then it just became friction between him and everyone. He had some bad friends and a chip on his shoulder the size of Texas. He wasn't *bad*, but he had so much going on that no one understood, not even me. He hurt one kid in a fight pretty severely."

Angel nodded slowly, internally blaming himself for all of the misery Buffy and Jakob had faced.

"I should have acted sooner," Buffy admitted. "Riley was sick and I felt so guilty. I couldn't leave him. Jakob's behavior just got worse and worse. Then ... we moved here and he was so much better - at least until this whole Darla thing."

*****

"My, my," Darla cooed, "you're not getting any younger are you, Lilah?"

The lawyer shot her an icy look. Her age was a sore point to be sure. The fact that Darla would be eternally beautiful did not serve to elevate her waspish mood.

"What do you want?" she hissed. She was decidedly unimpressed with Darla's unannounced arrival in her offices.

The senior partners would not be pleased to know that Darla was in the building. It was bad enough that she was still animate, they didn't need to be reminded of that fact.

"It's not about what I want," Darla clarified, "it's about what we both want."

"And that would be what?" Lilah asked as she studied her watch, trying to anticipate when the security guards would arrive. She needed to be working, she was busting her ass trying to get things in order for a division review.

"Angelus," Darla purred.

"Angelus," Lilah parroted with a laugh. "Unless I'm mistaken, Angelus is gone for good. Angel is human and he can't be vamped again. No more Angelus. Did you miss the memo? Maybe you're the one getting old, Darla. I know you still look good, but it seems the mind is starting to wander."

Darla scowled. Lilah's pissy mood was getting her down. "Angelus is a demon. He is eternal, but right now he is without a body to animate."

"Nice try," Lilah said smugly. "Angelus may be floating around some demon dimension right now, but the second he's pulled back here to inhabit another hapless victim, he's a clean slate. He'll have to start all over again with absolutely no memory of his former self."

"That is not *strictly* true," Darla countered. "Wolfram and Hart has the power to pull him as he is back into another body on the mortal plain. I'm undead proof."

Lilah studied the vampire for a long moment. "The power, yes, but why would we want to? The tribute required to pull off something like that is astronomical, and all of the effort would be for nothing. Demons don't like to be pulled into new bodies after they've gotten used to one. Odds are it wouldn't work at all the moment the demon realized he was no longer in Angel's body."

"Not if you have the suitable host," Darla said cryptically.

"I don't have time for this Darla," Lilah bit out. "I just told you it won't work unless you have Angel's body and we both know that Angel can't be vamped again, so you have no plan."

"I have Angel's son," Darla said smugly. "It won't be a perfect match, but I think it will be close enough."

Lilah was quiet for a long time as the words sank in. "Angel has a son? Where?" she asked incredulously.

"He's waiting in your conference room," the vampire answered wickedly, her lips curling back into a sinister smile.

Lilah made a face of disgust. "Angel's only been human for twelve years, *please* tell me you're not a pedophile now on top of being a soulless demon whore."

Darla glowered at the mortal. "The boy is almost eighteen. I don't know how he's Angel's, but he is. He looks just like his father, tends to have the tortured soul bit down pretty well too. *And* the best part ... his mother is a Slayer. He'll be perfect."

*****

Faith paced nervously around the room, looking for any telltale signs of hidden cameras or mics. She couldn't find any, but that didn't necessarily mean anything. Unfortunately, she had to take the chance. She pulled her cell phone out of her backpack and dialed Angel's number.

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