I need to see him. I must get some kind of excuse to be close to him.

These thoughts have been fueling his mind during the whole morning; and at some point of the day, he stopped to realize that something inside him was seriously changing.

After they met, they soon became close friends. A very rare relationship; almost like souls who meet after a long time of searching. Soon they felt so comfortable in each other's presence that they came to show each other who they really were.

One, a strong personality, a determined person who had been searching and realizing his dreams. Since childhood he was brought up by an uncle who had a father's devotion and love for his nephew. He had grown up a solid man, developing with the passing of the seasons, until becoming a man who inspired envy and whispers of admiration.

The other one had many chances of being just an unknown face among so many in the crowd. He was born out of the affair of a noble and a slave. That child, who could be a bastard, became a noble himself whose intelligence and talent were difficult to surpass. Soon he reached an important position in the court bringing him attention and hidden enemies.

When they met, the feeling of being incomplete, of lacking something, was emerging in each of them. It was quietly emerging in the one who had never had time to think that much about his own feelings instead of his career, and painfully in the one who was getting tired and lonely because of his duties and his scripted behavior at court. Both were searching for an escape from loneliness. Both had only one single person to care about: a relative and a child almost like a son.

Shortly after they met, they found in each other a trace of whatever they were looking for. Friendship, a brotherhood, feeling of not being lonely anymore. They found in the other the long missing friend, the confidant, that person with whom a secret could be shared. When they were together, thoughts and worries could be told freely. One didn't need to be so self-controlled and even might show his fears and doubts, becoming unlike the uncaring, unfeeling person everyone thought he was. The other could be just himself with his friend, without the need to care about treason or rumors of any kind. That was what their friendship was like, they knew each other and accepted each other for who they were and how they were.

Things had been this way for some years, but then a buried, mysterious feeling started to emerge without permission.

He woke that morning with the urgent feeling to meet his beloved friend, who -- since the first time they met -- had filled a part of his searching soul with a love that could make him feel so complete and happy. A love that might mean a whole existence to him. A love that could turn the slow passing of the days into a worthwhile life. At the beginning he'd been confused about loving a same-gender person, but soon he realized that love was above it, stronger than all the differences, and that a feeling like that -- which joined them -- could certainly triumph over all the barriers.

Soon however, he also realized that their love should be kept buried deep inside them to slowly grow protected from those who could hurt their feelings and souls, so as not to be torn and shredded by the vanities of their lives in court. His position would protect him, but a scandal could ruin his beloved friend's dreams -- and his love's happiness was priceless to him.

So seasons passed until this dawn when this hidden feeling came back to life with such a strong force that he felt scared of the pain inside. It had not been easy to live with this restrained feeling, but this was much better than losing him forever. So he learned how to survive with those smallest pieces of affection and memories; but now it was urging him inside and despair almost took him. He needed to see the other, but what to say? Say that he loved him and couldn't live without him anymore? Such a waste; he would certainly ask him to stop this silly joke that could bring them problems and gossip about their friendship.

So, saddened by the reality of their situation, he figured out to be true the reasons for not exposing themselves so much.

While the sorrowful truth got him inside he asked himself about life. Is this a life or a mere existence? Longing for a love out of his reach, does he live or simply exist? Lost in these thoughts he hadn't heard the subject of his inner conflict arriving close to him.

- Planning something special? Maybe just wandering? He asked teasing him.

- Pardon? I’ve not heard you coming, what did you say? - Oh gods this smile could last forever.

- I asked what you were thinking about. You seemed so distracted.

- Do you really want to know? Must I tell him?

- Of course I do! I want to know what drives your mind so far. Maybe should I ask WHO? He asked smiling.

If only you knew the impact that your words have on me, my love.
- Why do you want to know it?

- Don’t try to elude me Narsus. I don’t want another question as answer! Why do you avoid answering me? Strange this resistance to answer a simple question, he's always so sincere...

- The answer is you. Gods help me to do this correctly and do not ruin all I ever had...

- Me what? The reason or the thought? What is going on? He seems so distant...

- Both. I was thinking about you and as you took me by surprise, I hesitated to answer. Oh stupid! I left the question made...

- What were you thinking about? Maybe, just maybe he feels...

- Nothing at all, I just haven't seen you until now, that's all. Should I have told the truth and taken the risk?

Maybe he doesn't feel more than he shows...damn it! Should I push him a little bit more and lose my best friend? It doesn't matter, as long as I don't lose him.
- OK Narsus. I'm here to invite you to train with me but if you are busy...

- No, I'm not. Let's train.

They left as nothing had happened, like great friends, once again talking and playing like nothing could disturb the happiness they already shared.

Someday Darion, I may risk all we have and tell you my feelings, my love...

End