Hello everyone!  It’s me Amazonness Ryoga trying to bring you a story you will enjoy! Some people will like this story and others won’t.  It’s about Tasuki and Chichiri, and if you’re offended by homosexuality I suggest you stop reading now.  Also, I don’t own these characters, Yu Watase does (All who thinks she’s a goddess raise you’re hand ~raises hand~).  Enjoy!!!  * WARNING: Spoilers from end of series!!!

 

Someone to Live For

           

            I woke up slowly, pain throbbing through my head.  I kept my eyes pressed shut, trying to block out the golden sunshine that was pouring in through my bedroom window.  All I felt like doing was sleeping, I didn’t want to get up and face the harsh reality of my life.  A gentle breeze flowed onto my body, awakening my senses. 

            I tried with all my being not to remember what had happened the previous day, as I lazily gazed around the room.  It all seemed like a blur.  So much of my world had fallen apart in the last few days. 

            First of all, Nuriko died facing the horrible creature Ashitare, who also happened to be one of the Seiryu Seishi. Nuriko gave his life to protect us, and to help us reach the long awaited Shinzaho, which happened to be stolen from us right after we came into possession of it.

            Chiriko had committed suicide, and yet that is not the right way to describe it.  He died so bravely, fighting a Seiryu Seishi by the name of Miboshi.  Killing himself was the only way to stop the evil temple master.  He cried, begging me to use my tessen to murder him instantly, but I could not bring myself to harm him.    

            Then, Miaka and Tamahome disappeared right in the middle of the war between Konan and Kuto.  No one knew where they were.  They had literally vanished without a trace.  We thought having our Seishi powers taken away from us was bad enough, now our Miko was missing, and so were our hopes of ever summoning Suzaku.   

            Also, Mitsukake gave up his life to save the people around him.  He sacrificed his life, to help as many people as he could.  He was truly a noble man.  His sacrifice had saved hundreds, but in saving others he could not save himself.

            Lastly, Hotohori, the young, handsome emperor of Konan, had died in battle.   

            I jerked myself out of bed as an image of Hotohori danced across my eyelids.  I could feel my face get hot, and my eyes start to burn as I roughly pressed a hand to my face and painful tears ran down my face.  My heart was racked with pain as I thought of his beautiful face as he uttered his last words to the one he loved, Miaka.

            The intensity of Hotohori’s love for Miaka was always very clear to me.  I knew no one could ever love anyone more than Hotohori loved Miaka.  To be able to die for someone, I thought to myself, that is true bravery.  But do I have anyone to die for?  No, the question is, do I have anyone to live for?  I have no one to love… and no one to love me…

            I slowly I walked to the large mirror hanging on my wall and looked at my pathetic reflection.  I felt completely useless to myself, let alone anyone else. My tired eyes were bloodshot, and my complexion was pale.  My bright orange hair was a complete mess.  I looked like I had been through hell, and in all honesty, felt like it too. 

            As I looked at the tears falling down my face the muscles throughout my body screamed, my knees bucked forward and I fell weakly to the ground.  My body shook violently with sobs.  The bitter loneliness I felt was too much to bear.  I felt there was nothing left to hope for, nothing left to dream about, since all my dreams had been shattered. 

I closed my eyes and prayed to fall asleep and never wake up again. 

           

 

            I opened my eyes and rubbed them as I blinked groggily.  I felt pleasantly refreshed. I looked around and my heart skipped a beat.  I rubbed my eyes again because I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

            When I checked again I was still in the same unfamiliar place.  I was standing in the middle of an open field filled with wild flowers.  The warm sun poured over my face, making me feel wonderful as the warm wind whipped around my body. 

            What is this place, I thought to myself.  Am I in heaven?  Did I really die?!   

            All of my heartaches and pains were gone, I felt as bright as the sunrays that shone down on me.

            As I shut my eyes and faced the sun I could hear a mysterious noise coming from behind me.  I turned around in slow motion and faced the man behind me.

            “Ch-Chichiri!” I gasped, startled by his presence.  “Where are we?”

            Chichiri slowly pulled his mask off of his face and, ignoring my question said, “You need to pull yourself together, Tasuki.  Your life is not over yet, no da.”

            “There is nothing in my life but pain!” I yelled at him, frustrated by the thoughts of my agonizing life.  “I don’t want to live in that kind of pain anymore, you don’t understand anything I’m going through.”

            “You have to live on.  There will be many more happy times in your life, no da.  Don’t give up on everything yet!”

            I looked at the older man and, even though he is very wise, glared at him like he was crazy.  “You don’t…” I started.  “You don’t know how I feel, so don’t talk to me like that! You don’t know a goddamned thing.”

            “I understand,” Chichiri said gravely, moving closer to me.  “I know what your feeling.”

            I hung my head, irritated that my former feelings had started to return, brewing over my heart like a stormy cloud.  I could sense Chichiri standing next to me, but all I wanted was to be left alone.

            “You need to live for those that love you,” Chichiri stated.

            “No one loves me,” I yelled angrily.  “I have no one to live for!”

            “Live for me,” he whispered before gently lifting my face to meet his.  He tenderly placed his lips on top of mine.  I opened my eyes wide, surprised by his actions.  I had never imagined Chichiri would approach me that way. 

            The wonderful feeling of Chichiri’s soft lips over mine brought emotions of bliss I could have never expected.  I grabbed the blue haired man and pressed his body against mine as I kissed him back.

 

 

            I jerked up, startled.  I looked down at myself, and saw that I was lying in my bed again.  It was all a dream.  It was all a beautiful dream.  The vision of Chichiri standing in the field was imprinted in the back of my mind.  I don’t know if I couldn’t get it out of my head, or if I didn’t want to get it out of my head.  I laid against pillow again as I brought my hands up and rubbed my face tiredly.

            “I see you’re up now Tasuki,” a familiar voice called out.  I removed one of my hands from my face, and glanced at the figure sitting on the foot of my bed.  It was Chichiri.

            “What’s up?” I asked him as nonchalantly as I could, feeling my face blush as the image of him kissing me came back into my mind, and wondered why I didn’t notice him there in the first place.

            “I think I should be the one asking you that, no da,” Chichiri responded.  “I found you unconscious on the floor.  Are you alright?”

            He got up and slowly moved closer to me.  I could feel myself begin to blush again and looked in the other direction, embarrassed to look directly at him.  I had never had feelings like that towards Chichiri.

            “What happened?” he asked as he sat next to me.  He was so close that I felt awkward.  I was beginning to be aware of how handsome Chichiri was, even with his mask on.  To my surprise he put his hand on my forehead.  “Your face is really red, no da.  I think you may have a fever.”

            “No I’m fine,” I assured him.  “It’s just everything lately.”

            “Yeah, I know what you mean,” he replied solemnly as he removed his mask.  “I’ve been miserable lately.  It seems like everyone is gone.  Suzaku has been sealed. 4 of the Seishi are dead.  One is missing.  We can’t find our Miko.  Life is just…”

            “Shitty,” I finished the sentence for him.

            “No da,” he replied.

            “I can’t believe Nakago killed the emperor,” I mumbled mostly to myself.  “I can’t believe Hotohori’s gone.”

            “You seem to be taking this especially hard Tasuki,” Chichiri remarked.

            I glanced at him quickly, my heart burning, wanting to confess my feelings brought on mostly by the love Hotohori had shared for Miaka.  I bit my lips, praying the words would not come out of my mouth.  But I had to talk…and I needed someone to listen.

            “He…” I started unsurely.  “He loved Miaka so much.  He even sacrificed himself for her world’s safety.  He loved someone so intensely, and I’ve never felt that before!!!  Seeing him dying…seeing his life slip away, made me realize I have nothing in this life, and if you have nothing in life, what is the point of living it?”

            Chichiri’s face showed his surprise in my last statement.  I could see that he was trying to hide his surprise as best he could, but it was plain to see he never expected me confess the deep secrets of the loneliness I felt in my heart.

            “I’m sorry Chichiri,” I apologized.  “I should have never bothered you with stuff like this.”

            “No it’s alright, I asked you what was wrong and you told me.”

             I smiled lightly as I realized how great of a friend I had on my side.  Of course you could be more than friends, too.  The thought came unexpectedly into my mind, followed by the thought of my dream.  

            I looked over at Chichiri, fully aware of the awkward silence that was filling the room.  Now he was the one who looked like he needed to confess something.  He had his back to me, his posture was horrible and he nervously played with the beads of his necklace.  I placed my hand on his shoulder and turned him, so he was facing me.

            I gasped.  To my surprise, a single tear had fallen on his cheek.  He looked at me with his eye that had not been scarred painfully shut.

            “Chichiri…”

            “I’ve had the same feeling of worthlessness too,” he said solemnly.  “My best friend, he betrayed my trust.  I saw him kiss my fiancée…I saw them kissing, no da.  Later, she said she could no longer marry me.  I got so mad at my friend…we fought and he fell into a river.  I…” he said painfully, “I tried to save him.  I reached for his hand… but a log…it came and gouged my eye.  My friend was swept down the river.”

            “I’m sorry Chichiri,” I muttered. 

            “I felt so hollow inside of my heart.  I felt I was no use to anyone, and the world didn’t need someone like me anymore.  I jumped into the same river my friend died in, and I swore never to love another woman again.”

            His last words rang in my ears, as floods of questions roared in my mind.  Never love another woman again?  Does that mean?  Could it be possible?

            “Never love another woman again,” I repeated.

            Without knowing what I was doing I pulled Chichiri closer and embraced his small body.  To my complete and utter surprise he held on to me too, his hands gently running through my messy hair.

            “I really wanted to die,” Chichiri mumbled.  “That time I jumped into the river, I really wanted to die.”

            My dream flashed in my mind, and I knew exactly how to make things right again.

            “Live for me,” I whispered in his ear as I placed my hand on his warm face.  With my thumb I wiped a tear off of his cheek, and gently placed my lips on top of his.

            He tenderly kissed me back, and I enjoyed the feeling of knowing I meant something to someone…that I had someone to live for…

Heehee!!! I’ve never written about two men before!!!  I kinda like it.  Why don’t you tell me what you think?  E-mail me at amazonnessryoga@hotmail.com Just remember I warned you about the homosexuality issue before you started reading so I don’t want to hear “Yuck!  Two guys?!”.  Anywayz, I believe love goes deeper than gender…

Amazonness Ryoga