Mama, I love you. Mama, I care. I know that you always bitch about me because I'm so messy. Because I never eat at the right time, because I sometimes skive off classes to go to bed. But remember those last time you found me in the bathroom crying and cutting myself with a razorblade. You told me "I know that sometimes you're hard to live with, but I love you !" I love you too, mummy. I know I'm not the perfect daughter you may have expected. I know my brother and sister gave you some hard times. I'm 18 and I still live at home and I'm so lazy. Too lazy to bring back my mug of coffee or to even clear up the space around the computer. I know I spent too much time on the phone, I know I go back to sleep too late. I know you're worrying when I go to the hospital. Don't think that I never think about it. I do, a lot. But I'm tied and even if I can't tell you why, I need to take a breath. You've left me because you were sad I didn't go to Trinity College. I know you want the best for me and that I could have entered one of the best universities instead of making stupid law studies in France. The worse is that I didn't tell you why. I'd like to talk to you instead of talking to unknows in my therapy, but when I had occasions, you didn't want to hear. I think you know that Guillaume's the root of the problem, but every day I throw a coin in the well for things to get better. You know, I do my best to have a good relationship with him, but I'm fragile and when things go wrong I'm not able to handle it. I know it was a selfish reaction. I know my suicide attempts made you suffer. I'm sorry of it, but sometimes you feel like letting go. I'm sorry if I make you suffer. I don't want to, I think you already had more than your lot. I love you. More than you can ever imagine. Your lovely daughter. PS : don't tell me every day that I can do and be better. I know that my sister is way better than I am, but that's just me. Stop bitching about my weight ... or my notes ... or anything .... I'm already skinny enough and even if I'm not a famous journalist like my sister, I may become a famous lawyer. You just have to believe in me.