10-03-03 For once, I'm actually afraid that I fucked up, I did something that was so completely what peopleexpect of me, but at the same time so completely not me. I'm such an irresponsilbe person, and it frightens me at times. What if the next time things don't end up like that, what if things had been different.

Another train of thought, wow. I never thought she'd actually pull through with it I am very suprised, and well I have to say I'm proud of her. She finally grew up. Its sweet but sad at the same time.

I want that kind of life.