Stumbling
Chapter 9 - I Don’t Have To Wonder
Pacey woke up to find darkness filling the unfamiliar room. He felt a body under his outstretched arm. He turned slightly to look at Jack’s peaceful face. Now thankful that he’d chosen to stay here, Pacey grazed Jack’s cheek. Although he would have preferred staying this position, he had to get out before he’d get bombarded with questions.
He tiptoed downstairs, careful to avoid the squeaky bottom step, and headed for the exit through the kitchen. Pacey was greeted, however, with a pair of brown eyes. Dawson was sitting at the table, papers scattered all over. He almost expected to deal with Jen or even Grams, but Pacey was surprised to see Dawson. It wasn’t in his nature to question Pacey’s activities, at least not in this manner.
Opting to play along with the possibility Dawson knew nothing, Pacey asked, “Ironing out script problems?”
“No, just figuring out a shooting schedule.”
“Jen’s not missing you in bed?”
“She’ll survive one night. Were you heading out?”
“Yeah. I, uh, crashed here.”
“Mind going for a walk? I need to speak to you about something and we don’t need the others to overhear this.”
Pacey shrugged, letting Dawson lead the way. Dawson went out the door and the two former best friends walked in step for about five minutes without a word. Pacey waited impatiently for Dawson to get to the inevitable questions.
Dawson finally said something and it wasn’t what Pacey expected. “Joey’s probably still in front of your apartment.”
“What? Why?” He should have figured that there was really only one possible reason Dawson would care. Joey was in need. Or, based on what he was implying, desperate need.
“There was a time I could figure that out. Nowadays, that’s impossible.” Dawson stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I’m guessing she’s not giving up on you.”
“Too bad.”
“I know. There’s no reasoning with her. You have to get it over with. Tell her the truth.”
“I’ve tried to be clear. I just don’t want to hurt her.”
“There’s no way around that. She will get hurt at this point. I’d be more concerned about hurting someone else. He doesn’t deserve that, either.” Pacey opened his mouth to protest but Dawson cut him off, “Jen went to get the mix CD back from Jack. I’m glad it did some good for you. I hate to admit it but I hope this works out. Just know that Jen will be
begging for details. With Jack’s normally-single status, she’s been living vicariously through Queer as Folk. Poor girl.” Dawson snickered.
Pacey looked in the direction they’d come from, then the way they were heading. “Do you think Joey’s still at my place?”
Dawson shrugged, “I don’t know but I suppose you’ll need your car in order to find out.” He turned around and started walking back.
When Pacey didn’t initially follow him, Dawson went back and dragged Pacey back to Grams’ house. It took all his effort to push Pacey in that car. Dawson hoped he’d actually gone home, but he wouldn't have been surprised if he hadn't.
* * * * *
Joey trudged into her dorm room early Monday morning. Audrey woke up, squinting as the sunlight blazed on her face. “You ran?”
“Um, no. I was out all night.”
Audrey held her hand over her face to block the sun but couldn’t hide a naughty grin. “You wild child! I love it.”
“Not exactly. I was…” In front of Pacey’s apartment didn’t seem like the appropriate answer. “reflecting on the past.”
“Hmmm. Okay.” Audrey pursed her lips together, guessing whatever it was, it somehow involved Pacey. “So what’d you learn?”
“That sitting on the pavement and leaning against the wall can make a decent sleeping position.”
“Good to know, I suppose. So what did you realize in your analysis with Dawson?”
“Dawson?”
“Well, I know you went to dinner with him last night. I figured he was involved. Either that or you were at Pacey’s and you consider it a no-no to say that name in my presence.”
“That obvious?”
“It’s okay.” Audrey assured her. “It sounds like you had a rough night.”
“I did.” Joey collapsed on her bed and groaned, “Why am I doing this?”
“I don’t know, Joey.”
“I should apologize, shouldn’t I?”
“Your call.” Audrey murmured, throwing the covers over her head. She doubted there would be any progress and she needed her beauty sleep.
“Yeah, I should…” Joey laid back on her bed and started thinking about how that should be expressed. Although she was referring to Pacey, it was also apropos for Audrey. In the time she spent in front of Pacey’s place, she was just as determined to rectify that aspect of the problem as well. Once Joey had reached the conclusion that Pacey was either asleep at Grams’ or staying in someone else’s bed for the night, she walked around town deep in thought.
She ended up at an all-night diner where she began writing down everything she was feeling. When she read back the scribbling, there was one thing that was crystal clear. None of it made any sense! Her pursuit of an ex-boyfriend who’d moved on with his life. The odd sense that she wanted her best friend to fall back on because of the disaster that was her non-relationship with her English professor. How she somehow felt she was entitled to this, regardless of the fact that her roommate was enjoying happiness with him.
True, Audrey and Pacey had their problems at the end of the relationship. That didn’t give Joey the right to shove them apart, either. Then again, Audrey had said enough that Joey, in this mindset, believed that she meant that Pacey wanted her back.
Joey shook her head furiously, realizing she was an idiot. “I have no idea what to say.”
A groan could be heard from Audrey’s blanket.
“Let’s see, I should say to him that he’s allowed to have a life of his own. That I shouldn’t have been so eager to take advantage of his single status. Friends should not be undermined. Can you hear me, Audrey?”
Audrey threw off the blanket. “Hon, you’re not gonna survive five minutes alone with him before pouncing.”
“That’s not true!”
“What happened when you innocently had Pacey drive you home?” Audrey reminded her.
“That was… shut up.” Joey crossed her arms over her chest. “What am I supposed to do?”
Audrey got off her bed and towered over Joey’s bed. “Have a third party there.” She offered a wink. “She’ll make it all better.”
* * * * *
Pacey stopped in the parking lot by his apartment. He grabbed the bag containing what he’d swiped from the restaurant and headed out of his car. What was supposed to be a quick pickup turned into over a half hour of Brecker begging him to stay the remainder of the shift. Pacey wouldn’t let him succeed in seeing his mistress early. Besides, Jack was waiting for him to return to the apartment. He’d probably be asleep after all this.
Just as he reached his door and dug for his keys, a familiar yelp startled him. “So there you are.” He spun around to see Audrey and Joey standing there. “We’ve been paging and paging your place.” That at least confirmed Jack would have to be awake. Whether he was still there was another matter entirely. He hadn’t considered checking the parking lot for his car when returning.
“Here I am,” Pacey sighed.
Audrey spotted the bag. “How are you too lazy to shop in a supermarket but not too much to kiss Danny’s ass to let you take leftovers?”
“It’s a gift.”
Joey held her hand out, feeling drops of rains. “Can we get inside? It’s supposed to start pouring soon.”
“Um,” Pacey looked up, in the direction of his apartment. Although he hated to surprise Jack like this, he also knew that it was about this he told Joey what was happening. “Sure, I suppose we should.”
When they entered his apartment, Pacey was surprised to see it was empty and, strangely, cleaner than he remembered. While the girls settled on the couch, Pacey checked the bedroom.
Audrey cooed, “Seeing if anyone snuck in while you were gone?”
Disappointed to see nobody in the bedroom, Pacey returned to the living room, murmuring, “Something like that.”
Audrey stared pointedly at Joey, waiting for her to start this. When she said nothing, Audrey patted on the nearby chair. “Come on over here. We need to talk to you.”
“Go ahead. Would either of you like anything to eat? You can help yourself to what I brought.”
Audrey bolted up and darted for the bag, digging until she found a box containing chicken. Satisfied, she bounced back into the living room and sat cross-legged on the couch. She said in a sugar-coated voice, “Thank you, sweetie.”
“Joey?” Pacey offered.
“That’s okay,” she replied softly. Joey winked at him, pointing to Audrey. “At least that’ll keep her mouth occupied.”
“Hey!” She moved the back of her hand to her mouth as she finished swallowing.
Pacey agreed, “I’ll consider that a job well done.” Audrey rolled her eyes.
Joey cleared her throat, removing all levity from the room. “I don’t know why I tried to hold on to what we had. You didn’t deserve that. I’d take rather innocent comments and twist it around in my head.”
“Was this why you were stalking my apartment the other night?”
“How did you know?”
“Nosy neighbors. So?”
“That wasn’t exactly the original intention. It involved proving Jack’s boyfriend is an idiot.” She snagged a carrot slice hanging off the edge of the box Audrey held and popped it in her mouth.
“Excuse me?” Pacey exclaimed. Unless something had changed, that person would be him. But Joey couldn’t have known that. She was way too calm.
Joey continued, “Well, he is! First, he makes this grandiose show for his affection. Then, he starts ridiculous stories about why Jack dumped him.”
Although Joey found nothing odd about Pacey’s response, Audrey stopped eating. She covered her mouth with her hand again, this time to keep Joey from seeing her smile. Though Pacey had kept mum about the success of Audrey’s plan, she’d weaseled just enough information out between him and Jack to confirm that it had, in fact, worked. That being known, Audrey hadn’t felt it affected Joey from letting go of her true love.
She wasn’t paying attention to the rest of what Joey said until the final sentence. “Between Shawn and Jack, at least one of them is a liar.”
The sound of the fork Audrey dropped echoed throughout the apartment. There wasn’t really much that could be said now. Although Joey felt terrible dragging her friends through this, there seemed this equal right that there shouldn’t be any more hidden feelings.
Pacey held on tightly to the arms of the lounge seat. He said deliberately, “Is that why you’re here? To be proven right?”
“No, this isn’t a court proceeding. I just realize I have to let you do whatever you want.” She reaffirmed her actual purpose.
Pacey, however, wasn’t so willing to drop the subject. “So what moronic thing did Shawn tell you?”
Joey rested her hand on top of Pacey’s on the armrest. “Don’t be concerned. It’s just that Jack’s had a crush on you and must have used you as an excuse to dump him.
Audrey exclaimed, “Where did you get that from?”
“I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He’s jealous of whoever you date. Shawn took advantage of that knowledge when they kissed. I’m not blind! Don’t act like you don’t know.”
Audrey shook her head and went to the kitchen with her food. She wanted nothing to do with if or how Pacey would explain. She didn’t want to support either one at this point because one would be betrayed.
She was standing by the refrigerator, about to see what Pacey could offer to drink, when she spotted the closed bathroom door. Audrey had stayed at this apartment during their dating days often enough to recall that Pacey always left that door cracked open because it had a nasty tendency to jam.
Pacey saw Audrey sneaking around out of the corner of his eye but quickly disregarded her. He focused back on Joey, who was unconcerned about what she had just said. He joked, “You make it sound so bad.”
“It is if you give it as an excuse! I seriously think he imagines you two being together!”
Pacey tested Joey’s tolerance. “Would that be so terrible?”
“That’s not what I meant. It’s not feasible!”
“Neither was Audrey being a lesbian until about a month ago.” Audrey shot her head up upon hearing her name, then went back to staying out of their discussion.
“Okay, now you’re just trying to throw me off. Audrey can’t resist checking out guys. Yet the opportunity presented itself so she tried something new.”
Pacey sarcastically said, “Because it would be impossible for me to be in that position.”
“Huh?” Joey wondered why Pacey was getting so defensive. “I guess, but you couldn’t resist the ladies very long. The point I was trying to make is that Jack can’t be thinking that way. I can only imagine how high his hopes are.”
All that Pacey could think of regarding that last sentence was ‘pot calling kettle black.’ “And you’ve never done that, of course.”
Joey mumbled, “I suppose.” In a clearer voice, she pointed out, “There’s a difference. We have a history. There are happy, blissful moments. That isn’t the same as what I’m telling you. Why isn’t this a concern?!”
“Because this is what we had, not have…”
The sound of someone trying to open the bathroom door startled Audrey. She turned back to the living room to see that neither noticed. Audrey continued to stare at that door, waiting for it to give an explanation.
She remembered Pacey was searching for something in the bedroom initially. When she realized what he must have been looking for…
“Oh shit!”
Pacey jumped out of the chair. “What happened?”
Audrey’s eyes enlarged, not realizing how loud she’d been. Quickly, she replied, “I…just realized…how this must be loaded with calories.”
Pacey chuckled, “Of course it is. That’s why you love it.”
“I must work it off immediately. Joey has to help me out.”
Joey stood up, hands on hips, and exclaimed, “Are you crazy?”
“That’s what I say to you every morning. It’s about time I see the light.”
“Now? No, absolutely not.”
Pacey asked, “Is something wrong?”
“It’s just that we’re evidently a disturbance. You have more important issues that need your attention.”
“Audrey, if this is a conversation that bothers you…” Her eyes shifted to the bathroom door. Pacey followed her gaze, then turned back to Audrey with a horrified expression.
Joey stared at them, wondering what happened to her previously normal friends. “Why do I feel as if I’m the only one who knows nothing in this group? It’s not just you two; same story with Dawson and Jen. I thought it was a couple thing but that doesn’t sound right.”
Audrey squealed, “Don’t be silly, bunny. There’s nothing weird going on.”
Joey pointed an accusatory finger at her. “See, right there. You haven’t called me ‘bunny’ since this whole situation started!”
“I haven’t? You’re just imagining it.” Audrey shook her head then reconsidered. “Right?”
“Jo, you have a point.” Pacey walked over to the bathroom door. “There is something you don’t know. You see…” He tried to open the door but it wouldn’t budge. “Damn it. Come on.” This time, it opened a crack before being pulled shut. “Oh fuck. Don’t do this to me now.” He yanked harder, only have a greater force slam it.
Joey remarked, “Maybe you should call the super to fix that. It’s got a mind of its own.”
“Or someone else’s mind,” Pacey muttered as he continued struggling with the door, or more appropriately, the person behind the door.
Joey laughed, “Pacey, don’t worry. Relax.”
“Would you cut it out?” he shouted. This time, there was a muffled, incomprehensible reply. It was the fact there was somebody there that was the more important part, anyway.
Joey walked around, refusing to acknowledge the sound, and passed Audrey into the kitchen. As she went to the sink for a glass of water, something odd caught her attention on the living room table against the wall. There, resting on the top, was a textbook. She approached the table and could identify it as a Calculus textbook with a sheet of paper used as a bookmark. It didn’t take a genius to figure out the book didn’t belong to anyone in this room.
Pacey watched Joey pick up the book and realized it was too late to say anything. She pulled out the sheet of paper to inspect. He knew what she found as soon as it floated slowly down to the carpet. When it landed at his feet, he saw Jack’s name on of what appeared to be a homework assignment.
Joey crept over to the bathroom door and said, “Would you come out?” When there was no reply, she pounded repeatedly on the door, exclaiming, “Get out here.” Each time she said it, there was a greater urgency to her voice.
When there was finally an answer, the choked-up voice and the words surprised everyone. “Why? Since my family apparently is delusional, you can’t take anything I say seriously.”
Audrey and Pacey raced over to the door. Pacey asked, “What are you talking about?”
“Do you really think Shawn wouldn’t tell me what occurred? By the way, he told me to tell you, Jo, that he’s calling the cops if you ever try that again. You’ve scarred him for life.”
Pacey sat down on the floor by the door, figuring he was probably on the same level as Jack was on the other side. Audrey was watching her roommate, amazed that she had somehow managed to ruin everything before it started. Joey defended herself, “That guy’s so overdramatic. I didn’t attack him!”
“Yeah, I’m sure he was prepared to be savagely kissed by some female stranger.” That got a nervous chuckle from Pacey, a laugh-covered-by-a-cough by Audrey, and Joey playing with a strand of her hair in order to avoid their reactions. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe this is an illusion.”
Pacey rested his palm against the door, wanting desperately to see him face to face. “No, this isn’t. Please don’t do this.”
“It’s all temporary. Why should this be a surprise?” The door opened, causing Pacey to flop onto the bathroom tile. Jack stared down at him and shook his head. “Why should we kid ourselves?”
Pacey looked up at him. Jack’s normally sparkling green eyes were glazed over and tinged with red from crying before. He begged one last time, “I thought we were trying to make this work.”
“Why bother? It’s not worth it.” He stepped over Pacey’s body to exit the bathroom. “You think this is a game. It probably is so why deny that any longer. It’s been amusing to sneak around everything, so let’s just keep it at that.” Jack harshly glared at Joey and spat out. “Thanks for everything. I could really use more friends like you.” With that, he exited the apartment.
Pacey got up off the floor and sprinted to the door. When he didn't see anyone, he shouted out. “I love you and I don’t cared who knows it.” He hoped Jack was still in the hallway and could hear him and would return to say the same words. When several minutes passed without appearing, Pacey turned around and now wished he’d chased after Jack instead of seeing Joey.
Part 10
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