Stumbling
Chapter 6 - In the Meantime
Joey entered her dorm room the following Friday evening. She threw her backpack on the bed then rushed into the bathroom to check her reflection.
"So, I was thinking we should head to this party downstairs. I ran into Charlie and, despite that, it actually seemed like it could be fun." She exited the bathroom and noticed the bizarre behavior of her roommate. Audrey was sitting at her desk, studying.
Joey's jaw dropped as she plopped down on her bed. "Did you happen to visit a witch doctor in the span of the last couple of days?" Audrey finally looked up from her book, surprised that Joey was in the room. "Since when do I convince you to have fun?"
"I'm sorry." Audrey wanly replied then resumed reading. She wasn't pleased about the attitude Joey'd had since that night. Audrey thought Joey would have considered for a moment the way she'd made her friends feel. But Joey seemed to be ruled by the selfish belief that Pacey was just too startled to actually try to call Joey in the days since their fumblings in bed.
Finally, realization began to creep into Joey. "Are you mad at me? You've barely spoken to me all week. I didn't think you were even capable of doing that!"
"Of course not, Joey," Audrey lied, not quite sure if Joey was only kidding around. She bounced over to the other side of the room and perched herself on Joey's desk. "I'm sorry I've been preoccupied."
Joey frowned. "That and you're mad at me." She took a deep breath. "I don't know what I was thinking that night. Actually, I couldn't have been thinking. I can't believe I did that. Here you'd been all freaked out about kissing Pacey because I once dated him. I should have, at the very least, factored in your feelings."
Just as she feared. Joey was hoping for a blessing, one which Audrey saw no reason to give. It wasn't that she cared about whether Pacey and Joey reunited. She knew that wasn't truly what Pacey wanted but she no longer liked being in the middle position. "It doesn't matter what you do anymore. Pacey never had the connection with me that he had with you. I'm a little annoyed about how it came out but right now I should be the least of your concerns."
Joey broke into a smile as she wrapped Audrey into a hug. "Thank you so much."
Audrey pulled away from the embrace. "That being said, I want nothing to do with advising you about him. I'll gladly listen but I feel I'm already in way too deep. If I'd just kept my mouth shut, everything would be so much better." She thought back regretfully to the moment she'd began talking to Jack about Pacey's feelings. She also knew that Joey would have no clue what she meant by the last sentence.
"So you think I'd be wise to pursue this? I don't want to lose our friendship over a guy."
It was the question she knew Joey had been waiting to ask her and the one there was no clear solution. "That's a question I don't wish to answer. You have a friend but I don't need to be reminded how good of a friend I'm being at every moment." Audrey forced a smile to let Joey know she was okay.
* * * * *
Jen was fixing her makeup when she heard a tapping on her bedroom door.
"Dawson, I told you I'll be ready in fifteen minutes."
The door creaked open and Jack popped his head in. "Sorry to bother you. Big evening planned?"
Jen nodded. "We're going to a concert."
"For the radio station or pleasure?"
"Both. It's one of the rare local bands I don't feel the need to direct them to a nearby pool and hope they can't swim. So, what brings you to me?"
"I see you're in a hurry so I won't bug you now with this..."
"Sit down. I always make time for you." Jack did as he was told. "What's wrong?"
"Remember at the dinner party when you made that comment about my interest in Pacey?" Jen groaned, not wanting hear the rest of this problem. Jack nodded, "Exactly!"
"I feared this. Damn it."
"I didn't mean for this to happen. The night he came here drunk, he said some strange things. I know, I shouldn't have let something he said that night get to me at all since it made no sense..."
Jen cut him off rudely. "That's right. This makes no sense. Pacey makes some innocent comment while drunk and you're blowing it way out of context because you want to believe there's something beyond the subtext."
He knew he wasn't telling Jen the whole story but she'd already been able to reach the same conclusion he had. "It does sound stupid."
Jen offered an apologetic smile. "It sounds like you've been in the house with your nose buried in textbooks too long. Why not go out and have some mindless fun? It's better than staying in this house all alone."
It didn't make sense to dwell any further on Pacey. It wasn't as if he'd even spoken to Jack to try to give some lame explanation of why he'd had sex with Joey. Actually, there was no reason Pacey should do that since Jack was the idiot who'd stupidly initiatiated the kiss. "Yeah, I guess there's a problem when Grams has more of a social life than I do."
* * * * *
Pacey was in the middle of his shift at Civilization when there was a knock on the back door. He opened it and was surprised to see Joey standing there. Other than Audrey, who he had to deal with on a regular basis, he'd been keen on keeping his distance from the gang. Since Audrey was, atypically, trying to stay out of the situation, he knew he'd have some time to think about how to proceed. Pacey hoped one week was enough time.
He couldn't gauge Joey's mood at that moment, so he started the conversation. "I'm not sure why you're here..."
"Are you busy after work?" she cooed as she entered, brushing her shoulder against his in the process. Pacey kept his eyes on her, not clear why she was trying to entice him. Had she completely blacked out that night or was it just delusion?
"Um, no. I was just heading to my apartment and call it a night."
"Do you mind if I join you for this trip?"
Pacey shrugged. "I suppose I won't mind." He hoped she only meant to stay by him for the walk. In his mind, he figured their first encounter should have been so much more awkward. He hoped Joey wasn't trying to reconcile.
She sauntered past him, heading for the entrance to the main dining area. "I'll just wait by the bar, feasting on peanuts." On Pacey's look, she added, "Okay, maybe I won't do that but it's kind of quiet so maybe I'll go annoy your boss."
"I knew you came here to flirt with Brecker."
Joey rolled her eyes and flashed a half-smile. "Why hang around the student when the mentor taught him everything he knows." She exited the kitchen.
"Not everything," he said to no one in particular.
* * * * *
Jack was sitting at his regular table against the wall of the bar, enjoying a beer. The already dimly-lit establishment was further darkened by someone blocking the neon light. Jack stared intently over the lip of the half-empty glass while the light returned and the figure sat on the opposite side.
When the guy noticed he wasn't getting a reaction, not even a brush-off. he said, "Sorry to disturb you. I saw the rare friendly seat in the crowded place."
Jack didn't have to look up to recognize the lie. Although the bar was packed in some areas, he picked this area because few bothered sitting at the tables. "Next thing you'll say is that you must have been a detective in a past life because you've finally found what you're looking for."
He looked down at the table, then chuckled, "That's one I haven't used yet. Have to file that one away. Okay, here's the truth. I thought that when I saw you here the first time. You were here with that hot date in the leather jacket. So I was rather relieved when I finally returned to this place a couple of months later and find you alone."
"What? I've never brought any date..." Jack stopped talking when he remembered the only time he'd arrived here with a guy. The night out with Pacey when he futilely tried to impress the food critic. He smiled at the memory of happier times. He could just imagine there was a connection. No words had yet been revealed to ruin the fantasy.
Before he was naive enough to believe Audrey's whimsical musings. Before he was foolish enough to think Pacey was truly over Joey. After all, Dawson had made a similar declaration the summer before senior year, yet he still pined for her long after the chemistry was gone. Joey had this power over the guys who were close to her. Jack knew that he hadn't even been immune to it - back when he was still in that 'convincing himself it was a phase' period. The smile quickly disappeared at the thought.
"The breakup still too fresh in your mind?"
Jack laughed bitterly at the remark. He finally raised his chin to pay attention to the person seated opposite him. His eyes exhibited concern and actual interest in knowing the answer.
"It's not quite that simple. In fact, it's a long story."
"If you're interested in telling the story, I'd be willing to listen."
"Thanks but I'd rather not dwell on it right now." Nevermind the fact that, even though he'd told himself this was an evening meant to forget about everything, Jack had been thinking about it all along.
"There are many other, more amusing subjects worth discussing. Such as, how do you feel about pizza? Personally, I think should be one uniform system for the whole country. None of this pan pizza or slice nonsense. Just choose one and stick with it. Also, it was never intended to have pineapple as a topping!"
Jack tried to hold back a grin as he played along. "I don't feel I know you well enough to engage in such a difficult topic."
"That's quite an excellent point." He held out his hand. "Shawn Walker, part-time counselor, part-time telephone operator but my specialty is numerology." Jack was about to shake his hand but stopped. He smirked, "Well, my name really is Shawn Walker. The rest is one-hundred-ten percent bullshit."
"You're certainly full of it." Jack agreed as he shook Shawn's hand. "Jack McPhee, part-time computer hacker, dabble a little in acrylics and working to be a full-time pessimist. You have to decipher what's fact and what's fiction."
Shawn laughed. "I think you'll make a very good pessimist some day. So about that pressing pizza issue, you interested in examining the possibilities?" He then shielded his head with his arm. "That sounded really cheesy, didn't it? It seemed so clever in my brain. The execution, however, sucked. Must be a malfunction."
Jack held up his hand, letting him know it wasn't a problem. "Vittorio's loves to pile on the toppings and there's not a tropical fruit in sight."
* * * * *
"I know that it was incredibly naive of me to think there could be anything serious between us ever again." Joey was in the middle of rambling, walking at the same speed she was talking. Pacey struggled to keep up with her. "Maybe it was spending too much time around Dawson in the fall. You know, before his father died and, apparently, the child in him as well. I didn't intend to ruin your relationship with Audrey..."
"You didn't," Pacey weakly assured her.
"It certainly ruined my relationship with Audrey." She waited for Pacey to throw in a lewd remark. None filled the air so Joey continued, "She claims she's over you because she knew she hadn't captured your heart the way someone else did."
"She said that?" He'd never told Audrey anything about that situation. It was beginning to make clear why she was able to be on friendly terms with him. Even after his mistake-filled evening leading to hiding out in the girls' bathroom.
"Yeah, doesn't really make sense to me either. I mean, maybe she'd mistaken your flirting with Dara to mean that you were falling in love with her."
"That doesn't quite work." Even though she hadn't mentioned it when they talked at work, he suspected Audrey knew what happened between him and Jack. There was no other possible reason for both of them showing up at the dorm. He wondered how much she'd known before the evening began.
"You're right. That's absolutely silly." She squinted at something catching her attention on the other side of the street, then blurted out, "It's about time!"
That brought Pacey out of his thoughts and paying full attention to Joey. "What?"
She pointed to what she'd seen on the other side of the street. Jack was walking down the street, a couple of shops ahead of them, with an older guy wearing a light blue shirt and black jeans. He didn't look like any of the frat guys he'd seen in the past.
"I wondered if he'd ever move on from Tobey."
Pacey tried to see what Joey was talking about but was unable. "You're jumping to conclusions. Maybe he's a friend from class." Or anything else that made them purely platonic.
Joey exclaimed, "Come on, Pacey. It's obvious that Jack's finally found a boyfriend. Why dash my hopes away?"
"They're only..." As he struggled to find another possibility, the other guy had heard Joey's words, or least the key words to the sentence, and looked for who said it. He whispered something to Jack. "I think we've been spotted," he replied glumly.
"I wonder where that guy's been hiding. I mean, it doesn't help me out but I never seem to find cute boys at the dorm. Maybe that's why I was so focused on my professor."
The guy, who Pacey now noted as Blue Guy for the shirt, stopped walking a casual pace and pulled Jack sharply toward the wall of one of the buildings. Blue Guy made a quick 180 turn so Jack would collide against him. Neither moved from the resulting position, their bodies pressed against each other, each holding eye contact with the other. Finally, after it seemed they'd been frozen there for hours, but was probably only a few seconds, Blue Guy rested one hand along Jack's cheek as he slowly bridged the small gap and kissed him. Jack didn't hesitate to prolong the kiss as he opened his mouth enough to let the other guy's tongue slip in.
It'd never seriously occured to Pacey that Jack would be able to bounce back so quickly. As much as he'd known about Jack's relationship with Tobey, he'd never paid attention to them as a couple. At the time, he'd been focused on the train wreck he'd caused with Joey before leaving for the summer on the seas. When he returned, they were already on the long-distance aspect of the relationship, which soon led to the ending.
There had been more to that one kiss he'd had with Jack then the many with Audrey and most definitely more than what happened with Joey later in the night. He kept wondering how he'd ended up in that position with her. He definitely hadn't wanted Joey so what was the reason?
Pacey had suspected that Jack may have participated because he was lonely. After all, that was a frequent complaint. Jack was drunk and Pacey was willing. If Joey hadn't shown up, it could have resulted in the best night of his life. Even though the final result wasn't desirable, he had convinced himself that Jack would have regretted it if the evening had continued the way he'd imagined it.
There was only one thing he was absolutely positive about. He desperately wanted to be Blue Guy.
He finally remembered that he wasn't the only one witnessing this scene. "Jen was saying at dinner that she was about to fix him up with the TA in her Women's Studies class. I guess there's no need to..."
Pacey tried to look at Joey but it hurt too much. "Actually, Potter, I'm heading to the bar. This is not a night to waste in an apartment." He bolted off in the opposite direction they'd been walking.
Joey turned around and asked, "Weren't we walking in that direction?" But Pacey didn't want to turn back around and see her; instead, he picked up speed to leave the scene.
* * * * *
Shawn pulled out of the kiss once he saw Pacey leaving. "Mission accomplished."
"What are you talking about?" Jack thought Shawn was just using the talk he claimed to hear as an excuse.
"The ex saw what he could no longer have and left."
Jack raised an eyebrow. "Pacey wouldn't be jealous."
"Jack, I saw his eyes cloud over. Maybe even a glint of green for envy thrown in." Jack turned around to see that Pacey was, in fact, walking away from Joey. It was easier thinking it was a lie.
All Jack could say was, "Unbelievable."
"Not really. He - you said his name was Pacey? - sees he let a wonderful guy slip away." Shawn lowered his hand from Jack's cheek to under his chin and rested his thumb against Jack's lip. "He's a very foolish guy."
Jack shyly smiled. "Flattery will get you nowhere." Even though Shawn wrongly assumed he'd ever dated Pacey, everything else he said made some sense. Normally, Jack would be trying to get away from this guy's pickup routine. After all, he'd thrown out several phone numbers and business cards he'd received from guys in that very bar. The strange thing with Shawn was that everything seemed simple. They had gone to the pizzeria and were able to goof around like old friends.
Friends. Jack wished he could think of Shawn as anything more. He'd enjoyed the kiss very much and wouldn't have minded staying in that position longer. When it was over, Jack hadn't felt any differently about him. Yet he was determined not to immediately discard the evening as a wash. It had been wonderful to hang out with someone gay without angsting over it - a welcome relief from the thinking about... that other person.
After all, Shawn was rather attractive. His light brown hair was blown haphazardly around from the windy evening. His bluish eyes were captivating, especially in the seconds just before the kiss. There was the smell that was a combination of pizza, cologne and fish which probably always lingered on him since he waited tables at a clam shack that, oddly, seemed to work for him.
"I'm heading home. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day at work." He fished through his pockets. "Damn, can't find a piece of paper."
"Don't worry about it." Jack pulled out a pen and paper. Before he realized what he was doing, he wrote down his name and phone number and handed it to Shawn.
* * * * *
Joey was still watching from the other side of the street. She kept looking back in the direction Pacey headed, hoping he'd retrace his steps.
"What the hell?" She remembered that when Audrey found out what she did with Pacey, Jack was with her. It was Jack, not Audrey, who'd been angrier about the scene.
Here she'd thought that Audrey was only trying to be calm to keep their friendship together. Maybe there was a different reason altogether.
She turned back as Jack and the cute guy she now recognized from the fish place by the water parted ways.
Jack stopped and stared in the same direction Pacey went. He now saw, for the first time, that Joey was standing there. He opened his mouth, wanting to say something to get her attention, but he had no idea what was appropriate. She'd already won Pacey's heart - what else was there to say? "Congratulations, you succeeded" seemed wrong but that was about as nice as he could be to her at that moment.
She felt someone's eyes on her and turned around. There was Jack, staring at her. As soon as he noticed Joey'd seen him, he averted his gaze and headed for home.
Joey hoped she was wrong but everything seemed to fit together now. They were both vying for the same person. She figured that Pacey may have known that Jack had fallen for him. When she interrupted them that night, Jack may have revealed those feelings. Pacey turned him down, of course, and that was why Jack was so upset about realizing what he couldn't have.
Satisfied, though a little concerned, with that conclusion, Joey finally made the trip home.
Part 7
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