Stumbling
Chapter 4 - One Door Closes, Another Opens
The gang was sitting in the dining room, awaiting the main course. Dara took this opportunity to say to Jen, “I should thank you for letting me into your lovely home.”
Jen muttered, “I didn’t really have a choice.”
“Yes, you did. You could have slammed the door in my face.” She glared pointedly at Joey, who looked down, embarrassed with herself for the earlier commotion. “I’m sorry Pacey decided to surprise everyone.”
Dawson replied, “Fortunately, he’s the cook or else you may have had a problem being served here.”
“Are you kidding? He brought enough food to feed a crowded Civilization!” Dara giggled.
Jen produced the bottle of vodka Audrey had swiped earlier. "I'd say that you wanted us to get drunk."
Pacey leered, "How else would I be able to have my way with you ladies?"
Jen smirked as she opened the bottle, poured a little in Audrey's glass then her own. Both drank it at the same time. Jen placed the bottle in the middle of the table, shaking her head mockingly, "Nope, you're still undesirable."
Audrey added, "I'm still glad we're history."
“That's right," Pacey exclaimed. "You would require Carla to be here. Then again, I hear Jen is pretty good."
Jen raised an eyebrow naughtily as she cooed, "He's right, Audrey." She proceeded to kiss Dawson, who had been ignoring their flirting session. "You'll have to ask him for details."
Once Dawson figured out what they'd been discussing, he replied proudly, "Yeah, you'd have to ask me."
Joey rolled her eyes, annoyed at how Dawson was under their spell. She grabbed the bottle and took a healthy swig. Then she realized what she was drinking and tried not to spit it out.
While the others were flirting and laughing along, Jack noticed Joey's reaction to the drink. He handed her a glass of Coke. "It might be easier to handle mixed with something."
"No,” Joey replied stubbornly. "If I have to sit through this dinner, I don't want there to be any chance of remembering it."
* * * * *
After dinner was over, Jen was in the kitchen cleaning up when Jack entered.
“How did you get stuck with cleanup duty?”
Jen shrugged. “I suppose it’s because I wasn’t as wise as Audrey. She fell asleep on the couch.”
“Hmm.” Jack rummaged through the bags still left on the table and pulled out a full bottle of vodka. “I thought Joey drank all the alcohol.”
Jen laughed. “Not quite. I made sure he brought an extra bottle, just in case one of us ended up in a depressed enough mood to drink all that. I’m just surprised it was Joey.” She shook her head as the distinctly muffled sound of someone puking could be heard coming from upstairs. “Although I have to admit, you were catching up to her at the end of the party. Thankfully, there’s enough for me and Dawson to enjoy with some strawberries.” She gave a naughty grin to support that statement.
Jack cringed as he dropped the bottle back in the bag and backed away from the table. “I wasn’t that bad tonight.”
“The only reason I didn’t say anything sooner was that I know you have a higher tolerance level than Joey. Still, I wonder what the hell’s going on with you. I thought it was all a frat thing but that doesn’t seem to be the case. The last week has been completely different from before.”
“Jen, I don’t need the lecture,” he futilely protested.
She turned away from the sink and faced him. “I don’t know what you need. That’s the problem. I know it’s not me that’s the problem and that’s about all I can see.”
“What do you want me to do? Whine profusely about my life? Act all depressed over how fucked up this whole year has been? Sorry, Jen, not doing it.”
Jen smirked, “Well, as long as you won’t do that.” Before she could continue, she spotted a shadow in the doorway. “What do you want?” Jack turned around to find a very worn-out Pacey creep into view.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt. I’m going to drop Dara off then I’ll be back here to help you clean. Even as I hope you’ll assure me you won’t need the assistance.” He crossed his fingers, praying she’d let him off the hook.
“If you want to help, I’d appreciate it. Maybe I’ll even forget what I wanted to say regarding that girl.” She frowned at the thought.
Pacey nodded in agreement. Before he had the chance to leave the room, he could distinctly hear Jack add, “Like how much he had to pay her to pull off that acting performance. That was better than anything Dawson could get from his actors.” Pacey pretended it was too low to hear as he walked away. Shortly after, there was a door slam shut as he and Dara left the house.
Jen, however, had no interest in playing games. As soon as she was sure Pacey wouldn’t return, she snapped, “That wasn’t necessary. Granted, it was painfully obvious to everyone that was the objective…”
Jack interjected, “Everyone other than Joey.”
She conceded, “True. But, see, that’s Audrey’s job…to point out such snags to the plan. You, me and Dawson? We’re supposed to pretend we don’t notice or care. That’s what the next day is all about.”
“Roles?” He feared that she’d spent one too many evenings upstairs in that attic with Dawson.
She shrugged, not caring about the poor choice of words. “Okay, it sounded bad. We’re not in position to say anything. Only the jealous people can get away with that remark. And, unless you’ve returned to the person who crushed on Pacey at the end of junior year, that excludes you.” She stopped running the water as realization kicked in. “You don’t, right?”
“Of course not,” Jack replied a little too quickly. “Why would I have any interest in Pacey again? That’s ridiculous!”
“Silly.” Jen shook her head, preparing herself for another one of these talks. So she was astonished to find Jack standing up from his chair and trying to leave. She turned the faucet on again and shouted, “Don’t say anything else stupid like that tonight.”
Jack spun back around and retorted, “I’m certain that won’t happen. He’s already left.”
* * * * *
Pacey had driven up to Dara’s apartment building, neither one quite sure how to put an end to this evening. The ride to dinner was filled with lots of conversation - or at least idle chatter - but the return trip was silent.
Dara glanced at her apartment, then at Pacey. “Well, it was certainly an interesting evening. You know, after all the shrieking subsided.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry about Joey. I had no idea she’d be the one freaking out. I was prepared for Audrey’s reaction, not hers.”
She drummed her fingers against her purse. “I hate to tell you this but Audrey didn’t seem all that affected by my presence. She and that blonde guy were the only two not throwing death stares in my direction at the dinner table.”
“I wouldn’t take Dawson’s opinion too seriously. As far as he’s concerned, as long as I’m not dating Joey, he’s fine with any girl I date. Besides, he was spending his time being annoyed with her.” He shook his head as he fished through the junk in the back seat. “I’d better get back to their place and talk about this. Where the hell is that bag?”
Dara mumbled, “Yeah, I’m sure she’s the reason you’re returning to the scene of the crime.”
“Hmm?” He wasn’t paying attention to what she’d said; instead thrilled he’d found the purpose of the search. Pacey wished he had listened to Dara more during the night but there were just too many distractions. It was entirely possible that she was a wonderful person but he’d be damned if he could remember a word she’d said the whole night. “Of course I’m glad you were there. I’m sorry if this wasn’t the type of first date you deserved. Maybe another night…”
“I don’t think so,” she replied sharply. Pacey immediately focused back to the passenger. He wasn’t accustomed to getting brushed off and, despite everything, seriously thought it hadn’t been that much of a disaster.
Upon noticing the hurt evident in his eyes, she retracted with a more pleasant tone to her voice, “It’s not that you’re not a wonderful person. I’m just not the person you need right now.” She pointed to the bag he’d retrieved, “There are many people more worthy of your attention. I’m not sure how messed up the dynamic of your group is, although I gather it’s been rather incestuous. What you need is to be honest about your feelings. Everything will be easier that way."
Pacey grunted, "No, everything will be more difficult that way. I really don't want to hurt any of my friends but I know this will. She was, at one point, the best thing that ever happened to me. So how can I tell her that's no longer true?"
"I really don't know how but it seems to already be spiraling out of control. It's time to stop the madness." She leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. "
"You may be right."
* * * * *
Pacey returned to the driveway of the house of doom. Cautiously, he exited the car and walked up to the house. The door was unlocked so he entered to survey the damage.
First thing of note was Audrey asleep on the couch. He was relieved about that since that probably implied that Joey was still somewhere in the house. Or maybe it didn’t since Audrey shouldn’t exactly be thrilled with her bunny.
He tiptoed into the kitchen doorway where Jen was sitting at the table, waiting for the dishwasher to finish its job. Her curls scattered around her head in all directions, too tired to even bother brushing the hair out of her face.
Pacey turned back around, relieved Jen hadn’t heard him, and headed up the stairs. The first sounds he’d heard came from the bathroom. He inched closer so he could decipher who was talking since all he could hear was crying and faint whispers.
Dawson was the first voice. He kept repeating, “It’s not your fault, Jo. It’s not your fault.”
Pacey mumbled, “ He consoling her regarding me?” The strangest part was that Dawson sounded sincere about it. He’d figured that after the prom debacle Dawson was more than eager to play the role of Joey’s “real” friend. He knew that Dawson jumped at the opportunity to kiss her. Why this seemed different than that time he couldn’t pinpoint. It was almost as if his oldest and, at one time, closest friend wasn’t “acting” the friend; he was actually “being” the friend.
He slumped down to the floor. What was happening here? The world as he’d known it was now completely upside-down. Joey wasn’t the object of either guy’s affections. Dawson had actually grown past Joey and into Jen. Then there was the fiasco he’d created which probably cost him a friend in Jack.
Finally, after what seemed like hours but was probably only a few minutes, Joey mustered a response, “I was so certain I was his girl! I fucked up things with Audrey because I thought she was giving us her fucking blessing. I completely made him believe that she was a goddamn lesbian. The worst part is that he didn’t even chase after me when I saw him arrive with the slutty assistant.” Pacey had already known Audrey wasn’t a lesbian; at the very least, she had no attraction to Carla whatsoever.
Dawson replied, “It’s just the crazy things people do when they’re in love.”
Pacey could imagine Joey giving him a death stare as she barked, “Why don’t you do some of those crazy things with Jen? You know, the girl you apparently love.”
Dawson’s response was probably gaping at the appalling remark as he relented. “I’ll be downstairs.”
Damn it, he didn’t want either one of them to know he’d been listening. Pacey jumped up quickly and entered the nearest room. He waited as Dawson exited the bathroom and slowly walked down the stairs. He let out a sigh of relief, which didn’t last long.
“What could you possibly want?” Jack remarked bitterly. Pacey closed his eyes, wishing he’d remembered the set-up of this house better. He really hadn’t wanted to deal with him right now, especially with everyone else in the house. Or, mainly, with an already hysterical Joey in the house. “The idea of Dawson hanging on Joey’s every word dredging up old memories?”
Pacey turned around to face the enemy. Jack was none too pleased, his green eyes glowering at him. Why was he the one acting so irritated? After all, Jack was the one who’d done the rejecting - that was why Pacey kind of enjoyed his reaction to Dara at the beginning of the evening.
“I think Joey’s calmed down a little.”
“Yeah, I think Dawson managed to go a whole five minutes without her shoving him forcibly,” Jack noted wryly. “Again I ask why are you here? Shouldn’t you be talking to Joey?”
“Maybe I should.” Pacey placed one hand on the doorknob but unable to make the escape he knew he should. His feet felt like cement, incapable of making any other movement. “Why should I?”
Jack was confused by the comment. “Why? Because she’s the one you were meant to be with…obviously.”
“Obviously?” Pacey exclaimed, his ire growing. “Are you fucking blind? Have I been pursuing Joey since I returned from my summer at sea? Have I?”
“No but that’s because you assumed that Joey moved on. True, she was trying to get away from both you and Dawson…but if she’d shown any interest, you’d have jumped back to her in a second.”
“Why would I even think of Joey still being attracted to me? She had the opportunity to talk the moment Audrey and I first got together! I would have gladly ended that if Joey told me so. You see, I care about her well-being. I’m just past the period where I was hopelessly in love with her.”
“Yeah, now you’re just hopelessly in love with every random woman,” Jack sneered as he stepped closer to him. “Because Dara is so important that she had to appear at a dinner with friends.”
“You know, you’re really the last person I’m interested in talking to regarding this subject. Even Dawson would be a better person in this case.”
"And why is that? Because he'd be so wrapped up in the new world he's created that he wouldn't notice what or whom you've been doing?"
"What is your problem? You have no real reason to be hostile toward me! It's hard enough being in this room as it is! I admit I made a fool of myself - just let it go!"
"Yeah, you were the fool... who knows how to press buttons. Because you were being an idiot, I have to pay the consequences." Jack ran his hand through his hair. "Damn it, Pacey, this was hard enough the first time. Why now?"
Pacey was puzzled by Jack's reaction. He'd been so sure of Jack's reasons - yet now it seemed he had no idea. "I'm lost. What happened the first time? I only recall laying myself out there in front of you the one time."
"You... what? You meant what you said?!" Jack backed up until his heel hit against the leg of the bed, where he sat down. "Now you're not the only one who's lost." He collapsed back on the bed and covered his head with his hands.
Pacey sat down on the edge of the bed. "I don't know why I had to say it that night but I wasn't playing games. It's kind of been going through my brain since we went to that bar. It should have been easy to act on it and just make it a joke given the situation, but I didn't. I should have." He stared intently at the bookshelf against the wall, not wanting to see his reaction.
Jack dropped his arms to his sides, a grin beginning to form on his face. "Is this really how you pictured it?" He sat up and grazed a finger under Pacey's chin to get his attention. "I'd say you're unlikely to get a better opportunity unless you raid the shower first thing in the morning."
It was then that Pacey took a whiff and remembered seeing Jack drink quite a bit of that liquor earlier in the evening. The Jack he was accustomed to would never outright proposition him like that. At least Pacey could reassure himself with the fact that Jack wasn't plastered drunk; he wouldn't forget about it in the morning. Pacey decided to play along, replying in a husky voice, "And how would you possibly get a better chance?"
Jack tilted his head while thinking about it, then shrugged, "I don't know." Before Pacey knew it, Jack bridged the gap between them and began to kiss him. Any possible way he'd imagined this scenario playing out was forgotten as Pacey enjoyed their mouths finally in contact...
There was a loud knock at the door. Jack broke away from the kiss, cringing at the interruption. Pacey whispered, "Whoever it is will go away. Don't answer it." He leaned in, ready to ignore the noise. That would have been a good idea except the banging sound was getting louder and more annoying.
Jack stood up and opened the door a crack. Upon seeing who was there, he whispered, "I'm not so sure this is the right time."
There was a swift shove against the door as the intruder entered. As soon as Pacey saw, he tried to erase from his mind what just happened. "Hey, Jo."
Part 5
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