Restless
January 1976
Since Rollin’s return to
Since Christmas, he had tried to entice her to sleep with him regularly, she would not give in. It reminded him of the six week period after Jennifer’s birth. At least then she had been willing to help him with his predicament. Now, she just ignored his advances. They were living in the same house but only for Jennifer’s sake. They were not together. It was the first time he had slept in his bed from the beach house in the guest room since they had moved into house.
He wondered if some of the problem stemmed from Cinnamon’s decision to return
to the IMF. Her decision to go back had not come without apprehension on her
part. Going back to work with Jim would mean less time with Jennifer and it
could put their daughter in jeopardy. But he knew she had the proper safeguards
in place and she could maintain control. Her agency, Allure, was on auto-pilot
with her second in command,
Rollin arrived home early one Friday afternoon to find Cinnamon tending her
rose bushes. She had planted them just after they had
purchased the house. His reaction to her as he watched her meticulously tending
the shrubs was immediate. She always had that effect on him. Today,
was different. Not having had sex for weeks was beginning to really distract
him. He walked out into the warm
“Yeah…” He said standing behind her.
He reached for her, his hands going to her arms. “How are you?”
She turned to face him. “Fine. Just doing a little nurturing.”
His eyes met hers. “I could use a little of that too.” He said simply. “And so could you, I suspect.” He added.
She did crave his touch, she could not deny that. They’d been together too long for her to try and lie to him. “You obviously have something in mind.”
His hands went to her shoulders. “Come upstairs with me. I need to make love to you.”
It was a request, a plea, an appeal to her to let him come back to her.
“Please, Cinnamon…”
His plea shocked her. Asking her to have sex with him was something she had never expected to hear.
“I’ll be upstairs.” He said, squeezing her shoulders then leaving her to consider his request.
She watched him walk back into the house. He had stated plainly what he wanted, so it was up to her.
Cinnamon quickly completed her task and returned to the kitchen. There she removed her hat and gloves, returning them to the cabinet where they were stored. ‘He must be going a little crazy’ she thought, it had been over six weeks since they had slept together, she was also feeling the need for a release.
He looked up from pulling back the covers on the bed when he heard the bedroom door open. She stepped inside, closing the door behind her.
He straightened up as she moved toward him. “You always surprise me.” She said.
He smiled and reached for her hand. “I hope I always do.” He said pulling her into his embrace. “I love you so much.”
She laid her cheek against his shoulder as he kissed her hair. “It feels so good to hold you.” He whispered. “I’ve missed touching you.”
She had kept her distance from him since Thanksgiving. But now she found herself wanting him just as much as he did her.
His hands moved up her back, holding her tight against him as her arms moved about his waist. He didn’t want to discuss what he needed. He just wanted to love her.
He tilted her face up to his and kissed her. She melted against him. She gave in to her heart and his caress and closed her mind to her anger.
He made love to her, slowly until they came to a shuddering climax. He looked down at her and kissed her softly as their hearts beat madly against each other.
He moved off of her to lie next to her, his arm still draped across her. “God, I have missed you.” He said.
She closed her eyes, savoring the feelings he always conjured in her.
“Is that what it’s like?” She asked.
“Is what like?”
“What it’s like when you’re with the others?” She didn't want to hurt him, but then again, she did.
He pushed himself up on his elbow. “What?” He asked, confused.
“Is that what it’s like?” She asked again.
His head shagged and he sighed, as suddenly tired. “How can you ask me that? You are the only one that makes this real for me.” He was incredulous.
“Then why do you have to be with other women?” She said looking at him.
He looked at her hard. “Do you think that was just sex? That it didn’t mean
anything to me?”
She met his eyes. “Did it?”
He sat up. “What the hell do you think!” He exclaimed. “How long are you going to punish me, Cinnamon?”
She closed her eyes, now she was sorry she’d asked.
“I can’t do this anymore Cinnamon.” He said moving from the bed and pulling on his boxer shorts. “I’ve asked you to forgive me.” He said looking at her. “Why can’t you understand how I feel about you?”
He grabbed his clothes from the chair and slammed the bedroom door behind him.
He went to the guest room and began throwing his clothes into his bag. He couldn’t continue to feel what he felt for her, if she was not going to forgive him. It hurt too much to continue like this, with no hope.
She stepped from the bedroom as he was headed down the stairs with his bag in hand.
“Where are you going?” She called after him.
“What? You care? This is what you want.” He called as the door slammed behind him.
Cinnamon stood at the top of the stairs, listening to the silence of the house. ‘No… it’s not what I want.’ She thought.
Rollin threw his bag in the backseat of the convertible and drove off. With no where else to go, he headed to Joey’s.
He entered the bar and asked Joey for a bottle of scotch and a pack of cigarettes. He took both to the back booth which he had been known to frequent.
He stayed there for several hours until Joey refused to give him another bottle.
About
“In the back.” Joey shot his thumb over his shoulder.
Willy nodded and headed that way.
“Hey, Rollin!” Willy called as he saw Rollin.
Rollin was clearly intoxicated as he looked up at his friend. “Willy? Whaddya doing here?”
“I heard you might need some company.”
Rollin looked at his friend. “Sure, I’ll buy you a round.”
Rollin called for another round and Joey quickly appeared. “Here you go fellas.” He said setting two glasses of water in front of them.
Joey left them. He hoped the Willy could take care of Rollin.
“What’s going on Rollin? You celebrating?” Willy asked.
Rollin snorted. “Hardly.”
Willy measured Rollin for a moment, then said, "You look like you're lost your best friend."
Rollin looked up from his drink, "I have." Gazing back down at his drink, Rollin continued, "And I can't seem to do anything about it. She doesn't want me any more."
Willy already knew of the troubles Rollin and Cinnamon were having. “More problems?”
“She won’t forgive me, Willy.” He said, defeated. “I’ve been with her for ten years and now she’s refusing to sleep with me.”
Willy nodded. “How bout you come and stay at my place until you two sort this out.” He said.
“We’ll never work it out, Willy. She wants me gone.”
“Come on Rollin,” Willy said rising from the booth. “Let’s get outta here.”
Willy helped Rollin from the booth and walked him to the car. Willy took Rollin to his condo and put him in the guest room.
The next morning Willy found a hung over Rollin in the kitchen, pouring a cup of coffee
“Morning Rollin.” Willy announced.
“Quiet, man, quiet.” Rollin said raising his hand.
Willy smiled at his friend’s distress. “Sorry.” He said reaching for the blender to make his morning protein shake. “You want to go get your car this morning?” Willy asked.
“Sure.” Rollin said retreating to the den with his coffee.
They went to retrieve Rollin’s car at the bar and then he drove to the house. There he was greeted by Maria. He was silently grateful when she said Jennifer and Cinnamon were out shopping. He didn’t want to have to deal with the situation at that moment.
Thirty minutes later as he was loading his bags in the car, they returned from shopping. As Cinnamon parked next to his car, Jennifer jumped from the passenger side. “Daddy!” She called as she ran between the cars to greet him.
“Hi sweetheart.” He replied as he picked her up to hug her.
“What are you doing?” She asked looking as his bags. “Why do you have to leave?” She asked as he sat her down.
He looked down at his daughter. “I have to, Jen.”
Cinnamon stepped from the car, listening to their conversation as Rollin watched her coming to join them.
“Mommy, Daddy says he’s leaving, tell him not to.” She said looking between her parents.
Cinnamon reached for Jen. “If Daddy thinks he has to go, maybe he does, Jen.”
“But I want him to stay with us.” She commanded.
Rollin squatted down to face Jen. “I’ll be back, Jen. I’m just not sure how long this may take.” He said looking up at Cinnamon as he pulled her close for a hug. “I love you sweetheart, always know that.”
“I love you, Daddy.” She replied, hugging him tight.
Cinnamon watched their exchange and had a sudden pang of guilt as Rollin stood.
“Jen, run on inside and tell Maria we’re back.” Cinnamon instructed.
Rollin took a deep breath as Jen walked inside the house and Cinnamon looked at him. “Where are you going?” She asked.
“I’ve got a couple of things lined up back east. I might as well go back. I’m not wanted here.”
Cinnamon’s eyes left his. “Rollin….”
“Don’t…” Rollin sighed. “Maybe its best if we’re apart for awhile, maybe then we can figure this out.”
He stepped closer to her. “I do love you.” He said sincerely then took her by the arms and kissed her before she could resist.
He turned and closed the trunk of his car then moved to the driver’s door. “I’ll be in touch.”
He looked up at the window that overlooked the driveway and saw Jennifer there, watching them.
He blew her a kiss then stepped into car and moved off down the drive.
Cinnamon watched the car moved away, then turned and walked slowly inside, suddenly feeling hollow and empty.
THE END
Elena Vorska
April 2002