Remember When
It was a Thursday morning in April of 1996 when Jim called each of the old team and asked them to meet him at their old meeting place, the apartment. He paced the room remembering all the time he had spent there with them planning their old missions. He wished this time was like the others but tonight would be a first.
Nearly thirty years had passed since the original group had last worked together as a team. Willie and Barney had continued to work with him and the IMF for a time after both Rollin and Cinnamon had left the team. The three of them thought Rollin and Cinnamon had left to be together, however it seemed that even the impossible wasn’t doable all the time.
A knock at the door tore Jim from his thoughts. He moved quickly across the room. Willie was looking fit and trim in his light grey suit as he stood framed in the doorway. He greeted Jim with a firm handshake. “Afternoon Jim.”
“Willie. Thanks for coming.”
“Sure Jim. Just a phone call away. What’s up?”
“We should wait for the others.” Jim said.
Willie nodded surveying the room as he moved inside. He had spent many an hour there. It had been updated since the mid eighties when he had finally decided to leave but the room still held memories for him.
A short staccato knock brought Jim back to door. He opened it to reveal the stylishly attired Cinnamon Carter. “Hello Cinnamon.” Jim said with a smile.
“It’s been a long time, Jim.” She said extending her hand to greet him.
Jim smiled as he reached for her hand to draw her into the apartment. “Much too long. How’ve you been?” He said as he kissed her cheek.
“Very well Jim, thank you.” She said.
She gave him a charming smile as she moved into the room where she saw Willie standing next to the sofa. “Willie!” She exclaimed.
Willie smiled as she crossed to embrace him. “Willie. I do believe you have more muscles than the last time I saw you.”
Willie kissed her cheek. “Is it possible that you’re even more beautiful?”
“Mr. Armitage…you do flatter me.” She said.
There was another knock at the door and Jim went to answer as Cinnamon and Willie enjoyed their reunion.
“Hey Jim.” Rollin said as the door opened.
“Rollin, thanks for coming.” He said taking the silver-haired actors outstretched hand.
“No problem.” He said moving into the apartment where he saw both Cinnamon and Willie.
“Hey Rollin.” Willie called.
“Will! Good to see ya.” He grasped his hand.
Rollin’s eyes focused on Cinnamon. It had been more than a few years since they had last seen each other. His voice dropped in pitch for his greeting for her. “Hello Cinnamon.”
“Rollin.” She said as their eyes met. His blue eyes had their same sparkle and his voice made her heart beat just a little faster.
“You’re looking lovely.” He said with his most charming smile as he reached to kiss her cheek.
“Thank you.” She said accepting his kiss. “How’ve you been?”
“Fine. You?”
“Very well.”
Jim joined them. “Have a seat everyone.” He said just as he always had.
“Aren’t we missing someone Jim?” Willie spoke up as they each took a seat.
“That’s why I called you all together.” Jim continued solemnly. “Barney died few days ago.” Cinnamon’s gasp was audible. “One of his last wishes was for his ashes to be spread at sea. I thought it be nice if the four of us could do that.”
Cinnamon, who sat next to Rollin, grasped his hand, in shock. She and Barney had once been so close, yet over the last few years they had simply lost touch.
Willie looked at the floor, stunned. He and Barney had been through so much together, saving each other’s lives countless times.
Rollin still held Cinnamon’s hand. “How Jim?” He finally asked.
“He had cancer, Rollin.”
Cinnamon covered her mouth and focused on the urn that sat on the coffee table in front on them.
“What about Grant, Jim?” Cinnamon asked.
“He’s on assignment. I was able to get a message to him but he asked that I take care of things per Barney’s instructions.”
“It’s the least we can do for him, Jim.” Willie said.
“Will’s right.” Rollin agreed. “When do you want to go?” Rollin asked.
“I have a boat at the marina.”
“Cinnamon?” Jim asked.
She nodded her agreement, “We have to take care of Barney,” was all she could manage to say.
With the foursome in agreement, together they took the gold urn and left for the marina.
At the Long Beach Marina, they boarded Jim’s twenty-six foot Bertram. He had purchased the boat some years earlier. He enjoyed getting out on the water from time to time. He fired up the engines while a young crewman helped his passengers find their seats. Willie stripped off his suit coat and helped with the lines. The young crewman frequently sailed with Jim and today he would serve as pilot while his passengers would lay their friend to rest.
At the prearranged coordinates, the craft drifted to a stop. Jim poured them a round of drinks then joined the others on the stern, presenting each of them with a glass of scotch, Barney’s drink. Willie held the urn. “My friends,” Jim began, “we’re here to honor a dear friend and colleague. He will be missed. To Barney.” Jim finished holding up his glass.
“To Barney.” They said in unison as their glasses touched and they drank their toast. They then moved to the side of the boat where Willie uncapped the urn and with one last look at each of each of his friends, he began to release the ashes in to the water. “Goodbye Barney.” The big man said softly.
Cinnamon’s eyes began to tear and Rollin passed her a white monogrammed handkerchief as he put his arm about her shoulders and she lent against him. They would each grieve for him in their own way. Jim stared out across the water and Willie watched the ashes as they disappeared in the water.
With Barney’s ashes reclaimed by the sea, Willie capped the urn and stepped back from the side. “I saw him a few months ago. I knew he was sick but he didn’t tell me how bad it was.” He said.
“I hadn’t seen him in five years.” Rollin stated, shaking his head as he looked out over the water.
“It’d been a year seen we’d seen each other.” Cinnamon admitted, having found her voice.
Jim nodded at each of their confessions. “He knew how each of you felt. He didn’t want to burden any of you with what was going on.”
Jim signaled the young man on the bridge of the boat to fire up the engines, it was time to head home. They reclaimed their seats for the somber ride home.
It was late afternoon when they returned to the dock. After securing the boat, the foursome returned to the apartment to retrieve their cars. There they said their goodbyes, each promising to stay in better touch.
Rollin walked Cinnamon to her car in the underground garage. “You really didn’t need to do this.” She said as they approached her car.
“I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
She cast her eyes down then back to meet his. “I will be. It certainly was a shock wasn’t it?”
“Yeah,” he admitted, “He was a good friend.” He agreed. “It is good to see you though.” He added.
“It has been awhile.” She admitted.
“You’re looking more beautiful than ever.” He smiled.
“There’s that charmer I remember.”
“I speak only the truth.” He said with a smile as she unlocked her car door. “Any chance I could persuade you to have dinner with me?” He asked.
She considered his proposal momentarily. “When?” She asked looking at him over the edge of her car door.
“Tonight? He suggested, “Unless you have plans.”
Her smile came slowly as she mulled his offer. “Seven-thirty. 227
Rollin nodded. “I’ll be there.”
He arrived promptly at her front door. He admired the Spanish villa style
home as he strolled up the front walk to ring the doorbell. The door opened
within moments to reveal Cinnamon in a green off the shoulder dress, befitting
the perfect
“Thank you.” She said with a smile. “Where are we off to?”
“I have somewhere in mind.” He said.
“Just let me get my things.”
She reappeared pulling the door shut and locking it behind her. Walking her to the car, he caught the hint of Chanel as she slid into the passenger seat of the silver BMW coupe. He couldn’t help but smile. That was the one scent he always associated with Cinnamon.
He drove them to a restaurant perched high in the hills above
Coaxing her onto the dance floor when the band began to play was easy. Soon he held her close to the slow andante of ‘Dancing in the Dark’. She had forgotten the pleasure of his warm hand in the small of her back guiding her around a tiny dance floor and how his lips brushed the side her head as they danced. It had been more than a few years since they had shared time together but her memory of their past was vivid.
The drive back to her home was just as animated as their dinner conversation as they continued their discussion about Cinnamon’s work with her modeling agency. Rollin pulled up in the circular drive. He moved from the driver’s seat, rounding the car to open her door. “Home, safe and sound.” He announced as he took her hand to help her from the car.
“Thank you.” She said.
Closing the door behind her, he walked her to the door as she took her key from her purse. She inserted the key in the deadbolt lock. “Nightcap?” She asked inviting him inside.
“I’d like that.” He accepted.
She gave him a smile as she unlocked the door and continued inside. She switched on the lights illuminating the foyer and continued into a large living area with fireplace on one end with colorful sofas and chairs decorating the room.
“Make yourself comfortable. I’ll pour us a drink.”
He moved about the room admiring her various pieces of artwork and stopped
at one particular piece. He remembered the painting. It was one that they had
bought together while in
He turned at her voice and smiled. “Like yesterday. We spent a week at the Ritz and bought that at a little gallery not far from the Louvre.”
She smiled handing him a glass. “You remember.”
“That’s not all I remember.” He mused.
She cut her eyes at him and moved toward the sofa.
“Walking along the
Cinnamon’s eyes were soft as she remembered their time together. “It was a nice trip.” She said settling on the sofa.
He raised his glass to her, “To Paris,” he said as he joined her.
She touched her glass to his. “It seems a long time ago.” She said after sipping her drink.
“Nineteen years.” He said.
She looked at him, surprised.
“May, seventy-seven.”
“Did you come here to reminisce?” She asked.
“Maybe.” He said.
“Really Rollin? What is tonight all about? It’s been years.”
Rollin looked at his glass. “Too many years. After today with Barney and seeing you I realized just how precious time is.”
Cinnamon was wary. “You realized what? Other than running into one another a few years ago we haven’t really seen each other for probably fifteen years. What are you trying to say?”
“That I shouldn’t have wasted the last fifteen years.” He said.
“Wasted?”
“Searching for something…someone I had all those years ago.”
“What did we have back then Rollin?” She asked.
“Each other and careers we both loved.”
“And as soon as we left those jobs things changed, didn’t they?”
“I suppose they did, yes.” He agreed.
“You suppose?” She chided him. “You needed the excitement. That’s why you were always off on a movie or play after you quit. You never wanted to stay put.”
Rollin watched her. “You liked the excitement too.”
“Not like you did. For you, it’s like a drug.”
“Cinnamon….”
“It’s true, Rollin. That’s why sex was so great with you.”
“What?” He was confused.
“Your energy, your passion are focused on what you’re doing at the moment. That’s one reason why sex was so good with you because you live in the moment. It’s all about right now.” She explained.
“You make that sound like a bad thing.” He said.
“I didn’t say that.”
Rollin sat his glass aside and reached for her hand. “You have always known me better than anyone.”
“Could that be because we slept together for twelve years?” She countered.
He smiled. “That could have something to do with it.” He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it softly. “I have missed you.”
“What are you after?”
“I’m not getting a break tonight, am I?”
“Not until you tell me what you want.”
He shook his head. “You. I’ve been on the verge of calling for a month but I didn’t know what to say. Then today happens.”
Cinnamon looked away. The loss of her friend was still too fresh.
“You know he was the one who always made sure your plane ticket was next to mine when we traveled.” He confessed.
“Barney playing matchmaker?” She asked.
“With a little encouragement from me.” He grinned. “Do you think there’s any chance we could give it another try? I’m tired of being alone.”
“I’ve never known you to be alone.”
“It happens more often than I like.”
“You sound sorry for yourself.”
“Cinnamon I told you more than once that you were the only woman I have ever loved. That hasn’t changed even after all this time. I’ve never found anyone to compare to you.”
“Then where have you been for the last fifteen years?”
He smiled. “Having a career, a life, like you.”
“I’m sure there’s more to it than that.”
“I thought there would be too.”
“It sounds like you’ve been turned down.”
He chuckled. “Once or twice.”
“Does that mean I supposed to be the easy one to come back to?”
She wasn’t going to make it easy for him. He looked across the room. “Cinnamon.” He started. “I just...hell I don’t know what I thought.” He moved from the sofa.
“Rollin!” She called after him as she moved after him.
She caught up with him as he stopped at the fireplace. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…It’s good to see you, too.”
“Why do you make it so hard for me?”
“You’re the one who left remember?”
“Something I’ve always regretted.”
“Am I just supposed to forget that?” She asked.
“I’d like to try to make you forget.” He said taking her arm and pulling her closer.
“Rollin…” She said putting her hand against his chest.
“Cinnamon…let me be part of your life again.”
She met his eyes. “What if it’s not meant to be for us?”
“We’ve been known to do the impossible.” He said as he pulled her into his arms. “What can it hurt to give it a try?” He touched her lips softly with his.
He pulled her tighter against him and a second kiss deepened.
As they parted, she looked up into his brilliant blue eyes. “I do remember that.” She said.
He gave her a smile as he tenderly traced her cheek with the back of his finger then tipped her chin up to meet his lips. Her hands slowly crept up his shoulders to his neck as their embrace tightened.
Cinnamon broke off the kiss for want of air and leaned her head back. “You always were an exceptional kisser.”
He grinned. “Only with you.”
She gave him a soft smile as he pulled her close. “Do you think we can give it a try?”
“Just what do you have in mind?” She asked.
The answer to her question came with his soft lips pressed firmly against hers once again and he held her tight against him. His intention was clear and her acceptance apparent when she took his hand and led him up the staircase to her bedroom.
Her bedroom was decorated in soft pastels of blues and greens with a queen size bed with a bedspread of a floral design. She gave him a quick kiss as she left him to change. He assessed the room again trying to regain a sense of her. He remembered her bedroom from her house before, it had not been unlike this one. He spied her needlepoint pillows in the chairs across the room. He wondered if she still did her needlework.
He removed his tie as he moved towed the chairs and laid his jacket across the back of one of the chairs that held the handiworked pillows as he began to undress. He switched on the lamp beside the bed and then turned off the lights in the room. He turned down the bed and climbed in to wait for her.
He saw the light go off in the bath and Cinnamon reappeared in a long emerald green satin nightgown wearing a flirtatious smile. His breath caught in his throat at the way the satin clung to the soft curves of her body as she sashayed to the opposite side of the bed.
“Comfortable?” She asked, pulling back the covers to join him.
“Yeah,” was all he could manage to say as she settled beside him.
He rose on his elbow next to her. “You are incredible.”
“Thank you.”
He moved his finger down her bare arm and she moved into his arms. “It’s been a long time for us.” She said.
“I bet we still remember a thing or two.” He teased.
She gave a chuckle. “I hope so.”
He kissed the side of her head as his warm hands roamed her body, touching and caressing her. “May I ask a question?” He asked.
“Hmm?” She rolled onto her side to look at him.
“How is it that we’re both still unattached all these years later?”
“That question is for you as much as me. You go first.” She dared him.
He smiled. “I told you. I should have never let things change between us.” He said. “What about you?”
“I did try it once.” She admitted. ”It didn’t last.”
He was surprised. “He must have been a fool.”
Cinnamon smiled somberly. “He is a good man. He just wasn’t prepared for things that happen sometimes.”
“What’dya mean?”
Cinnamon hesitated. “I had breast cancer nine years ago. I had a mastectomy. He couldn’t handle that.”
Rollin looked at her with concern. “Cinnamon.”
“I had reconstructive surgery but he was spooked by all of it. So…”
“Jesus,” He said, “I’m sorry.”
“I’m fine. I have been since the surgery.”
“That must have been really tough for you.” He said.
“It was.” She said. “It was horrible. I remember I called Barney. Isn’t that funny?” She continued. “He helped me. He let me talk.”
Rollin watched her. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I would have helped you.”
“I’m sure you would.” She said. “But that’s all in the past now.”
“I still say the guy was a fool.” He reiterated, tracing her arm again.
“I don’t want to talk about him.”
“Me either.” He said making Cinnamon laugh as he pulled her into his arms to kiss her.
She broke off the kiss and reached across him for the lamp throwing the room into darkness. He planted soft kisses across her exposed collarbone and down her cleavage. His finger pulled loose the strap of her gown from her shoulder as he kissed his way over the curve of one breast and then to the other. Her eyes closed enjoying his attentions.
“I kinda liked that view.” He said as she moved back across him.
“It’s bound to get better.”
“No time like the present.” He said peeling the other strap from her shoulder.
He reached up ribboning his fingers into her hair. “How do you stayed so damn gorgeous?”
She smiled and pressed her cheek into his palm. “I’d be giving all my secrets away if I told you, wouldn’t I?”
He pulled her down to him and kissed her.
She disengaged the kiss and pulled down the straps of gown from her shoulders. His eyes never left hers as the green silk fell from her breasts. He reached up to caress her face then with a feather light touch traced his finger down her cheek, her neck then further down the curve of her right breast. “You’re exquisite.” He said softly.
Talking became whispers as they were lost in a world where only they existed to please each other. The years melted away and they returned to a place that only they knew where they only experienced as one.
Rollin moved slowly from the bed careful not to wake her. He crossed the room for the bathroom.
When he returned he stood beside the bed watching her sleep. She looked peaceful, so beautiful. Why had he ever left her he asked himself as he slid back carefully beneath the covers. He snaked his arm across her waist and she rolled away from him with a sigh. He rolled up against her back and moved his hand down the curve her derriere and further down her thigh. He kissed the nape of her neck. “I thought you were asleep.”
“I am.” Came her sleepy reply.
He smiled against her skin as he kissed his way to her ear.
“You haven’t lost your touch.” She murmured.
“Nor have you.” He said stroking her leg.
She rolled over to face him with an amused look. “You still have your stamina too.”
He grinned as his hand moved up her body. “So far.” He tugged the sheet from her revealing her breasts. He traced them lightly, admiring her in the early morning light. “You really are gorgeous. And whoever did your work was good. You can’t even tell.” He said complimenting her surgeon.
She smiled at his compliment. “I was lucky, I could afford the best.” She said caressing his head as he kissed his way across her breasts, teasing and tasting her. “It was the hardest thing I have ever faced. And having to do it nearly alone was the worst.”
He raised his head. “Is that when you called Barney?”
She nodded. “I knew he’d listen.”
“I wish you would have told me.” He said restating his comment from the last night.
She looked into his calm blue eyes. “It was a year of hell. You wouldn’t have enjoyed that.”
“Cinnamon. I would have taken care of you. No matter how bad, I would have been here.”
She heard his words but had to wonder if this leopard could change his spots.
She reached up touching his lips to silence him. “Let’s not talk about that now. I liked what you had in mind a moment ago.”
He grinned and moved forward kissing her as his hand strayed lower. “And what was that?” He said as kissed his way down her neck and his hand moved back across her hip.
“I have a pretty good indication.”
“And that would be?” He asked.
She rolled onto her side and peaked underneath the covers. “Someone seems to have a little problem this morning.” She lifted the covers again. “Correction, it’s not such a little problem.”
Rollin laughed as she easily moved astride him. She still had her graceful dancer’s body.
“It’s a problem that can be easily remedied.” He said, his eyes appreciating her body above him.
“It can?” She said with a wink.
His hands went to her thighs as she sat over him. “Most definitely.” He assured her.
“Hmm….” She put her hand against his chest and leaned down to kiss him. “Guess we’ll soon find out.”
Once they were lost again a world all their own. Time became meaningless and old memories became new.
As they lay together in tangled sheets in the morning light, Cinnamon thought back about their conversation last night. “Rollin?”
“Yeah.”
“When was the last time you were in
“
She looked over at him. “So is mine.”
He took her hand and brought it to his lips. “Think we can find some old memories?”
She smiled at him. “I think it’s time for some new memories.”
THE END
Elena Vorska
May, 2004