Promises
October 1974
It was five-thirty in the morning when the alarm rang, still dark outside as Rollin hit the off switch. Cinnamon hugged her pillow tighter as he rolled away from her. She’d gotten used to his early morning call over the last few weeks. He moved from the bed, happy knowing that this would be the last morning for some time that he would have to see this time of day.
He showered and shaved, then kissed her goodbye, leaving her to sleep. He quietly opened the door to Jen’s room. She was sleeping soundly, clutching a worn teddy bear with one floppy ear-she called Raggles.
He smiled at the sleeping four-year old. Tomorrow he’d take her off on another adventure.
He headed downstairs to the kitchen and a cup of coffee, which he knew Maria had programmed to brew for him. He knew Maria would be up with the girls an hour or so later, getting them breakfast, Jen off to school and Cinnamon off to the office.
He was glad today was his last day of this movie shoot. The paycheck was good, but the role left something to be desired, he thought as he poured himself a cup.
If his agent was right, his next project would require a longer time commitment
but be much more suited for him-a new play to star in and direct in
He climbed into his convertible, the top still down from yesterday’s drive. He backed the car from the garage, swung out of the driveway, and headed for the studio.
He was thinking about the next project. He would call Tom during a break to
see how the negotiations were coming. He wondered what he would do with his
car. He certainly wouldn’t be driving to
He stopped for a red light at San Vicente to turn onto
He realized that he would miss a lot of Jen’s growing up if he was away for a year. He’d been there when she began to crawl, her first step and her first word. He knew he’d miss her terribly and then there was Cinnamon. The thought of her brought a smile to his face. He wondered if he could be away from her that long. He was addicted to their intimate relationship and truly loved her. They had learned to accommodate each other’s lives.
His mind wandered back over their seven years together. He’d been devoted to Cinnamon over the years-more so than to any other woman he had ever known. He had tried his best to stay faithful to her, but women were a weakness for him. They were attracted by his charm, looks and quick wit. He knew he could have anyone who caught his eye, and that made it much too easy.
But Cinnamon was different from the others. She was the one that stole his heart. She was beautiful, intelligent, brave, strong and most importantly to him, the mother of his child. He had tried desperately over the years to erase the day that she told him about their baby when he had panicked and left her, crying and deeply hurt.
Once the baby came, his daughter changed everything for him. He was committed to Jennifer in a way he never thought he could be tied to another person. She truly amazed to him. From the day she was born, his heart was hers in a way that he had never known.
He knew Cinnamon loved him and he had proposed to her on so many occasions, he’d lost count. He couldn’t grasp why she wouldn’t marry him. They lived together, slept together, and were raising their child together, so they were practically married, yet she just wouldn’t take that step with him.
The guard at the studio gate waived him through and he quickly found a parking place in the lot closest to the soundstage where he was filming. He grabbed his bag from the passenger seat and concentrated on his task at hand, the last day of filming.
“That’s a wrap. Finished on the picture, Mr. Hand.” The assistant director called. The cast and crew applauded and Rollin let out a sigh. It was over. Another film complete and added to his resume. He shared his thanks with his fellow actors as he moved off the set.
The director came forward shaking hands and giving his thanks to Rollin. It
had been a fun group to work with but he was already thinking about the next
project. As soon as he removed his makeup and returned his costume, he called
his agent from his trailer. He was pleased that Tom had been able to secure
the deal that he wanted and now the
An associate producer thanked him as he left the soundstage for his car. Rollin
nodded his acknowledgement as the door closed behind him. He had other things
on his mind. There were a lot of details he’d have to cover before he actually
signed the deal. He’d have to terminate the sublease on his apartment in
He drove to Tom’s office and picked up the revised script for the play and Tom took him to a celebratory late lunch, where they discussed the finer points of the project.
The drive home was a bit slower than the drive in. The LA rush hour traffic was legendary. Today, it gave him a chance to work on his plan. He knew Cinnamon had thought about selling her agency, now he wondered if he could convince her that it was time for a change.
In the early evening, he came through the back door into the kitchen where he found Maria cutting vegetables for a salad.
“Evening, Maria.” Rollin called.
“Good evening.”
“Where are the girls?”
“Jennifer insisted on trying on her costume for Halloween. They are upstairs.”
Rollin gave her a smile. “Something smells wonderful.”
Maria gave him a little smile for his compliment as he left her.
He found them in Jen’s room, both giggling as Jen posed in front of the mirror with her Tigger costume and mask.
“Am I missing a party?” He asked, coming through the door.
“DADDY!” Jen yelled, seeing him and ran across the room, jumping into his arms.
He hugged her tightly. “Miss me?”
“As much as you missed me.” She said, pulling the mask from her face.
Cinnamon smiled at their quick exchange as she joined them and Rollin kissed her cheek. “You’re early.” She said moving to his side.
He wrapped his free arm around her and pulled her close. “We actually finished on time. A first!” He said kissing her quickly.
“Do you like my costume, Daddy?”
He set her down and she struck a pose for him. “You’re Tigger all right, kiddo.”
“I am Tigger, T-I-double-GRRRRR, that spells Tigger!” She said, crossing back to the mirror.
Rollin and Cinnamon laughed at their daughter’s antics.
“Something smells awfully good downstairs.” Rollin said appreciatively still holding Cinnamon.
“She’s been at it most of the afternoon. Must be a masterpiece.” Cinnamon replied turning her attention to Jennifer. “Jen. Dinner will be in just a little while. You should take that off. Halloween is still two weeks away.”
“Kay Mom.”
Cinnamon and Rollin moved out into the hallway. “So…? You look like the cat that swallowed the canary.” She said of his grin.
He grin widened, “I got the
“Really?” She said surprised “That’s wonderful.”
He nodded. “When?” She asked.
“Soon.” He replied as he kissed her. All was right in his world. He had a new project on the horizon and the woman he loved in his arms.
“How soon, Rollin?” She asked as they parted and she took his hand to lead him downstairs.
“I’m not sure. It’ll take me a little time to get things in line.”
She nodded. “With the holidays coming, Jen will want to know.”
He smiled and turned to face her as they moved to the sofa. “I’ll be here, Cin. You know I will.”
She sighed and looked into his earnest blue eyes. “I just don’t want her to be disappointed.”
“I’m not going to disappoint her.”
She nodded. “I know how you get when a new show comes along.”
Rollin smiled. She did know him well. “You know I will do everything I can to be here.”
She nodded again. She knew he would try. He did try to be considerate about being on time with both of them.
“How about a drink to celebrate?” He asked.
“We can toast your success.” She said with a smile.
He smiled as he rose to fix the drinks. Cinnamon was happy for him. She knew he’d been bored with the movie role, but she had cause for concern as well. He’d only left them for short periods during the last few years, but there was always a nagging thought in her mind. She wondered if he was completely faithful to her. He’d told her early in their relationship it was something that he’d never been successful doing. At least when he was in LA, he was home every night and they lived like a family.
This separation would not be easy for any of them, Jen especially. She never quite understood when he was away for very long. Cinnamon knew she’d miss him too. Their relationship had settled into a comfortable pattern and yet was no less passionate than when it had started.
Rollin returned with drinks in hand. “Here you are.” He said settling beside her.
She accepted the drink and raised her glass to his. “To my favorite actor.” She said.
“Here, here.” He replied touching his glass to hers and resting his arm behind her.
“You need to tell Jen.”
“I will. I’ll explain everything to her, but not tonight. I’ll talk to her when we go out tomorrow.”
Cinnamon agreed as she heard Jennifer coming down the stairs.
“Mom, is it dinnertime yet?” Jen called from the stairs.
Cinnamon watched her daughter come around the end of the sofa. “You don’t need to yell across the room, Jen.”
Jen looked at the carpet, “Sorry.” She looked up at Cinnamon. “But I’m hungry.”
Cinnamon sighed. “Why don’t you go and ask Maria, politely, when she will be ready?”
Jennifer nodded and headed toward the kitchen.
“I’m gonna miss that.” Rollin said quietly as his hand moved to Cinnamon’s shoulder.
Cinnamon looked at him, “I’m going to miss you.”
He smiled, “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” She said leaning to him for a kiss.
They shared a delightful dinner as a family. Rollin told Jen they would be off on another adventure the next day. That added an excitement to dinner as well. Jennifer tried guessing where they would end up, but as always she was happy just to be with her Dad, wherever they went.
After Jen’s bath and story, Cinnamon found him in bed reading his script.
“That the play?” She asked as she slid underneath the sheets next to him.
“Yeah,” He said, “Thought I’d get started.”
“You’re really looking forward to this, aren’t you?”
He nodded, laid the script aside, turned out the light and moved next to her. “I am.”
“I’m happy for you.”
“You don’t sound like it.” He said, hearing the hesitation in her voice.
She sighed as she lay back against her pillow. He waited for her to continue. “It’s just going to be a big change for all of us.”
“I’m not going away forever. Just for awhile.” He said, propping up on his elbow next to her.
“Just make sure you’re clear with Jennifer. Don’t make promises that...”
“I won’t.”
“I’m sorry.” She reached to caress his cheek. “I know you’ll make her understand.”
He kissed her palm. “I thought you had learned to trust me.”
She nodded, but she couldn’t say the words.
His hand moved across her. “I’ve missed you this week.” He said kissing her neck.
She smiled. “Our schedules haven’t quite been meshing lately.”
“No, they haven’t.” He said, “At least I don’t have to be up at the crack of dawn anymore.”
She sighed as his lips lit a fuse in her. Talking became unimportant as Rollin worked his magic on her and soon they were both more interested in their mutual pleasure.
He wanted to please her and show her how much he loved her. Together they brought their passion to a shuddering climax as he exploded inside her.
Rollin kissed her deeply as she trembled beneath him. His lips moved to her
ear. “Come with me to
“Hmmm…” She sighed, still flushed with satisfaction.
“Come with me to
She looked up at him, confused, “What?” as she was brought back to earth with a thud.
He smiled down at her. “I love you, Cinnamon. I want you with me.”
“I can’t…”
He withdrew from her and moved beside her. “You can still do your job in
Cinnamon was shocked, having been unprepared for his suggestion. “It’s not that easy.”
Rollin sighed, rolling back to his pillow.
She moved up on her elbow and looked at him. “It’s not just the business. It’s Jennifer, Maria, everything. I can’t just up and leave like you can.”
“I have to go where the work is. You know that.”
Cinnamon sighed. She did know that. “Then why ask me to come?”
“Because I want you and Jennifer with me.”
She shook her head. “It won’t work. Our life is here. She’ll be starting school soon. You’d be busy all the time, we’d never see you.”
“I’d make time.” His tone hardened.
“You couldn’t Rollin. It consumes you. You knew that when you accepted the job.”
“I was hoping you might at least think about it.” He said disappointed and turning away from her.
“I always think about. Do you think I like the idea of you being away?” She said turning his face back to hers.
He sighed. “I don’t want to be away from you either, but I don’t have a choice.
I have to work and that means
“Another baby?!”
“You said you would think about it.”
“I have thought about it Rollin.”
“You don’t want to.” He was disappointed.
“I don’t think it’s practical.” She replied, suddenly tired. “Can we talk about this in the morning?” She said reclaiming her pillow.
Rollin was now sorry that he’d made either suggestion. He didn’t want to leave things bad between them. They lay in silence, not sleeping, each considering the other’s position. Soon he moved closer to her, spooning her. “I know I upset you, but I need to hold you.” He whispered.
Her arm covered his as he held her waist, bringing her closer to him.
The next morning Cinnamon brought him a cup of coffee. She sat on the edge of the bed as he woke.
“Good morning.” She said.
He looked at her, then the cup and moved himself up on the pillows.
“Jen’s up and raring to go.” She said as he took the cup from her.
He nodded as he took a sip of the hot liquid. He met her eyes over the cup. “I’m sorry about last night.”
“Your timing could have been better.”
He nodded. “I was just hoping….”
“Rollin. It’s just not possible, not now.”
“All I want is for us to be together.”
She reached for his cheek. “I know that. And I want to be with you, but now isn’t the time. There is too much happening.”
“You just won’t let it.”
Cinnamon shook her head. “I can’t. It would mean uprooting our daughter and trying to run a company long distance.” She said.
“Jen would be fine. She’d love
“What about me. My home is here, my work is here and my life is here.”
Rollin sighed, setting his cup aside. “And I won’t be. Believe me if I didn’t have to go I wouldn’t, but I don’t have a choice either.” He reached for her hands.
She looked down at their hands entwined. “Where does that leave us?” She asked softly.
“Me getting on a plane and missing you, I guess.”
She hoped that were true.
He pulled her into his arms. “One day, we’ll figure this out. Somehow.”
The next week was a busy one for Rollin. He spent hours on the phone with
the producers in
The night before he was to leave they had a quiet family dinner where he told them all the details he hoped worked for the show. Cinnamon was taken with his enthusiasm for this project and hoped that it would be the success that he hoped for. She and Jennifer promised they would come for the opening.
They tucked Jennifer in bed together and read her a story, each taking a part. Jennifer watched them both as they read. When Rollin kissed her goodnight, she reached for his hand as he moved away. “Daddy.”
“Yeah kiddo?”
“I’m gonna miss you.”
Rollin looked down at his child. “I’m gonna miss you too, sweetheart. But remember it’s not forever, just for awhile. I’ll be back.” He kissed her forehead again.
Jennifer nodded and hugged her teddy bear a little tighter.
Cinnamon had watched the twosome and Jen’s words had brought a tear to her eye. She was going to miss him too.
They closed the door and left Jen to sleep.
Cinnamon saw his bags, packed and ready, sitting inside the bedroom door as she moved inside the room.
Rollin sighed as he followed her. “She knows how to get to me.”
Cinnamon turned to him. “She loves you.”
He reached for her and pulled her close. “I love you both, more than you know.”
“We know.” She said with a smile.
“You know I’ll be back for Thanksgiving. That’s not too far away.”
Cinnamon nodded. “And after that?”
“We’ll just have to see.” He said. “But you can always come to me.”
She nodded. “I know.” She moved away from him and into the bath to change for bed.
He went to the balcony to look out one last time.
She joined him shortly, laying her head against his back. “It’s cold out here.” She said.
He covered her arms with his. “Yeah.”
“Cin tomorrow is going to be hard for me. I don’t think you and Jen should come to the airport.”
She looked up at him as he turned to face her. “But she is expecting to go.”
“I know, but I’d rather just get a cab.”
She shivered against him. “Come on, it’s cold.”
He ushered her inside, closing the doors behind them. She went to their bed and slipped underneath the covers. He disappeared into the bath to change.
He emerged shortly and joined her. He sighed contentedly as she moved into his arms, warming herself against him.
He held her, memorizing the feel of her against him, the scent of her hair. He kissed her hair. “Cin….”
She looked up at him and touched his lips with her fingertips. “Sshh…Just love me.”
He tilted her head to his and kissed her.
The next morning he rose early, watching Cinnamon sleep. Her arm curled under her pillow. They had made love three times that night. She was sending him off with good memories-ones he hoped would see him though their separation.
Showered and shaved, he emerged to find Cinnamon and Jennifer sitting on the
end of the bed, waiting for him. He was catching the
“Morning Daddy.” Jennifer called from where she sat beside Cinnamon in their bed, dressed and ready to go.
“Hey, sweetheart.” He said with a smile as he joined them on the bed.
“Mom says we’re not going to the airport with you. Why?”
“It’s just better this way Jen.” He said stroking her hair.
“But I wanted to go.” She pouted.
“I know, Honey.” He moved forward and pulled her into his arms. “I would just rather you to stay here with Mom.”
She pulled a piece of construction paper from beside her. “I made you a picture.”
He looked at the drawing of two figures in a car with a plane overhead with one figure standing in a doorway.
“It’s wonderful Honey. Thank you.” He kissed her cheek.
“You can put it on your ‘frigerator in
He smiled at his daughter. “I will, Honey as soon as I get there.”
“Kay Daddy.” She looked up at Cinnamon. “Mom says we will come visit you when the play starts.”
“I want you too, very much. I think you’ll like
“The buildings there are very tall.” She said seriously.
Rollin smiled, “Yes, very tall.” He replied glancing over at Cinnamon.
“We can have adventures in
“Yes, lots of adventures.”
Jennifer smiled. “Terrific!”
Rollin chuckled. “Why don’t you go see what Maria can get for us?”
“Kay, Daddy.”
Jennifer climbed out of his arms and off the bed. “Come on Daddy.” She called, opening the door.
“I’m right behind you, kiddo.” Rollin replied.
Jen closed the door behind her.
Rollin turned to Cinnamon. “Good morning.” He said kissing her cheek.
“Morning.” She said softly.
He pulled her into his arms. “Thank you for last night.” He said as he held her.
She smiled softly as he cradled her head against him and he met her lips with his.
He looked down at her. “I love you.”
She pressed her palm to his cheek and held his eyes. “I love you.”
He kissed her again.
“You’re going to be missed downstairs and I need to get dressed.” She said as they parted.
He sighed and released her. Together they moved from the bed. Cinnamon moved into the bath as he stowed his shaving kit in his bag and took Jen’s picture from the bed. He looked at it again and smiled. Yes, his daughter was going to an artist.
He gathered his bags and carried them downstairs to the foyer. He stepped quickly into Cinnamon’s office and called a cab for a pickup in an hour. He found Jen and Maria in the kitchen.
“I was coming to get you Daddy.”
“Sorry kiddo, I had to get your picture. Where’s my bag?”
“Right here, Daddy.” Jen called from the table lifting the strap of the bag.
He joined his daughter at the table. “Thanks Honey. Let’s tuck it in here where it’s safe.”
Jennifer watched as he carefully tucked the picture into his script. “There, I won’t loose it now.”
“Do you want Mickey Mouse’s, Daddy?”
Rollin smiled. “Hmm, sounds like a lot to me Jen. How ‘bout just some eggs and toast.” He said meeting Maria’s eye.
Jen worked hard to hide her disappointment. She leaned her elbows on the table and cupped her face with her hands. “Okay Daddy.”
“Thank you.” He said to Maria as she placed a cup of coffee in front of him.
Cinnamon soon joined them and they had a somber breakfast. Jennifer and Rollin laughed with each other as he told her about the play and all the things he had to do. Cinnamon watched them laughing together, they were so much alike. She would miss the sound of the two of them playing together. Her two children, she mused.
Rollin looked at his watch. “We’d better go brush our teeth, Jen.”
Jen frowned, “Kay, Daddy,” she was disappointed that his departure time had arrived.
She reached for his hand as she stood beside him. “Carry me?” She asked.
He smiled at her, “Sure.” He said as he scooped her up in his arms, smiling at Cinnamon as he carried Jen from the room.
Cinnamon took their plates and coffee mugs to the sink where Maria was cleaning the pans from the stove.
“I will miss him.” Maria said quietly.
Cinnamon sighed and grasped Maria’s shoulder. “Me too.”
Rollin came downstairs with Jen on his shoulders. “Look Mom, no hands.” She called to Cinnamon as she met them at the foot of the stairs.
Cinnamon shook her head, “Be careful, Honey.”
Rollin pulled her from his shoulders. “Daddy won’t let me fall, will you, Daddy?”
“Nope.”
Cinnamon and Rollin shared a smile. They heard the honk from the cab as it arrived.
Rollin sighed. “There’s my ride.”
“I’ll get your bag Daddy, it’s the kitchen.” Jen volunteered.
“Okay Jen.”
Jennifer ran off in the direction of the kitchen and Rollin pulled Cinnamon to him. Her arms went around his neck as they kissed, pressing against each other. He wanted it to last forever, but he reluctantly released her.
Maria followed Jennifer from the kitchen, answering the knock at the door.
“Here Daddy.” Jen said handing him the brown leather satchel.
Rollin squatted down and took the bag from his daughter. “Thank you, Jen. You’re a big help, maybe I should give you a job.”
“I take care of you Daddy.” She replied.
Rollin took Jen in his arms. “Yes, you do honey.”
Cinnamon felt the sting of tears in her eyes and tried to will them away. She needed to be strong for Jennifer.
Maria let the cabbie inside to take the luggage.
Rollin rose with Jen in his arms. “I’ll call you as soon as I get settled, ok?”
Jen nodded as Rollin took Cinnamon’s hand and started for the door.
Outside the cabbie slammed the trunk closed and Rollin kissed Jen’s cheek and set her down. He turned to Maria and gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze, “Take care of my girls, Maria.” He said with a smile.
She nodded, “I will.”
He turned back to Cinnamon. He reached for her, his hand going to her neck, under her hair. He could see the tears in her eyes. “I miss you already.” He said softly.
Jennifer reached for Cinnamon’s hand, giving it a gentle tug. “Mom.”
Cinnamon glanced down at her daughter and pulled her up into her arms. Rollin hugged them both. “I love you.” He said as he kissed each of them.
He tucked his satchel under his arm and headed for the cab. He opened the door and waved to them as he climbed in the back seat.
The cab moved off slowly down the driveway and all three women waved as he left. Cinnamon felt a single tear start down her cheek. Jennifer saw the tear, “Don’t cry Mommy. Daddy will be back real soon, he told me.”
Cinnamon smiled at her daughter. “He did.”
Jennifer nodded enthusiastically. “Yep, he promised.”
THE END
Elena Vorska
June, 2001