By Betsy Nicholas and Kristine Zensky
January, 1977
Cinnamon
finally fell asleep in Jennifer’s room around
The New Year morning came quickly. Jennifer woke her mother promptly at
“Mom, why are you in here? Where is Daddy?”
“He’s in bed, Honey”, and hoped she wasn’t lying. After last night, and the things she had said to him, she wouldn’t be surprised if he had packed his things and left them.
“Ok, I’ll go get him up. We have to go to Grant’s house for lunch you know, Mom.” And she bounded from the room.
Unfortunately, they had promised their good friend, Barney Collier, they would attend a New Year’s Day party that afternoon. After a night of accusations and crying, that was the last thing she wanted to do, but they had committed. Cinnamon closed her eyes again, wishing she could pull the covers over her head and go back to sleep.
After a few moments, she heard Rollin following their daughter down the hallway and down the stairs to the kitchen. She figured if he could be up, so could she, and pulled herself from the small bed and walked back to her room to shower.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Jennifer could not shake the feeling something was not right in the house. Her parents only slept in her room if she was sick, and she knew she was not sick. Just three weeks short of seven, she was a very perceptive child.
“Daddy, what’s wrong with Mom?” her blue eyes met his.
Rollin took a deep breath and answered his daughter as honestly as he could, “Honey, I don’t know, I just don’t know….”
The morning was tense at best. Both Rollin and Cinnamon were exhausted and angry from the night before and Jennifer was aware something was wrong.
“Why
don’t you just take Jennifer to Barney’s and I’ll stay here?” Cinnamon asked
Rollin as they passed in the hallway around
“Is that what you want? Since it seems to be all about what YOU want…” he snapped back.
Cinnamon leaned back, defeated, against the wall, “Rollin, please, don’t start. I just thought it would be easier…”
“No, if I have to go, you have to go”, he challenged.
“Fine”, she sighed and continued on down the hallway to help Jennifer find something to wear.
They drove in silence to the party, except for Jennifer’s attempts to get them into a conversation.
When they arrived, they were met at the door by Barney and Paula. Hugs and New Year’s greetings were exchanged and, after a glance over her shoulder to make sure her parents were going to be alright without her, Jennifer ran off to play with the other children at the party.
Once inside the door, Rollin and Cinnamon made their way to opposite sides of the room. The house was full of friends and relatives of the Colliers’, many of whom Rollin & Cinnamon had met during the years of their friendship with Barney. Cinnamon moved to greet Paula’s sister Camille. Rollin moved to the bar, fixing himself a drink, and found a seat in front of Barney’s new big screen television to watch football.
The quick physical separation of the couple was not lost on Barney. He had known them for close to fifteen years and, because of the circumstances they had shared, he knew them and their moods better than most anyone. He definitely sensed something was not right between them.
Some time later, Barney saw Cinnamon slip through the French doors that led to a deck in the backyard. Had the weather been somewhat warmer, Barney had hoped to hold the party outside. At least the kids were not deterred by the weather, which was cool and looked like rain. They were playing football, or something that resembled it. He glanced first at Rollin, who seemed oblivious to Cinnamon’s departure, then to his wife, who had noticed something amiss with the couple as well. Paula made eye contact and she motioned for Barney to follow their friend and see what the matter was.
Barney found Cinnamon standing against the railing at the far end of the deck, appearing to be watching the games below, and walked towards her.
“Prefer the real thing, do you?” he teased.
She was deep in thought and did not hear his approach, “What?”
“Came to watch the live action versus the game on TV, huh?”
She smiled, “No, just needed some fresh air.”
He stood next to her for a few moments, watching the children, his, hers and about ten others as they all landed in a pile after an enthusiastic tackle. He and Cinnamon had always shared a special friendship, having spent many all-night sessions talking for hours during tense missions. He knew that she would open up to him on her own terms though and did not push her for an explanation.
She finally broke the silence. “Grant is getting so tall. I can’t believe he’s going to be nine.”
“Yeah, thinks he’s gonna be Wilt Chamberlain. I hope he is so I can retire early!” He paused. “Jennifer certainly has your style, Cin…”
“…and Rollin’s stubbornness.” She finished his sentence.
“Oh, is that it?” he prodded.
“Is that what?” She was going to make it difficult for him.
“Why you two are putting so much distance between you today.”
Cinnamon sighed and turned to face her friend, “We just spent most of the night fighting.”
“Was there a winner?” Barney teased.
“Definitely not.”
“Was this another round about getting married? Rollin still ‘for’, you ‘against’?” Barney knew this was a long-standing point of contention between the two.
Cinnamon laughed for the first time that day, “Yes, I guess that was a part of it.”
“So what happened last night?” He began to try to pull the facts out of her.
“Everything had been perfect. He made it home for Christmas, we’ve had a great week, and Jennifer is in heaven, of course. Then last night, well, we just got out of synch.” She shook her head and rubbed her arms in the chill.
Barney took off cardigan he had on and placed it around her shoulders.
“Thanks,” she smiled, and continued. “I probably overreacted.”
“Sit down, Cin, the deck will block the wind.” He motioned her to the patio table and chairs, but said nothing more, waiting for her to continue in her own time.
“Probably is generous. I over-reacted.”
Barney smiled reassuringly, “I’m sure he can forgive you that.”
“Maybe… ”
Barney knew of Cinnamon’s concerns over Rollin’s fidelity and commitment, but thought it would do her good to talk it out. “Cinnamon, I think he really does want to marry you.”
“Barney,
he was gone three months in
“And you’ve never been willing to try,” Barney took a chance in being the devil’s, or in this case, Rollin’s, advocate.
“No.” Cinnamon sighed. “Whose side are you on anyway?”
Barney met her smile, but he knew there was more to it. Cinnamon was such a private person he realized he may never hear the full story. “You know I’m on both your sides. You make a great team, the best I’ve worked with.”
“Working together we did well, I agree. Living together, we have not mastered.”
Barney offered Cinnamon a cigarette. She passed, though she longed for one. He lit his own before continuing, “You know, I’m still surprised Rollin doesn’t miss the work.”
“Me too. But he is excited about his movie.”
“Cin, if he was still working for the company he’d be travelling. God knows I’m away from Paula and the kids more than I’d like.”
“I know. But when you’re here, it works. You have a great wife. Great kids. You even have the white picket fence.” She teased as she glanced over at the children.
Barney laughed, “But how many times can I tell my wife I’m going to a convention? In a hotel that doesn’t have phones?”
Cinnamon smiled and whispered. “She must know. “
“Only that I moonlight for the government. No idea what we actually do when we’re on…at the conventions.”
“Don’t under-estimate your brilliant wife.” Cinnamon had skirted the issue with Paula in the past, though always careful to hold the party line, which Barney seemed to be doing too. A realization hit her. “You don’t want Paula to know how dangerous it is.”
Barney met her eyes. “No, never.”
Cinnamon confessed, “Rollin’s livid that I did not tell him about Fetyukov.”
“I see.” Barney took a long final drag then snuffed his cigarette. He nodded, understanding more about the distance between his friends. “Would it help if I tell him about the Fortress System we put in? You’ve really done all you can to protect Jennifer.”
“I showed him some of the features last week, mainly so he wouldn’t set it off. But I didn’t say why until last night.”
Barney nodded, “You know Jim’s read is that Andrei Fetyukov is a mercenary and his only interest is money, not revenge.”
“Jim doesn’t know Andrei Fetyukov.”
Barney couldn’t challenge Cinnamon on that. No one knew the enemy agent as she did. “Cinnamon, you need to talk to Rollin.”
“We’re not getting anywhere talking. I’m worried that this time we might actually lose each other.”
“Well then I guess he’s worried about the same thing. He hasn’t said two words to anyone since you got here.”
“Barney, I accused him of cheating on me.”
“And?”
“And I was wrong. Now he thinks I will never trust him, not just about fidelity, but also about the work, about Andrei.”
“Then you need to tell him you do trust him. If you can.”
Cinnamon met his eyes and nodded. Barney squeezed her arm as he headed back into his house. She followed him with her eyes and saw him beckon Rollin toward the bar. She turned to watch the kids.
She wasn’t surprised when Rollin pulled out the chair next to her and sat down. They sat side by side, both watching the ramshackle football match. Rollin’s voice was low. “Who’s he working for?”
“We’re not sure.”
“Where is this guy?”
“On the move.”
“Where?”
Cinnamon sighed. “Eastern block,
“Eastern block?
Cinnamon nodded. “Rollin, it scared me.”
“I wish you told me that was the reason.”
“One of the reasons. Rollin, what if we just can’t make this work?”
He took her hand between both of his. “Cinnamon, you have to trust me. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that nothing is impossible.”
Cinnamon pulled her hand away gently. “Rollin, I just don’t know.”
“You’re scared. You said so yourself.”
“Yes.”
“About Fetyukov.”
“And about us.”
“Barney tells me you’re thinking about white picket fences.”
“It’s true.”
Rollin shook his head. “Sounds very conventional to me.”
“I think it would be for you.”
“I meant too conventional for you, Miss Lady Spy.”
Cinnamon smiled and turned to meet his eyes for the first time. “Maybe you’re right.”
“Cinnamon, up until last night, this past week together has been great. September was great when you got back before I left. We just need to be together. “
“I wish it were that simple.”
“I do too. But you know what? We can find a way. But you have to trust me.”
“I know. You do know I love you, more deeply than I ever thought I could love?”
He reached for her hand, “You set me on fire with a passion I have never known and I will do whatever it takes to be with you. Only you. If you really want a white picket fence, I will find somebody to build you one.”
Cinnamon laughed. “What did Barney say to you?”
“Guy talk.”
“No, what? Tell me.”
“He told me not to let you get away again, whether you’ll marry me or not.”
Cinnamon brought his hand to her lips. Rollin continued, “Apparently last year we were both too miserable to stand and he and Paula and Willy can’t go through it again.”
Cinnamon laughed as a tear started down her cheek. Rollin smoothed it away his thumb. “Cinnamon, we’ll find a way.”
The End