Homecoming
Sept 76

Cinnamon stepped off the airplane boarding ramp at the gate in Los Angeles. She was excited to finally be headed home and finished with traveling for a little while. She had forgotten how hard it could be. The flight from Hong Kong to New York had given her some time to think through how she wanted to handle her decision to go back into the game. The flight to LA however had been spent on a different subject, Rollin.  He had occupied most of her thoughts during the five hour flight.  She tried to concentrate on her book but her mind went to him and the way he always could make her feel.  She had missed him more than she had thought possible. She longed to feel his warm hands moving over her body again. A wicked smile touched the corner of her mouth.  His hands always brought her such great pleasure.  She closed her eyes and leaned back against the headrest. Her wicked smile grew and she longed to be closer to home.

Jim's decision to team her with Ian Blaine had been a good one. It had been the perfect way to reopen her eyes to how the game was played nowadays and the contacts she had made would be valuable in the future. But she suspected Jim’s primary goal had been to re-ignite her passion for IMF work.

But now she needed to concentrate on some unfinished personal business. Business she should have tended to before she left on her summer trip.  She headed for baggage claim to collect her luggage.

During her Langley stopover, she had arranged for a car to pick her up in LA.  She had decided it would be best to meet Ted before she saw Rollin and Jennifer.  She had let him dangle for much too long. She had to tell him her decision.

They had spoken once since her return to the states.  Ted had been more distant during that call. It was almost as if he was sensing what was to come. The separation had been difficult for him. He did not understand why she had to be away for almost three months and she could not explain. But she knew that her hesitation ran deeper.

With her bags safely in the trunk of the black Lincoln she directed the driver to Ted's office at Cedars-Sinai Hospital.  Once there, she told the driver to wait for her.

She smiled politely at the receptionist at the desk. "Yes ma'am?"

"Is Dr. Ayers in?"

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No, it's personal. I was hoping to surprise him." She added with a knowing smiled.

The receptionist knew that the doctor was not with a patient and probably wouldn't mind this interruption.

"Who may I say is calling?"

"Cinnamon Carter."

“Just a moment.”  The young woman picked up her phone and dialed an extension. "Doctor. Cinnamon Carter is here to see you."

The young woman smiled as she replaced the receiver. "He will be out in a moment."

Cinnamon moved away from the desk and stepped toward the office suites.
 
Ted rounded the corner dressed in his white lab coat, his sandy blonde hair touching the collar of his jacket.  He smiled when he saw her.  "Cinnamon! You're back. What a wonderful surprise."  He said they hugged each other.  There were no other people in the outer office.  "Come see my office." He said taking her hand in his.

They walked the short distance down the paneled hallway and he opened the door to his office, ushering her inside.  He took her into his arms. "Welcome back," he said, pulling her close for a kiss.

They parted and he met her eye. "When did you get in?" He asked.

"I came straight from the airport." She said laying her purse in a nearby chair.

"I hope that is a good sign for me."

Cinnamon's eyes moved from his and she moved from his embrace.

He worked with anxious people on a daily basis and was used to putting them at ease for upcoming operations. Her body language was clear. "Cinnamon, let's not make this make this difficult for either of us."

"Ted?"

"I know I sprung the proposal on you before you left. But Sweetheart, you are one incredible woman."

"Your proposal was very sweet and I know it seems I ran out on you, but that couldn't be helped.  Ted, maybe if this had been another time in my life, perhaps things could be different, but right now I know I can't give you what you want."

"Why not?"

Cinnamon shook her head.  "It's complicated, Ted.  More than I can explain."

He stepped closer to her.  "It's Jennifer's father, isn't it?"

Rollin flashed in Cinnamon's mind and she felt her body flush again. "It's complicated, Ted.  Let's just leave it at that."  She said.

He reached for her hand.  "Cinnamon, can he give you what I can? A stable home, a real family? Can he make you happy?"

She met his eyes. Did Rollin make her happy? Yes, when they were together, yes, they were happy.

"I want you to be happy. That's all anyone can have, Cinnamon."

"Yes Ted, that's what we both need to find."

"The always elusive Miss Carter." He said with a smile. He pulled her into his embrace and hugged her tight.

Cinnamon smiled as she pulled away from him.  "I'm sure I have an anxious little girl waiting at home."

"I bet you do."  He knew Jennifer would be waiting on the step for her mother's return.

Cinnamon picked up her purse and looked at him. "Ted, I'm sorry, I wish things had been different."  She reached forwarded and gave him a soft kiss.

"Take care of yourself."  He said.

"You too." She said as she closed the door behind her.

At the Carter residence, Cinnamon's return could not come soon enough for Rollin, Jennifer and Maria.

Rollin had missed her terribly during the nearly three months since her departure. Her infrequent phone calls had been wonderful diversions for both he and Jennifer. But they didn't help with the worry he had for her, for he was the only one who knew what she may have really been doing.  He hoped that during their separation, she had made some decisions about the future of their relationship.  Decisions which he hoped included him. It had certainly given him time to think about what he truly wanted.

Jennifer was so excited she was hard to contain. When Cinnamon had called from Virginia telling them her arrival time, Jen had begun work on her 'Welcome Home Mom' banner. Rollin and Maria had strung it across the living room under her watchful eye.  Maria had lovingly prepared all of Cinnamon's favorite dishes for dinner. 

Cinnamon placed her heel clad foot onto the drive and stepped from the backseat of the black Lincoln. The trunk popped open and the driver quickly rounded the car. Cinnamon smiled in the bright California sun as she walked toward the front door of her house.  She was incredibly happy to be home. She had a renewed confidence having resolved things with Ted.  That had gone better than she expected. Now it was time to see where her relationship could go with Rollin.   The driver brought her bags to the front door as she opened the door. 

"Surprise!"  The chorus greeted her as the door opened.

Cinnamon's smile widened as she stepped inside and Jennifer ran across the room and jumped into her arms. "MOM!" 

Cinnamon spun her around as she hugged her.  "Hi Sweetheart!"

”I’m so glad you're home, Mom. I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, Honey, so much." 

Rollin came to greet her.  "Hi stranger."  She said as he wrapped his arms around both Cinnamon and Jennifer.

"It's good to have you home." He said.

"It's good to be back." 

The driver set her bags inside the door and pulled it shut. 

"Mom. We have a special dinner planned for you tonight." Jennifer said excitedly as Rollin released them both.

"That sounds wonderful Sweetie." She said, setting Jennifer down. She could hardly believe the change in her daughter.  Her hair was longer. She was taller and was at least five pounds heavier.

Rollin’s blue eyes fixed on hers as he pulled her close and kissed her.  "Welcome home." 

She’d thought about his kiss since Virginia.  It was exactly as she remembered as their eyes met as they parted. "I missed you too."  She said with a renewed desire.

Jennifer pulled Cinnamon into the living room so she could see the banner. She smiled as looked at her daughter.  "Did you do all of that yourself?"  She asked, impressed with the work. 

"She did."  Rollin answered. 

Cinnamon met his eye quickly and then went to back to Jen.  "Sweetheart that was a lot of work.  Thank you."  She said kissing her hair.

"You're welcome, Mom."  Jennifer said proudly.

Maria came from the kitchen.  "Welcome home."  She called, coming to embrace Cinnamon.   

"It's wonderful to be back, Maria."

"We all missed you. Would you like me to see to your things?"  Maria asked. 

"I'll get 'em."  Rollin volunteered, moving for the bags in the foyer. 

"Let me help, Daddy."  Jennifer said following him. 

Cinnamon chuckled at the twosome's enthusiasm.  "Home sweet home."  Cinnamon said as she and Maria shared a smile.

Together, Rollin and Jennifer took Cinnamon's bags up to the bedroom. 

Cinnamon took in her house as she climbed the staircase and Maria returned to the kitchen.  The house felt as comfortable as a glove. She slipped it right back on as if she had never left.

Entering the bedroom, she found two dozen roses of various colors in a vase.  She met Rollin's eye.  "These are lovely."  She said, appreciatively, moving to them to take in their fragrance. 

Rollin smiled.  "From your garden."  He said.

She knew then that Crystal had been there, for she was the master gardener of the group. He was trying. She thought.

Jennifer watched the two of them from her perch on the end of the bed.  "Mom, what did you bring me from Austria?" 
"A ustralia, Sweetheart." 

"Australia."  Jen repeated correctly.

Cinnamon went to her bag Rollin had placed on the bed.  "They call it Oz."  She explained as she unfastened the bag. 

"Oz?  Why?" 

"Because it's a magical place." 

Rollin opened the doors to the balcony as he listened to their conversation. 

Cinnamon opened the case and withdrew a stuffed kangaroo, complete with a baby in its pouch.  "Here you are Sweetie, a kangaroo all the way from Oz."  She said presenting it to Jennifer. 

"Can it do magic, Mom?"  She asked scrutinizing her gift.

"I don't know, Sweetie."  

"I'm gonna go show Maria."

Cinnamon smiled as she watched Jennifer bound from the room. 

Her eyes were drawn to Rollin.  "I have something for you too."  She called to him.

He smiled, moving back to stand before her.  "Having you back is gift enough for me." He sighed. "You've been missed." 

She met his eyes, remembering his kiss downstairs.  "Don't you want your gift?" 

He smiled, indulgently.  "Sure…what is it?"  He asked.

She pulled a hat from her bag.  "What all the handsome Aussie men are wearing." She said with a smile putting it on his head.

He smiled. "Just what I need."

He moved his hands to her shoulders. "How was your trip?" 

"Enlightening."

"Yeah?"

"It's good to be back in the game."

"I can tell."  He said genuinely.  "You have that look again."

"I do?" She said.

He nodded. "It's good to see." He sighed.  "I've missed you, Cin." He said, seriously.

"I missed you too." 

"Yeah."  He pulled her closer. 

"Rollin."  She stopped him putting her hand against his chest.

Alarms went off in his head.  "Cinnamon?"

"I've made some decisions."

"About?"  He hesitated.

"What I want." 

He met her eye.  "What….?"

"Mom!"  Jennifer called as she ran back into the bedroom finding them standing together.

"Daddy. You got a hat! Cool." 

"Yeah, Honey, pretty cool." He said, pulling it from his head.  His daughter had some sense of timing. He wanted to know what Cinnamon was about to say.  He had so looked forward to her homecoming and now it wasn't looking as promising as he had hoped. 

They shared the evening together, once again a family. Jennifer told Cinnamon about all her summer adventures with Rollin and she questioned her mother about her trip abroad and the people she met and places she'd visited. Cinnamon politely deflected most of the questions shielding her daughter from the real events she had seen and what she had done.

Jennifer was reluctant to go to bed. Cinnamon sat on edge of her bed, trying to coax her to sleep. Rollin stood nearby, watching his girls.

"Sweetie, you need to sleep. We have the whole weekend before school."  Cinnamon said, brushing Jen's blonde locks back from her forehead.

"But Mom…."

Cinnamon shook her head, "Sleep Honey."

Jennifer sighed.  "Daddy?"

Rollin looked down at her.  "Yeah, pumpkin."

"Let's not let Mom leave again for so long."

Rollin smiled, silently agreeing.  "We'll have to see about that, Honey.  But Mom's right. You should sleep now.  We can tell more stories tomorrow." 

Jennifer looked back at Cinnamon.  "Sleep fast Mom."  She said with her best Rollin Hand grin.

Cinnamon chuckled.  "Not as fast as you do Sweetheart."

Jennifer smiled and pulled both Raggles and her new kangaroo, 'Casey', tighter.  "Night Mom." 

Cinnamon moved forward and kissed Jen's forehead.  "Night, baby."  She whispered.

Rollin leaned over and kissed her too.  Rollin waited by the door to the bedroom as Cinnamon kissed her daughter again. Cinnamon gave her daughter a wink as she turned out the light and Jen settled beneath the covers. 

She pulled the door closed behind her with a sigh.  She had missed Jen so much during her trip, more than she ever imagined she would.  She had known the risks of the trip, but she hadn't known how bad her guilt for leaving Jen would be. 

It was time to turn her attention to Rollin. He had done a good job looking after Jen for the summer. Maria had confirmed that for her.

Having been interrupted earlier, they had unfinished business. "She'll be up early you know." He said. 

"Wonder who she gets that from?"  She mused. "You did a good job, Rollin." She touched his forearm as they walked together.

He smiled. That was high praise.  He wanted her in the worst way. He met her eyes with a silent plea that he wanted to finish their earlier conversation. 

She understood and turned from him knowing he'd follow her into the master bedroom, where she closed the door behind them.  He hoped this meant what he wanted it to, but so far the evening had not turned out at all like he thought it would. She continued through to the balcony which overlooked the pool.  He followed.  She stood at the wrought iron railing watching the water of the pool.  "Do you know how many times I thought about this view?"  She said.

"I can only imagine."  He said joining her at the railing. "What do you want Cinnamon?"  He asked, going back to her earlier statement.

The view below was one she had come to love, and one she had dreamt about when she was most homesick.  "Sometimes I think I want everything. The perfect life."

”And what would that be?"  Rollin thought he knew her well, but they had been at odds for months now and he ached to be part of that perfect life.

She smiled a dreamy smile.  "Home. My sanctuary from the world.  But, I also need to be… out there."  She swept her arm out into the distance.  "I need to feel that I'm making a difference, not just making a living." 

They stared out into the night together.  It was a chaotic world out there, sometimes rough, often dangerous.  She had always thought the best times were when they faced it together. 

"Rollin, lately I've been feeling … trapped here."  She turned to face him.  "I love Jennifer so much. I love you so much. Being away made me realize it all over again. I need to be in the game.  It makes me feel alive. And I need to be able to come back home and find peace.  I need my family to keep me centered. I need my daughter, and I need the man I love."

Rollin's heart beat faster.  He tried to lighten the situation.  "Do I know him?"

She took a step forward and placed her hand on his chest and met his eyes. "He's the man who won my heart years ago. He’s the love of my life and the father of my child."

Rollin moved his hand to her cheek and underneath her hair and softly touched his lips to hers. "I've missed you so much."  He knew she would understand that he didn't just mean the time she had spent away from them.  "I've been miserable without you."

"Despite the way we've been lately, I can't imagine my life without you."  She started as her hands pressed against his chest.

He pulled her into his embrace and held her. “Cinnamon, I know the mistakes I've made. I'll do everything I can to be true to you." He said with conviction. He met her eyes with sincerity. "I'm not going to jeopardize losing the two most important things in my life. I only know one thing. I love you and nothing will ever change that." He finished by kissing her softly.

“Cinnamon…”  He hesitated. “What about you and Ted?”  He asked still holding her.

“It’s over.”  A warm smile came to her lips. “He wasn’t you.”

Rollin’s relief was evident.  He pulled her close and kissed her firmly.  “Can we go back to it being us again?”

Cinnamon hand’s moved down his chest. “I hope so, because I’m going to need you more than ever now.”

“Yeah?”  His hands went to her hips. “How?”

“With me back in the game, I know I can't do this on my own. I'm going to need your support to pursue this, Rollin." 

"Just tell me where I fit in." 

She pulled his hand up into hers and wove her fingers into his then brought their joined hands against her heart. "Right here." His touch still had the same magic it always had, it made her tingle inside.

He brought her fingers to his lips and kissed them then pulled her into his arms and held her and she savored the feel of his arms about her.

"Are we gonna be okay?" He asked.

She looked up at him. "Somehow we always seem to figure it out, don’t we..."

She looked up into his sparkling blue eyes. "I missed you like I never knew I could." She said as he drew her to him again and kissed her. She smiled as they parted. “Show off.”

He smiled as he ran his hands down her arms. "Come inside and I'll show off some more."

She cut her eyes at him as she took his hand to lead him inside. "I know you will."

Elena Vorska
August 2003

return to retirement