Confessions
Cinnamon remained on the sofa as the Professor left to get ready for the conference. Dan had left her alone with her thoughts, after he admitted losing faith in her, if only momentarily. She was resourceful and strong, he knew that, she would not jeopardize an assignment. Tears came to her eyes, for André or for herself, she wasn’t sure. Her feelings were jumbled. Dan had asked her if she was falling for André, she hadn’t thought so but after last night she wasn’t so sure. He’d been good lover, yet distant somehow. She thought she had been prepared for that, she thought, now, she hadn’t been. She sat until Dan and Barney were ready to leave to escort the Professor to the conference.
“Hey, you okay?” Barney asked standing beside her.
She looked up at him and smiled a bit. “Sure.”
He looked down at her and patted her shoulder. Barney knew that the mission had been hard on her. Fetyukov was a smooth character. Certainly now his future was in jeopardy. Barney had handed him off to another agent who would see to his deportation.
Dan emerged with the Professor. Barney joined them by the door. Dan went to Cinnamon.
“Take some time, Cinnamon. I think you could use it.”
“Thanks Dan.”
Dan and Barney departed quietly with the Professor.
Cinnamon returned to her apartment, still in a fog. She went to the bedroom and stripped the rumpled bed of its sheets. She took the sheets and put them in the washer. Then she went to the bathroom and turned on a steaming shower. She scrubbed herself, trying to clean André from her skin and her mind. With that done, she retired to the living room with a cup of coffee.
She sat there for a long time, thinking about her past week. She had known from the beginning that it would be a difficult mission; Dan had made that clear. It would be unlike anything that she had done previously, but André had gotten to her, at least in some small way. He was charming to say the least. She had kept him at bay for a long time, but when she had finally kissed him, her defenses began to crumble a little, but she gotten the best of him in the end. He would be destroyed when he was returned to his county. She had been sincere in her final words to him.
She sat, smoking the last cigarette of her pack. She blew the smoke toward the ceiling as she stared at it. The phone ringing broke her revieve. She crossed the room and picked up the receiver.
“Hello.”
“Cinnamon.”
“Hi Rollin.”
“How are you?” He asked.
“Okay.” She said halfheartedly.
“Barney called and said you might could use some distraction.”
She laughed lightly. “Did he?”
“Would you be interested in dinner?”
“Sure, but not here.” She said. “How about the beach?”
“Sure, about seven?”
“I’ll see you there.” She replied. She replaced the receiver and picked up her cigarette from the ashtray, where she had left it. Taking a last drag, she crushed it out and went to make her bed. Time to get on with it, she thought.
That evening she drove to
She found him at the bar, waiting for her. He smiled as she approached him.
“Hi.” He said kissing her cheek.
“You started without me?” She asked.
“Just one.” He replied lifting his glass.
The matre’d had noticed Cinnamon’s arrival and moved over to them.
“Mr. Hand. Your table is ready, if you like.” He said, menus in hand.
Rollin glanced at Cinnamon. “Sure, Jimmy.”
Cinnamon followed Jimmy as Rollin fell into step beside her, placing his hand in the small of her back.
Jimmy sat them at “their” table, near a window with a view of the Pacific.
Jimmy saw to it that Cinnamon was brought a drink, bourbon and water.
Rollin watched her closely, noticing that she did seem to be under some strain.
“Must have been tougher than Barney indicated.” He said quietly.
She took a deep breath and nodded. “It was a long week.” She said.
“Is that all?” He asked.
“Yeah.” She lied.
Rollin knew she lied, but didn’t push the subject. They enjoyed a quiet dinner and view. Rollin noticed that Cinnamon was drinking a little more wine than usual. He could tell she was upset, but he decided she would tell him in her own good time.
By the time they were ready to leave, Cinnamon was a bit tipsy. Rollin slipped his arm about her waist as they walked to the door.
In the parking lot, they walked to their cars. “Cinnamon.” He said quietly as she leaned against him.
“Mmmm.” She said stopping and turning to him.
“Why don’t you ride with me and we’ll go to my place.” He said smiling at her.
She looked up at him, running her hands up under the lapels of his suit. “Okay.” She said returning his smile.
He put her in the passenger side of his mustang. They drove the short distance to his small house on the beach. She moved close to him as they drove.
Upon their arrival at the house, he helped her from the car. He took her hand and led her inside. She went to the sofa that was across from the large windows that provided a view of the ocean.
“Would you like coffee?” He asked, hopeful.
“Brandy, I think.” She replied, lighting a cigarette.
“Okay.” Rollin said hesitantly.
He poured two short drinks. He knew that she had had enough, but clearly, she wanted to try and forget something,
As he crossed to her, he turned off the lights so they could enjoy the ocean view and the moonlight. She accepted the glass and he settled down next to her.
“How come we don’t come here more often, I really like the view.” She said staring out the window.
“I don’t know, we always seem to end up at your place.”
She shook her head. “I just couldn’t stay there tonight.”
“What happened Cinnamon?” He asked quietly, moving his hand to her neck.
She took a long drag on her cigarette and exhaled with a sigh. “Something that shouldn’t have.”
He looked at her and set his glass on the table behind the sofa. “Meaning?”
“I slept with him, Rollin.” She said slowly, quietly, “I feel so used, he played the game well and I failed.” Her voice broke with emotion.
Rollin took her glass from her, setting it aside and pulled her into his arms. He whispered softly to her. “You didn’t fail.”
She cried softly into his shoulder as he held her, gently stroking her hair. Her emotions were finally surfacing and he knew that she needed the release. She was strong, but sometimes she just needed to cry. They both had seen and done things that they were not proud of. To her and Andre’s scorn of her; was to her, a defeat. Barney had told him that much. Her tears slowed and she pulled away from his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Rollin. I guess this wasn’t a good idea, I thought I had worked through this.” She said, putting her hand to her face.
He quickly produced a handkerchief and handed it to her. “It’s okay, you’ll just have to give it some time.”
“You’re not upset?” She asked softly.
“Should I be?” He replied, gently touching her face.
“Well,” She sniffed. “I thought you’d be¼” She didn’t finish.
“Cinnamon, you’re a grown woman, you make your own decisions. I’m not here to judge you.”
She looked at him, with red eyes.
“I thought you’d at least be a little jealous.” She said.
He smiled at her. “I didn’t mean that; if the guy was around, I’d throttle him.”
She smiled at his chivalrous threat.
“I just feel so used.” She repeated, leaning her head against his shoulder.
He pulled her to him again. She needed comforting and he wanted her to find it in his arms. After a little while, he felt some of the tension leave her shoulders. Her breathing was slow and regular. He pulled away from her slowly.
“What¼” She said sleepily.
“Come on.” He said taking her hand. He pulled her from the sofa and led her to his bedroom. Once there he told her to lie down and he got a blanket to cover her. Placing it over her, he sat beside her. “You get some rest. You’re exhausted, I’ll be on the sofa.” He said looking down at her.
She looked at him with drowsy eyes. “Thank you, Rollin.”
He kissed her softly and left her to sleep.
Rollin closed the door gently and looked around the dark room. He went outside to the balcony. Once there, he lit a cigarette and starred at the crashing waves. He was upset; he had just hidden it from her. She’d been with another man, of course it upset him, but he knew that she would have only done so because she felt that if she didn’t, the mission would be compromised. Still he’d like to get his hands on the guy. He decided a walk on the beach might help settle his mind. He took off his shoes, jacket and rolled up his pants legs. He made his way to the waters edge and walked the beach. His thoughts went to Cinnamon’s predicament. He had felt similarly after his mission to secure Elena Del Barra’s assignment. He’d been drawn to her, but he knew he wouldn’t overcome the culture.
Besides when he had really thought about it, his heart belonged to Cinnamon. She was a true beauty, resourceful, and dedicated. As he continued walking with his hands in his pockets, his mind went back to her admission to him. He stopped walking and looked at the waves. Why had she told him, he asked himself; she didn’t have to. He was puzzled; they had known each other for some time, but had only been lovers for a short time. Maybe she, too, was feeling the same thing as he. Her admission to him had been out of complete trust. He smiled; maybe she was in love with him. He turned back for the house, secure in his mind that it was indeed the case.
He returned to the house, picked up his shoes and jacket from the balcony and moved back inside. He crossed to the bedroom door, opening it quietly. He looked inside at the sleeping Cinnamon. She was resting, although he noticed her clothes on the chest at the end of the bed. She must have undressed to be more comfortable. He watched her sleeping. He slowly pulled door shut, as it closed, he heard her call out. “Rollin.”
He pushed the door back open and crossed to her, sitting beside her. “You okay?” He asked.
“I woke up and you were gone.” She said.
“I took a walk. Guess I was longer than I thought.” He said. “Do you need something?”
“Just you.” She said with moist eyes.
He gently touched her face, taking the tear from her eye with his thumb. He leaned down and kissed her softly. “I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”
She reached up and put her arms around his neck. “You coming to bed?” She asked.
“You sure?” He asked.
She nodded. He kissed her again.
He stood and quickly undressed. He slipped in beside her and gathered her in his arms. “Better?” He asked softly.
“Much.” She said, snuggling close to him.
He held her tightly, hoping that he could help her forget.
“Cinnamon.”
“Mmm.” She responded.
“I love you.” He said softly.
He felt her smile against his chest. She rose up to look at him. “I love you, too.”
He smiled up at her and reached for her. He pulled her to him for a tender kiss. “You do?” He asked softly.
She nodded at him. “Yes, I do.” She admitted.
She lay back down beside him, secure in his arms.
Rollin smiled in the darkness and wrapped his arms tight around her. She was safe in his arms and he would try and keep her there.
The next morning Rollin woke as the sun broke through the windows of the bedroom. He looked over at Cinnamon still sleeping soundly next to him. He got up slowly and closed the drapes, shading the room from the sun. She stirred and rolled over onto her side. He stood watching her sleep. They had taken another step in their relationship last night, reaffirming what they both felt for one another. He smiled at the memory.
He quickly ducked in the bathroom and found a robe. He found another one for Cinnamon in his closet and laid it on the end of the bed. He decided to let her sleep. She probably needed it.
He made coffee and went the balcony to enjoy the seabreeze. He then decided
that since it was Saturday, that he’d better make a call to change his flight
for
With that done, he poured another cup of coffee and found his cigarettes. He returned to the balcony, to watch the Saturday morning beachcombers.
Cinnamon woke thinking that she heard voices. She looked around and found the robe Rollin had left for her. She had just a twinge of a headache, she thought herself lucky, considering the fair amount of wine she had drank the evening before. She got up and put on the robe and went to the bathroom, knowing Rollin kept some aspirin on hand.
She opened the bedroom door and smelled coffee. She was ready for it. She went the small kitchen and poured herself a cup. Taking a sip she heard Rollin talking to someone on the balcony.
“Steve, you’ll never find anything of any value out there.”
“Hey, you never know, Rollin. I found a nice watch one day.”
Rollin smiled and gave the guy a wave as he moved off searching with his metal detector.
Cinnamon appeared in the doorway. “Good morning.” She said holding her cup with both hands.
He turned at her voice, a smile coming across his face. “Good morning.”
He crossed to stand in front of her. “Feeling better?” He asked.
She nodded positively. “Who were you talking to?” She asked moving out a little further onto the balcony.
Rollin backed up to give her access. “Oh, it was just Steve. He comes out on Saturday morning to hunt for treasure.” He said pointing at a man and machine, moving slowly down the beach.
“I see.” She said taking a seat at the table where he had been sitting.
She put the cup down and he joined her. “So, can I buy you some breakfast this morning?”
“Coffee is fine.”
“I changed my flight to late tomorrow morning. I thought we could do something.” He said.
“Like¼” She responded.
“I don’t know, a swim, a movie, a walk on the beach. Whatever you like.”
“They all sound pretty good.” She said.
“But¼” He said, noticing her hesitancy.
“I think I’d like to wait until my head settles down.”
“Headache? I’ve got some aspirin¼” He began to move from his chair.
“Took some.” She said.
“Oh.” He said remaining in his seat.
“How about a nice hot bath?” He said reaching across the table to take her hand.
She looked at him. “Actually, that sounds perfect.”
He stood beside her and gave her hand a squeeze. “I’ll fill the tub.” He said with a wink.
She took another sip of coffee and watched the seagulls on the water.
She joined him in the bathroom as he laid out some fresh towels for her. “What, no bubbles?” She asked standing behind him.
He turned to her. “Sorry, I’m fresh out.”
“Oh well, I’ll manage.” She said, dejectedly.
Rollin turned to her and pulled her to him. “Want some company?” He asked.
She smiled at him. “I think that would be very nice.”
Rollin turned off the spicket, to stop the water. He removed his robe and stepped carefully into the tub.
“Careful, it’s a little warm.” He said.
She disrobed and joined him. “I’d say that it’s hot.” She exclaimed.
They stood there momentarily; getting used to the hot water. Rollin reached out and pulled her to him for a tender kiss. He ran his hands down her arms, causing her to involuntarily shiver. She turned away from him and slowly eased down into the water. He followed her. As they got accustomed to the temperature of the water, they slid down into the large tub until they were nearly covered by the water. She slowly lay back against his chest. He resisted the urge to wrap his arms around her and they simply enjoyed the warm water around them. Rollin leaned his head back and sighed. He figured it couldn’t get much better than this.
After a little while, as the water began to cool, he leaned forward and kissed the side of her head and wrapped his arms around her.
“Want me to do your back?” He asked softly.
She nodded.
“Then you’d better hand me the soap.”
She leaned forward and picked up the soap and placed it in his hand. He took the bar in his hands and lathered it. He then began with her shoulders, gently massaging and kneading them. He slowly made his way down to her waist.
“Rollin, that feels so good.” She said.
In response, he leaned forward and kissed the base of her neck. He started at her shoulders again and worked his way down. He could tell that she was relaxing. She slowly turned so that she could see him. “Who knew, you had such talented hands.” She said with a wink.
“I haven’t gotten to the best part yet.” He said seriously.
Her eyebrows rose a bit. “Really?” She asked curious.
He nodded.
“Bet I can guess.” She stated.
“I doubt it.” He retorted.
She smiled at him; she always enjoyed their banter.
Since the tub was larger than average, she moved to lean her shoulder against his. He moved to accommodate her position. Now almost side by side, Rollin watched her eyes; reading them clearly.
“I meant what I said last night.” He said softly.
“So did I.” She responded, moving up to meet his lips.
She kissed him tenderly, but with the promise of more.
She looked at him, her eyes almost pleading. “Make love to me.” She whispered.
He read her desire there, not only for him, but seeing a need for herself as well. She needed to be loved, by someone who truly cared for her, to make her forget what had happened with André. He held her gaze and slowly ran a finger up her arm, moving his hand to her face. He pulled her to him for a lasting kiss. He saw the longing in her eyes and was eager to satisfy her request. Just her being this close to her, was arousal enough for him, but he wanted her to enjoy it fully. He released her and moved her back to where she was laying against his chest. He soaped his hands once again and he ran his hands up the tops of her thighs. She smiled at the sensation of his hands moving on her. He kissed her neck and back. His tongue traced her shoulder blades. She shivered slightly as his hands moved to caress her breasts. He played with her nipples, pinching them. She sighed. His hand where then again on her shoulders massaging them. He wanted her to relax a little more. He ran his fingers down the ribs, tickling her slightly. She wiggled against him. He smiled. “Sorry.” He whispered.
She turned back to face him and kissed him, her tongue exploring his. They parted and she turned back around has she felt a hand moving down her stomach and one on her breast. She opened her legs to allow his access to her. He began a gentle massage of her. He also played with one breast, teasing her. When he felt she was ready, he stopped his hands and took her by the shoulders and turned her toward him. He slid down little further in the tub and she moved to meet him. She kissed him as she slowly moved down on his erect organ. His penetration was slow, and she didn’t want to rush it. She closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation. Rollin began the slow rhythm with his hips. She responded to him moving with him. He felt himself slowly beginning to move deeper inside of her, which she was enjoying.
She reached to kiss him again, pulling lightly at his lip. He moaned and moved his hands to her backside. His breath was coming quicker as he neared his climax. Cinnamon was with him. He pulled her backside toward him moving him even deeper inside her. “Rollin.” She called out. He heard her call his name and he exploded deep within her. He moaned and trembled at his release. Cinnamon continued moving against him, enjoying the wave that swept through her. She opened her eyes and looked at him. He smiled at her and she kissed him. They held each other until the water became too cool to be comfortable.
He wrapped a robe around her as she stepped from the tub to join him. He bent down to let the water drain from the tub.
“You definitely have some talented hands.” She said taking his hand in hers. She kissed his fingers tips.
“You still haven’t had the best part, yet.” He said with a devilish smile.
She looked at the tub, then back to him. “I haven’t?” She said disbelieving.
“Come on.” He said taking her by the hand.
She followed him into the bedroom. He led her to the bed. “Prop up and I’ll show you.”
She did as he instructed, putting two pillows behind her so that she was comfortably sitting up. He returned to the bathroom. When she looked up again, he was back with a bottle of lotion.
“What’s that for?” She asked, as if she didn’t know.
He didn’t answer, but sat on the edge of the bed. He put a fair amount of lotion into one hand. Putting the bottle on the other side of her legs.
He then moved to sit at her feet. He slowly pulled the robe away from her thighs.
“Rollin¼” She said hesitantly.
He rubbed his hands together, and reached over her, placing his hands on the outside of her thighs. He ran them slowly down her calves, to her ankles, where he stopped and took her left foot in both his hands. She smiled at him as he began to gently massage her foot. She slowly replaced the robe that covered her thighs as he continued his massage. He kneaded her foot hitting each reflex point that he could remember. He stopped only once for more lotion when he started on her right foot. She closed her eyes enjoying his soft touch. He watched her face as she enjoyed the massage. He finished by slowly moving his hands back up her thighs.
Her hands meet his, entwining their fingers. “That was pretty close to being the best part.” She said.
“I thought you’d like it.” He said.
He moved over to lie beside her and propped up on his elbow. “Only close.” He repeated.
“Unless, you’d like to try and top your performance in the tub?” She said smiling at him, still enjoying a warm glow from their union.
He moved his hand under the robe that covered her. “That could be arranged.”
This time he took his time arousing her. He slowly removed the robe that she was wrapped in. He then pulled her to him and kissed her, deeply. They parted and she looked at him and laid her hand against his face. She studied him, this man who had stolen her heart some time ago. She knew he was trying to comfort her, by making her feel secure. So far, it was working, she thought. He nibbled her earlobe, whispering to her. She smiled and kissed him.
“You really believe that?” She whispered to him.
“What, that we were meant to be together?” He repeated.
She nodded.
“Yes, I do.” He said covering her mouth again.
“Then who am I to argue?” She said laughing lightly when they parted.
“Oh, do shut up.” He said pushing her back on the bed.
She continued to giggle until he silenced her again. Her hand went around his neck as he trailed kisses down her shoulders and to her breasts. He pulled at each nipple with his teeth. One he bit a little too hard.
“Ouch.” She exclaimed.
“Sorry.” He quickly kissed the offended spot and continued to move down her stomach. His hand was on her thigh and he traced a finger down the inside of her thigh and back again, making her shiver. He then moved back to her and kissed her. Her eyes were wide with anticipation.
He lay beside her and rolled her over to face him. Her hand found it’s way to his erect penis. She stroked him gently, bringing a smile to his face. He kissed her. His hand gently massaged her, feeling her moistness between his fingers. He took her hand from him and he took his penis and placed it against her. She sighed softly as he stimulated her with a gentle motion. She was taking deep breaths, obviously enjoying his movement. He kissed her closed eyes. He, too, was beginning to feel the urgent need of release.
He moved quickly to move on top of her, as he did not want her to loose any sensation. He slowly guided his penis into her moist recess. He slipped inside more easily than before. She was indeed ready. She wrapped her arms about his neck and shoulders as he began thrusting against her. She absorbed his thrusts, leaning her head back. He put his hands on either side of her as he continued. He could feel her relaxing with each move. He was moaning softly as her hands rested on his backside pulling him in a little deeper each time. He was close. “Oh Cinnamon.” He called out as he released himself. He let out his breath in a sigh of relief.
He looked down at her. She looked content and had moved her hand back to his shoulders. He stayed buried inside her, ever so gently moving against her. Each time he did, she moaned and moved her head. He moved down to her putting his weight against her. He turned her face to him and he kissed her softly. She slowly opened her eyes, but as he moved against her once more, her eyes rolled up and she moaned again. Her fingers dug into his shoulder. He laid his head against the side of hers relaxing against her. She held him. Soon he felt her release him and he slipped from her. He moved from on top of her and pulled a pillow from the head of the bed, for his head. She lay still beside him. He thought to himself that he must have topped the tub. He reached beside him and took her hand. Her fingers laced with his.
“So, do I get second round honors?” He asked softly.
She turned her head to look at him, squeezing his hand. “I would say so.” She responded.
He rolled over, leaned over her and kissed her. “Now, can I buy you breakfast?”
Her hand went around his neck. “Whatever you like.” She said smiling up at him.
He smiled down at her and kissed her.
Cinnamon dressed in the clothes she had worn the previous evening, thankful it wasn’t too flashy for daytime wear. At least she hadn’t slept in them all night. Some of the wrinkles had come out when she had taken a shower. She brushed her hair and put a final touch on her makeup. She accessed herself in the mirror. She thought about Rollin and smiled slightly. They had come a long way in a short time; confessing what they both felt, was a major step. She had not been sure of his reaction to her assignment with André. She thought she’d handled it, but she needed his help, but couldn’t ask for it, he’d given it to her, freely. She looked thoughtfully in the mirror and with one more sweep of the brush was ready. She emerged from the bedroom and found Rollin on the balcony, watching the waves.
“Ready?” She asked.
He turned at her voice. “I was beginning to wonder.” He said crushing out his cigarette.
“Well, if you’re going to act that way.” She said turning to go inside.
He went after her. “Wait a minute.” He said taking her by the shoulders.
She turned to face him. “Yes?” She said unfazed.
“I’m a jerk, I admit it.” He said apologetically.
She looked at him. “A jerk with very talented hands.” She said with a smile crossing her face.
“You get me every time.” He said with a shake of his head.
“That’s the idea.” She said, her hands on his chest.
He wrapped his arms about her waist, bringing her close. “Just how talented?” He queried, with a tinkle in his eye.
“Oh no, I’ve got to eat first.” She responded her hand on his chest, pushing him away slightly.
He grinned and chuckled. “Me too. Let’s go.” He said.
She took her purse from the table near the door and he closed the door to the balcony. She turned to him as he approached her.
“What?” He asked. “Did I forget something?”
She looked up at him. “Not a thing.” She said, appreciatively.
They smiled at each other, knowing what she meant. He took her hand, squeezed it and led her outside to his car and a hearty breakfast.
THE END
Elena Vorska
December 19, 1999