CHAPTER EIGHTY-TWO – GETTING READY

So intent was Kevin on finishing up the last of his phone calls that he felt rather than saw Nick leap onto the bed. He made a mad attempt to keep the papers from scattering everywhere, but failed. Jotting down the last of the information on the back of his hand, he hung up the phone, giving Nick a sour look of exasperation as he arose from the edge of the bed.

"Thanks for nothing, Nick. You coulda warned me."

"Where's the fun in that?" Nick said, smiling. Kevin shook his head, amazed by the sudden transformation in him, gloomy one minute, excited the next.

"What are you? Bipolar?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

"So, did you get us a flight?"

Kevin had to grin at that. "Yep. I used a little of the Backstreet Boy muscle. Got us a charter flight. Ready to go anytime we are." He motioned for Nick to follow him and they headed down the hallway, in search of the others. "You know, some days it pays to be a prick," he bragged.

Nick turned to him wide-eyed, giving him a sweet, perplexing look. "Since when aren't you?"

Nick whooped in laughter as Kevin took a swipe at him, racing away like mad, knowing he was going to get his butt kicked.

* * * * * * *

Sam was still in the same spot when AJ and Howie returned, talking feverishly on the phone and doing what he did best: barking orders. Both guys sat down, respectfully giving Sam his space as they waited for him to finish. Nick and Kevin came careening around the corner and stopped when the saw the warning slash of Howie's hand telling them to settle down. Kevin gave one retaliating push at Nick then sat down on the couch. Nick came over to AJ, crouching down.

"You guys all done?" he whispered, not wanting to annoy Sam.

AJ nodded. "Yeah. Not a whole hell of a lot we can do about the banks, but everything else should be taken care of by the end of today." Nick glanced at Howie, who confirmed the same success.

"Cool. Kev got us a flight out. We can leave anytime tomorrow."

AJ raised his eyebrows at Kevin, impressed. "Great. Now all we have to do is wait for Sam."

Sam continued speaking on the phone, oblivious to the four sets of staring eyes trained directly on him. There was a pause as he was put on hold and he glanced up. He looked incredulously at the four. "You're all finished?"

They all nodded, pleased.

"What about a flight?"

They all pointed to Kevin, indicating it was a done deal.

Astonished, Sam told the caller he would get back to him later and hung up. "You're talents are going to waste. You should be in management."

AJ grinned. "Yes, but we get paid soooo much more singing."

* * * * * * *

Brian held onto the neck of the showerhead, letting it support him as he leaned into the heated spray. He breathed deeply, trying to suck in as much heat and steam his lungs would allow. He decided to stay in as long as his trembling legs would support him, not sure if he could physically make it back to his bed now without help. Gathering up all his strength he let go of the showerhead, testing his ability to stay upright. A few seconds later Brian grabbed the neck again, discouraged. Once more he let go, standing upright just a few seconds longer than the first try. A savage grin of success crossed his face and he goaded himself on, willing himself not to sway as he released his hold for the third time. How long he forced himself to stay upright he had no idea, but knew he would have to stop when he noticed that the water was losing its warmth. Shutting off the flow, Brian cautiously dried himself off, breathing in deep gulps of air as he winced from the pain and shock at seeing his body. Xavier definitely knew what he was doing, the ugly, raw marks of a closed fist still imprinted on various parts of him. He dressed slowly, his hand touching a sensitive spot as he pulled his shirt back on. He felt for the soreness, realizing with a grimace that it hurt right where his kidney was located. Great. A bruised kidney. He remembered that Xavier had also touched the spot when he was examining him. Glad to know that he couldn't see the injury, Brian finished dressing and exited the bathroom, stopping in surprise. The room had been cleaned, a fresh bed awaiting him. Xavier sat on his own bed, watching the news, eating what looked to be some sort of take out.

Xavier put his food down, motioning Brian to get into his clean bed. The feel of the cool, smooth sheets almost sent Brian into ecstasy, relishing the fresh smell. He curiously looked at Xavier, noticing the bodyguard handing a styrofoam cup of soup to him.

"Albondigas soup. Try it."

Brian took a few tentative sips of the steaming broth, savoring its exotic flavor, noticing the abundance of rice and vegetables mixed in. He took a few more hefty swallows, suddenly starved. Xavier nodded in satisfaction and gave Brian some warm flour tortillas, lightly coated with butter. Brian wolfed those down too, not being able to remember the last time he had eaten decent food. He winced in pain, not sure if he was cramping from the rapid inhalation of food, or whether his painkiller was starting to lose effect. Xavier noticed Brian's expression and frowned, pulling out another pill. Brian eyed it secretly, not willing to show the eagerness on his face when Xavier handed it to him. He returned to finish the last of his food after swallowing the pill, ignoring the queasy rumbling in his stomach.

A sudden wooziness overcame Brian, his eyes too heavy to keep open. His vision became blurry and he blinked questioningly at Xavier. Xavier's eyes gleamed, his mouth curled into a pleasant smile. "Painkiller and sleeping pill. Amazing what you can get south of the border." He peeked at his watch, counting. "I'd say in about three minutes, you'll be sleeping like a log." He glanced up, noticing that Brian had already closed his eyes, his head turned sideways, already asleep.

* * * * * * *

Last night's sleep was a definite improvement over the night before and Howie felt a lot more positive as he entered AJ's kitchen, looking for something to eat. He found Nick already there, digging into a bowl of cereal. Mouth full, Nick motioned with his spoon to the assortment of breakfast fare displayed on the kitchen table, all certifiably junk food.

"What did you do, buy out the whole convenience store?"

"Sorta," admitted Nick. "See anything you like?"

As much as Howie hated to admit it, he did. He scanned the selection before him, deciding what might be the healthiest of the lot, when he stopped. "Oooh! Hostess snowballs!" He remembered eating them when he was a kid. He quickly tore the package open, guiltily stuffing one of them into his mouth, glancing nervously to see if anyone was looking.

Nick snorted in laughter, watching Howie enjoy his guilty pleasure. "Jeez, D, you're acting like you’ve committed some sort of illegal act!"

Howie licked his fingers, starting in on the other one. "Umm. Good," was all he mumbled, inspecting what other sinful treats were there. His eyes opened wide when he saw the Pop-Tarts and began to open the box. Nick hooted again in laughter.

"What's so damn funny at eight in the morning?" grouched AJ as he straggled in.

Nick smirked at AJ. "You mean besides you and your bed head?"

AJ smiled sourly at Nick. "Have you taken a look at yourself, Zit-boy?" Before Nick could make a suitable comeback, AJ spoke again, sounding just like Howie. "Oooh! Snowballs!" He grabbed a package, eagerly ripping it open.

"What?" he muttered irritably, his mouth full, as he watched Nick and Howie begin to laugh uproariously.

* * * * * * * * *

Brian could sense Xavier's presence, but in the dark he had no idea what the bodyguard was doing until he felt strong arms pulling him upright, forcing him out of bed and out of his dreamless sleep. Brian protested weakly but suddenly understood what Xavier was doing. He barely made it into the bathroom before he vomited. Xavier held him until the heaving subsided, then literally carried him back to his bed, the blonde singer too exhausted to walk the few short steps.

Brian weakly accepted the water Xavier handed him, frowning slightly as he noticed another pill placed into his hand.

"It may make you sick, but it also makes things tolerable," advised Xavier. "Take it. If I hear you gagging in your sleep again, I'll help you."

Reluctantly Brian slipped it into his mouth and swallowed. He closed his eyes, praying for sleep, praying he would never wake up, ever.

* * * * * * * *

Kevin walked into the kitchen, staring incredulously at the amount of torn and scattered wrappers on the kitchen table. He frowned, eyeing them all suspiciously as the guys gave him a happy hello.

"Is Nick on his sugar high again?"

He picked up an empty, sticky wrapper with the tips of his fingers, carefully looking at it. "Snowballs? Oh my God. I haven't had one of these in years!" He looked eagerly at the three. "Got any more?"

* * * * * * * * *

Brian wasn't sure what time it was, nor did he care. Everything seemed to be blending into one routine of getting up, going to the bathroom, eating, taking medication, then sleeping again. He loved the sleeping part, treasuring every minute when he wouldn't have to experience the pain, the nausea, the weakness. He knew every time he woke up he felt a little bit better, a little less groggy, but wasn't willing to admit it to Xavier, who hovered over him like a mother hen. For the umpteenth time that day, he drifted back into the blissful arms of sleep, still praying it would be the last time he ever woke up.

* * * * * * * *

Sam was the last one to board the chartered jet, giving the steward a nod, and headed down the aisle to find an empty seat. He threw his carry-on into the overhead compartment and sat down next to Kevin, smiling his approval. "Things are looking good," he confirmed. "We should be in Tucson in about four and a half hours."

Kevin tossed the newspaper he was reading to the side and reclined a little more comfortably in his seat. "Everyone able to make it to Tucson on time?"

Sam picked up Kevin's newspaper and tucked it under his arm. "Practically. Most are going to make it ahead of us, some a little later. I've been informed all Backstreet security will be there right on schedule."

Kevin listened to Sam as he watched AJ, Nick, and Howie argue about something. "And when exactly is our meeting with Xavier?" He felt his stomach automatically tighten into knots when he mentioned the bodyguard's name.

"Later today. Five p.m. in one of the McKale conference rooms."

"So this is it."

They looked at each other silently, understanding the magnitude of those four simple words Kevin spoke, knowing that in a short time they would finally be able to reach Brian. Sam saw the twinge of grief in Kevin's eyes before the dark-haired singer closed them, his jaw set into a firm line. He shook his head sadly, wondering how Kevin held up in times like these, knowing that a close member of your family was suffering and you were too far away to do anything about it.

Kevin pushed the very thought Sam was wondering about out of his mind. He knew that if he didn't, he would be a nervous wreck once he got off the plane in Tucson. He sighed and opened his eyes as he heard arguing behind him. Wondering who was louder, the jet's engines whine for power or Nick, Howie, and AJ's fighting, Kevin decided he would rather listen to the engines. Kevin excused himself to Sam. "Think I'm gonna knock some sense into those guys," he stated, getting up from his seat. Sam nodded and picked up Kevin's paper, studying it.

* * * * * * * * *

The tantalizing odor of hot food lured Brian out of his sleep and he opened his eyes to see Xavier standing over him, a tray in his hands.

"Rise and shine!"

Brian ignored the fake cheerfulness. "What time is it?" he groaned, stretching. He immediately regretted doing that as he felt his chest and back constrict with pain.

"Early afternoon," informed Xavier. "We have a meeting to attend to, remember? Better eat and get your ass moving. The more you move around the better you'll feel."

Brian seriously doubted that but refrained from saying so when he saw the determined look on Xavier's face. Whether he liked it or not, Brian knew Xavier intended to have him up and about. Xavier set the tray down next to Brian, indicating with a wave of his hand to eat. Brian looked at the meal before him. Soup. Again. He bit his lip in frustration. Soup had been fine the first couple of times, in fact he had welcomed it, but now he was tired of it, tired of the same Mexican soup Xavier brought to him every time.

Xavier seemed to know what he was thinking and nodded. "Boring, but good. Besides, it's a lot easier to throw up soup than it is solid food."

Xavier had him there. The last two times he ate he had been successful in holding his meal down, but before that, impossible. He knew, as well as Xavier, that the pain medication he was taking was making him sick, but nausea over intense pain was the lesser of two evils. He finished quickly, drinking a large glass of water in hopes of rinsing the soup’s taste away.

Satisfied that he had completed his meal, Xavier indicated impatiently for Brian to get up. The young Backstreet Boy threw him an unpleasant look but nevertheless complied, understanding that if he didn't do it, Xavier's large hands and fast temper would. Cautiously, but as quickly as he could, Brian swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up, hoping he wouldn't completely keel over. To his surprise and Xavier's satisfaction he felt no dizziness and no trembling.

"Now comes the hardest part," stated Xavier.

Brian glanced up, realizing he had been staring at his feet. "Hardest?" he repeated.

"Yeah. Walk."

Tentatively Brian took a small step, then another. Xavier snorted in disgust at Brian's hesitant movements forward.

'Not baby steps! Regular ones. I want to see if you can walk to the door and back." Brian began to walk over. "No! Normal steps!" Xavier barked.

Gritting his teeth, Brian walked as normally as he could over to the door. He turned to see a disagreeable look plastered over the bodyguard's face. "This is the best that I can do, Xavier, considering I just got the shit beat outta me!"

A smile of approval instantly replaced the sour one. "Spunk. I like that. Anger is gonna make you heal quicker."

Brian walked over to the bathroom, his stride more confident. Maybe Xavier was right, but he wasn't going to let him know that. "You're full of it," he commented, before slamming the door shut, ignoring Xavier's pleased laughter.

* * * * * * * *

Nick shook his foot nervously, too uptight to play any of the games he had carted on board. He couldn't believe they had two more hours to go, the first two seemed to take forever. Kevin had informed them early on that he wasn't going to tolerate listening to them squabbling the whole flight and had effectively cancelled their argument with one threatening look. Now, Kevin and Howie were both asleep, and AJ was reading some sort of magazine. Nick glanced over to see what AJ was reading and AJ turned his shoulder away, successfully blocking Nick from seeing anything. Nick snorted in disgust.

"It's okay," jeered Nick, "we all know you like Britney. Come outta the closet, Bone. I wanna read Teen Beat too."

AJ continued to read, a middle finger pointing up to the ceiling to explain what he thought of Nick's comment. Kevin laughed out loud and opened his eyes. Nick turned to him in surprise, pissed that Kevin had been pretending to sleep.

"Thanks a lot Kevin. Here I've been trying to be quiet this whole time and you've been faking it. I've been bored out of my mind!"

"So what did you want me to do? I'm not going to play any of your stupid games with you."

"Well at least you coulda talked to me."

"About what?"

"About Brian."

Kevin heard the depressed tone in Nick's voice and felt a twinge of guilt. AJ peeked over his magazine, concerned, hearing the same thing Kevin had.

"Okay, Nick, what about Brian?"

Nick leaned back in his seat, staring at the overhead reading lights. "Well, has anybody thought about what we're gonna do when we see him?" Nick noticed that Howie had "just woke up" and rolled his eyes in exasperation, aware that Howie didn't look very sleepy.

"Hello, D."

"Do?" questioned Howie, ignoring Nick's sarcasm. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, how do we let Brian know we know? Xavier is gonna be all over him. How do we get Brian away from Xavier, safely?"

AJ frowned, lowering his magazine. "Yeah. We've been so excited about finding Bri that we haven't thought this thing through."

"Okay, let's figure this out," began Kevin. "First time we see Brian will be at the conference, right? And Xavier will be with him." He paused for a second, thinking. "Xavier doesn't know that we've found out about him. If Sam's plan is solid, X should think that this is just an emergency meeting."

"So he shouldn't be suspicious," added Nick.

"More like pissed," answered AJ. "Remember his failed attempts? I don't think he's going to be too happy to see us."

"Which is why we gotta act like we're not happy either, that we're still mad at Brian. We need to convince Xavier that nothing's changed. If X doesn't feel suspicious, we should have more access to Bri."

Nick sighed and massaged his temples. "That still doesn't answer my question. What do we do when we get Brian away from X?"

Kevin stared at Nick. "We convince him that we know all about it. It shouldn't be too hard."

Nick jumped out of his seat, agitated. "No! Jesus! You're all missing the point! Xavier didn’t have to come back! He didn’t have to bring Brian! He wasn't coming back to the tour in the first place. Think! Why is X coming back?"

AJ saw where Nick was going and felt sick. "Because Xavier still has something planned for Brian. He's not finished with his game."

Nick spun on his heel, pointing at AJ. "Exactly! I was trying to figure out why Xavier was coming back. The only thing I could figure was that whatever Xavier was trying to do, it didn't work. I don't think he's coming back because he failed to hurt us, I think he's coming back because he failed to get what he wanted from Brian."

Kevin groaned. "Shit, Nick, you're right. And if X didn't get what he wanted, he's gonna try again. Which means, he still has some kind of hold over Brian. Fear, intimidation, whatever. I'm not sure we can convince Brian that he'll be okay."

"Why can't we just get a couple of our bodyguards to grab Xavier, beat the crap outta him, threaten him never to come back and be done with it?" said Howie. "Then we have Brian, and no Xavier!"

AJ gave him a severe look and Howie sighed. "Okay, okay, I know. Wishful thinking."

"We need to get a hold of Brian, alone. If we can talk to him, find out what kind of pressure Xavier is threatening him with, then we can figure out how to stop him."

"The key word: if," Nick said discouragingly.

The other three nodded solemnly, Nick’s gloomy mood contagious to them all.

* * * * * * * *

Brian tried not to show the excitement he felt as he rode north to Tucson with Xavier, on their way to the designated meeting. He felt better than he thought possible, thanks to Xavier’s decision that he take two pills instead of the regular one. He resisted at first, then gave up, knowing Xavier would find a way to shove them down his throat if he refused. Brian shifted uncomfortably in his seat, wondering why if he felt so good would his lower back still hurt. Xavier noticed his movement and studied him for a second before turning his attention back to the road.

"Back hurt?"

Brian nodded, curious that Xavier seemed to know what was the problem. ‘Yeah."

"Does it hurt to take a piss?"

Startled by Xavier’s questioning, Brian thought for a moment. "I don’t know. I don’t think so. Who can tell with all the pain medication you’ve been shoving at me?" Brian didn’t like the way this conversation was going. "Why?" he asked suspiciously.

"No reason."

Brian knew that was a bald face lie but said nothing and stared out the window, thinking.

* * * * * * * * *

Nick, Howie, Kevin and AJ all piled into the taxicab, saying goodbye to Sam, who was taking another cab, anxious to get to the arena as soon as possible. They waited for the driver to place their luggage in the trunk, feeling the sweat springing to their brow. It was already warm in Tucson, making them wish they had brought lighter clothing. Being stuck together in the cramped quarters of the taxi, they all could feel Nick’s nervous excitement. AJ frowned, studying Nick, then Kevin, then Howie. They had the same sort of anxious animation as Nick, only in varying degrees.

The taxi driver hopped into the driver’s seat, turning to face them to await instructions. Glancing at his watch for a moment, AJ nodded. They still had time. "Take us to the nearest bar," he ordered. Noticing the curious stares from his friends, AJ explained.

"I think we all need a good stiff drink to calm our nerves," he announced. "We need to be as calm as possible if we are going to pull this off."

Kevin agreed. "Let’s go."

* * * * * * * * *

Brian turned his head as the sign flashed by, Tucson, fifteen miles. A knot of nervous elation boiled in his stomach and he clutched the armrest tightly to try and relieve some of the tension.

"Ready?" questioned Xavier and Brian looked at him. Through the whole drive up to Tucson, Xavier had asked and answered with single words, letting Brian know that the bodyguard was thinking intently about something else.

"Ready?" Xavier questioned again.

"Ready? What do you mean? Of course, I’m ready," said Brian sarcastically, irritated by Xavier’s simple question.

"No, I mean really ready."

Brian froze, hearing the satisfied smirk in Xavier’s voice. It had been a while, but it all came back with a horrifying rush. It was the confident, mocking voice, indicating that it was time for a new game.

"Xavier, please," he heard himself begging, hating himself for it. "You said all you wanted was to finish what we started. Then you would be gone, right?" Brian stared hard at Xavier. "Right?"

Xavier turned to flash him a repulsively twisted smile. "Depends."

Brian despised his vague replies, but played along. "Depends. Depends on what?"

"Depends on how good of a boy you’re going to be."

Brian waited, saying nothing, knowing the routine by now.

Swinging onto the Broadway off ramp, an arrow indicating the way to the arena, Xavier finally spoke. "Yes, it should prove interesting. How well you can behave." Seeing that Brian was not taking the bait, Xavier fumed in frustration, turning his teasing into an angrier tone. "Behaving. Reckon you do that, Brian? Huh? Cause if you can’t, I’m thinking about sticking around for a long time." Brian turned to see the promise in Xavier’s eyes. "A long, long, time."

* * * * * *

It took more than one drink to settle their nerves, but Kevin made sure that no one had more than two. They walked silently down the corridor, led by one of the arena’s security guards. The guard stopped by a double door, giving the four a bob of his head, then left. They stared at the closed door for a moment then looked at each other for reassurance. Out of the four, Nick was the most composed and it surprised Kevin. He glanced at the youngest Backstreet Boy, his green eyes forming a question. Nick looked calmly back, his face serene.

"Let’s do it."

AJ and Howie nodded their agreement and entered the room, their eyes searching for Brian. They found Xavier first, slouched in a seat, one booted foot planted unceremoniously on the conference table.

They all quickly dismissed him, trying to locate the one they were here for. Their eyes finally rested on Brian, who sat on the opposite side of Xavier, his head bowed, staring fixedly at his hands. Slowly, little by little, Brian raised his head to meet the eyes of Howie, Kevin, Nick, and AJ.

CHAPTER EIGHT-THREE - TOGETHER AGAIN

Being the first to arrive, Brian quickly grabbed the closest seat he could find and eased his battered frame into the chair. It had been a struggle, trying to keep pace with Xavier's long strides as they walk through the lengthy corridors of the arena, knowing that Xavier was intentionally keeping up a brisk pace. Brian fumed in angry silence, his back and chest throbbing fiercely as he shifted painfully in his seat, wondering if it was too soon for another pill. Before he could ask, Sam and the others arrived, the room filling with Backstreet security, many nodding their recognition at Xavier and him, while others just stared outright at the injuries marking their faces. Without thinking Brian touched his forehead, suddenly embarrassed by his appearance and bowed his head. He realized what he must look like, and wondered for the hundredth time what reaction, if any, he would receive from Howie, AJ, Kevin, and Nick once they arrived. His eagerness, his impatience at seeing them again was tempered by the fact that he did not know what to expect, what kind of a welcome would be thrown his way. He slowly looked up, hoping for the best and bracing for the worst as he heard them enter, dread and excitement filling his entire body.

* * * * * * * *

Howie gave no nod of recognition to Brian as he walked into the room, remembering the guys' firm agreement: to play it safe, to act as if nothing had happened. Easier said than done. He took a seat, the farthest away from Brian and Xavier as he could, wanting to secretly study them both, especially Brian, without being noticed himself. Picking up a packet of information that had been placed at his seat, Howie casually skimmed through it. He felt his heart pounding erratically, the rush of nervousness beginning to make him sweat. He offhandedly placed his hand over his mouth, as if contemplating what he was reading before him, hoping to masked any facial expressions that he feared would betray him.

Stay calm, be cool he chanted mentally to himself, you've been mobbed by thousands of fans in Rio, you sang the national anthem in front of millions! Being in a small conference room with people you know shouldn't bother you! And yet it did. He realized the thousands of nameless faces were just that; nameless, anonymous people that meant nothing to him. Not like the small figure that was hunched over a few yards away from him.

It was his eyes that Howie noticed first. The way Brian slowly glanced up when he first heard them enter the room, the small flicker of elation, the barest glimmer of relief revealed for a split second before it vanished, replaced by a vacant blue-eyed gaze, void of any emotion.

The second thing he noticed almost caused him to gasp out loud. The few short days apart had taken its toll on Brian, the ugly gash on his forehead, the dull and lifeless pallor to his skin attesting to that fact. Fighting hard for control, Howie bent his head down, pretending to read the paperwork in his hand. Instead, he prayed for strength, his lips forming soundless words, not realizing until he finished that he had said the prayer completely in Spanish.

********

It was only natural for Kevin to show more concern for Brian than Xavier when he saw their facial injuries; after all he was family, and family was always came first.

"What in God's name happened to you?" he questioned directly to Brian, ignoring Xavier. He already knew, but realized such a noticeable injury demanded a curious inquiry. He kept his face straight, impassive as he listened to Brian's fake story about the over-eager fans and how Xavier got hurt in the process, trying to protect him. Sickened by the obvious lie, Kevin felt despair when he saw Brian glance at Xavier, as if asking for his approval.

Kevin nodded after Brian finished his story, hoping he sounded reasonably businesslike to Xavier. "Hmm. Another reason I'm glad we're here early to meet about security. Looks like everything is falling apart." Kevin turned to Sam, who had taken the end seat at the head of the table. "Sam? Everyone's here. Let's get started." Kevin leaned back expansively in his chair, arms crossed. Pretending to take note as Sam began to review and assess the current situation, Kevin instead concentrated on his cousin, desperately wanting to capture his attention. Come on Brian! he hissed inwardly, look at me! Let me see that you're okay! God, Brian, give me a sign, anything that says you're all right! Cause if you don't, I'm not sure I can sit here much longer acting indifferent!

As if forcing Brian with just his strength of determination, Kevin saw Brian glance up and look his way. Their eyes locked for only an instant, but it was enough. Enough to make Kevin want to weep with frustration and anger for they held no hope, no trace of happiness, only fear, trapped and consumed by resignation. Kevin was staring into the eyes of a walking dead man.

* * * * * * * *

If he could just control his anger he would be okay. AJ knew that his smile right now looked like a grimace, but he also knew that's how he always looked, so he wasn't concerned. His eyes were another matter. Knowing that his ever-present glasses were the only thing saving his ass right now, he relaxed behind the dark shades, letting his eyes display the anger his actions could not. AJ felt a grim pleasure in directing his glare towards Xavier, knowing that X could not read the hatred in his glance. It was therapeutic, liberating and healing at the same time to express his rage without being caught. He wished the guys had the same outlet as he, knowing by years of togetherness, that they were suffering inwardly.

AJ turned his attention to Brian, his eyes softening as the anger he felt evaporated into sorrow. Brian looked so alone, so lost, sitting there by himself. He wanted to stop the whole meeting right now, to shout to Brian that everything would be okay, that the monster sitting near you would soon be gone, the nightmare over. He couldn't, of course, but knew all he had to do was wait, hold on, because soon, very soon, it would.

* * * * * * * * * *

Nick didn't know whether it was the two drinks he had or his strength of mind that kept him so calm, so he gave silent thanks to both. On the drive over to the arena, he had paid careful attention to Kevin, AJ, and Howie's advice on how to act, patiently listening as they drilled instructions over and over again, until he had snapped back at them to shut up, irritated that they thought so little of his self-control at a time like this.

Now that he was in the conference room, he knew that the others were having trouble maintaining their composure. What kept him relaxed was the knowledge that Brian was finally here, sitting across from him, and although the worse for wear, still breathing. That was enough for Nick. Frick and Frack, together again, the way it should be, and starting right now, he was never gonna let Brian out of his sight.

* * * * * * * *

Brian exhaled his breath in a sad sigh. He should have known better than to get his hopes up once the guys had arrived. Their aloof and business-like manner had made it very clear that nothing had changed between them. He watched as Howie chose the farthest seat away, taking a sudden interest in the papers laid before him, not willing to meet him eye to eye for even a second. And why should he? You gave him nothing but grief! he thought bitterly.

Kevin’s curt-like question about his injury had showed no cousinly concern, just curiosity. Brian noticed Kevin listening half-heartedly to his explanation before making a short comment, then turned his attention towards Sam and the meeting, impatient to start. As Sam began, Brian felt his cousin’s eyes burning through him, willing him to look up. Reluctantly, he glanced up for a moment to stare at Kevin then glanced back down again, resigned to the fact that Kevin had not changed, even a tiny bit.

AJ was definitely pissed at him. Even through the darkened shades, Brian could feel his fury at having to be here early, at having his vacation time ruined. Whatever the cause, Brian knew AJ blamed him solely for it. He wished he could apologize and would try to do so later, but right now he just wanted to shrink away from AJ’s intense stare. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, wanting another pain pill.

Nick, out of the four, seemed completely calm, almost bored with the whole meeting. Brian knew he was probably thinking how long it would be before he could leave, only here because it was required. Brian felt no hostility radiating from Nick, unlike AJ, but then he felt no affirmation of friendship either. Sighing inwardly, he accepted that fact that his relationship with the guys was no better and, by the looks of everything, probably worse than before.

* * * * * * * *

Xavier leaned into his seat, relaxed and confident. For the first few minutes he had been cautious, suspicious of everything and everyone, his senses screaming to watch out. He had studied Nick, Howie, Kevin and AJ closely, scrutinizing every move, every reaction as they entered the room. Unless they were superb actors, they seemed genuinely annoyed at being here, especially AJ, and no love was lost upon their meeting up with Brian. Finding Brian's expressions easier to read, Xavier noticed the quick flash of hope dying in the young singer's eyes, wounded by his friends’ reactions to him. Nodding in satisfaction, he crossed his arms as he pretended to listen to Sam's boring lecture and recommendations on security, instead concentrating on how soon it would be before he could get Brian's mix up at the bank cleared.

He watched as Brian shifted again in his chair and frowned, knowing Brian was experiencing more pain. He felt for the small bottle of pills in his pocket and shook it experimentally, reminding himself to keep a better eye on controlling Brian's pain. He would not allow the young Backstreet Boy to become incapacitated before he got his money. He smiled inwardly, hardly believing his good luck. He had thought the game was over, that he would have to move on due to his quick temper, but here he was, once more back in control. It was all falling into place so perfectly that he had a hard time not laughing outright in glee.

CHAPTER EIGHTY-FOUR -MEETING'S OVER

"And so, with the repeated security breeches, I've found it necessary to change a few things," Sam droned on, pointing to a screen. "Look at page 3…" he continued, and several flips of the pages could be heard as Nick, AJ, Howie, and Kevin did their best to look interested. During the meeting they had noticed Brian shifting in his seat, a flash of pain crossing his features as he tried to settle into a more comfortable position. When Xavier wasn't looking AJ and Nick had exchanged concerned glances, noticing the more the meeting dragged on, the more tense and withdrawn Brian had become.

"…now because of the near fatal accident involving Nick and Kevin, I feel we need to tighten up on guarding the guys, making sure that…" explained Sam, and Nick felt the intense stare of Xavier bearing down upon him. Nick frowned inwardly, unsure what to do. He looked back at Xavier with a quiet aloofness, wondering what the bodyguard was thinking, wondering if Xavier wished he was dead. Nick snorted quietly in disgust. Of course he does! He finally broke contact with Xavier, questioning how much longer he could sit still, acting detached, when he knew Brian was suffering both mentally and physically. Knowing the guys felt exactly the same way, Nick became antsy, unsure on what he could do to keep from going crazy. Rubbing his sweaty palms on his knees, he stopped and stared at his hands. You idiot! Draw! It always soothed him and he grabbed a pencil, beginning to sketch little nonsensical pictures. He tore off one page, dissatisfied, and started in on another when suddenly an idea took shape, one so inspired that he froze for a moment in astonishment. He remembered a trick that Brian and he had played several years ago when they both were being tutored on the road. He thought furiously for a moment, wondering if he dared. He looked at Brian's heartbreaking appearance. He dared. Scribbling a few words onto a small piece of paper, Nick drew a small picture to disguise the meaning. Wadding it up into a small piece, he stuck it in his mouth for a moment, gathering up the wetness needed for its flight over towards Brian. With any luck, Xavier would see it as a contemptuous act and give it little thought, not suspicious of the gooey mess. He sailed the spit wad directly at Brian and it hit him squarely in the chest, bouncing into his lap. Come on, Bri, remember! Nick noticed several Backstreet security glancing his way, shaking their heads at his childish antics. Nick knew better and by the looks on Howie, AJ's, and Kevin's face, knew that they did too. He sailed another over, this time landing directly on the edge of the table, in front of Brian. Nick saw a smirk come from Xavier as the bodyguard watched him, elated that Xavier thought he was trying to antagonize Brian.

Brian reached over slowly to brush the offending damp ball off the table and then looked up at Nick, a small frown creasing his brow.

Dammit, Brian, think! The messages we use to send to each other! That's how we swapped answers to test questions! Open the damn paper! Nick gave Brian a malicious smile, one he knew Xavier caught, but the smile was not one of malicious intent. Nick's heart skipped a beat as he saw the slightest flash of understanding in Brian's eyes. Once more, he soared another wad, successfully landing it next to Brian's hand. Brian reached over and casually picked it up, his face showing agitation at Nick's prank.

* * * * * * * *

His heart pounding, Brian tried to act casual as he nonchalantly placed the wad in his lap, his fingers closing around the damp ball. He hunted for any signal in Nick's eyes, any hint of revelation, but Nick stared back impassively, his blue eyes cool and calm. Brian remembered their old trick from tutoring and for a minute he eagerly thought Nick might be trying to communicate with him, to say something that couldn't be said out loud. But, by the look of Nick's chilly expression he realized he was wrong, and that there would probably be some sort of sneering comment written instead. With an inaudible sigh, he secretly peeled the paper open with his fingers, not looking down, taking his time to make sure Xavier wasn't watching him. Feeling the last of the paper smooth out, he sneaked a quick glance down.

We know.

Two little words, carefully drawn as dragon's smoke to hide its meaning. Almost impossible for anyone to find, but Brian did, just as he was able to many years ago.

We know.

Beginning to tremble, Brian didn't need to look down at the crumpled piece of paper again to understand its meaning, but did so once more out of complete shock. He bunched the paper back into its balled-up shape, tossing it underneath the table. He glanced up, noticing all four staring directly at him, Nick's eyes piercing right through to his soul.

This time Brian saw the compassion in their eyes, the silent understanding. Feeling slightly light-headed, Brian closed his eyes, praying he wouldn't pass out. The shock of them knowing, the agonizing pain he was enduring sent him into a panicked fright.

We know.

How? How could they possibly know? What could have happened that they were able to put two and two together? Brian's eyes flew wide open. Xavier! Brian glanced over to see the bodyguard calmly listening to Sam, occasionally jotting down a few notes. Xavier doesn't know! Brian felt his heart lurch into his throat. Oh God! If Xavier discovers their secret …!

He could hardly believe that a few short words could change everything and he felt a bitter flash of resentment beginning to grow. He had been close, so close, just a few more days and Xavier would have been gone, forever, completely out of his life. But now this had to happen and he knew it would be almost impossible to keep Xavier from finding out. Brian shuddered as he remembered Xavier's promise to stick around for a long time if he didn't behave, if he didn't play the game. Now everything was at risk, his life, theirs, all in danger because somehow they knew. Damn them! An irrational anger took hold of Brian, fueled by his constant pain. He knew he should be thinking more clearly, more logically, but the nagging, infuriating pain would not release him from its tight grip. He shot a look of pure acid at Nick, then at the others, feeling the bitterness eating him up inside. Scarcely listening as Sam wrapped up the meeting, Brian ignored everyone as they rose from their seats.

"Okay folks, time to take a tour of the facility; I need your input on how to improve safety measures." Sam frowned a little at Brian, seeing that he was the only one still sitting down. That's the guys' problem, not mine. My job is to get Xavier away from Brian. With a quick motion of his hand, he pointed to Xavier. "Delgado. You and Anderson, with me. This may take a while. I need your help." With a no-nonsense attitude, Sam headed for the door. Xavier paused for a second as everyone began to file out, noticing Brian and the other four not moving.

Taken aback by Brian's resentful look, it took a moment before Howie saw the danger. With a dramatic sigh, he stretched and groaned. "I'm leaving," he announced loudly. "See you later." As much as he wanted to stay, to find out what was causing Brian's fury, he realized the risk in remaining. With a quick nod to all, he left.

Kevin picked up on the problem and turned to Sam, slapping a hand onto his manager's shoulder. "Hey Sam, hold up. I'm coming with you. I'd like to see where the problems are." Kevin coolly raised an eyebrow at Xavier.

"Ready?”

He knew AJ and Nick desperately needed time alone with Brian right now. He had pretty much figured out what Nick had said in his message and was surprised, then alarmed by Brian's bitter reaction. To have Xavier come back unexpectedly and discover them talking would be disastrous and Kevin was determined to keep a close watch on him so that wouldn't happen.

Following them out the door, he spared one quick glance back at Nick and AJ, then at Brian. He didn't like what he saw and his stomach churned in fear as he hurried to catch up with Sam and Xavier.

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