CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE - A SURPRISE

Brian came out of the bank, hurriedly checking his watch for the time. He hefted the heavy bag into the waiting taxi, waving off the driver's assistance to help. He was late and he nervously bit his fingernails as the taxi weaved through heavy traffic. He knew that the guys were going to be pissed, but he couldn't help it. Xavier's sudden request for a late withdrawal at the bank, and an expensive one at that, had him troubled. Always accompanying him before, this time Xavier had demanded Brian go alone. Something was up and it set Brian on edge, trying to figure out what Xavier's little game might be.

He closed his eyes for a moment, wanting to savor what little time he had alone. The past days had been a nightmare, the only thing that had kept him going was the thought of flying home for the holiday to see family. Of course, Xavier had canceled that at the last moment and Brian was furious to find that the bodyguard "had other plans" for them. He tensed at the phrase, wondering exactly what Xavier meant. To his immense relief, none of Xavier's veiled sexual suggestions had come to pass, but that didn't mean it couldn't, as indicated by Xavier's constant taunting and subtle touching.

The cab came to an abrupt stop and Brian opened his eyes to discover their arrival at the arena. Grateful for the taxi driver's speed, Brian tipped him generously and hurried into the cool confines of the arena's side entrance, jogging as best he could with the heavy duffel bag to the dressing rooms.

Brian caught sight of Kevin and gave him a cautious nod of hello, trying not to notice Kevin's sour glance as he jogged past. Brian could only wonder what his cousin would say as soon as he discovered that he would not be flying home with him. He hit the dressing room door with his foot a bit too hard and it slammed with a solid thud against the wall, causing Nick, Howie, and AJ to jump in surprise. Embarrassed, Brian muttered a quick sorry as he heaved the bulky duffel bag into a corner. He knew he should apologize for being late, but realized it would fall on deaf ears, so he began to change, quickly and quietly as he could.

He heard AJ rumble his throat several times, cough, then aahh in the mirror as Howie and Nick looked on.

"You'll be fine, Bone," advised Nick, "it's just one more show." Curious, Brian glanced up from untying his shoes to watch AJ massage his throat.

"Well, it's not allergies, I can tell you that," he moaned. "So its gotta be the beginning of something bad. Damn! I had planned to spend all next week in bed and not with a cold, if you know what I mean!"

Howie patted his friend unsympathetically. "Yeah, yeah, poor baby, we know."

"Whose poor?"

Nick turned to see Kevin and Xavier enter, the dark-haired singer holding an expensive-looking gold-wrapped box.

"AJ," informed Nick. "He thinks he's sick. What's that?" he questioned, pointing to the square box Kevin had placed on the table.

"Chocolate. Flown in specially from Switzerland." Kevin picked up the card and read it.

"Congratulations on your successful first half of the tour." Kevin ignored AJ's snort of sarcasm and carried on. "Good luck to all and enjoy." He tossed the card away. "It's from Backstreet Management."

Nick eyed it eagerly. "Well, open it up! Hey AJ! Maybe your throat will feel better."

AJ shrugged. "Whatever. I'll try anything." He accepted a dark chocolate and popped it in his mouth, trying to savor it slowly. He made a face as he finished it, watching as the others sampled the large box. "Kinda gritty. Gimme a Hershey kiss over that anytime," he commented and Nick agreed.

"Yuck. The Swiss have weird tastes."

Brian waited until the other guys had finished then strolled over to view the selection. He reached down to pluck one out of the box only to find Xavier's hand clamp down firmly on his.

"No chocolate for you, remember?"

"Yeah, he shouldn't lose his girlish figure," wisecracked Nick.

Brian ignored Nick, startled by Xavier's sudden interference. He looked up to see Xavier imperceptibly shaking his head, his dark eyes glowing with hidden meaning. With a sickening flash of realization, Brian stepped away, terrified by Xavier's warning. He pleaded with his eyes, desperate to know what Xavier had done, but the bodyguard just smiled mysteriously. Shaken, Brian found it hard to breathe and rushed from the room, scared he was about to have another anxiety attack. Howie, AJ, and Nick exchanged glances, Howie shaking his head resignedly as he watched Xavier follow him out. He licked the rest of the chocolate off his fingers. "Man, Brian gets weirder every minute."

"Tell me about it," grumbled Kevin. He raised an eyebrow at the others, curious if there were any more takers for the strange-tasting candy. Shaking their heads no, Kevin threw the remaining chocolates in the garbage and reached for the door. "Coming?"

Nick and Howie followed, AJ holding up a hand. "Go on, I'll be there in a sec." The bitter aftertaste of the chocolate still lingered and AJ glanced around irritably in the strange dressing room, trying to locate the room's mini refrigerator.

He found it tucked back into a corner and yanked open the handle, only to find Brian's duffel bag blocking entry. Swearing under his breath, he kicked it away. It wouldn't budge. Now thoroughly pissed, he reached down to shove it away, amazed by its weight.

"Dammit!"

AJ gritted his teeth as he knelt down, ripping open the zipper to see what the hell was so heavy. A soft hiss of surprise escaped from him as he slowly pulled out a sealed packet of money and stared at the contents, dumbfounded. Sitting cross-legged the ground, he pulled out another packet, touching it gently in awe, then withdrew another and another, each identical as the first. Holding the money up for a closer look, AJ fanned the pack. There must be thousands here! Confused, he stared at the bag for several minutes, trying to make sense of it. What was Brian doing with so much money? And why was he carrying it around in a duffel bag?

AJ glanced around, suddenly nervous. He stuffed the money back in, quickly zipping the bag closed. Standing abruptly, he felt a sudden rush of warmth overwhelmed him and swayed a little, feeling a fascinating wave of pleasure coursed through his body. Puzzled, AJ shook his head as another intense flow wove up and down his spine. He knew he should concentrate, a slight nagging in the back of his mind screamed to think about the money, but the euphoria he was experiencing felt so incredibly good it seemed to block out all reason. AJ walked over to view himself in the mirror, sure he would see something that would explain his elation. So preoccupied with his feeling of goodwill and friendliness he hardly noticed Xavier come in, but managed a warm smile as he watched Xavier bend down to pick up Brian's duffel bag. Xavier studied AJ for a moment and gave him the slightest twitch of a grin back. As he left, AJ could have sworn Xavier knew just how he felt.

CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO - FINDING OUT

Brian walked shakily up to the sink, leaning over to breathe deeply. Gripping one side for support, he turned on the faucet to splash cold water onto his face and to rinse out the bile that had risen in his mouth. He heard the door open and without turning knew it was Xavier. God, give me control, he prayed as he forced himself to look unemotionally at the one he despised with all his soul.

'What did you do?"

Brian kept his voice cold, hoping his voice sounded reasonably commanding.

Xavier shrugged casually and said nothing, a bare hint of a smile teasing the corners of his eyes. He scanned the interior of the bathroom, lost in pretend fascination, ignoring Brian's demanding look for several moments.

"For God's sake, Xavier…please," Brian finally begged, his voice beginning to crack with desperation.

Nodding with satisfaction at the young singer's submissive pleading, Xavier looked straight at him. "That's better. What were you saying again?"

Brian gritted his teeth, compelling himself to remain calm. He had to know. "What did you put in the chocolate?"

A wicked grin erupted over the large bodyguard's face. "Nothing that will hurt them. Let's just say that this will be a concert that you and the guys will never forget."

Knowing all too well the difference between his and Xavier's definition of hurt, Brian exploded in fury, sick and tired of Xavier's twisted little riddles. He launched himself off the sink, hitting Xavier with all the force he could muster in one punch, hoping to wipe that infuriating smirk off his face. Caught off guard, Xavier tumbled backward, landing hard against the tiled floor.

"You bastard! It's not about money! It's this sick game that really gets you off, isn't it?"

Xavier jumped back up, hands clenched in anger, amazed how easily the young singer still could make him lose his temper. Intending to teach Brian a lesson, he reached for him then stopped, remembering the bag of money. Fighting for control, resisting the urge to lash out, he gave Brian a tight smile.

"I'll admit I enjoy making you squirm but,… where's my money, Brian?”

Brian smiled nastily. "What was in the chocolate, Xavier?"

Xavier studied him, his eyes narrowing slightly as he realized Brian was toying with him. "Give me the money first," he challenged.

"No, not until you tell me what you put in the candy." Brian stood his ground, not giving an inch, his eyes locked onto Xavier's.

Xavier pursed his lips for a moment in contemplation, then smiled. "Ecstasy."

Enjoying the stunned look that passed over Brian's face, Xavier laughed. "Should be a real interesting show tonight, don't you think?"

Brian's mind raced, desperately trying to recall what he knew about it. Ecstasy was an extremely popular drug among the teenage crowd and he remembered hearing that it could make you feel unbelievably good. Other than that, he hadn't a clue. Feeling Xavier's fingers wrap tightly around his arm, Brian winced as he looked up into Xavier's dark eyes.

"Where's the money?" Xavier demanded again, his voice menacing.

Desperate for more information, Brian willed himself not to react to the pain.

"You said it wouldn't hurt them. I don't believe you. What's going to happen?" Xavier applied more pressure, his patience thinning. "Last time. The money?"

Brian grimaced, but refused to answer his question, glaring meaningfully at the bodyguard.

Finally Xavier stepped back, releasing his grip. "Make sure they drink lots of water." It was the only thing Xavier divulged and Brian nodded, rubbing his sore arm tenderly. He was amazed he was able to get that much out of him.

"The money is in a dark blue Backstreet bag. It's in the corner of the dressing room."

Brian watched as Xavier hurried out of the bathroom, then began to paced nervously, anxious to know if any of the guys were feeling the effects already. I should go check, but what then? Xavier seemed to think the guys could perform, but he also said it would be a night we'd never forget. Damn! Brian could feel the beginning of a fine sweat break out on his brow and he fought hard for control, the ominous signs of panic struggling to envelop him. No, not now! he screamed silently, wrapping his arms around himself to help calm the trembling. Hunched slightly over, he squeezed his eyes tightly shut, concentrating. Finally opening his eyes, Brian gazed into the mirror that reflected his image. Two blue eyes, now devoid of emotion, stared steadily back at him. He nodded to himself, knowing now what he had to do. There was no way he was going to let Nick, AJ, Kevin, and Howie go on stage tonight and ruin their careers, possibly their health. He shuddered to think what would happen if the press ever discovered Xavier's little "gift". Knowing he needed to stop that at any cost, Brian flung open the door and hurried down the hallway, grim with determination. He was going to need that strength to get him through this.

SIXTY-THREE – ADMISSION

Kevin looked helplessly on, watching in total disbelief as Howie laughed uncontrollably at Nick, who was hopping up and down with the enthusiasm of a ten-year-old boy on his birthday. Only a moment ago they both had been complaining of feeling dizzy and Kevin had panicked, ushering them back into the dressing room, concerned. Now he just shook his head, frowning as he watched Nick spin happily around the room. He gazed in dismay at Howie, who seemed to have taken a sudden interest with the dressing room lights. Kevin wondered if they were playing another one of their practical jokes on him and warned them to stop acting so goofy.

Howie and Nick came up to Kevin, arms draped around each others shoulders, contented smiles on their face. Nick let go of Howie, throwing a friendly arm around Kevin. "Ahh… Kevvvvy, what's the matter?" He began to finger the supple leather of Kevin's coat, almost caressing it. "Hey, nice jacket! What is it?"

Kevin pried Nick's fingers away, annoyed. "It's leather, you dumbass."

Nick smiled, nodding his head. "Right!" He looked at Howie, waving his hand. "Hey, D! Feel Kev's jacket. It's awesome!"

Howie started stroking the soft leather, oohing and ahhing, until Kevin smacked his hand away. "Stop it! What the hell is the matter with you?"

Howie frowned, looking hurt. "You're not mad at me, are you?" he asked in wonder. He turned to Nick, then to AJ who had been quietly watching them all from the couch. "I think he's mad at me!" The ridiculous smiles Howie received from both Nick and AJ would have been laughable if Kevin hadn't been so exasperated.

AJ rose from the couch, coming over to admire Kevin's jacket. "It is nice. I gotta get me one!"

Kevin hissed in frustration, peeling AJ's hand off him. "You do have one. Shit! Will someone please tell me what's going on?"

"I will." AJ smiled good-naturedly at Kevin and stretched lazily, marveling at how sensual it felt. Noting the confusion on his friend's face, AJ stopped, feeling sorry for Kevin. He understood what was happening and somewhere in the back of his mind it bothered him that it didn’t bother him. He looked at Kevin, ready to explain, when he zeroed in on the tall singer's eyes. Damn, they sure were green! He wondered if Kevin knew just how green. He was positive Kevin would appreciate it so he opened his mouth to say so but Nick cut in.

"Guys, have I told you that I love ya?" Nick threw his arms around Kevin and AJ, squashing them tightly into a big bear hug. Howie nodded, joining in the group hug.

"Ugh, yuck! Get off me!" Kevin pushed everyone apart, looking up to see Brian standing in the doorway. "There! Go over there and hug Brian instead."

Nick frowned at Brian, not sure. He disliked him a lot. He looked at Howie, reading the same confused expression. "Maybe later, okay?" Howie nodded at Nick's decision.

Kevin sighed, turning to AJ, who was staring intently at his face. "Bone! You said you know what's going on?" Despair welled up in his voice, grabbing the singer's tattooed forearm to give it a shake. "Tell me!"

AJ tore his eyes away from Kevin's, still mesmerized by their color. "Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Well, somehow, we've all taken E." He nodded sagely, as if that explained it all.

"What?" cried Kevin as Nick and Howie looked at each other in surprise.

"E. Ecstasy. The feel-good pill."

Kevin couldn't believe it. "How?"

"I'd say it was in the candy. In fact, I'm sure of it." Once again he nodded. Damn! Sometimes I'm so smart, it scares me!

Kevin shook AJ's arm again. "You're sure? How can you be so sure?"

AJ smiled serenely. Kevin could be so naïve at times. "I took it once," he admitted freely.

"What?!" Kevin repeated himself, this time in total shock.

"Hey, don't worry, okay? It just makes you feel incredibly good, and I mean incredibly." He glanced down at his crotch to explain.

"Oh my God," moaned Kevin, thinking. "The concert."

Nick spoke up, concerned. "You mean we're gonna have hard-ons during the show?"

AJ ignored Kevin's groans, shrugging. "So what? Like you never had a boner on stage? Give me a break!"

"But …all the time?"

AJ shrugged again. "It could happen. It could not. Don't worry about it." He glanced at Howie who winked at him, several times in fact. "Hell, D! Get that winking under control! I don't want to see you doing that all night!" AJ glanced at Kevin, who still seemed in a state of disbelief. "Man, how come you aren't affected? Or are you always this way, drugs or not?"

Kevin smiled sourly at AJ's joke. "I spit the chocolate out. Apparently I was the only smart one here."

Howie looked at Brian, who had stayed near the door the whole time, observing. "Wait a minute! Brian was smart too. He didn't take any, remember?"

Kevin stared at his cousin and Brian stared back, his face emotionless but his eyes revealing everything Kevin needed to know. "Son-of-a bitch!" swore Kevin heatedly as he watched Brian lower his head. He walked over to Brian, a rising anger beginning to burn inside him. He stood before his cousin, his arms folded across his chest, his voice low. "You did this to us, didn't you." Brian nodded his head, glancing up to see the disbelieving looks spread across Nick, AJ and Howie's face. Kevin was taken aback by Brian's calmness, his total lack of concern.

"Brian, damn you, why?"

Brian turned to look at Kevin, hearing the anger, the emotional betrayal and despair spoken in a few short words. He faltered for a moment, wishing with all his heart that someday they might be able to forgive him for this. "Because I wanted to," he lied simply.

Brian heard a sharp hiss as AJ came over to glare at him. "You really hate us that much that you would do this to us?" AJ felt the heightened sense of clarity that the drug gave him and he nodded, answering his own question. "Of course you would. Anything to keep you ahead, right? What kind of mind games are you fucking us with?" He noticed Brian jerked a little at the last sentence but carried on. "Figured if we didn't let you leave you could try and screw our lives in another way, huh?" Finding it difficult to sustain his anger when a feel-good drug was coursing through his system, AJ looked at Brian, his eyes dark and full of longing.

"I really wish I could beat the crap outta you Brian, but I can't."

"Here, let me help," replied Kevin, catching his cousin with a well-timed blow to his stomach. The punch sent Brian to his knees, and he groaned in pain, his hands clutching his midsection. Before he could bring up his hands to ward off another blow, Kevin hit him again and Brian felt his mouth fill up with a bitter taste, his teeth cutting the inside of his mouth. Brian leaned over, spitting out the overflowing blood before he gagged on it. Kevin leaned down and heaved his cousin back up, ready for another punch. Brian dimly felt Kevin being yanked away by Howie, the roar of pain in his head too loud to hear Nick and Howie screaming at Kevin to stop. Brian fell to the floor again and lay there, trying to press the hem of his shirt to his mouth to stop the bleeding.

Howie picked Brian up and none-too-gently pushed him into the nearest chair, glaring at him. He walked over to the small freezer and pulled out some ice chips, thrusting it and a clean cloth at Brian. Brian nodded his thanks but Howie shook his head. "Don't thank me," he warned harshly, " I just want to be able to talk to you." Brian sucked on the ice, wincing at the pain and looked up at him. Howie's eyes were blank, unreadable as he stared down at Brian, waiting patiently until Brian had finished attending to himself. Kevin and AJ began to object, but Howie held out his hand, frowning at them sharply, then turned his attention back to Brian.

"Well, you got what you wanted. There's no way we can go on tonight. Satisfied?" he questioned, his body shaking. He hated the way he felt right now, his adrenalin of anger clashing with the euphoric feeling of the drug. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Brian could see what was happening to Howie and cringed inwardly. He knew all four were waiting for an answer and he hesitated for only a second, knowing if he didn't say something now, he never could. "Yeah, I'm satisfied," he said heavily, trying to wipe away the last remaining blood from his lips. "I'm satisfied we're not going on tonight."

For reasons you'll never know. He stood up, facing Howie, trying his best to act indifferent.

Nick came over. "Wait a minute. Why do we have to cancel? I can go on. I feel okay. In fact, I've never felt better!" He bounced on his toes to emphasize his point and looked at AJ for support.

"I know I can do it," stated AJ simply. Nick threw an appreciative arm around his friend and grinned.

Kevin shook his head. 'Uh-uh, no way."

"Why not?"

Kevin gave an exasperated sigh. "Because I don't know how this drug is going to effect you guys on stage!"

AJ waved his hands and laughed easily. "I already know, remember? Nothing bad! It'll be alright. E just heightens your senses…a lot! Look." He sung a few bars of "Everybody" and danced an intricate step. "See? No problem!"

Howie frowned but felt more positive than the moment before. He sang a few lines himself as a test. Nick nodded and smiled, joining in, hearing AJ finish the last line of the song with them. They were in perfect harmony.

"No, no. It's too much of a risk."

Nick glanced at his watch. "A risk! Kevin, the arena is already filling up! Do you want risk canceling before 40,000 screaming fans? It's gonna be ugly."

Kevin kept shaking his head, unconvinced.

Undaunted, Nick continued. "Well, I'm going on. AJ, how about you?"

"I'm there, man."

"D?"

Howie hesitated, but only for a second. He did feel good. "Count me in."

Brian gazed at the three, taken aback. Surely they couldn't be serious about going on! He watched in despair as his plan to keep them off stage backfired, disintegrating before his own eyes. Gritting his teeth, he bitterly realized that Xavier had succeeded again. He shot a frustrated glance towards Kevin, who seemed to be just as upset.

Kevin started to object again, but Nick cut him off. "Come on! We can do it! Besides, you and Brian can keep us under control, watch us to see nothing weird happens."

At the mention of Brian's name, the room fell quiet, four pairs of inquiring eyes turning to look at him.

"That's the point!" cried Kevin, irritated. "Are you going to trust him to help you after what he just did?"

Nick looked solemn as he walked over to where Brian stood, cocking his head to one side as he contemplated it. "Yeah," he said softly, "I'm gonna trust him." He paused for a moment, his eyes boring straight into Brian's. "We all are. Because it's his ass out there as well. If we go down, I'm making sure he does too." A slight smile formed as he thought of the many satisfying ways he could do it.

AJ stared pointedly at Brian, then slowly put his sunglasses on. "Yeah. If we fuck up, I'm helping Nick bring you down."

Kevin elbowed his way past Nick, grabbing Brian's forearm in a tight grip. "Guess you don't get your wish after all," he hissed. "All I'm going say is Nick and AJ won't have anything on me if you screw this up tonight. I'll make sure your life will be a living hell." He gave Brian a rough shove and then signaled for the other three to follow him out of the dressing room.

Brian closed his eyes. "It already is," he said softly.

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