CHAPTER SIX- WHERE AM I?

Brian was finding it incredibly difficult to sleep.

Annoyed at the whispering and movement going on, he opened his eyes in exasperation, wanting to know what was causing all the commotion.

"He's awake!"

Brian shifted his eyes back and forth, wondering why everyone was staring down at him. "What's going on?" he asked suspiciously, grimacing at the dryness in his throat. He shifted his weight to get a little more comfortable, trying to curl up on his side. It was then that he felt the slight stinging tug of an IV needle, taped securely to his left hand. He stared at it, dumbfounded, attempting to blink away the last wisps of foggy confusion from his mind. Pushing hard with his right hand, Brian sat upright in bed, taking note of his surroundings. His confusion turning into panic when he saw Kevin and Nick standing anxiously next to his bed, an unidentified nurse in the background checking his medical chart.

"What's going on?" he asked again, his eyes flickering uncertainly around the room. With a small nod at Kevin, the nurse left, giving Brian a sympathetic look before leaving.

Nick hitched his hip onto the edge of the bed, eyeing Brian curiously. "How do you feel?"

"Fine, I feel fine. Great, in fact. Nick, what the hell is going on? Why am I here?"

Nick twisted his mouth into a frown, throwing Kevin a quick glance. "Don't you remember?" he asked quietly.

"Remember?" Observing the concerned looks exchanged between Nick and Kevin, Brian nervously grabbed Nick by the arm. "Nick! Remember what?"

Kevin walked over to the bed, running a restless hand back and forth against the metal side bar railing. "Brian..." he began, hesitating for a moment. "You passed out at the concert, after you grabbed..." Kevin flushed noticeably, unable to continue.

Brian turned back to Nick, perplexed. "After I what?"

Nick gave a small groan. "After you grabbed her. Her. You know, your fantasy girl?"

Confused, Brian closed his eyes for a moment, his thoughts racing. Fantasy girl? Her? What was Nick talking about? With a sudden rush Brian sucked his breath in, a flood of memories bursting forth. "You saw her?" he asked them both eagerly, feeling a swell of adrenaline flow through him. "So you did see her, right? Right?" Eyes bright, Brian gripped Nick's arm more firmly, giving him a pleading look of hope.

Nick gently pried Brian's arm away from his and stood up, standing next to Kevin. He rubbed his forehead wearily for a moment, his lips pressed tightly together. "Tell me again, Brian, exactly who "her" is?"

Startled, Brian stared up at both of them. "Huh?"

"Her. Her! The girl you saw! Is this the one?" Reaching over, Nick snatched a newspaper off the edge of a seat, tossing the folded paper into Brian's lap. With a sharp jab, Nick pointed to the picture. "Is that her? The little girl?" Nick's voice was rough, his tone sour with undisguised sarcasm.

Slowly Brian picked up the newspaper, bringing it in for a closer view. He peered at the colored print, splashed smack dab on the front page, the picture taken at such an angle that it showed his arm outstretched, facing the stage with a triumphant look on his face. It was definitely no match for the terrified expression displayed on the young girl's face, a tiny pig-tailed blonde who could not have been more than ten years old.

In total disbelief, the paper dropped from Brian's fingers, his mouth wide open in surprise as he shook his head vehemently. "That's not her! I swear, that's not her! The girl I saw, that I touched was dark-haired, about twenty years old." Struggling, Brian swore heatedly at the awkwardness of his hospital gown, the tubing from his IV that kept him from climbing off the bed to confront Nick. "I don't know who took that picture, or who fixed it to look like a little girl, but I'm telling you, that's not her!"

His voice began to rise in alarm as he watched Kevin hang his head, Nick crossing his arms in skepticism. "You don't believe me. You think I'm an idiot, don't you?"

"Brian..."

Wiping the nervous sweat away from his brow with a shaky hand, he glared angrily at them. "Since you didn't see her, that makes me the crazy one, huh?"

"Brian…"

His voice rose another octave, his blue eyes full of resentment. "So, you're willing to believe the papers and not me, is that it? Just because..."

"Brian!!"

Kevin's firm shout cut Brian off in mid-sentence. "What the hell are we suppose to believe? You jump down off the stage, nearly cause a riot, grab some poor little girl like a maniac, shout at us that you found her and all along this poor kid is screaming at the top of her lungs because you're scaring the shit outta her! Then we watch as you faint dead away, nearly causing another riot! So you tell me, cuz, what are we suppose to believe?" Kevin's growl of impatience left no room for sympathy as he stared hard at Brian.

"I didn't just faint, Kevin!" Brian argued hotly, acutely recalling the excruciating, agonizing pain he suffered. "When I touched her, it felt like I was being electrocuted! Didn't you see it? Didn't you see my face? I couldn't break free! She was holding onto me, the pain was shooting right through me and I couldn't let go!"

A quiet silence hung over the room, the stillness filled with disbelief.

"Brian, she was a child, a little girl. She was yelling for you to let go of her! Not the other way around! Then you collapsed and she began to scream louder, if that was even possible!" stated Kevin sourly, remembering her piercing wails.

"But my hand, the pain..." protested Brian, doubt tingeing his voice with desperation.

"The doctors found nothing wrong with you, Bri," answered Nick softly. "Nothing. In fact, they said you are in great shape."

"But I passed out..."

"Nothing medical, Brian. They could find absolutely nothing physically wrong with you."

Brian paused for a moment, his jaw clenched tightly as he tried to absorb what Nick was telling him. "Nothing... physically... wrong."

It was a statement, not a question.

Nick cocked his head to one side. "Yeah."

"So what you're saying is... that it's all mental, right?"

Nick refused to meet Brian's direct stare.

"Right?" spat Brian, his voice filled with bitterness.

Nick pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily. "Brian, maybe we should look..."

"Nick! Y'all think it's me, that it's all in my mind, don't you?"

Sneaking a quick glance at Kevin for support, Nick took a deep breath and finally met Brian's hurtful gaze. "What else could it be?" he said quietly.

Nick's gentle reply stung worse than if he had been physically slapped in the face. Brian sat there for a moment, his face displaying a variety of emotions: shock, humiliation, disbelief. Kevin reached over to place a sympathetic hand on his cousin's shoulder. "Brian, I know things have been kinda stressful for you lately, what with this new tour, our hectic schedule and all..."

With a rough shove, Brian pushed Kevin's hand off. "I've been able to handle new tours fine, just like the rest of you, so don't give me that shit!" Brian stared forcefully at both of them, his anger rising. "And the last thing I need or want is your pity! I know what I saw. I know what she did!" Agitated, Brian pointed harshly at Kevin, wincing as the tug of the IV needle bit cruelly into his hand. "Dammit!" With a savage rip, he pulled the adhesive tape off, pinching the gauged needle with his forefingers and yanked the IV out. Blood oozed from his puncture, the tubing to the IV beginning to drip solution onto the tiled floor.

"Oh my God, Brian, what did you do that for?" yelled Nick as he fumbled for the nurse's call button.

"Seeing as how it's all in my head, I guess I don't need this!" Brian sneered, holding up his bloody hand. He struggled to rise out of his hospital bed, only to have Kevin forcefully push him back.

"Nick, go get a doctor, quick!"

In a heartbeat, Nick was gone, racing down the corridor.

"Jesus!" swore Kevin, breathing heavily as he fought to keep Brian from leaving, leaning his full body weight against his cousin.

"I don't think Jesus has anything to do with this!" jeered Brian. "Let me go, Kevin! I'm getting out of here, you can't keep me here!" His desperate flailing was no match for Kevin's weight and size and Kevin kept him pinned down, wondering how long it would take until Nick arrived with help.

"I hate you!" hissed Brian, his eyes wide with rage. "I hate you! I can't believe you're doing this to me. I just want to leave! Let me go!"

"No can do," grunted Kevin, trying not to take his cousin's hatred to heart. It hurt him to think that Brian could be suffering a mental breakdown and that he had been too blind to see the apparent signs. With renewed determination Kevin held Brian firmly down, vowing not to let him break free.

Brian continued thrashing about, his fighting becoming weaker as his pleading became more impassioned. "Please, Kevin, please. Don't do this! I'm not crazy. I'm not! I did see her. For God's sake, believe me! Please!" Holding him close, Kevin felt Brian wince, and turned to see what had happened. Kevin watched as a nurse stepped back, syringe in hand, nodding at the doctor who was standing in the background next to Nick. The sting of the needle faded and was replaced by dread as Brian looked at his arm and then at Kevin and Nick. Bright blue eyes wavered, closed, then opened again.

"Damn you," Brian slurred, his voice faint with despair. "I'm not crazy, I'm not. I saw her, I saw..." he whispered, not finishing the sentence as he slipped quietly into oblivion.